I Love Her So Much(My Tired Weary Soul)

Dear Rachel,

I would give my life for you and Jonathan.  You were the most loved person ever in my life. I  dont know what I ever did to deserve your cruelty and hate.  All I know is that I love you so much that everyday I literally die a little more.  I saw a woman the other day in the craft store that looked so much like you I wanted to cry.  I think about you so much and how things would have been if you had of just been patient with me not so much romantically but as my best friend. I loved you in the Lord Rachel and that is something deeper than just wanting a girlfriend or partner.  That is true friendship, that is humility, honesty, patience, and long suffering.  All the times I could have hung up the phone and given up on you because you were cruel and unaccepting of my faith and my life I didnt because I loved you the person.  You flaws, your imperfections, and your strengths. I was always proud you were the woman I love.  For whatever reason whether it have been pressure from your family, being scared, or what have you. I never deserved the cruelty you inflicted on me.  Most of all you hurt my mother who believed in you Rachel.  She was so happy for you and me and the pictures of you and Jonathan always made her smile.  I will never forget you Rachel Myatt you were the love of my life.   My life is slowly fading because I have no tears left to cry and no goodness left in my heart to give.  When you have been battered and hated as much as I have you can only take so much.  So today for this blog I pray this short prayer.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Take the hurt from my soul and make me new.  Let Rachel know that she is loved beyond compare by You and that Your love you gave to me to never give up on her.  Take the evil that resides in both of us and wash it away so that we can make peace.  God please bring us together and put an end to this.  I love Rachel Myatt so much and before my heart slips into darkness I know you will carry us both into the light.  You would never let me carry a burden I couldnt handle and I am asking You to help me bear this cross Oh Lord. I come to you with a weary soul and a tired heart but You alone Father know how much love I have to give and you have never let me stop loving Rachel so please hear my humble prayer and have mercy on my heart and guide me in the way of the light.

Amen


Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

Rachel and Readers this is the most trying time in my life but even with all the barbs, arrows, missles and hurt being thrown at me I still believe in the Lord and that He will make things right between Rachel and I.  Anyone that thinks I hate or want harm done to Rachel hasnt actually read or seen what I have gone through to tell her I love her. I dont hate the New Church either.  I just want Rachel to come back to my heart and know that not only did she lose a boyfriend she lost something much deeper. A True Friend in Christ.  That is why I fell in love with her not because of her looks, or anything superficial, because of the deep friendship we had and love for the Lord and in the end it seems mine wasnt good enough for her even though I accepted her.  I end this blog with a heart tired and saddened.  Its trampled, bruised, and almost non existant but this is my last attempt before I just give into something less of me.  Rachel Myatt I love you now, forever, and always and if you hear me today please contact me and end this with me.  You are my best friend and I cant go on living with you not being in my life. I love you so much.

I ask you today to let Love Win over Evil, Reconciliation over Retaliation, Will over Fear, Happiness over Sadness, Joy over Pain. I ask you today Rachel Myatt to bury the hatchet with me and recieve once again the greatest gift we can give each otherLOVE

I Dont Owe You Any Kindness Rachel Myatt or Pastor Coleman Glenn

This song is "Parted Ways" by the Heartless Basterds" they are from the same scene as the now wildly popular Black Keys but moved down here to Texas to Austin and we claim them now.  I thought about Rachel and how much I loved her and how she doesn't know how much she is killing my love.  Please listen to the words and read this entire blog. 


Dear Rachel and Readers,
A few months ago I was in an electronic store checking out music and a gentleman came up to me and told me he liked my shirt. I told him I liked his also as we were both wearing different rock band t-shirts. We started talking about all the bands we had seen as he was a couple of years older than I and then he said he didn't get out as much because he was married and his wife didnt want him out around all those women.  I told him he was blessed and I told him how Rachel had betrayed me and how after he asked me if I would be his facebook friend he would see the picture of the girl who destroyed my faith in women.  I told him I would trade places with him any day to be loved and have had Rachel not want me to be coveted by any other women and love me instead of ridicule and betray me.   I always saw Rachel Myatt as a blessing and as cruel as she was to me at times I just kept loving her. She never saw that though. So I just want you all to know that I don't owe Rachel any kindness any longer.  She deserves the campaign against her Church, she deserves for others to know how unloyal, hurtful, and cruel she is.  She deserves for her neighbors, church members, and other religions worldwide to know what the New Church doctrine taught her and that is what I am going to spread. The truth.  She could have picked up the phone and been kind and we could have squashed this beef a long time ago but she continues to think I will just go away.  Little does she know this is the calm before the storm.  I dont owe your any kindness anymore Rachel Myatt so you will get what you put into me.  Cruelty, Unkindness, and you lost my love.  I was your true friend and you had all this time to make peace with me.  When I needed you, you abandoned me and tried to make me into this horrible person because I felt like dying when it was you who were the liar, manipulator, and user.  So when your face is everywhere and your lies are out it is yourself you will have to blame. I am a great man, I have so much love to give to people, I am not crazy, and you missed out and you are a horrible person for all the lies and all the pain, and the evil you wished on me but most of all for ever speaking ill of my mother.  I loved you more than any woman I have ever loved and you didnt appreciate it at all.  The only reason I held back on you is because I love Jonathan but now not even my love for him will hold back what I am about to unleash.



P.S. to Pastor Coleman  Glenn I am so sad that a Pastor of a Church wouldnt want me to make peace with someone and would not want me to experience joy and happiness and not realize how evil and how hurtful the things Rachel did to me were at the time of the loss of my mother. I do not wish them on anyone and though I have been sick I have focused my time on helping others. I dont care if my affliction kills me at least I will die knowing I reached out to help my father who is struggling to live and my friends and family who need support.  I am sad that instead of put aside doctrine and be like Christ and just love you spent so much time trying to downplay my love of God and the way I loved God when I pointed out how Rachel used your doctrine to hurt. So I want other people to know how people loved you and were there for you when you needed prayers and love and how you didnt want that for me. Rachel's prayers and friendship and love meant everything to me when my mother passed away she was my most trusted friend but you didnt understand that it was all about the New Church and doctrine not about loving your fellow man, or forgiveness, or even that I told everyone how sick I was it was about being selfish and narrow minded everything the New Church claims not to be but that is ok. It is on you I showed you people nothing but love so you cant slight me for what I am going to print, say, or do because I reached out to you with love and the whole time you ignored me.
So here it is ladies and gentleman kindness showed to Pastor Coleman Glenn in the form of a prayer but Rachel couldnt even pray with me and Pastor Glenn condones that.
Heres one example of people who remembered your kindness and your love and prayed for you
http://www.newchurch.org.au/uploads/media/Aug09.pdf  Page 3 for my readers

At one of the darkest times in my life both you and Rachel kicked me down and there is nothing more that I wanted in life was to worship with Rachel and Jonathan and loved them and you as a Pastor kicked me down and constantly tried to make excuses for my love so now I will let the whole world know as best I can about the little Church that turns people away.  The Dawson Creek Church of the New Jerusalem.  They indoctrinate people like Rachel to be scared of people like me who are different because they dont want anyone who has learned or looks different in their Church.  They discourage love and reconciliation but instead to lie, give into hedonism, and hurt others and if people seek forgiveness they do everything in their power to discourage that. Most of all someone made Rachel feel ashamed of being with me because the person I was with never would treat me that way it all changed so quickly and that kind of hate has to be encouraged and taught. I am sorry for telling what I know but that is how I was treated and the New Church Worldwide will have to deal with Rachel and Pastor Coleman Glenn's actions.  I reached out and I can no longer be kind because they shun my love and kindness so I will just tell the truth and be their enemy for the rest of my life because that is how I was treated not with open arms or love but as a enemy.


