The Importance of Family and Friendship /Playlist of Love for Rachel

My Dearest Rachel,

This blog is about how much friendship and family means to me. Regardless of how you treat me and if you ever reconcile with me you are my dear friend. You are family. I rarely get as close to anyone as I did you and I love you with all my heart.  You were the only woman I wanted to have children with. I loved your son and wanted to raise him as my own.  I loved you for all you were and are and even if you didn't see it then then maybe you will see it now. You just don't know how blessed you are to have family like you do. When I was growing up it was basically just me and my brother, mom and dad.  I had a few cousins I am close to and my aunt and grandmother but that was it. My mothers father died before I was born and my father's dad died when I was five I never really had the chance to have a grandfather.  You never knew how important to me you and Jonathan were and still are. I wanted to be with you because I felt that the love and gifts I had to give would be special to you and you wouldnt abuse them.  I wanted to have a son or daughter with you because I know you are a good mother to Jonathan, the foster kids you help, and the children you take care of.  I saw the kindness and goodness in your heart and that it could be gentle, warm, and patient.  I wanted to love someone that I could be there for and would be there for me.  You never knew how happy finally meeting Jonathan was for me.  You never knew how happy finally being with you meant to me. If you had of only known how many tears were welled up on my face when I was with you Ray Ray.  They were tears of joy and I couldn't cry and I couldn't wait to see you again and then you abandoned me.  You meant the world to me Rachel and I did want to spend my life with you. I wanted to be with you and Jonathan and whatever other kids that you took care of along the way. I wanted to be a citizen of both the U.S. and Canada and was very proud of being with you and your culture. You were my fourth Canadian girlfriend but you were the only girl  that made me want to be in a long term relationship. Rachel I love you so much and I ask God if anything that we just reconcile.  He knows how much I love you and Jonathan and I will just keep praying and putting my faith in Him that you will come back and you will think about what has actually transpired and how that through all this I am still here for you and love you unconditionally. My arms are open, my heart is open,  all is forgiven and I want you back in my life Ray Ray.  I wanted a family with you and I would still want that.  I love you that much that no one else in this world would be able to take my heart from you.  I really wish you would reconcile with me.  You are my family, my best friend, and my Sister in Christ always I wont give up on you.


Playlist of Love for Rachel.
Dear Rachel I wanted to dedicate these songs to you tonight to let you know I love you. I hope you take the time to listen to them and if there were things I could say a year on about how much I love you and miss you these songs embody that sentiment. I love you.
This song goes before the others its a cover of I Love You Till The End By The Pogues
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siCBuEm7U2Y&feature=related I will keep loving you and believing in you and hopefully you will know I was truly the one meant for you.
1. Landlocked Blues by Bright Eyes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6707rEMoUo4
2. The Night I Lost the Will to Fight by Cursive http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ip3knIMCtEA
3. Best I Ever Had by Vertical Horizon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bOCEp2lETI
4. I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love by Chicago http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HM6GFzUpKcw&feature=related
5. Haunted by Poe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0
6. Anyone Else But You from the movie Juno(originally by Kimya Dawson) this is how much I love you Rachel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBDbUVXXp-U
7. Still in Love With You by Thin Lizzy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcVqvYIMthI
8. Breathe Your Name by Sixpence None The Richer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nwo-xezj7Ts&ob=av2e
9. Don't Wanna Fall in Love(live) by Jane Child http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl3FOBw0_5c
This song is dear to me one because she is the woman that made me believe in all that women are(at age 14 in 1989) besides my mom , she was the first Canadian person I loved musically that wasn't punk or rock and she did everything by herself a strong independent woman like the one I fell in love with named Rachel Myatt.
10. Hope by the Descendents http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCr_GQl2mjE
11. Everything By Material Issue http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NtEbFcQ-Yg&ob=av2e You mean the world to me and I wanted to be this to you Rachel
12. Black by Pearl Jam(Acoustic) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyVrKQWBfRg
13. Your House by Alanis Morrisette http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whv0cNjCz7U&feature=fvst
14. Someday We'll Know by The New Radicals http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKQ9bW8lJsE
15. Broken by Lifehouse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6cdPeYJh0s&ob=av2e I ended with this song because even though you dont see how bad you hurt me and I am broken I never gave up on life because I love you. I didnt want to leave you to deal with the pain of me giving up because I love you. I stayed alive cause God loved me and because He knew I loved you and He gave me the strength to go on. I never looked at you as damaged, or broken, or different. I didn't plan on falling in love with a woman with a child but you and Jonathan became all I wanted in life. I am sorry that my flaws and imperfection weren't able to be looked past and just be loved for.  I loved you for everything you were.  You couldn't give me the same and only ridiculed me and put me down like others have.

 I love you Rachel I want you in my life again. I love you. I dont want this to last anymore. I miss you. I care for you. I am sad without you because you are my best friend. I can go on without you but I know I was never meant to.  If any man has ever loved you its me. Everything I have done has been to show you I truly do care for you and I am worth loving and I love you and would never leave you and Jonathan. I pray that one day soon you will make peace with me. God Bless you tonight. I love you so much. You are my family. My love. My dearest Friend and I dont want to live too much longer without you in my life. For the rest of your life Rachel Myatt know that you truly broke someones heart and someone loved you for you. I loved your smile, your laugh, your indecision, your son, your heart, and all of you. God is moving moutains in front of you with a love so true and giving me tremendous strength to let you know how much I care. Had you been any other women I would have walked away. You were the last woman I will ever love because I was truly in love with you. You never took the time to look in my heart and now it has no more love to give.
love
B

I Wont Walk Away.

Dearest Rachel,

Until I met you I had pretty much given up on falling in love and wanting a family. I wanted to start this blog off with a song by Oleander.  "I Walk Alone" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDoiZc25t-k&ob=av2e Rachel you were my best friend and the when I met you I felt I didn't have to walk this earth alone anymore.  God always walks with us but we are human beings and we desire attention, companionship, and most of all love. I didn't want to give my love to anyone I only wanted to give it to the best.  I still believe in you.  I hope that if you read this that you share this with your family.  If anyone made you feel like you shouldn't be with me I hope they really take a look at this and realize how much I love you. If you are having second thoughts about me and thinking if it would be worthwhile to pick up the phone and talk to me or even a text I am ready. I still have the same number. Your name and your text are still in my phone and if you have a new number all you have to do is text me "I AM READY" and we can start the healing process. I will know it is you and it would probably bring the biggest smile to my face in a year.  When my mom died I was still happy Rachel because I had you and Jonathan to love.  I think one reason she held on so long is that she wanted to see me happy.  She loved you even though she never got to know you and she saw the glow I had when I talked about you and Jonathan.  Rachel you and Jonathan were my world and what I wanted to live for. I wanted to live a life walking with Christ with you two.  Have you ever noticed that this whole time I always say how much I love you and your son?  It is true.  That was one thing that hurt me the most is that I truly think your kid is special and I really wanted to help raise him with you.  When I gave him a hug the day I left and he asked me to send him some more Legos all I wanted to do is keep my promise.  I was going to send both Jonathan and Riley a big Lego house each.  I love kids and I wanted to love your family.  I hope that your family knows that too.  I haven't given up on you because I truly love you Rachel Myatt. It was always about your friendship to me and mine to you.  I didn't want you because of your looks, I didn't care what you did for a living,  I didn't want you to sleep with you. Rachel I loved you and was and am in love with you.  You were all I desired and you were the one that set my heart and soul on fire.  I wanted to give you all of me. I am sorry that my mom died at such an inopportune time but she wanted me to go on living and loving. If I truly had of felt it wasn't best to come see you at the time I wouldn't but I gave myself three weeks. Each day is precious to me. When my mother died I only took 1 day off of work the day after she died and went right back. My father and brother took a couple weeks off. I can't sit around when there are people to love, help, and things to do. My mother wouldn't want it that way. One thing she did want is for me to love you and believe in you. I did and I still do.  I don't know what else I can say to convince you to come back to my heart sister. All I know is that I love you and if you haven't seen through all of this that I love you unconditionally. After all that was done and said I still want to have you as my best friend. I would still take you back as a girlfriend. I love you and Jonathan with all my heart and if you cant see how pure and true my love is and has always been for you its your loss. Im going to keep writing, keep praying, and keep putting my faith in God.  He has never let me down and answered all my prayers. He answered my prayer the day I met you because I had the most beautiful, kind, loving person place in my life and I still believe she is there and I still  care for you very much.  He never said it would be easy but I put my trust in Him that you will recieve me into your life again and that your family will accept me and know that what I have done and I have been doing is only because I love you from the deepest regions of my heart, without shame, hesitation, and unwaivering.   I love you and Jonathan as my own flesh and if you are still scared of that kind of love then you don't have to be. Rachel I want to be with you again. I wanted to be the humble servant of you and Jonathan and spend the rest of my days with my best friend and her loved ones . That was the sacrifice I wanted to make and become closer to the Lord in doing so.  I miss you and I wish you and your family the Myatts and Friesens nothing but blessings today. Most of all Bless you and Jonathan I love you,  I need you both,  I care for you.


