Dear Readers,
The song above is "Mint Car" by the Cure. I wanted to end this installment of Songs For Rachel with beauty. If you read the words to this song or listen to the passion and happiness that Robert Smith(This is from the Cure's album Wild Mood Swings and the Cure are known for dismal depressing lyrics) put into the music and the delivery. This is how much I love Rachel and Jonathan. I wanted to wake up to her face every morning, kiss her forehead, let her know she was my best friend and being in her arms and with Jonathan was the happiest I had ever been. Rachel just couldnt be patient and see that I was torn apart inside and that I would heal and I would have been more of who I was before. Instead she took it as weakness, depression, and me being damaged and if she had of known how much I loved her and Jonathan and talked to me then maybe things would have been different. This and the songs that follow represent the love that I still have for Rachel.
1. I Bought You - Tsunami Bomb https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9f5by8kE-g This song is about meeting someone who you admire and them being a disappointment. I loved Rachel and I believed in her and I apparently was a disappointment to her because of the condition I was in. I loved her and though I couldnt give her all of me I gave her all of me that was there. My mother died I couldnt help that so I went on living and loving the best I could. I am sorry that believing in you and Jonathan and not smiling when I was geocaching were grounds for you not loving me Rachel. I did my best.
2. Its A Pose - Nellie Mckay https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6q6HKiF83aI This song is a look at how men are the evil in the world. How a lot of men will fake to get what they want. I never wanted sex, to play with Rachel or Jonathan. I was and am truly in love with her. I was patient and waited my whole life for someone like her and she accepted me then rejected me all in one moment and so how was I supposed to feel being played with and betrayed. Sometimes men become like the men in the song because of women's actions.
3. Pretty Girl - Sugarcult https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0neh4spY8g I thought Rachel trusted me and loved me and I made her feel like this and when we I told her I loved her she believed it. The fact I would go through so much to be with her should have shown her I was truly in love with her but she squandered it and I am still in love with her and think she is the most beautiful person ever.
4. Around My Heart - X https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6Ri9gJnBHo This band is celebrating their 35 Anniversary and on Saturday I will get to see them. I was 10 yrs old when this came out. It has gotten me through many broken hearts. Exene Cervenka and John Doe the singer and singer guitarist respectively were a couple and some of their music documents their tremoltous relationship. Exene also has child with Viggo Mortensen for you Lord of The Rings movies fans he was "The KING" Aragorn. The beautiful thing is that after the relationship went sour and one of the other members found Christ, X was able to put aside their differences to just make music and share their gifts with the world.
5. Lost In You Eyes - Deborah Gibson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Fahv-IxLaE I have no shame in telling anyone she is one of my musical inspirations. I bought her second album "Electric Youth" on vinyl in 1988 when Cds and cassettes were the prefered method of listening to music and I believe through Christ the title of her 3rd album and first single from that single which was "Anything is Possible" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07oiNi6NuPA I got lost in Rachel's eyes and I still love her just as much and care for her as much as the first day I told her I loved her. She can ignore that or she can embrace that.
7. One Hundred Stories - Alkaline Trio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWdthBqaWhg I love Rachel so much and this song represents how deeply I fell in love with her.
8. Breaking Up - Violent Femmes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDL5g4G_OwY This song is simply because Rachel abandoned me not knowing how much I truly cared.
9. Lacuna Coil - 1.19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsl64vYq4NE When Rachel abandoned me she called me a loser, put me down, said I was damaged, messed up and to someone who is grieving and has lost a parent it was the most evil thing ever. I needed love and I found out just how many people were there for me and it was very few. This song was there for me and it helped me grow and it is one reason this blog is still around. I am not a loser. I am strong, I will never back down.
10. Merry Christmas Will Do - Material Issue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuMb8-5906k For returning my Christmas Card two years ago. For ignoring my plea for peace. For putting your burden on the backs of others in your family and in the New Church this song is for you Rachel Myatt. I loved you and Jonathan with all my heart and if you truly were the Good Christian Woman your sister Amanda once said you were then you would realize a man truly loves you and even after all the cruel things you did to me I am still waiting here with open arms trying to reach out to you but pride, arrogance, and bigotry keep you from making peace with me. I hope that things change in the next couple of weeks but if they dont I want everyone here to know I love you and Jonathan. God bless you and your family.
love Byron
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