Just remember when all is said and done you killed my love Rachel Myatt by being so cruel and you did also Pastor Glenn. You say you care about my well being Pastor Glenn quit freaking patronizing me with that suicide crap. It happened yes I wanted to die and now its done im still her fighting. I had every right to feel the way I did and the fact that you nor Rachel cant take responsibility for anything you said shows something about your character. I am sorry for any pain I caused Rachel but she was the one who inflicted the pain in order for me to feel that way. I dont let people walk over me and I sure as heck wont let the disrespect you have shown me and Rachel have shown me go by the wayside.  What if I talked bad about your dead mother or lied to you while you were grieving Pastor Glenn.  What if I laughed at you when you were going through chemo and wished you dead.  That was the effect of Rachel's mistreatment of me and because of your selfish teachings she thinks she can continue to just treat people bad with no consequences well I am the person who is going to show her she should and better never treat anyone cruel like that again. It is flabbergasting how screwed up things are they could all be better but no it has come to this. I am humble and trying to make peace and you neither Rachel or Pastor Glenn see anything but your own selfish aspirations. You freaking messed with my one dream and that is to be in a loving relationship Rachel and if you dont call that being good and of love Pastor Glenn then screw you.  By lying, not being honest, giving me false hope when all I did was believe in her and love her.  You couldnt even follow your own doctrine.  The doctrine of love. Rachel didnt love me as a friend, a partner, or anything she just used me, played with my love of others, and destroyed me and when I tried to make things right no one cared so remember that when you have to deal with the aftermath and remember this little bit about love from your own people. http://www.spiritualwisdom.org.uk/love.htm


How dare either of you doubt my love of God
How dare you Rachel ever talk bad about my mother I had nothing but respect and love for your mother Jane Myatt and you had no right ever saying anything ill toward mine.
How dare you ever say my love for you was a mistake I truly loved you and you spit on my friendship, my love, and my faith in God for loving you.
How dare you ever try to make me out as someone crazy. I am a human being I hurt and bleed like everyone else and just because I was grieving didnt mean I was unhappy or damaged I was in shock and trying to deal with things but I will tell you one thing I was I was at peace with my mother being taken away from all the suffering she endured and for you to ever say the things you did you deserve all that I am going to reveal about you.
Last of all to Pastor Cooper and Pastor Glenn you are totally disrespectful Pastors when I came to you in love and because of something one of your flock did toward me using your doctrine.  I was trying to make peace Rachel with  Pastor Cooper so your reply was the most disrespectful thing ever you should have kept your piece of paper if you didnt want to address it you should have just left it alone.  You obviously dont care how your Church is viewed or portrayed so you are about to learn.  Yes Pastor James Cooper you are being called out in what I am spreading worldwide too. Just remember none of you are following your own doctrine and you are being hypocritial in the worst way to me.  I was never anything but loving and accepting of your faith so it give you no right to put me down, belittle me, or treat me as less a person so I wont slander your, I wont libel you, I only use your emails and what you said to me as truth to tell my story so that is it. Rachel Myatt started this fire she could have ended it with a phone call but she lost her place in my heart as a friend I loved you Rachel but you would rather have this because of the evil you decided to do.  You deserve it all. Thanks for lying to me, abusing my love, sleeping with me, and pretending to love me and want to be with me if you didn't. All you do is throw men away instead of one minute think someone might actually love you Rachel Myatt. You dont deserve any kindness especially not mine.


God Bless ALL
 

Do Not Resuscitate: Part 1

This song is by Angelfish the band Shirley Manson was in before she was asked to join Garbage saw them in 1994 opening from the band live and the next year I got to meet a young Shirley Manson as they started their Garbage North American tour in Dallas.  This Scottish lady impressed me more than anything with this song because it was written from the perspective of a man getting his heart broken.  People tend to only focus on the women and make men the villians and us the liars, the cheaters, and the ones who do all the wrong . Rachel lied to me, she played with my want and need to be a husband and father, she introduced me to her family and her child and let me want to love them all then abandoned me, then most of all she talked ill of my mother and of me and tried to pretend that I never existed.  She deserves all that is going to be said about her and revealed and you cant fault me because this blog has been a testament of how much I loved her and tried to make peace with her.  Its all in her court now.
                                          

                                         


                                        

Dear Readers, Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn,

I am nearing the end of this journey.  My heart can no longer take this unrest.  I am deeply saddend by the fact that Rachel would ever treat anyone so cruel and unkind and that a Pastor who had been through so much and had people be supportive and  loving of him would be unloving, kind, and not understanding of what I had to go through.  Rachel it makes me sad that you would sit up on the Pastor's counsel every week and not strive to be someone better.  I have made a paper called the Peace River Tsunami that will detail the way you treated me and how Pastor Glenn treated me and reason why people should think before they go to your Church.  You will not know where or how they will be sent but one just might be sent to your Church.  If you truly wanted to end this both Rachel and Pastor Glenn would sit down and discuss the pros and cons of reconcilation and love over non forgiveness, grudges, and ill will.  If I were looking for retribution for the harm Rachel caused I would have done something worst than let everyone know I love her.  If  she thinks that this doesnt affect her or that she can continue to hide from it then as I slowly fade away and when I pass she will realize the full impact in a couple of weeks.  I reached out to you for love and you know the reason I am truly broken Rachel and Coleman? The true reason is not only did Rachel disrespect my mother she had a true friend who was willing to do anything for her unconditionally even if she didnt want to continue our romantic relationship if she had of told me the truth instead of lying then none of this would be happen.  I love true, I love honest, and I love with all my heart and even when I have disagreements with those I love I never throw them by the wayside.  I will tell you a quick story about someone who was cruel to me once and when I had enough I dismissed them but in time they apologized and are in my good graces.


When I was 29 I met this girl who went by the name Jonny she was 8 years younger than me at 21 but we developed a deep friendship.  For awhile we were best friends.  We did everything together.  She came from a very troubled family and didnt always have money so I would do little things for her.  I would take her to get her haircut, buy her clothes, take her to concerts and introduce her to music I loved and she loved and I was always there for her.  There were many times in the middle of the morning like 12 am or 2 am she would call me crying or be on messenger and tell me she needed me so I would pull myself together and drive the hour it took to get to her and pic her up.  I thought she would see how much I loved her in my kindness but she started doing something very peculiar.  She started treating me very bad.  She started putting me down, making fun of me, and belittling me.  I couldnt understand it and for awhile I put up with it.  At one time I had even wanted to date her because we had become so close but instead of date me she would go out with guys and then complain that they just used her for sex and here I was a great guy who took her out and believed in her and listened to her problems but I was taking abuse.  One night we were coming back from my favorite bands concert and she started hurling all sorts of insults at me about my character and my demeanor.  I didnt know what to do.  I dropped her off at home and I never made contact with her again because I was treated so badly.   I went to a club one night that she and I both  frequented and she came up to me and gave me a hug.  I pushed her away and said "Do I know you?" She walked away and was very hurt.  I soon got an email telling me that she had moved to a different city and about the job that she had and how much she missed me.  Later about a month later I heard from her again and what I got was an apology.  It in effect said that she was sorry for treating me the way she did,  she told me I was a great guy and that she really did want to date me and was sorry for pushing me away,  and that she loved me and I was always good to her.   I wanted to tell that story ladies and gentleman to show you that I can be truly cold and non responsive but even though I loved this lady I did not put up with her evil because all I did was treat her kind.  