Love B,
James 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble and oppressed.”

1 Peter 3:8[ Suffering for Doing Good ] Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

 Rachel think about how much more courage it takes to admit your wrong doing and apologize to the people you love then it does to ignore them and let problems build up. I apologized to you and I have been truly sorry for hurting you. I am repentant in the Lord and I do seek your forgiveness and reconcilation because you are my dear friend.   I could have simply ignored you, told you to bugger off and got angry and hated you. I didn't for the better part of a year I have let you know, your Church know, your family know that I truly do care for you and Jonathan and how deeply you hurt me. In a couple of moments last September you negated all that was good about the friendship and love we had shared and instead of being kind and compassionate you were very cruel to me. I love you enough and always have that I never let my personal emotions make me do anything too drastic. I never put up more than two pictures because I meant this to be a tribute to my love of you and Jonathan. I never seeked to harm you by using the youtube videos you sent me and were downloaded on my hard drive. I sent letters to your Church with a story about how I was treated by you and how much I loved you because I don't want you to continue the path of treating people cruel and using God's message to put others down. I love you with all my heart Rachel Myatt and if you can't see that I am not going to walk away from you then you are not seeing God's blessing in us being put in each others life.  I take full responsibility for anything I have written or done as I have not done it to hurt you at all. If you want to sue me or what ever I will accept the consequences. The day you abandoned me and said all those awful things about me I have been dead inside every since so there is nothing that hurts anymore I barely feel pain.  I always hoped one day you would come back and your family would realize that someone truly loves Rachel Myatt. My campaign is going to keep going.  I care for you very much.  When the songs finally come out and my full story maybe then that will be what it takes for you to see just how much I love you and that you played with me like a joke and I was serious and cared about you the whole time.  It will take seeing others hearing and knowing what I know for you to realize how cruel you were and through it all I still love you unconditionally.

Dear Rachel as you enter the thanksgiving season in Canada think about how much I love you and have believed in you. Are you really living a charitable loving life when you deny someone who did nothing but believe in you and love you forgiveness. Is being cruel to people and hurting them the legacy you want to leave and to teach your son. I think and believe you are better than that.I am sorry for whatever reason you were ashamed of me and couldn't be patient and kind with me through my grief of my mother. I was patient and loved you unconditionally but I guess my love and time never mattered to you.
One last thought - When you abandoned me I felt like I didn't exist to you anymore. You made me feel invisible and that all my love was for nothing so I dedicate this song to you today. "When You Don't See Me" by the Sisters of Mercy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwOcyxZIUL0&feature=related

You are the song in my heart Rachel

Dearest Rachel,

I think everyday of what it would be like if you put down this wall between us and we reconciled. I do love you very much.  I am not ashamed or afraid of anything that I did to let you know I love you. God always lets things happen for a reason.  What is happening now is for a reason.  If you opened your heart to me again I wouldn't be afraid to face your family, your Church, or anybody because I truly do love you and I believe that you are worth fighting for. You see Rachel maybe you missed the point when we were courting but I wanted a family. I wanted a best friend.  I wanted you. It wasnt some other woman that I was interested in.  I was never promiscious, I never was with someone I didnt love.  You though Rachel Myatt I was and I am in love with you.  The way we talked and laughed and the way I thought you really cared about me when my mom died made me love you even more.  When I came back though and you abandoned me I was devasted because for once in my life I truly felt a woman loved me.  I didnt have to hold back my emotions from you. I could show you the worst and the best of me and you could do the same with me.  I love you and Jonathan and I really did want to grow as a family with you two.  Being with you was the most amazing time of my life and I am sorry that you didnt see the love, dedication, and patience I had in my love for you and Jonathan.  I am sorry that you mistook my broken soul and my shyness for sadness. I am not used to being around my girlfriends family right off the bat so I was a little over whelmed but I was never scared of meeting them. I just didnt know how to react and I had so much on my mind. You know what matter to me most though Rachel?  Keeping my promise to come be with you.  Keeping my promise to my mom to always treat you good.  Keeping my promise to Christ in loving you unconditionally.  Through this whole year I have never stopped loving you.  I have done what I have done because I care for you so much.  It may have seemed at times I wanted to get back at you but that is not the case.  I want you back and I want you to know that you are loved, you are special to me, and that our friendship, our relationship, our love of God is what brought us together and it can bring us back together.  Rachel you are my best friend and because I feel that way toward you I have never doubted anything I am doing.  God gives me free will to choose to ignore you, move on, and be angry or He the One who put this love in my heart for you has guided me to make it so much bigger.  I will do whatever I have to in order to get your attention and to have you back in my life.  I do love you and I have love for your family.  I wanted to love Amanda so much because all I ever wanted was a sister and I did think the world of her and wanted to know her.  I admired your mom and I did want to discuss religion, politics, music, and lots of other subjects with her. I wanted to spend time with you geocaching and doing all the other things you liked,  you just assumed I didnt like it and I was just frustrated with the GPS that was all. Remember Rachel I was grieving I wasnt all there but that didnt mean I loved you any less or was sad.  I was just overwhelmed with being with the woman of my dreams and losing the woman who taught me to go after my dream, my mother. I was in a state of shock but I loved you so much that I knew that coming to be with you was the right thing to do.  Rachel Myatt you are the love of my life and I will say this right now.  I have been on dates,  I have been asked to be someone elses boyfriend in the past year. I have been offered all sorts of favors and other stuff but I want nothing and noone because I truly love you.  I dont want sex,  I dont want a temporary girlfriend, I dont want anyone but you. I wanted to court you for a couple of years and marry you but you Rachel are the song in my heart. I love you like no other woman I have ever met and I want you forgiveness and for you to take a second look at me.  I want you to look at all the letters I wrote you, your emails, and music I shared with you.  I made you a scrapbook and I had never made one before but it was  Divine Inspiration and God's love who led me to do that.  Rachel everything in my life points to you and even if you think I am crazy, obsessed with you, or infatuated I am not. I will never be. What I am is a man who truly loves you and I love you and Jonathan enough that I think about you everyday and miss you. I have wanted a partner and a wife for a longtime.  My friends and family watched me go through a bunch of horrible abusive relationships.  They know I am a good guy. Everyone believed in you Rachel.  My customers at work were praying for me and even happy you and I were together.  I have one lady that said to not give up on you if I truly love you.  She told me to pray and each time she comes in she ask me if you and I have at least started talking.  To my dismay I have to tell her no.  I am tired of not hearing from you. I miss your voice, I wanted to hear Jonathans laughter.   I wanted to hear about your day, about your caches, about you.  Rachel I truly care for you and miss you. I am sorry you didnt know how much I loved you but I was truly in love with you. I kept myself pure and true to you because I believed in you.  You are still in my heart. What I ask today is that you put whatever pain is in your heart over what I have done to hurt you aside. If I didnt love you so much I would have never reacted the way I did in the beginning but I did and I am sorry but it also made me stronger.  Instead of give up on life, give up on love, and give up on you God made me stronger.  He made me believe in you even more. So I ask that you reflect on how much I truly love you.  Think about the other guys who didnt put all the effort and believe in you and Jonathan like I do. I still want both of you and there is still time to make things right. I even have money saved up that if we did make up I would love to come see you in the next couple of months.  All is forgiven in my heart Rachel. I just want you to come back. I want to live my dreams out with you and Jonathan.  There is no one else I love more than you two. I want to know and love your family and I ask for God to bless them all today. I ask for any of them who hold any animosity against me for loving you and not giving up to forgive me for any wrong that they felt I may have done. I ask for their love and for them to know that I care for you with all my heart.  Ray Ray I love you so much and I still want to be with you.  I want to hold your hand again,  I want to travel with you, I want you to be my concert buddy,  I want to be there all the time for you and Jonathan.  Most of all Rachel I want to be one in the Lord with you and I am opening my heart to you today to see that.  I wanted you to know most that was most important to me.  Being a family with you and Jonathan,  Being Baptized and being with you as one,  Loving you forever. The love I have is true Rachel Myatt.  Please know that in your heart. Please give me another chance.   I love you and I believe that you can and will. I put it all in God's Hands and I pray about it everyday. You are the love of my life and though I can live without you, you are the one I dont want to live without
Ecclesiastes 7:8
The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.
Proverbs 19:11
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