So if Rachel thinks I am not going to infiltrate the world with my story and either Coleman Glenn or the General New Church thinks I am just going to lay down and let this go then they are sadly mistaken.  If they truly want to show love and adhere to their doctrine then maybe Rachel will pick up the phone and talk to me if not then I have every right to tell my story.  I have every right to show the pictures of she and I because they are my property and I will not hold back anything.  I tried to keep this between Rachel and I and then she would rather be stubborn and pretend that I dont exist and then it spilled into the New Church world and now it is going to spread to the world.   It is like the analogy of the tree falling  in the forest.  Does it make a sound? Out of sight out of mind doesnt mean that other person exist Rachel!! Yes it makes a sound just because we are not there to hear it it makes a sound and if Rachel Myatt thinks I am just being an armchair activist and not writing all these letters and sending out all these things then just ask all the Pastors and Revereneds I took the time to write.  Ask Pastor Glenn about his personalized messages and letters.  I am not kidding. This is not a joke and you have totally messsed with my heart, my love, and my well being and the worst thing of all Rachel is that you tried to pin me as being mentally ill to make up for your own selfish will and your inability to deal with the mess you made.  FRACK YOU Rachel, FRACK YOU sorry Fellow Christians  and other nice people that is the nicest way I can say it without being vulgar.   I gave you true friendship,  commitment, unconditional love, and I kept my promises to you.  You lied, you slandered me, and you put down my love of God, my love of you, and you deeply scarred my family because not only did we lose my mom.  Everyone was worried about losing me.  For months I sat around and didnt eat.  I could have done drugs, had wild sex, and been an alcoholic but I spent all my time praying, writing you letters Rachel, writing the Church letters, and Writing Pastor Glenn letters along with my friends.  I put my faith in God not in men.  So if you cant see how much I love you Rachel then you deserve everything I do. If it embarrasses you or makes you feel hurt or damages your reputation I DONT GIVE A FLIP ANYMORE.  I tried to be kind, loving, and show you and Jonathan you meant the world to me and you ignored me so its time I set the world on fire and just give it to you.  I am a peaceful fighter and as long as I have the printed world I can distribute and share my story and about how the New  Church treated me.  I am going to start a campaign so big that you wont know what hit you.  My last sentence in this blog will be this today.  If you read this Rachel contact me and I will let it all go.  Make peace with me.  If you are in the New Church and you know Rachel then encourage her to make peace with me. The choice is hers but in the end I have been abused, lied to, broken, and led down a path that I feel I need to let this go and that means letting everyone know what kind of snake, liar, and betrayer of friendship Rachel Myatt is. I will only use the truth her own words. You are killing all the good I have left in me for you Rachel Myatt. I challenge you to be loving, forgiving, and unkind because it will serve you better than what revenge, evil, and retaliation leads to!!!!!!


I Was Never Your Freaking Game, Not there to pass the time to make you feel good, I was your friend who loved you dearly and you pissed on that. So why should I care about what happens to you? Because unlike you I am not selfish and care about how my actions affect other people. So you will just have to suck it up and take is since you cant seem to pick up the phone and make peace with me you would rather me declare what you have done everywhere. Cool no sweat off my back and for all you people who say you love God and you follow Swedenborg exclusively instead of Jesus Christ here is a little bit of love on your free will parade.  Yes God does give us that so I can choose to be evil and be a douche like Rachel Myatt or I can choose to love and do what is right one thing is for sure God always has a plan and Rachel chose where this one would go.  I reached out for peace with her and so all that I have to say and do was because of her being non responsive so dont blame me she did it to herself. I tried to do the right thing. I was honest. She wasn't you turned your back on a true friend who loved you in the Lord so its all on your watch now little girl.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=On32tFn46X8
For all the lies, hate, and hurt and crap you inflicted on me screw you.  You never deserved anyone as true as me. You never desevered a friend as honest, sincere, and loving as me, and you never deserved my love. You are a hateful, spiteful,  racist, religious bigot and I am sorry I ever tried to make peace with you.  All the New Church people who made excuses for me wanting peace over evil screw you all too you hypocrites.  I had nothing but love for you all.  You reap what you sow!!!!!

This is for you Rachel and the way you use people then run.  I met this Canadian woman who is one of my heroines back years ago on tour with The Donnas and Bratmobile when she was in Tuuli she wrote one of my favorite songs and this is my kiss off to caring about you or your feelings.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHF7ZDt5EII
and the Tuuli version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVJE4pa1NTQ&feature=related

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Good Day
GOD BLESS ALL

I Challenge You To Make Peace With Me

Dear Rachel and Readers,
I just wanted to let Rachel know how much I love her and I challenge her this day to think about making peace with me. Later I will have a blog about my wish for Easter and a Prayer for us to reconcile. Until then Rachel please come back to my heart and love me before I hurt so much and turn to darkness instead of the love I truly have for you.  I have never wanted to do anything but care about you and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  Chris Cornell of Soundgarden and Audioslave fame has  touching tribute to the recentley passed Whitney Houston. This is my love song for you for the day.  I have never stopped loving you and I dont know why with all the true friendship, patience, and love you walked away from me and were so cruel about it.   I love you with all my heart please make peace with me or my heart will truly die and be broken for the rest of my life.


God Bless All

Love That Sees No Boundaries

Uncle Tupelo "No Depression" Cover of the Carter Family Classic(yes June Carter's Family)

            
                                           "A Little More Love" by Olivia Newton-John
                          This was my favorite song when I was 3 years old the year it came out.
                          I always loved this song because it encourage me to love no matter what
                          And in the end that there would be a happy ending.



Songs from My Funeral( Please Note this is not about suicide or me wanting to die it is simply a declaration for people to know how when I pass that I want to be remembered)

1. Wild Hearted Son - The Cult  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SlxgvV_SuI
This song is for all my friends and family who know I never give up on them even when the chips are down.  This is for the friends who have been through what Rachel is going through with me because I loved them so much and I never stopped and fought for that love.  This is for Rachel and Pastor Coleman Glenn who think that I hate them but they only know what they see.  This is my song.  This is the one that made me realize how beautiful my intensity was and that those who put me down and didnt understand me were lost.

2. Old Age- by Hole http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQSlcvCyyPc  I waited a lifetime to fall in love with someone truly extraordinary and I knew when it happened it would change my life.  This was the song that kept me alive through all the women who never got it till it was too late and Rachel I want you to realize that you are the one.  You and Jonathan are the one that moved heaven and earth and made me feel like I was worth loving and I wasn't going to be an old maid with no love, bitter, hateful, and alone.  If you cant understand how bad you are hurting me then listen to these lyrics.


3. Pillars - by Sunny Day Real Estate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHGEi3ov8Xw&feature=related Jeremy Enigk the lead singer left behind the chance to become almost as big as Nirvana with Sunny Day Real Estate because he found Christ. Two members of this band have been in the Foo Fighters since the start.  This was the first song off "How It Feels To Be Something On" the first reunion album after Jeremy took his sabbatical to spend time loving God.  It is always been special for me as a Christian and this album is deep and personal. 

4. Free To Decide - by The Cranberries  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7SO67RydKc I listen to this song a lot in my early 20's but immediately after Rachel abandoned me I listened to it. I cried alot and though about ending my life and then I thought of God's promise of love and that I put my faith in Him he would make everything right and that if I truly loved Rachel I would live and fight to show her I love her and put my faith in God which is what I am doing no matter who makes fun of me, puts me down, or downplays my effort I know Jesus is the only way and I chose life because I love you and Jonathan, my dear Rachel.  I never wanted to lay the burden of losing me like you put the burden of me losing you on my heart.

5. Orange Appled - By The Cocteau Twins  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B150J2pQaBA  This is one of the most beautiful songs ever written anyone who has been abused mentally, physically, or sexually should listen to this song or pick up a Cocteau Twins from 1982-1990 and lose yourself in it. It will help you deal with a lot of pain and hurt.  Liz Frazier sung in an almost undecipherable childspeak until 1990's "Heaven Or Las Vegas" album. This is from an Ep of songs called "Love's Easy Tears" Rachel I want you to know I love you so much and all this hurt and animosity is killing me literally.  Listen to this song and think about all the unconditional love I have for you no matter what and how I have never given up on you.