Rachel I chose these Scriptures today to emphasize that patience is one of the greatest lessons that was taught to us by Christ. Even though you and I dont talk now I have been here for over a year because I believe in you. I know the good heart, the love you have, and I know you love and care for me. I may have not always went about it the best way at first but I have done all that I am doing because I really do love and care for you.  I ask that you put aside whatever it is that is keeping you from being away from me and just talk to me.  I am humble, I am not angry anymore, I am full of love for you. I only want to love you again. I will listen to what you have to say as I always did but in return I ask the same. I just want an end to all this and praying and believing in you is the only way I know how.  Have a blessed day I love you and Jonathan.

Since My Chemical Romance is opening for Blink 182 I dedicate this song Famous Last Words to you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzLKMtY04lE  I truly do love you and if you listen to the words they are about forgiveness and about going against what others think because you know its the right thing to do. Loving you, forgiving you, and wanting to make peace with you is the right thing.  I love you Rachel Myatt so much you just choose not to see it.

Im Not Sorry Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I am not sorry for loving you. I am not sorry for believing in you and Jonathan and never giving up on you.
I am not sorry for wanting to love you whole souled, unconditionally, and with all my heart.
I am not sorry for taking my love to your Church and telling others worldwide.
I am not sorry that I care about you enough to continue showing that I care and wanting to forgive you and have you in my life.
I am not sorry for all the good times we had, for falling in love with your smile, your heart, your son, and our friendship.
I am not sorry for praying every night that one day I will see you again
I am not sorry for letting your family know that I love you through letters or whatever I have done in the form of correspondence.
I am not sorry that God loves me so much He gave me a love that knows no limits for you.
I am not sorry for believing in your faith, your love, and that you will eventually look at all I have done and said and realize that I am a man who loves you, believes in you, and that wants to be with you. 
I am not sorry that I chose you over the other women who wanted me
I am not sorry that I am still in love with you

I don't have to be sorry for anything Rachel Myatt because God loves me and I choose to keep caring about you.  I am not sorry for anything that happened between us because it made me stronger. I could hate you. I could do things to make you hurt but why would I do that. It would only hurt you and Jonathan, affect your family, and livelihood.  The love I have for you is true, honest, real, and unconditional.  I will not turn my back on you and I will continue to be strong and love you even if you turn a deaf ear and blind eye to what I am writing and doing. I know you are better than that though Rachel because I know you have a good heart and everyday that you read this you are getting closer to picking up the phone, emailing me, or writing me. I know you know that a good Christian man loves you and will go to the ends of the earth for you and your son.  I hold no animosity or hate for you. I can be kicked down, spit on, beaten and bruiesed but in the end God loves me and gives me all the strenghth I need to persevere.  I want you back. I love you and Jonathan. I want the best friend I ever had in Christ to come back into my heart and into my arms. I miss you Rachel.  I love you.
James 1:2-3
 ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance

Musically speaking Rachel tomorrow I am going to see Blink 182? How does this fit into the universe of you and I.  I remember a couple of years ago when the guys got mad at each other even though they had been the best of friends for the longest of times.  They split into all these other groups  Plus 44, Boxcar Racer, Angels and Airwaves. They had some great success on their own but Blink 182 is what made them special.  It took Travis Barker getting into that plane crash to realize how special they were to each other.  I love you Rachel and I have been very sick. I even sent you my will because I was sick not because I was suicidal but because for a couple of months all I did was cough up blood from my chest and throat and cry cause I missed my best friend.  Now my throat is doing better but even so I don't want to die without you in my life. I love you Rachel Myatt I hope you will read this and think about how precious and special being in each others lives was and could still be.  You do mean a lot to me.  I dedicate this song to you tonight from them "I Miss You" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2yStD2GWhU all I do is pray and believe in God and the love I have for you.

What Would Jesus Do?

Dear Rachel,
First of all Sept 25 which was a Monday last year was the last time we spoke on the phone.
What would Jesus do in this situation? Do you think He would hold a grudge against someone who loved Him and cared about Him. Of course not? Our Heavenly Father taught us about forgiveness, patience, long suffering, and humility.  While there was a time when I wanted you to hurt in time I began to remember how much I loved you and I thought about two people. I thought about Lord Jesus Christ and my mother.  Jesus was without sin but he welcomed all those who were sinners into the kingdom of God.  He cast no lots on anyone but He opened His heart and His teachings to those who were unlikely by most to be reciepients of the love of  God. Prostitutes, Theives, Murderers, and all sorts of sinners. None of us is without sin and none of us is perfect so who are any of us to judge one another.   I thought of my mother about a week before she got sick.  She must of knew in her heart that she was going to die but I saw her on the phone telling all the people that she had problems with that she loved them and she wanted to make peace with them.  I was inspired and after she died and you started fighting with me I sat down and thought about her doing this and just broke into tears.  All I want is for you to know I love you and my love is and always has been true. You spent so much time trying to get rid of me instead of listen and try to understand where I was coming from at my time of grieving. I was ready to give you all of me the good and the bad and I loved you for your good and bad qualities. I saw lots of things I didn't like about you but the good outweighed the bad and that is why I never gave up on you before I came to Canada and that is why I am not giving up on your now.  I want you to think about it Rachel.  The greatest sin we can have is to just give up and not struggle to do what is good.  Am I right or wrong? What we think is right and what is good is always the question at hand.  Doing what was right to me a year ago was trying to return back the hurt and hatred that you had so freely and easily given to me.  It was not my nature as I am not a vengeful person but in the end I realized that love is the only way that I will prosper and truly be free.  I am free Rachel Myatt.  I love you with all my heart and God has given me a love so great for you that I can do anything and I will do anything to show you that I care and that you and are true friends and that this is meant to be.  I am the man who will give my life for you and Jonathan. I love Christ and I still want to worship with you. I have nothing but love for your family and I care deeply about you.  I still wonder what you think about this blog or when you found out I sent letters to the New Church  Worldwide about how I loved you even after you abandoned me.  I want you to know I never did it to hurt you, embarras you, or put you down.  I did it to make you see that God's love,  forgiveness, and unconditional love is the only way.  I could have hated you and gave into evil but each day I pray for you and Jonathan and just let God know I love you.  I would like you to come back into my life,  I would love for us to start over, I would love to see your smile and Jonathan's smile again but all I can do  is put it in God's hand and for now He says to keep loving you and to keep writing, letting others know of my love for you, and never giving up faith or hope.  I love you with all my being and heart Rachel Myatt and I love your son that much too. I will leave you with these scriptures today and a song by Bruce Springsteen called Atlantic City my favorite of his because the chorus has the words  "Everything dies baby thats a fact , and maybe everything that dies someday comes back."  I put my faith in the Lord you will come back and I continue to pray and campaign and put my faith in God first not man.  I love you Rachel and Jonathan. I hope you know how much.  What Would Jesus Do? He would make peace,  He would reconcile,  He would want us to love each other instead of have this animosity, hurt, and distance.  Rachel Myatt you are the love of my life and I don't hate you, I don't want you to hurt, I truly care for you and  I would lay my life down for you and Jonathan and that is a promise to the Lord.  I love you that much.

Matthew 21:21-22
²¹ Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. ²² If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” I ask God every night that we reconcile and make peace I love God and He is my strength therefore Rachel I have never given up on you. Though you may not understand why I am led to do what I am doing He does. Even though God guards man's free will He also gives us a choice how to act on His Word.  I will continue to love you and believe in that love because it is of the Lord.

Romans 8:7
The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so.While you constantly think of free will and self in dealing with me I have submitted my grievence to the Lord.  If I relied on my emotions and the weakness of my flesh I would have sought revenge on you.  God's law and His love always come first.  This is one reason I will never turn my back on you even if you choose not to hear.

2 Corinthians 5:18
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.
Rachel I want peace with you. I want us to love each other and be civil again. I care for you and Jonathan very deeply.  That scripture in 2nd Corinthians is proof that God calls for reconciliation and that we should end this and be in each others lives again. Whatever you have done to me I have forgiven it. I love you too much to worry about what you did to hurt me anymore. I know that I love you and Jonathan more than anyone in the world and I am willing to do anything or go anywhere to get you back.  Its has nothing to do with being obsessed, infatuated, crazy, or anything a lesser person who doesn't see in my heart might say.  It is all about God's love.  I love you through Christ as my best friend. Please come back to me.

I leave with you with a powerful cover of Bruce Springsteen's Atlantic City by one of my heroines Kim Fox.  She inspired me alot and I told her back in 2004 how her songs had given me strength during a tough time in my life and she wrote me back.  I loved and respected her even more that she took the time to care about one of her fans.  I love you Rachel and this song is a passionate song for you. I hope you come back to me I love you and your family even if you cant see that I know you know it in your heart.  I miss you Ray Ray.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kUs4fL13lg

I Love You Rachel Myatt with all my Heart.   God Bless

"You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence." - Abraham Lincoln

Everything that Hurts(Playing with Someones' Dreams)

Dearest Rachel,
I want you to know that I care for you deeply and I love you with all my heart and I am not going to stop caring or loving you. It will ultimately be your choice to choose forgiveness or you can go on ignoring me but I wont ignore you. I won't go away.  I am full of love and have a big heart. Its about 12:30 am here and 10:30 your time.  Remember how I used to stay up late just to talk to you Ray Ray. I really miss you Rachel. Stop and think of how beautiful our friendship was and all the love that grew into us being boyfriend and girlfriend.  I cared for you and Jonathan with all my heart and soul and you have severely hurt me.  I put my trust in you after all the others had almost ruined what little love I had in my heart left.  Then you came along and I believed you. A good Christian woman who wanted to be with me and have a family.  I want you to understand the extent of your betrayal and the intensity of the hurt.  Rachel you knew all I wanted was to have a family but I didn't just want it with anyone I wanted it with you.  You have had a year to look back and reflect and I have nothing but love and forgiveness in my heart for you. I think about you and Jonathan everyday how I want to hold both of you again and be there with you. I have 3 things I want to say real quick in this blog.

1. I have never done this blog or my campaign to hurt you, demean you , or slander you.  I have done it as a tribute to you and Jonathan and how much I love you.   Though I do sometimes say harsh things on here.  I love you. I care deeply for you and the intention has always been for us to make peace and at least be on speaking terms again.

2. You are my dearest friend andI will not give up on you.  I am sorry if you feel overwhelmed or that I should just give up.  God gave me this love and He is the one that held my hand and kept me from falling asleep in death.  He told me to live on and continue to love Rachel.  The rest is in His hands.  He works in ways we cannot comprehend but there is a reason for all this Rachel and one reason is because God loves you.  He wanted you to know that there is a man in me that deeply loves you, cares for you, and believes in you and all that you are.  I can never love you like Jonathan or Mr. Myatt or Clayton but that is the kind of love I have for you. You are family to me and that is why I have never walked away from this love in my heart for you. Regardless of what I do say on here sometimes I do think the world of you.

3.  I want to hear from you soon. Here is how much I love you Rachel so I am going to tell you right now how much I care about you and what I am willing to do to make peace with you. If I don't hear from you soon then I will get on a plane one saturday night fly to Dawson Creek and show up at your Church.  It says all are welcome. If they turn me away they will fuel any fire that I do have about the New Church of Dawson Creek being unloving and uncaring.   I will even call Pastor Glenn and tell him. If you want me to I will talk to him and I will ask if he will arrange a peace meeting between us and see if you will talk to me. It cost me $1000 dollars round trip to fly to Dawson Creek but I love you so much Rachel I would be willing to call your pastor. Sleep in a motel for a couple of hours. Sit in a room across a table and just talk to you.  Then I would fly back home. That is how much I love and miss you Rachel Myatt. There is no money, no obstacle, no time or place I wouldn't go to to let you know that I love you with all my heart. I am sorry that other men hurt you and that you didn't understand how much I cared for you but now you know and that I am true and asking you for forgiveness and reconcilation.  I hope in you reading this you will think about contacting me and making peace with me. I love you and that is all I really have to comment on.  You played with my dream of having and being a family with you and Jonathan. That was my only dream. The first time I saw you I knew you were the one and I never had eyes for another lady since. I love you and your child and I don't know what else to say to you to get you to understand that I am willing to go to any length to forgive, forget, and move on. Someone truly loves you Rachel Myatt and I love you through Christ first and foremost.

You spent so much time judging me and finding flaws with me that you didn't see what was beautiful about me. You also wanted to abandon me without a care like you said on the phone to me last September and you threw the burden on God. He transformed me and for thinking only of what you wanted at the time this is what you are getting in return.  He gave me the love and the strength to do all this even though you abandoned and cursed me when I needed you. You were my dearest friend and I would have never trusted my heart, my soul, and my body to anyone I didn't feel who didn't love the Lord,  Rachel.  You played with all of that. I don't want revenge on you or hurt I love you and want you to come back.

I spent all my time accepting your flaws and believing in the beauty of your imperfections.

love
B

What if ......

Dear Rachel,
I love you and I want you to take a minute to think about why I am still here and I still care about you. Imagine a moment that last September I had of just given up. How would you feel then?

I want you to think about a world in which I had of ceased to exist because of the pain you caused me. First of all it was an example of God stepping in and carrying me instead of lettting me use my free will.  What if I had of died dear Rachel? You would have felt bad and it would have hurt but that was never my intention.  God wanted me to live because He knew that I truly loved you. He removed those bad thoughts, He helped me cope with the pain, and He gave me strength and guidance to deal with the road ahead. Whether you want to accept it or not  God is the reason for the "Letters To Rachel" campaign it is His way of showing you that I lived, I still love you, and my love for you was true it was never a game or fake. My love for you was always intended to last.  I truly believe in you and care for you Rachel Myatt. I love you and Jonathan. When I did what I did it was never to manipulate you, or make you feel guilty, or hurt you. I was to show you that you hurt me by not being truthful, by giving me false hope, and ridiculing and putting me down in the process.  I came to you as my friend, my sister, the love of my life, and my dearest friend during the most painful time of my life.  In the end I was reaching my hand out to you for love, for patience, and because I thought you believed in me. You turned your back on me and the worst thing you ever did besides say that I wanted you to save me was to say that I was selfish because I was never selfish. I was always honest with you and you couldn't just tell me that you didn't want to be with me. I just wanted you to stop and think about all this when you read this blog today. Im not going to spend all night on this blog but I did want you to know that I am not giving up on you.  Pretty soon a revelation about how much I love you will appear before you and others and you will have make a choice.  Do you make peace and show people that you are better than the evil that is in those who are unforgiving?,  or do you constantly hold a grudge against me and hate me because I love you.  You were the one who was cruel and hurtful to me and told me you couldnt love me and I was damaged and sick.  You were the one who pretended to want to be with me and told me you loved me and wanted to be my girlfriend all in the course of 3 days.  You built me up and then you devestated me. You were the one who was hostile to me when I said I couldn't stop loving you. I haven't and am sorry that those 3 words I LOVE YOU meant so little to you. I would have never said them to you if they weren't true. I would have never come to Canada. I would have never believed in you. I care about you Rachel Myatt. I want you and to talk and love again.   I still love you Rachel Myatt. I will end this blog today with a prayer of love for you and Jonathan.