If You Belong to the Church of The New Jerusalem and you have been cruel to me about wanting a family and made fun of my desire to want to be a husband and father and have doubted my reasons for be upset and sad.  Listen to this song. This is what Rachel played with this is what I wanted with her. I waited my whole life to love Rachel and Jonathan this much
6. Saved By Love- By Amy Grant http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPjCAOtdYo0
I Will Never love anyone as much as I love Rachel and want a family ever again after what she did because I wanted it with her and I gave her my true love. God's love, true faith, and I believed in her as a Good Christian Woman so anyone who has judged me and has a family is hypocritical and doesn't truly understand that God put that love in us and for me it is strong and beautiful out of all the women I dated with children it was Rachel and Jonathan I chose to love. God led me to them and I will not give up on that love.  I have been used, abused, and played games with but deep inside I know Rachel is better than this and I know she loves me so I will not walk away from her.

7. Missing by Flyleaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXU0gEVwILs This is song is by Christians for Christians who have had broken hearts and who have put their trust in God for their relationships. I love you Rachel remember how I shared my love of this band and my love for you.


8. Two Kinds of Right by the Grates http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_tpnUtykEg

9. Call of The Wild - by  Chris LeDoux http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31WBruHtisM


10. You Gave Me A Promise -  by Fireflight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEIFuUbT_9A

If I died tomorrow I know Jesus loves me and He would never let me carry a burden I cant handle. The people in the New Church ignore me now but soon they will pay attention and soon they will realize how their unkindness, blindness, and uncaring hurts people.  Rachel Myatt I love you with all my heart. I just wish you would put away all the animosity, being insecure, and pain to let me love you and Jonathan.  That was the only reason I ever came to you to love you. I am still in love with you and that is not going to change. You thought I could just turn it off and if I have to go country to country, door to door, computer to computer to let people know I love you then I have a lot of work to do. I would rather you pick up the phone and end this and us be in each others good graces and best friends again. The choice is yours though.  You decide what I do next but you are killing my love for you.  That is sad. I truly care for you.


God Bless ALL



                                                 





                                                                     

What If I Showed Up at the Dawson Creek New Church on March 22nd?

                                                            "What If" by Creed

           Enemy by Days of the New (Dedicated to Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn)

Dear Readers,

On March 22nd 2012 The Dawson Creek New Church is having an open house so that you can learn about their faith. http://www.facebook.com/DawsonCreekNewChurch?sk=wall&filter=12  What if I flew into town just to show up.  What if Pastor Glenn had to meet the man who challenged him and his faith. What if Rachel Myatt because we all know she is the Pastors darling who could do no wrong had to see my face again.  The face of the man she slandered, the face of the man she slept with one day and then cursed the face of the next.  My question is would they welcome me with open arms or would they shun me as they have done for almost a year.  I wont write a long blog I will just let the question be in everyone's mind. Would I be welcome and would both Pastor Glenn and Rachel Myatt be able to deal with me being there.  Will Rachel even show up now if she reads this since she is on the Pastor's counsel and probably plannning part of this.  Would they have some kind of police outside and not welcome me there . Would they incite me there to start trouble or truly be Christians and welcome me.  I am wondering what would happen if I walked though that door.  Everyday I wonder if Rachel is truly ready to deal with the things I have to say to the world.  Sunday I saw this blog shoot in popularity and readers from places I never thought would read it began reading it.  People examining the love I have for Rachel.  It is sad that people with a concept so beautiful and so loving would treat another Christian who loves them so cruelly, disrespectful, and unkind.  I have nothing but respect for Pastor Glenn and nothing but true love for Rachel.  If Pastor Glenn truly believed in what he put in his last blog about the salvation of all. Why didnt he believe in my love for God.  I grew up in the Church had a chance to turn the Church away and I came to his Church in need yet he turned me away. Would he and Rachel continue to do so? What If dear Readers.  What If?   http://www.patheos.com/blogs/goodandtruth/2012/02/salvation-and-jesus-a-challenge/


What If Rachel and Pastor Glenn I took up a campaign against your Church and not only told my story about Rachel and I but how you treated me as a Pastor for the next month and sent it to people in the Dawson Creek and surrounding communities boycotting your Church? How would you feel? You see that is how bad both you and Rachel have hurt me with your attitude and your consistant contridiction of me also having a free will.  I am also smarter than to send anything from where I am at and could have other people do it for me.  What if all that happened because Rachel decided to be evil, lie, and not be responsible for the things she has done.  If she were truly sorry she would have picked up the the phone and made peace with me but instead she wants evil and more reproach and shame to come to the Dawson Creek New Church.  Do you see my point of view Pastor Glenn.  Are you beginning to see where "The Lesser Evil" only leads to more bad when good leads to more good.  Hey its ok because obviously you or Rachel don't care how your Church is percieved.  I only tell what I know and how I was treated but people are interested.  I am seriously thinking about this course of action because you both were so uncaring and unkind to me.  After all the love, peace, and forgiveness I have shown maybe I should try your doctrine of enacting just a little evil like cursing you it was just a little evil? Its ok to be evil isn't it Rachel and Pastor Glenn? If we selfishly do evil it will somehow by our own free will and hedonistic nature will twist it way back to good right as long as we do what we want and knowingly hurt others. Because if we follow our selfish human will and not Gods will that is better than trying to find the good in situations before we are evil right?  I always thought worshipping Christ was about shunning evils, loving our fellow man, reconciling wrongs, and being good.  Obviously you dont see it that way so I will just show others what you told and showed me.  I reached out to both Rachel and the Church and was met with excuses, lies, and a doctrine of why not to forgive I guess maybe I shouldnt forgive, turn to revenge, and retaliation since the New  Church doesnt understand, true forgiveness, patience, long suffering, kindness, and religious tolerance.

One thing Christ taught us about is humility and it seems that instead of admit to anything Rachel did she would rather this go on and get bigger and bigger and let other people take the blame and suffer while she hides. This all stems from her saying anything disrespectful about my dead mother. It was disrespectful period. I would never say anything disrespectful about her mother Jane who is still alive I had and have nothing but love for her. If Rachel were truly the Christian woman she claims to be she would have picked up the phone, made peace with me, and realize what a good friend I was and how much I loved her even though she hurt me and my family. Instead she would rather her family, her Pastor, and her Church be put on display than to simply be humble and make peace with me. That is fine because it justifies what I am doing because I came at you all with nothing but love and you denied me that back and made excuses for evil.


3 John 1:10-11

¹⁰ So when I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, spreading malicious nonsense about us. Not satisfied with that, he even refuses to welcome other believers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.

¹¹ Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.


God Bless All

The Heartfelt Truth About My Love For Rachel(An Understanding For Those Who Are Wondering)

Dear Readers, (Especially Rachel Myatt, The Myatt Family, and Pastor Coleman)
Please watch these videos and pay attention to the times that I have put for you to watch under them.  I want you to pay attention to the character Erin and it is my attempt to show you how Rachel hurting me and continuing to hurt me has made me feel and how you Pastors, Rachel and her family, and Others in the New Church are killing my love and killing me from the inside. I am a human being and I only wanted to be loved not constantly be taken advantage of or be ignored so tonight I will try to let you into the window of my soul and how I am truly feeling and hurting. This is especially for you Rachel. You always have a choice.  You can change all this because I am reaching out to you. You make me feel hurt, despair, and lonliness much like they young lady in the videos because I am trying most of  all to get you to notice me again.  You are my best friend but eventually people wither away from broken hearts and you are slowly doing this to me.