Dear Father,
I ask for your forgiveness of any transgressions I have made against you or others today. I ask that you watch over Rachel Myatt and Jonathan Myatt and to keep them safe and always bless them.  I ask you let Rachel know that she and Jonathan are loved by me very much and that your eternal love and guidance is what keeps me believing in both of them. I ask that you continue to let my heart heal and to love Rachel with all my heart and for us to reconcile and mend the beautiful friendship that we once had.  I ask that Rachel's family all the Myatts, Friesens, and others know that I love her and I would give my life for both her and Jonathan and that I have meant her no harm or hurt in my letters or dealings with the Church but that I truly do love her and seek to make peace and reconciliation with her in the name of you Lord.  I humbly ask for your Love, your counsel, and your blessing and all things are possible through you. I ask that if Rachel reads this that she is compelled to contact me and we can be part of each others life again. I love her my dear Father with all the love you gave to me. I put my life, my heart, and my love all in your hands in this matter. Thank you my Father, My King,  My Lord.

Amen

Rachel I have faith in the Lord and I put Him first in my love for you. I will continue to ask Him for guidance and to be patient with you. I will continue to write, to tell people my story, to connect with the New Church.  I wanted you to know just how strong I am and just how true my love for you and Jonathan is.  I hope in the end you and your family will take a second look.  I am passionate, determined, and I believe in the good in your heart Rachel that you will put this all behind you and realize that there is someone who cares for you and would never doubt you or Jonathan.  All I ever wanted to do was give you all of me through Christ love.  I am humble, I am kind, and most of all I am your brother in Christ yet you continue to deny me forgiveness and love. I am deeply saddened by that everyday as I have forgiven you and moved on and only care to hear your voice and about your life.  I love you Rachel Myatt. 

Hebrews 11:1
 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

1 John 5:14

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

Rachel there have been many days when I have just wanted to give up on you but Christ love is what keeps me going. If you haven't seen that by how I have blindly loved you, unconditionally, unwavering, worldwide, open hearted, whole souled, through thick and thin then you are missing the point.  Think of all the money I spent on postage.  Think of how I could have got discouraged when you were mean and sent my Christmas Card back last year instead of just open it.  Think of how I could have let Pastor Glenn persuade me that I was not doing the right thing. Even he knows that love and forgiveness are what God wants not a life of holding grudges and hurting people.  I just hope that tomorrow when you are sitting in Church you reflect on what I said and think about how you are treating a true call for forgiveness and love.  I have asked the Lord Jesus Christ for us to see past the wrongs of the past and to reconcile.  He knows the love that is truly in my heart. I only wish that you did too Rachel.

Words Left Unsaid

Dear Rachel,

Its been over a year and maybe you are finally beginning to realize how much I care for you. I do not want you to think you are the only person I have gone out of my way to show that I love them but you are probably the one that has meant the most.  First of all Rachel I made a promise to you though God.  In my opinion that is a sacred and holy promise and I cannot break it.  I take any words using God and Promise very seriously.  I also am sure and have always been honest about how I felt about you. I did love you as my best friend. I told you the only person I loved with the friendship as close as you was my friend Scott and I tell you and him about everything.  You were not only my best friend, my sister in Christ, my girlfriend.  Rachel you were my confidant. The one I trusted my secrets with.  It seems I had to tell the whole world about what went on between you and I and spill my painful soul just to let you know that I am serious and for real. You know what though Rachel? A real man doesn't have to hide. I will open my closet and tell the truth for anyone as long as it means making peace with someone I love.  I am unapologetic about my life, I am always willing to tell those I love anything. I am not sorry I told you so much about me because the love I had for you was a love of trust, honesty, and unconditionality.  The love I have for you and Jonathan is priceless.  I know maybe you wish I would just go away and you are thinking to yourself would he just give up already.  I am far from done because God has put me on this path.  I will not forsake Him or doubt Him.  If you want to continue and ignore me, not contact me, hate me, let your family or yourself keep from having me back in your life cool.  My friends and family have more faith in you than that. They believe that you will eventually see how much I love you and contact me.  Until then I will just keep being a soldier and keep professing my love and good will toward you.  I hope your day is blessed and that all the Myatts and Friesens are blessed. I love you Rachel and I love Jonathan and I wish nothing but good things for you.


If you recieved a copy of the book "Rat Girl" by Kristen Hersh  I hope you humored me and took the time to read it.  I wanted to show you that even people who have mental illness can become great people. Just because you and I don't have an illness doesnt mean you should make fun of others who do. When you said that about me it was very hurtful and disrespectful. My medical history has never diagnosed me with being mentally ill. I was grieving and you were not truthful with me so I was overwhelmed with not only pain from losing my mother but my supposed girlfriend not being honest with me.  Kristen Hersh is a mother, a musician in 2 bands and a solo artist, an artist, and an author.  She has a mental illness but it never stopped her from being the best she could be.  I really wanted you to think about how cruel you were being not only to me but to others when you say things about people like that.  I have actually worked with and lived with people who were diagnosed with mental illness and I had to take care of one.  You would never know how shocking, cruel , and disrespectful your words were to me at the time of hurt but I forgive you and I still love you. I was at the drive through window of a restaurant this morning and the young lady asked me how my day was. I told her it was fine I asked the same she said it was ok but her week had not been so great I asked her what was wrong? She said her co-workers were making fun of her and were disrespectful. I told her not to pay so much attention to what they say and the only one who can continue to let it get to you is yourself I told her to be thankful that she had a job and she replied yes and then I asked her to pray about it to God.  Then her attitude seemed a little better. Rachel uplifting people, encouraging them, and letting them know they are loved is what we should be doing with are lives not hurting, being unforgiving, and being enemies but if that is what you want to continue to do with me when you know how much I love you thats fine. I wont be that way  I wanted to share with you my favorite song by Throwing Muses with Ms. Hersh the lead singer and guitarist.  Its called "Shimmer" its one of the best songs ever and it is an example of how people shine even with differences, disabilities, and obstacles.  I love you and I want your forgiveness and for us to talk and get to know each other again but that choice is yours.  I love you Rachel Myatt and I won't stop or give up on you or Jonathan you both mean something to me. All I ever wanted was for you to love me and accept me for who I was as I did you and believe in me as I did you. You are close to your mother and one day she will die and you will remember that you could have been kinder to me because I loved you and my mother did too and all she wanted was for her son to be happy and you made me happy Rachel Myatt. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_NQe5Qo8JY

Romans 15
 ¹ We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. ² Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. ³ For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”^{[a] 4} For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.
 ⁵ May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, ⁶ so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
 ⁷ Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Rachel this was the kind of unconditional love I have and still have for you. I wish you could look into your heart and see that I truly do love you and care after all this time and hurt. Come back to me dear sister.  I have an empty place in my heart without you.

I Truly Loved You Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I wanted to take this time to tell you how much you meant to me even though you never saw it.  Its 5:00 am here I can't sleep I have been thinking about you alot.  I wanted to first tell you how much I believed in you. First of all the love I had for you the perfect analogy would be as follows. When you believe in God, Jesus is either in your heart or He isn't.  If you aren't sure you are agnostic. If you don't believe you are atheist.  My love for you was the kind of faith I had in God. The kind that is always there. The kind that will never waiver even if I doubt it sometimes.  My love for you then, now, and always will be true.  I can't say I didn't sit up at night sometimes thinking about if I truly loved you or if I was just in love with the prospect of having a family but I truly loved you and Jonathan. I am sad for whatever reason you felt ashamed of being with me or were afraid of what other people would think if you stayed with me. I was proud and unashamed of my love for you. All I wanted was to grow in love with both of you. I wanted to just leave all of it behind and be with you. There was no money, no amount of fame, good job, or anything I would have held on to that would have kept me from giving my life to you and Jonathan.  I don't think you can even fathom how bad you hurt me and how you are still hurting me by denying me forgiveness.  I never wanted to do anything in the beginning to hurt you I reacted the way I did because you were being so cruel to me. You were not being sensitive to the fact that I was in mourning and that losing my mother was a big deal even if I was at peace with it. Losing the woman who I loved the most(you Rachel Myatt) was even more devestating because despite not having my mom around, having you and Jonathan around was a blessing and it would have made my life easier.  I struggled the couple of months after you left me. I barely ate.  The tumor they found in my throat made me very sick even though I am doing better now I still have my days. The holidays were painful because all I thought of was how I missed you and how I wanted to spend them with you.  I don't think you ever thought about how much you really did hurt me and how much I loved you.  All I know is that you were the one woman I truly loved and despite you reading this sometimes and thinking I want revenge, or hurt, or you to suffer.  I don't I still love you with all my heart and I am just the man who was willing to tell the world and make a fuss about you because you meant so much to me. Lots of men want to get back at those who hurt them. I am not one of them. I only wanted to see you prosper and I loved you because I thought you deserved the special love I have, true, unconditional, and patient love I had for you.  I thought you saw in all my wounds that I was special and I told you everything and thought that you accepted and wanted to be with me regardless. I am sorry that you took my honesty, my shyness, and conserved attitude as being sad, damaged, and unhappy.  September 2nd was the greatest day of my life. The day that I finally got to meet you. I was just scared, I was very shy, and I didn't know what to expect and I was trying to get a feel for my surroundings.  I was still in shock that my mom was gone, but dearest Rachel I was the happiest man alive and when you told me that you thought I was sad and unhappy that was the furthest thing from the truth.  Remember how I wanted to climb down the waterfall, I had just lost my health insurance because of our President passing the healthcare bill the company I was with stopped the health insurance businessness because they said they would not make any money. So if I had of gotten hurt I was uninsured.  I was wearing Converse with no grip or anything and sliding down that ledge so bad but I wanted to do it to be at the bottom with you, and Jonathan, and your Mother.  I also have Asthma but it never stops me from doing the things I love like jogging, being a trainer, or working out. I never look at things and say I can't do it.  I look at things and say how can I do it and do it the best I can.  That is how I felt about loving you Rachel.  How could I love you and love you the best.  I was the guy who looked at you every morning and thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world and meant it. I appreciated your kisses and being in your arms.  I loved playing with Jonathan and hearing about his problems and I just wanted him to be happy.  I loved you two Rachel more than you could ever know.  Did I deserve to be treated like you treated me? Think about it.  I cared for you so much. Remember how I never wanted you to buy a phone card to talk to me. I thought it was a priviledge for such a beautiful wonderful person to even love me I just wanted you to know that you were worth my time and effort and that not distance would keep me from loving you. I remember how we used to send songs to each other. How we talked about Against Me( I still have the shirt they signed for you at Warped Tour I hope you got the postcard they signed for you), Hootie and the Blowfish,  and all the other bands we liked or disliked. I loved you for all you were.  It didn't matter our differences because in our differences I found strength and wanted to learn about your culture and life.  I also wanted you to know that I would have been happy living in Dawson Creek.  Sure it is small but I have seen everything in my life that I need to see. I would have rather lived in small town than a concrete jungle away from the drugs, the racist, the congestion.  All I wanted was to be with you and Jonathan.  I would have visited home a couple times a year but I wanted to live in Canada with you. I wanted to be Jonathan's stepdad and be there for him on a regular basis. I saw what a special child he was and that having someone around to play with him and encourage him along with his wonderful mother would have been beneficial.  Despite what you think I am not Mr. Gloom and Doom. I was grieving my mother and I came to be with the one person I thought who loved me. You Rachel Myatt.  I came to you for love, encouragement, friendship, and honesty.  Why do you think I was so hurt when you tore me down and made all those accusations about how I was feeling when you didn't even know! I was livid and deeply hurt.  I loved everything we did together and I really wanted to stay longer and do more with your family because I wanted to know you all and love you all. If you had of only known how much I needed your love, Jonathan's love, and to have that encouragement and to worship and be close to you at the time maybe you would have thought twice about how much I loved you and how much you really did mean to me and about your love for me.  I know you do care for me and do love me.  I just want you to know that I don't do this to hurt you but to give you insight on how you have deeply hurt, scarred, and changed my life.  I can barely trust anyone now. If you really love God you make peace with those you hurt if you can. I have done it many times. It wasn't easy to be humble and to admit you were wrong or for the other person in some cases to admit they were wrong but it was the right thing to do. In our case both of us hurt each other and maybe it puts a strain on the chance for reconciliation and forgiveness but I know that you have a good heart Rachel.  I still believe in you. You were and still are in my heart my best friend.  I care for you deeply and others still believe in the love I have for you. We can go on like this, me writing blogs, wondering if you read them or you can pick up the phone, email, write a letter anything to start the healing process.  I am patient and loving and my heart is with Christ. My love is in the Lord and that is why I haven't given up on you. You will always be my friend, I would take you back as a girlfriend someday too if our friendship was fixed but I wanted you to know it was always about our friendship.  You got the ring and the promise because you were my best friend.  I wanted to share and do everything with you and Jonathan. I wanted to love you both and do it all with you. I wanted to travel, to worship, to live, love, and learn with you and Jonathan and only the Lord Jesus Christ instilled a love like that in me and that is why it is still here. I dream about you every night and I still care about you that much. When you truly love someone it is not about letting go it is about how you can show them they mean something.  I don't take kindly to anyone calling me obsessed or infatuated with them because that is for children and people who don't know self control. I have never doubted my love for you so it is strong and real. I haven't been sitting back not going out with other girls having fun but my heart belongs to you Rachel Myatt.  If you take anything from this blog today please know that I love you and Jonathan and I would like to have you back in my life.  I want to hear about your days. I want to hear your feelings, I want to know what the last year has been like for you.  I want to hear your voice again. Maybe you were scared that a man actually loved you so much and you didn't think it was possible but I do. Nothing will change that and as I have said before I knew from the moment I realized I loved you that you and Jonathan were the ones I would give my life for. I just wished you believed it.  I hope your day is blessed and I just wanted to leave you a song and a scripture today. I love you Rachel Myatt.  I still believe in you. I know somewhere deep in your heart that you are ready to move on. End the cycle of hurt and come back to me my dearest friend. I won't give up on you I love you that much. I will walk though fire to make peace with you and for us to care about each other again. That is a promise and a testament of my God given love for you and Jonathan.  God Bless dearest Rachel.

God Left the Door Open for Forgiveness, Love, and Reconciliation Rachel. My Arms are wide open as my heart is.   I Love You

P.S. If you feel that this is ruining your character, defaming you, or hurting you in anyway it was not and never my intent. I am doing this because I truly love you Rachel and Jonathan. I would love to talk to you but this seems to be the only way.  If you want to take action against me. I take full responsibility for anything I have said or done.  Being a man or woman means you are responsible for your actions. I am and have been doing this as a tribute to my love for you and your son not to bring you down but to make amends and reconciliation with you. I do love you.

1 Peter 4:11-13

¹¹ If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.  ¹² Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. ¹³ But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed

Ephesians 2:16

¹⁶ Together as one body, Christ reconciled both groups to God by means of his death on the cross, and our hostility toward each other was put to death.