          Watch the first 10 seconds as we are introduced to Erin listen to what she says.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcNyocj0UpI&feature=related  in this video please watch the segment at 7:25 - 7:45

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAnmg2tFNqs&feature=related  in this segment 6:54 - 7:20

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZlGFT0-zY0&feature=related  in this segment 1:07 - 4:10


My dearest readers.  I will tell you my pain. My hurt. My sadness tonight because I love Rachel Myatt. I don't care what you think of me or if you think less of me. One thing about being brave is not being afraid to tell people when you are hurting and that you need help.  I don't need any psychological or doctoral help.  The help I need comes from prayers.  From forgiveness. From Rachel, from her family, From the New Church, From My friends, My family and most of all from God.   The saddest thing about what happened is Rachel never stopped to think about what I was going through and how much I loved her she just abandoned me and was very cruel and hurtful.  She threw all sorts of insults at me and made me feel like I was nothing.  I had traveled 2000 miles for someone I truly loved and loved her son and spent time with her and her family.  That is something I never do right away.  I met one of the most beautiful little boys ever and I wanted to be there for him in his life and give him all the love I had that I never got.  I met the most amazing woman and now she will never know how much I love her. She hides and pretends I never existed.  She shunned and put my love of her down, my love of God down, and most of all she said that I was using my mothers death to keep her around and that I was trying to manipulate her by wanting to die.  It was never like that if she could have seen in my mind why I wanted to die it would be much like the young lady in the video.  I spent my whole life people judging me and passing me by just because of the way I look, color of my skin, or something other superficial and only wanting to fit in and be loved.   I have survived immense racial prejudice, sexual abuse, physical abuse,  taunting, bullying, and the fact that I made it to my 30s without breaking down is a testament to my strength.  In one small moment Rachel , the woman who said she wanted to be with me and finally made me feel like I was loved and wanted tore me down. She didn't even care enough about me to talk to me on the phone.  She sent me a text from 2000 miles away and abandoned me.  I never wanted to die so much.  The person who I had shared all the laughs with, the person I held in my arms, the person who I loved her and her son more than life, didnt care that I went through hell to be with her.  The last time my mother talked to me she was conscious.  I dont think she wanted to tell me she knew she was going to die but she acted like she was going to make it. We talked about her dialysis appointments and how they would have to clean her blood. Then she told me it was ok to go ahead and see Rachel and Jonathan but I told her that I couldnt until I knew she was alright.  She blessed Rachel and her family and sent them her love.  A day later she went unconscious never to awaken, the next day she died.  Rachel and her sister Amanda both sent me text when it happened and that is another thing I wanted you to know.  I wanted so much to love Rachel's family Rachel always talked about her sister fondly and I was so happy to meet Amanda and Rachel's mother Jane.  I was thrilled to meet Jonathan the first night I was there I had bought him Richard Scary book and usually his mother read him a bedtime story but I was honored that on that night he wanted me to read him his bedtime story.  I was so in love with both Rachel and Jonathan and when it came time for me to leave them behind I had so many tears in my eyes.  I cried on the plane back home.  I couldnt wait till the next time I saw Rachel and Jonathan but instead I was told that I wasn't wanted after Rachel said that she wanted to be with me.  I ask you dear Readers how would you feel if you were mourning the loss of your mother and then someone who said they loved you and was going to be there for you abandoned you. I would have never done that to Rachel nor would I have made the assumptions and conclusions that Rachel did about me.  She said I was damaged, mentally ill, I didnt love God, and I was sick I needed help.   I was mourning a parent and I wasnt even half of my old self but I loved Rachel and Jonathan so much I just wanted to be with the person that I loved and start loving her and her family since I had lost one of the most important parts of mine.  On that note of family.  My mother had 2 sons me and my brother and neither one of us had any kids. We were raised to be in loving monogamous relationships and to court for marriage.  I was sad that my mother never had any grandchildren but she died happy with the prospect that I would love Jonathan and Rachel and every picture Rachel shared with me I shared with my mother.  She knew I would be good to them.  My mother was not always the best mother but she was a loyal mother.  She didnt abandon me like my father did and she listened and tried to make the best of all situations.  My father was cruel to her all the time.  He called her the B* word a lot.  Called her worthless as he did myself and ridiculed and put us down both.  I thought I had finally found someone who would take me away from that hurt and pain.  Rachel lived in Northern Canada and since nobody knew me there I could love twice as big and become even more.  I live in Texas where there is so much hate, prejudice, and hurt and I felt that one reason God called me to love Rachel is to have a break from that and just be a person.  I would rather be the one black person in a group of white people and be ridiculed than to be part of a group that thinks we are all the same. I only want to be human. I dont see colors, I dont believe in the word race except for the species Homo Sapiens. I dont divide and draw lines and God loves us all. It is up to us to find HIM and through it all the most hurtful thing about what Rachel did is question my love for God. I remember when Rachel text me to break up with me the first night I said I should be atheist and I was joking but because she  had said I didnt love God she took me serious and more insults came.  I don't and didnt understand how she could be so selfish and hateful especially to someone who went through so much for her.  I just want you all to know that at that time in my life yes I was suicidal.  It didnt mean I was crazy.  Didn't mean I was mentally ill or anything it meant because of all the pain that was being loaded on my back I could not deal with it and simply wanted it to end.  In fact when I was younger I was tested and I was never diagnosed with any  Please check the definition of this at this website especially that which is in red http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/  I have always been there to talk others off the ledge as I was trained to do.  If Rachel had truly loved me like she said she did, she wouldnt have come to the conclusions she did. She would have been a kind and patient girlfriend like I was a kind and patient boyfriend and friend to her.  She didnt stop to think about how her actions or her words could damage me and cause me even more pain and grief than I was already carrying.  Her choice of words and her choice of doing things didnt help in the matter at all.  One thing I also want to point out is that I gave Rachel a choice. I stood at the airport and asked her if she wanted to be with me. I am not the villain here. She mislead me and played with my love. I am the one trying to make peace and reconcilation yet I get excuses and people make reasons for her ignoring me and being evil still. Would Christ want Rachel to talk to me and make peace with me? Sure He would. He doenst want us to hold grudges or hurt each other and when the opportunity for peace and reconcilation arises it is our choice to be evil or we can see the good and all that Christ taught us in His Ministry of Reconcilation and why He died so we all can be reconciled through His sacrifice.  I just want people to know that when I say I am dying  I am literally dying from the inside out. I still go out,  I still make new friends, and I still care for others but what Rachel is doing to me is killing me. My weight goes up and down. I rarely eat and I pray alot but I never give up hope.  I told Rachel that if I stayed alive and didnt give up she would have a fight on her hands and she has.  Rachel and my dear Readers have you noticed that I dont hold anything back and I am risking being sued, losing job opportunities, and having people break into my email and investigate things on me but because my love is rooted in Christ I dont care. I am fearless in my love for Rachel and if it wasnt a love that was from God I wouldn't write this every day or every other day.  I also want to touch on this.  Many of the New Church members want to slight me about my want to have a family and love almost everyone of the Pastors who has done this either has a wife or a wife and children. How could you not want me to have the same and to know that someone would lie to me, mislead me, and use your New Church teachings to do this without being hypocritical. I just want you to think about that for a moment.  I wont name any names but you know who you are if you replied to me.  I also did not just want to marry and settle for anyone. I am in my mid 30's and lots of thought went into a relationship with Rachel especially with a kid involved so contrary to what it seems people like Pastor Glenn think I really do love Rachel and it wasnt just wanting to be with someone for the sake of being married and not being lonely I am in love with her.  I am a human who deserves to be loved and so as I end this blog tonight I end it with this.  My name is Byron. I love Rachel Myatt.  My heart and soul is frail but I believe in the promise God gave me. I am bearing a cross and burden that is so heavy to bear and evil is everywhere around me but I continue to love Rachel even though there is temptation to give up and give into the darkness. I am reaching out for help. My family and friends have already helped. Now I am seeking Rachel Myatts help and her families help so that she knows how much I love her and Jonathan and all the Myatts.  I asking for a truce and peace with Pastor Glenn who I respect and love as a brother in Christ but he seems not to understand the severity of the situation and the love that I have not only for Rachel but for God.  I ask for the New Church to pray worldwide that Love wins in this situation not evil and that Rachel and I make peace and life goes on.  I ask all of this tonight in Lord God Jesus Christ name.

Amen

I want anyone who reads this that no matter what this is how much I love Rachel Myatt this was always a beautiful song "Longer Than" by Dan Fogelberg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALU8QP86IWE   When you find the person you would put everything on the line for they are not worth giving up on. Rachel you are the most important person I have ever met I still love you and Jonathan more than I can say and if you want to continue to be cruel and ignore me I cant make you love me. All I know is that I do.

Peace, Love, Reconciliation : 2 Corinthians 5:17-19

This song is called "Side" by the band Travis.  I want you to take a listen to and read the lyrics. I put this song up for Pastor Glenn and any of the other New Church Pastors or members who read this.  I also put it up so Rachel understands the deep philosophical understanding I have about the nature of life and how I accepted her faith but she couldn't accept mine.  I only want peace with Rachel and the New Church and I will continue to be patient but virulent in my achieving that.  I will face all obstacles, stones thrown, and road blocks because I really do Love Rachel Myatt.



Dear Readers I will start this blog today with a Scripture.

2 Corinthians 5:17-19
¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! ¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹ that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
Everyday I am suprized at how many people read this but the one person who should be reading it may or may not be doing it. I just put it in God's hands.  I am ready for this blog and campaign to end but it is still not time.  I know that I am getting through to Rachel's good heart and she is realizing how much I love her.  I believe in God and the love I saw in her when she was in my heart.  She is still in my heart and has never left and I want her to know that not a day goes by I dont tell God how much I love her and Jonathan.   I dont know what caused you to treat me the way you did and I don't know why you were cruel and unkind to someone who loves you so much only time will reveal all this.   I do know I never give up on the people I truly love. 

Rachel think about all the people you hurt with this, first me, then the Pastor,  your family, your congregation.  Think of how picking up the phone and making peace with me will not only show your true heart but it will put an end to the hurt between us.  I know deep in my heart you love me and you have set back from months and even in my angriest blog you have seen how much I love you.  It has never been about being angry my dear it has been about how much I love you and how you are ripping the very fabric and being of my love apart because you are the most special person I ever met.   I am very sorry for everyone who has gotten involved in this by being guilty by association.  I do not apologize for loving Rachel so much that I would put time and effort everydaya and bare my soul so that others know how much she means to me.  My prayer for today is that you realize how precious life is and pick up the phone or email me and start the healing process.  I am going to a funeral in a couple of hours and the person it is for is someone who lived a beautiful life, had a large family, and they lived well on to their 80s.  That is all that I ever wanted Rachel but I didnt want it with just anyone.  I wanted it with you Rachel Myatt.  You my sister in Christ, You my best earthly friend.  Its you and Jonathan that I love and I cannot deny that nor push it to the side.  Think what you will of me but I love you two people with all my heart.  I love your family too.  I do not hate the New Church and I do not hate Pastor Glenn. In my heart I do not want to do or say anything more to hurt you but I need your help Rachel. I am asking God and you to help me. I am asking God to initiate the peace and reconcilation between us. I love you more than anyone and I dont know what else to do and the hurt and evil is beginning to win. I love you too much to want to go down this road.  If you love me or have ever loved me please come back to my heart dear Rachel Myatt.


God Bless You ALL

I Dont Feel Guilty / Wake Up Call

                                                    The Skin By ALL

                                                                     Sorrow By Bad Religion (Acoustic)






Dear Readers,
Rachel was my best earthly friend. Yesterday I posted a very sad and hurtful blog.  Did I mean it? Yes every word of it. I am not sorry for it. I will not feel guilty for feeling that way against people who I have shown nothing but love for and I will not ever feel guilty for letting someone know how horrible they treat others and contradict what they say.  Was it evil yes it was but according to the New Church its ok to be like that. Right?  Anyways I am not here to wax philosophical or put down the New Church doctrine. What I am here to talk about is bigotry on any level.  Please take a moment to listen to and read the words to the song I posted above by the band ALL called "The Skin" it is about judging others and then eventually them finally judging you.  I want you to know this much about how much I loved Rachel Myatt. Rachel I dont owe you any kindness, any mercy, any love but yet I still have it after all you did to me because I love God.  Even after yesterdays blog I still love you with all my heart but I am letting you know where I stand on this I have tried to make peace with you.  I have tried to hear back from you and end all this.  I am almost to the end of my kindness rope and I pray everyday that I dont slip into an unkindness that will leave me both hollow and jaded but by you not understanding how deeply you hurt me and making peace with me will give me closure you leave the wounds deep open and my chance at any recovery from what happened slim. This is a call to you to finally let it go and forgive me and recieve my forgiveness do it for yourself,  do it so you  dont have to wonder if I am mad about you and what I  am writing and doing.  Do it so the Lord can bless us both and evil wont win.  I know you love me that is why I am still here.  Be brave, be courageous. Be the strong Rachel Myatt I fell in love with.  The one that took a chance the one that was scared to be truly loved and now that someone is fighting everyday to show you he would go to the ends of the earth to love you look how you are treating me.  I never abandoned you. You abandoned me. I love you and Jonathan more than life itself but you are killing me.

1. Rachel Myatt is the only woman that I wanted to marry that had a kid from another relationship.  I loved her and Jonathan enough to where I wanted to give my all to someone elses kid because Jonathan is a special child.  He is the reason I have held back so much on what I would say on this blog and if Rachel can't see the true love and unconditional love I have for both of them then its her loss.

2. I wanted nothing more than to love her and her family and for whatever reason she started being cruel, saying mean things, and being a total jerk after the day before telling me she loved me and wanted to be with me so how was I supposed to react.  I never once cussed her out on the phone like she did me and I kept asking her why she would do or say the things she did and she never had a straight answer.  All I know is that I still love her very much but the love that can turn into hate is walking a thin line and I have asked God to help me with that.

3. I never forced or made Rachel do anything she didnt want to do or didnt let me do with her.  If she didnt want to be with me I asked her but instead she said she did and left me in a state of the greatest happiness then tore me down two days later.  Any man who went so far and loved someone so much would want to die and that is how I felt. I didn't deserve her cruelty, her suicide remarks about me being mentally ill. I was grieving my mother and the girl who was supposed to be my good Christian honest girlfriend lied to me, straight face lied to me.  I will never ever deny I was ready to die but that didnt define me as being crazy it just showed I had lost the two people I loved the most both Rachel and my mother and she didnt understand the nature of what she was doing.  End of story.


Ok and while we are on the issue of death I am not some morbid woe is me person. I go out 3 nights a week. I work 6 days a week most weeks.  I workout.  I went to school to be a personal trainer on top of college for Broadcasting. I go to concerts on a regular basis, like to write and travel.  I have a full life. I was willing to give up my freedom. My selfish freedom to do one of the most unselfish things ever.  Devote it to Rachel and Jonathan and she didnt appreciate it and she used me.  I dont care what anyone thinks she has free will to lie, to hurt others, and to be a jerk.  I have free will to react and I reacted with love and reconcilation and she gave up that chance.

I mean how many guys have a Star named on Valentines Day to the girl who almost destroyed them . My love for Rachel is so strong and so beautiful but yet everyone around her doesnt see the beauty of it they would rather make me into a villian for putting my faith in God first and not their hollow advice.


For Pastor Glenn.  The reason I refuse to talk to you on the phone is cause you keep patronizing me like I want to commit suicide that was a freaking year and a half ago dude.  Im too strong and have too much love for that. I get depressed every once in awhile.  Like today my dad is 61 years old and I don't know if he will make it to 62 so I am a little sad but if you read my blogs.  Really read my blogs then you will see they are about hope, letting go of the tension between Rachel and I, and about true forgiveness and reconcilation.  I don't want revenge on her I want to love her and for her to love me.  If she didn't mean so much to me I would have trashed  her and screwed her so hard long ago that she might never want to show her face but the truth is I dont want her to be scared our hide in fear.  I want her to talk to me,  call me, and put this behind her.  I love her like my sister, she is still my best friend, and God doenst let you stop loving people. People stop loving people. I choose Christ example. So if you really want to make a difference then maybe you would talk to Rachel about the importance of treating people with dignity and respect. She is not loving me by being the person she has been and if she has truly changed then she would want to make things right but I think she is the same opinionated insecure person that would rather run from the messes she creates then stand up to her fears and face them and this is one that has put her out in the open and caused harm to everyone involved and a couple of words on the phone would go a long way to apease me but she is too scared to face up to what she did and said.  So maybe what I am doing is best so that she will realize that being mean spirited, bigoted, disrespectful of the dead and those who survive them and to lie to someone who loves and cares about you will be evils you will work on. If you want to make peace with me and so some good start there COLEMAN!!!!