^{Rachel this is my second favorite song of all time. When I listened to it, it always made me think of how much I loved you. After my mother died before I came to see you. I listened to it and cried alot and thought about how much I loved you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zZ_X-D57YA}

Last but not least Rachel I have Forgiven you and I love you.  Here is a popular musician who has done the same to the one who hurt her. http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=670873&ocid=ansent11

Imagine: Put Yourself In My Shoes for A Moment Rachel

Dear Rachel,
I don't think you ever stopped to put yourself in my shoes at all. Believe it or not I cared enough about you to respect you and that is why before I walked away from you I asked you truthfully did you want to be with me. I am a man. I was able to take it. Instead you gave me a few days of false hope.  Text me on my job to upset me and didn't even have the courage to talk to me like a woman and just tell me how you felt. Yes I had a nervous breakdown, Yes I wanted to die. Did not mean I was crazy, did not mean I was damaged or unstable.  What was I? I was a man who loved you so much that against all odds and obstacles I loved you and wanted to be with you and you never appreciated that. Even with my mother dying 3 weeks before even she wanted me to start a new life with you. My family believed in you so much Rachel. So first off I am sending all your letters back. I will send you your pictures of Jonathan you sent me. Why have a picture of a kid who you love but whose mother hates you after she said she loved you? I'll send you back your Stompin Tom shirt and the Dawson Creek Tshirt because when you abandoned me they meant nothing to me.  I was wearing the DC shirt the day you abandoned me I was so proud of it and I wore it because I loved you and you ended up stabbing me in the back.  I'll send you back everything because you hate me so much and all I ever did was love you, believe in you and Jonathan, and you can't even make peace with me.  I will continue to write this blog, put up videos, and write songs.  You Church will continue to recieve blessings and good will from me because I don't put down other Christians like you do. I may not agree with them but a couple of my good friends are Catholic , Mormon, and Islamic but I would never do anything to call them stupid, idiotic, or make them feel lesser for their love of God like you did to me Rachel Myatt. You never deserved my friendship or my love. When people read my story online they said the same thing.  Here is a example from one site that had my story online and a comment that was left. http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-A-Broken-Heart/1618978 Rachel Myatt you played with me and my desire to love and find happiness.  I was willing to cross any obstacle, any heartbreak, anything in the way to be with you.  What I got in return was cruelty and put downs. I should have sought revenge on you and got you good is what most people would say. Truth is I love you and Jonathan too much to ever be hateful and hurtful like that so I picked up my pen, my computer, my broken heart and shared this story as many places as I could. Is that a form of revenge? No I wanted you to know just how bad you hurt me, how cruel you were, and that yes I was about to die because the pain from my mother dying and you abandoning me after you said you loved me and wanted to be there for me was too much.  I am not ashamed of what I did.  I was not trying to manipulate you. It is how I felt and it was the truth.  You cruel remarks about me being damaged, sick, mentally ill, and other selfish hateful remarks were just bullshit to make up for your own lies and insecurities.  So now that I have went the world over asking you for forgiveness and showing you I love you. Can you respond? It looks like NO! Why not? It is because you don't even begin to understand the power of forgiveness, God's love, His forgiveness of our sins, or HIS call for us to follow in His footsteps. You let evil win in your life because you are so mean to people all the time. That is why no guy wants to put up with you.  You lie, you are mean to people, you make people hate your religion because you personify it through your own hateful actions. If you want me to prove this I can I can pull up your messenger conversations to me about religion. I am not on here to slander you or put you down. I am just here to make you think.  Even the person who said they hated me and never would talk to me again realized that she was wrong that I loved her for her and I only wanted to see her prosper in life. My ex Girlfriend of 8yrs ago acted much like you did she lives right here in my area but when I came back from Canada she emailed me and we made peace.  She realized taht I saw the abusive relationship she was in and offered her true love and friendship and she chose not to see it.  She told me of all the bad things that happend and I forgave her and asked for her forgiveness. I told her if she ever needed anything I would be right there and that I always loved her and still loved her.  That is the power of forgiveness. This lady lied to me about her age, she was a criminal, she cheated on me, then tried to deny we were going out ever much like you are trying to deny I exist and we ever loved each other. That is ok because even if you don't believe in punishment.  There is such a think as Karma and there is also evil. If you keep doing bad things to other people it will eventually be returned to you. I wish you no harm, no ill will, nothing bad to happen to you or your family but Rachel Myatt one day someone is going to hurt you really bad and you will remember not only that I loved you. I mean truly loved you like a sister, like a best friend, and my confidant.  My love for you and Jonathan is and always Unconditional and I would come back to you in a heartbeat because all that evil that happened I wash away because my love and friendship for you means much more to me than petty things that happened in the past. I am a leader not a follower.  I don't care what others say anymore.  I don't care if you Pastors cant hear or comprehend what I am saying. They keep making excuses for free will. I belive in free will too but I also believe in God's will that trumps my selfish existence and my selfish desires.  If I had of followed my selfish free will then I would have really gotten revenge on you and it would have been in the beginning but the love I have is patient, kind, and long suffering just like my Lord and I am still here Rachel Myatt.  I am ending this today with a song by STARS your fellow Canadians and how you made me feel when you abandoned me. Even after all that happened I am here for you open armed. I care deeply for you I am strong I have overcome it and I still love you. I love all my friends and family but Rachel Myatt how long will you and your family continue to hide. I am not hiding and I am right her in the open. I take full responsibility for everything I write say or send out. I am not afraid. I am unashamed. I love you unconditionally, unwavering, and with the Love of God. I ask you tonight for forgiveness Rachel Myatt pick up the phone or email me at hotmail.  I am not going anywhere and if you want another year of this I will go the miles to let you know I love you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyrfGTYoM_s

To all the Myatts and Friesens I love Rachel Myatt your daughter, grandaughter, mother, sister, aunt, niece, cousin.  I send my love to all of you because I love her.  Blessings to all of you because I love her.  Love of God because it is through Christ I still love and care for her. I am not sorry that I met her, that I loved her and still love her. I apologise for nothing and if God didn't have a reason for this then I wouldn't be here

Can Rachel Forgive as Christ Forgave Us All?

Dear Rachel,

My blog will be plain and simple today. It is about offering forgiveness in the deepest sense. I forgive you because I know in forgiving you I am following Christ example. Its not a petty forgiveness either. I do still love you and I want reconciliation with you not just some cheap words and saying something to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The kind of forgiveness I have for you is true justice what do I mean by the term True Justice?

True Justice means that I am seeking to give you forgiveness as Christ gave us all forgiveness. He said "Forgive them Father, For they know not what they have done" at His Crucifixion.  In this Christ gained true justice to those who tormented and oppressed Him. How you might say.  Jesus didn't seek revenge or want them to "get what they deserve". He could have sent vengeance on all who wished him harm but instead He gave us all His mercy, forgiveness, and His grace.  He died so that we all my live and our sins be forgiven.  That was the ultimate example of True Justice.  It is the kind of justice, love, and forgiveness I am trying to show you Rachel Myatt.

I love you and Jonathan and when you first hurt me yes it was the age old cycle of Eye for an Eye , Tooth for a Tooth that was taught in the Old Testament. It is one of the reasons that people still fight today.  They haven't transcended from the old ways to the ways of Jesus.  The way of Jesus is to love your enemy or to make peace with those who have wronged you.  I have sincerely trying been trying to do that with you for close to a year. I do love you as much as I say I do Rachel or I never would have taken the time or effort to write this blog, start a campaign of love for you, my friends wouldn't be interested in writing the Church.  I wouldn't write letters or still send you things.  The choice is inevidibly up to you dear Rachel. Do you forgive me, talk to me and we slowly rebuild are friendship.  That is what God wants.  That is what Jesus strives for us to do.  Or do you constantly ignore me. Do I keep reaching out to you and you act like you don't hear or see when it is right there in your face that someone loves you, cares for you, misses you, and needs you.  I need you Rachel Myatt.  I always needed you.  I needed you because I believed in you. I needed you because I trusted you. I needed you because I know that you have hurt and been hurt before and that I loved you enough to change that. Look at all I did to get to you and I am still here even after you abandoned me and put me down.  It is saddening and hurtful that you don't respond and that you deny me that peace in my life when I have said my peace and just let you know I love you.  I will continue to write. I am going to start another website to let you and Jonathan know how much I love you and I have been working on my first video to tell the world on Youtube how much I love you. I hope you will like it. Rachel you are my best friend. It feels like we have just been apart for awhile but I can still feel you here. Everyday when I look at your picture I still hear your voice, I still feel your kiss and your arms around me.  I can still see Jonathan's smile and his happiness.  I love you with all my heart and today once again I forgive you. I will not stop asking for your reconcilation and your forgiveness and I will continue to tell my story and ask it worldwide until you speak. I ask you for your forgiveness again today Rachel Myatt. Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Here is a beautiful video that was on youtube about forgiveness I will hope you will take the time to read the message in it because it sort of fits the way I am feeling and the love I have for you Rachel Myatt. Anyone else reading forgive those who have hurt you and be free.  Love them even if they turn a blind eye to you. I will always love Rachel Myatt until the day I die.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D4VMZb8wLY

Every Sunday..............

Dear Rachel,

As you sit in Church every Sunday do you think about what God really wants for you?
Do you think about all the people you have hurt and the situations you have created for yourself and ever wondered how easy it would be to face those people or situations instead of just run  from them. I know I do.  Everything that we leave unfinished and undone is a chance in life we have to better ourselves.  You want to know why all this is happening?  It is happening because God chose to show you love in your life. He showed you a person who loved you unconditionally and then you tore me down.  You hurt the other men in your life but when you hurt me instead of me just walking away angry or trying to get even with you I have something greater than that.  True love.

How easy it would be to pick up the phone, write me a letter, or email me and start talking to me again.  How easy it would be to just make peace.  Instead you have to read this wondering what I am doing next. What am I writing or sending out or planning next.  All that I do is because I love you.  I realized a long time ago in the power of forgiveness, the power of prayer, and the power of God's love first and foremost, we are set free. So while you were taking your Doctrinal class on Free Will the other day think about if God guards mans Free Will then I am free to do as I please to write about you and send out what ever? I believe it is partly my will but I also believe that God has a hand in it. He is the one guiding me in writing this blog right now.  There is a right way to do  this and there is a wrong way to do this and the wrong way would be for me to be consumed by hate and evil and to continually lash out against you and curse you like you did me.  Instead I truly love you Rachel Myatt and I am going to continue to do that regardless if you hear the message or not. I know you hear it but you choose to keep ignoring it.  It will ring louder and clearer in the months to come as I put out my materials for the general public.  Right now I am just creating a buzz and getting people ready for it.  I hope that you never treat another man like you did the ones before me and never again like you did me.  I really and truly love and care for you.  I can't believe anyone would not only destroy a friendship but turn their back on someone they said they loved and would be their for and be so selfish. I will never and would never turn my back on you Rachel Myatt. I love you and Jonathan and I pray everyday for you to be safe and that I love you.  I don't pray for you to come back, I don't pray for you to love me, I just pray for you because I love you two plain and simple.  I have more love in my heart than to just be selfish to people.  I only wanted to be loved after years of abuse, lies, and mistreatment and I believed in you Rachel Myatt.  So while you are sitting in Church today listening to Pastor Glenn remember this one thing.  Are your really living the life God wants you to? Hurting people, not forgiving, putting others down for not believing like you? It sounds pretty selfish and one sided to me and not the side of God. I would and still would put you and Jonathan before myself.  Do you know why I have kept the same picture up on here for the whole year. It was to remind me of  how much I care for you too.  Since you abandoned me its all I have left of the two people I would give my life for. Maybe you didn't believe a man could love you that much or your family didn't under stand but I do feel that way about you.  I love you I hope you think about this today. I hope your day is blessed and I wish the Myatt and Friesen families many blessings and good will of the Lord on this Sunday.

Philippians 2:3-4
³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

I believe in the power of forgiveness and the beauty of the Lord's call to forgive.  So I dedicate this song to Rachel Myatt and her Pastor Coleman Glenn today.  If they read this I cant believe a Pastor would discourage forgiveness as most are happy to encourage it. Its never to late to love, forgive, and make things right while we are still here.  So this song "Big White Gate" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals is my song to both of you today. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4bCnoqutHk&feature=related
Also "Your Beautiful Name" by Zoegirl if either you have doubted my love for God, Rachel or Pastor Coleman ,or my sincerity in my writings this whole time.  My heart is and always be with the Lord and I will die for my faith. I will love my friends and family with all my heart and I will love Rachel Myatt until my last breath. That is not hurt, not harrassment, not hate. Its real love. Gods Love http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftk_YSFnyT0

Break the Cycle (lyrics )

These are the lyrics for one of the songs I am set to perform for my album "Letters to Rachel"
the song is called "Break the Cycle" it is about forgiveness, unconditional love, and true friendship. No matter how Rachel treats me I will always call her sister, I will always call her friend, and I will always love her.  I only wish that she had of thought enough of me to care and return the same.

Break the Cycle from the A Chapter of Fault release "Letters to Rachel"

Father, Father  what do I do.
When I put all my trust in you.
There is someone that I continue to love
Should I give in to hate? Should I just give up?
Every night I am down on my knees asking you for the answer
You already know what is in my heart because you put it there forever after.

I don't want to hurt her but it seems like a broken record now
I really miss her and revenge is always the easy way out
I wonder what she is thinking does she miss me, does she think of me.
Will she ever love again? Will I ever love again
I know one thing is sure and that is that I can't go on like this any more.

I can't deny her the love in my heart
I would walk an endless road if it would heal the wounds that bind me
I will never submit to wishing her any harm
If I turn my back on what I feel evil will be forever blinding
I want to stop it all and walk away from the pain that keeps us apart
Like stained  glass crashing through the window of a sanctuary
I want to Break the Cycle of malevolence and show her Love ALWAYS WINS

Does she sit alone at night and think of all the smiles and laughs we shared
When I was holding her did she know I thought an angel was there
No woman ever made me feel the way she did and she meant the world to me
There will never be another that makes me even want to believe
All God's grace shined on us
In a moment it was all falling down and turning to dust
He lifted me up like a phoenix and in you girl I still believe in
His cross is the one I carry
I won't stop loving you even when the burden of pain has buried me

I want to write your name across the sky and count every star
What will it take to let you know just how beautiful I think you are
I see your insides and all the ugly places in your soul
But still I love you and its with you I want to build my heart and my home
My heart stopped  beating the day you left me I lost all vitals
God loved me so much He said "You cant give up Break the Cycle and believe in love"

bridge
Sometimes when things look brightest, darkness falls and puts us to the test
He that loves us most wont let us walk with our His help or His eternal guidance
I fell to my knees and asked HIM to give me strength to still love you
Until my dying day I will call your name and hope eventually you will call my name back out too...

Rachel I love you,  Rachel I love you..................................No one else I could give my heart too

Christ you died and forgave my sins why cant she forgive me
You gave me the foresight to spread love for her so ever faithfully
I will go to hell and back just to prove my point and maybe you will see
God gave me a love for you that transcends all time, space, and in you I do believe
I will never turn my back on a precious love that at one time got misconstrued
I am still your friend, you brother, and I will never turn my back on you

So Rachel as you are taking your next step
Know God wants me to love you until I fall asleep in death
Even then my heart will still belong to you.  Not even sleep would stop my love so true
I watch as you roll your eyes and walk away
You never understood as you saw my heart break
The keys I left unlocked to an open door
The love I had for you was the prize that God has in store
So now I walk alone with a broken soul
The person who I need and care about most
Won't grant me the wish of forgiveness
She is now my enemy and my rival
All I wanted to feel complete is to Break the Cycle


(Scream verse)
Break the Cycle......................................
Love will Triumph.............................
Gods Love is Eternal.......................................

end coda in D major

Dear Rachel did you go to your doctrinal class on free will at Church today? Well just like you I have free will and I am using it to love and forgive.  What are you using yours for?