So if Rachel thinks that Dawson Creek is some kind of utopia and free from evil and that just because I told you and Jane about my life in Texas as being full of racism, bigotry, murder, and drugs that I was complaining and messed up.  Here is an example of evil that just happened in Dawson Creek, British Columbia so screw you if you couldnt see that I was just describing what you only see on a small scale as everyday for me. http://www.soundspike.com/story/3850/man-dies-after-fight-at-hedley-concert-in-canada/ 

I hope this is a Wake Up call for Rachel after yesterdays blog. Things can get ugly and love can turn to something really bad which is where my love for her is about to go. I can only do so much the rest is up to her and when she isnt responsive then I am sorry but I have to do what is in my heart when I dont hear from you.  You have my phone number, you have 3 of my emails.  If not ask the Pastor for one of them.  I mean you no disrespect Rachel nor do I Pastor Glenn but you need to look in the mirror at the heart of this situation.  I really do love you.  This is not some stupid  psychotic crush.  No silly staker stuff.  This is me I am a true friend.  Someone who loves you with all my heart but you are killing all the good that I have left to give to you.  I pray today tha Christ help us find our way to back ot each other.  That is the greatest hope and loving each other is his commandment.


Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Truth be told I want peace with Rachel Myatt and a lot of people still want me to take revenge on her.  I know that is not the Lord's way so do I quit praying? Do I quit believing in Rachel and stop believing in the love God gave me for her and just trash her in the worst way or does God's love lead Rachel to making peace with me and I retain my faith. These questions are yet to be revealed..........



God Bless ALL

I Place A Curse on you Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn (A Message to The Church of the New Jerusalem Worldwide)

Dear Readers,

I regretfully and with a sad heart write this blog.  There has been nothing in my heart but love for Rachel, her family, and for her faith but the unkindness, uncaring, and disrespect that was shown and continues to be shown to me lead to this.  It just seems that people in the Church of the New Jerusalem would rather justify evil instead of find ways to love and find good in their fellow man or woman.  I have made a lot of mistakes in my life but one thing that was never a mistake was my love for Rachel Myatt and Jonathan Myatt.  I will state my case for what I am about to say and I do this to show how horrible it is to let evil and dark places take over in your heart but because I reached out with love to both Rachel and those around her this is what needs to be done so they fully understand that letting love and rule over evil is the best way.


I Place a Curse on You Rachel Myatt and Any Offspring You May Have(excluding Jonathan) and future relationships, and any chance of love you may have for these reasons.  This curse is true and real and was made with a strand of your hair that was on my clothes.  I wanted you to know that your evil led to this and I will justify my reasons for this curse.

I Curse you Rachel Myatt first and foremost for ever saying anything hurtful against my mother. My mother loved you and Jonathan and even though she never had any grandchildren of her own she died happy because one of her children was in love and had the hope of bearing children with someone special. She blessed you and your family Rachel and everyday you ignore me and deny me forgiveness and deny me forgiving you,  you dishonor that love and blessing. 

I Curse you Rachel Myatt for playing with my need and want to be a husband, father, and loving partner in the Lord. I came to you with love, true friendship, and I believed in you.  You took it for granted, cursed me, put me down, and ridiculed me.  All the mean and hurtful things you said they broke my soul and caused me the greatest pain.  You were my best friend and I loved you more than anyone else.  I shared with you all my secrets my, pain, my happiness, and I was willing to lay down my life for you and Jonathan. Now I could never love anyone else because of your betrayal and my desire to have a family diminished because of what you did and said to me

I Curse you Rachel so that if you do have anymore offspring they will have troubled lives and cause you great pain in your life.   You made fun of me and all my pain and called me damaged, mentally ill, put me down at a time when I was grieving after you said you understood and were there for me.   There is a difference between a sadness of losing a parent and truly being unhappy, unstable, and damaged in life.  I live everyday giving of myself to others and I will give someone my last dime sometimes and starve if I know they really need it.  You meant so much to me and having Jonathan as my stepson and having children with you and you only was all I wanted. The love I have and had for you was for you.  It wasnt meant to be thrown away and to be thought I would just find another and God would just magically take care of things for you Rachel it doesnt work that way. You cruelly and evily did and said things to me and you did them with no regret, no remorse, and blindly and for that I curse any children you have and the relationships that will lead to them.

I Curse you Rachel Myatt for saying I didnt love God and for betraying me as a friend, a brother in Christ, and for putting down my love of God when I accepted your love of Him.  You were very cruel and self righteous and not loving in that.   I never did anything but learn about your love of God you totally rejected and didnt even try to understand mine. 

I Curse you Rachel Myatt because I accepted you for all your flaws, imperfections, insecurities, and anything without passing judgement on you but looking into the good in your heart.  You could not do the same and it is not just me you spent so much time talking about what was wrong with other people and not enough time examining your own evils.

The only way this Curse can be lifted and it is a Voodoo Curse is for you to make peace with me.  I no longer desire a family or children because you messed that up with your lies and your decision to play with my love.  In the event of me passing away the Curse will be extended to your decendents for eternity and will be your curse forever.   I am sorry that it has led to this but you have led my good heart that loved you so much to this very dark place and though I still love you you have been nothing but cruel to me. This is very real and it is very serious.  Only you can change it.


I Place a Curse On You Pastor Coleman Glenn for being unloving and unkind.  I will explain my reasons and give my premise for Curse on you.

I Place a Curse on You Coleman Glenn for justifying evil and being uncaring to a person who came to you for help and answers. You were so busy trying to justify Rachel's free will and her right to do evil that you never even cared that my mother died.  You were very hypocritical in that when I needed people around me to support me and be there for me and to have someone hurt me and put me down you should have thought about your fellow man and loving your neighbor instead of trying to make yourself look theologically superior.  My cause has never been like that I see all humans as equal only God is superior.

I Place a Curse on you Coleman Glenn because it is very hypocritical of someone who had been blessed in facing death and have love around you to not want the same for me and see how the evil Rachel did affected me.  You seemed not to want me to triumph and prosper with the true love I had in my heart and even with all the missles and hurt being thrown at me you didnt want love to win you just wanted me to give up and seperate from my love for Rachel and be defeated in everything instead of fight and believe in myself and in God's true love.
Readers these blogs are my reasons for stating this I do not make statements about people to hurt them or belittle them.  I just think that Coleman Glenn knows what its like to struggle and wasn't very loving or understanding of what I had been through and as a Pastor it really is a bad thing.
Please read the following Blogs.
http://colemanlymphoma.wordpress.com/
http://colemanglenn.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/eating-ashes/

It just seems like a total contradiction of what you say to me and what you preach Pastor Glenn
Everyday I would fight this war and want to love Rachel and you would rather I either give in to evil or just let things go and be miserable.  You have no idea the things Rachel said to me or the lies she told me.  She even tried to deny our relationship but its hard with all the emails and pictures and messenger to ever deny that we were together.  That doesnt seem like someone who is loving who tries to hide their evil and indescretion and you judge me for wanting peace with her and to make things right. That is why you are being cursed for treating my loving heart in such away. 

I also want to point out two things.  It seems you feel that I can just seperate myself from a love that God gave me and for some reason you think that I am not worthy our good enough for the Church of New Jerusalem you also seem to be someone who is classist, racist, and religion elitist and I will say this upon the merrit of you not letting God's love flow beyond all boundaries because of what you said in your last blog.  If you dont see the beauty in people crossing lines of divide to love other then you don't even see the true beauty of Christ reason for dying for us and I expected more from a pastor and servant of God.  The first point I will make is from your recent blog.  I used this the other day but I took a second look and it has more meaning as it has applied to our conversations.

From Pastor Coleman Glenn's Sermon "Waiting On The Lord"
http://colemanglenn.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/sermon-waiting-on-the-lord/
"For example: imagine a person who loves the Lord’s promise of true marriage love – that a man can leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). He does what the Lord asks: prays for a true marriage, shuns lusts as sins against the Lord. But years of waiting turn into decades. And he feels lonely, and more and more hopeless. Things are getting worse, not better. The promise is not coming true. So he decides to settle – it doesn’t matter who it is, he just wants to be married. And so he marries a woman whom he does not love, who has completely different values from him, a completely different faith. And over time, the man finds that there is a deep seated coldness between him and his wife. He finds that in impatiently trying to get rid of his own loneliness, he’s become more lonely than he was before he was married – just as Saul lost the kingdom by desperately trying to hold onto it."

The part in red is the part I want to you to take a look at Coleman.  I never wanted to be married to just anyone.  I fell in love with Rachel because of what I thought were her Godly values.  I wanted to worship with her even though I was of a different faith.  I was open and ready to learn so not only did Rachel turn me away but it seems in the way you talk that you turn away others that are different than you just because they are different and that has been the whole basis for this blog. Rachel said she could accept me and be with me and our differences and then all the sudden instead of take the time and learn about what our strengths, differences, and things we had in common she just abandoned me and lied about things when she did it.  You talk about wanting others to accept your faith well how can people if you are teaching in your doctrine not to love or accept others in your life who think different than you.  It is that thought process and doctrine that probably made Rachel think that we could not be compatible because of what she was taught at church.  I can pull up many conversation where she and I talked about this and I was eager to learn.  I crossed all boundaries to love her and nothing but God's love lead me there.

I will cull my second point from an email between yourself  and I Coleman.  I wanted to point out where instead of me believing in Rachel and following my heart according to God's word you just wanted me to bend my will and give up because you wanted to push me off on other people it seems like you believe all of what Rachel said and you just want to get rid of me too. This is an excerpt from our email and I will gladly send the real email to anyone who wants it entact.  I hate doing this because it is petty but I need to prove my point through this correspondence.

From Coleman Glenn to Me 10/04/11

I know you have a lot of love for Rachel.  But you also have a lot of love for a lot of other people in your life.  You have a love for God.  How many people do you think there are who have friends who would willingly send books to a pastor they've never met?  Who'd send letters from Texas to a little town in northern Canada?  Does your friend Amber matter?  Do your other friends matter?  Maybe they don't matter to you as much as Rachel, but they matter.  They matter a lot.  And I do think Rachel cares that you live.

-Coleman

There it is ladies in gentleman.  People see how much I love Rachel but it seems they still try to skirt around the fact this love is true.  I love my fellow Christians and my brothers and sisters of the world more than you could know.  I do not know Coleman why you would not see that what I am doing is out of love.  I have sent letters of love to your Congregation, Donations to both you and Rachel,  I never have given up on Rachel but yet I am some how unwarrented in my love.  Speaking of My friend Amber I want you to know my dear Readers this fact.

Amber was also one of my exs she resides in Winnipeg, Manitoba she is also a Canadian. She and I were close and I wanted to ask her to marry me. One day she told me that she couldnt be with me anymore and that she had found someone else a couple of weeks later that guy committed suicide. Did I laugh in her face and shun her after breaking my heart or say "See you should have chosen me" No I consoled her even though I was angry and hurt and this happened back in 2004 and today she is one of my best friends.   I don't hold or harbor grudges with people but because of what Rachel did and said and the fact that I have went worldwide and not only that reached out to the Church to make peace with her that is why I feel I have to show you some darkness Coleman before you finally see the light.



I also want to make this point in regard to forgiveness, to people with sicknesses, and to those who are grieving or mourning lost ones.  My father is very sick right now with a rare blood disease.  It resembles Leukemia and he has to have Chemo.  The doctors have given him a 60/40 chance but everyday I watch his body deteriorate and a once strong man become weak and frail.  I never really got along with my father he was cruel and unkind to me and was never really supportive but he did something back in November that took courage.   He apologized for all that he did and admitted that he did those things.  A weight was lifted from my soul as when the transgressor realizes that their transgressions have hurt another person and affected them then it gives peace to both.  Rachel nor Pastor Coleman do not realize that power that that will have on all of us.  If Rachel picks up the phone talks to me we make peace then we both can be free.  I never gave up on her she gave up on me.  I tried to explain what had went on with my father with Rachel and her mother Jane but they took it as some tortured soul story but it was not. It was my life I always loved my father but even though I was a good kid and a good man he never did anything but put me down and make me feel like I nothing I did was right. Any child of mine or married into having would have been loved immensely.  I loved Jonathan, Rachel knew that I loved her and her child and I would have been there for him on a level of love like she had never seen because I wasn't loved as a child and I realized the beauty of giving love to children and that was all I ever wanted.  It is not to late for Rachel to change and it is not too late to make peace with each other. The ball lies in your court now Rachel and Pastor Coleman.  What I do next depends on how you react to this blog and it will affect both you and the Church of the New Jerusalem. Do you show love? Do you extend your hand to make peace? Or do you stay in the confines of selfish and hypocritical doctrine and contradict the mission statement of the New Church? All I ever did was show love for a so long and now that love has diminished and the outcome will be sad. This all came because someone decided to lie, judge, and misconstrue all the good and love in my heart for her.  Is it too late for the hurt to go away? You decide?

My curse on you will be lifted when you see the light of what you have said and done and when realize that your actions and not realizing I was hurting and reaching out to you had a profound affect on me.  I love Rachel Myatt with all my heart and if you cant see the true love I have for her and how even after all she has done to me and said that this is something of Christ then you are truly blind to the fact that God works in mysterious ways and even though He gives us free will there is always room for His Plan in things.  I love you as my brother in Christ but I have to let you know that you have not been very caring and considerate and that is the reason I place this curse on you.


I am sorry if I disappoint anyone with this blog.  My heart is so full of love for both Rachel and Pastor Glenn they both see it but yet they ignore it and think that they can just let things go.  I am not a light switch for anyone to turn on and off and Rachel treated other guys like that.  Not me I am someone who let her know quick that lies and playing with someone hope and wanting a family on the maginitude she did and then trying to make excuses, evil excuses at that for doing it is not taken lightly.  I stand behind my words in this blog 100% and for those who believe in Curses I believe they are real and I made peace with the one person who I hurt and who cursed me.  I am trying to make this point and have been for months.  Rachel was and is one of my best friends yet she ignores the call from Christ I have been given to continue loving her after all the hurt and pain.  Life is too short to hold grudges and to be cruel to people we love and who love us.  If you cant see my merit and reason for this blog I am sorry but I am only trying to let Rachel know that my love for her is slowly going to a dark place and I want it to be lifted out of it with love and true forgiveness and reconcilations.

The Truth of the matter is I am hurt that I have been made to feel this way and that people would rather see the evil and hurt come out than pick up the phone and make peace and see the true love that is in my heart and the reconcilation and all that is good in what Christ died for us for. I am deeply saddened by Rachel's course of actions and that she cannot see the consequences in what she did or said but more importantly that others around her get hurt and lumped in with her because of what she did.  My heart keeps breaking more each day as I lose faith and hope in the good in humanity.

All I Ever did was bless you Rachel and Pastor Coleman even if I didnt agree with you I tried to show you love and kindness and you ignored and made excuses for things.  I followed this scripture in the Word but now it seems like it is too late for that anymore

Romans 12:14
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.


Anyone who doubts that I love Rachel and thinks by this blog I am an evil person only need look and listen to this blog from this week to let you know how much I actually do care about her.
http://iloverachelmyatt.blogspot.com/2012/02/happy-valentines-day-rachel-myatt.html

God Bless All