Rachel and Jonathan

Rachel and Jonathan
I Love you and Always Will

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Words Left Unsaid

Dear Rachel,

Its been over a year and maybe you are finally beginning to realize how much I care for you. I do not want you to think you are the only person I have gone out of my way to show that I love them but you are probably the one that has meant the most.  First of all Rachel I made a promise to you though God.  In my opinion that is a sacred and holy promise and I cannot break it.  I take any words using God and Promise very seriously.  I also am sure and have always been honest about how I felt about you. I did love you as my best friend. I told you the only person I loved with the friendship as close as you was my friend Scott and I tell you and him about everything.  You were not only my best friend, my sister in Christ, my girlfriend.  Rachel you were my confidant. The one I trusted my secrets with.  It seems I had to tell the whole world about what went on between you and I and spill my painful soul just to let you know that I am serious and for real. You know what though Rachel? A real man doesn't have to hide. I will open my closet and tell the truth for anyone as long as it means making peace with someone I love.  I am unapologetic about my life, I am always willing to tell those I love anything. I am not sorry I told you so much about me because the love I had for you was a love of trust, honesty, and unconditionality.  The love I have for you and Jonathan is priceless.  I know maybe you wish I would just go away and you are thinking to yourself would he just give up already.  I am far from done because God has put me on this path.  I will not forsake Him or doubt Him.  If you want to continue and ignore me, not contact me, hate me, let your family or yourself keep from having me back in your life cool.  My friends and family have more faith in you than that. They believe that you will eventually see how much I love you and contact me.  Until then I will just keep being a soldier and keep professing my love and good will toward you.  I hope your day is blessed and that all the Myatts and Friesens are blessed. I love you Rachel and I love Jonathan and I wish nothing but good things for you.



If you recieved a copy of the book "Rat Girl" by Kristen Hersh  I hope you humored me and took the time to read it.  I wanted to show you that even people who have mental illness can become great people. Just because you and I don't have an illness doesnt mean you should make fun of others who do. When you said that about me it was very hurtful and disrespectful. My medical history has never diagnosed me with being mentally ill. I was grieving and you were not truthful with me so I was overwhelmed with not only pain from losing my mother but my supposed girlfriend not being honest with me.  Kristen Hersh is a mother, a musician in 2 bands and a solo artist, an artist, and an author.  She has a mental illness but it never stopped her from being the best she could be.  I really wanted you to think about how cruel you were being not only to me but to others when you say things about people like that.  I have actually worked with and lived with people who were diagnosed with mental illness and I had to take care of one.  You would never know how shocking, cruel , and disrespectful your words were to me at the time of hurt but I forgive you and I still love you. I was at the drive through window of a restaurant this morning and the young lady asked me how my day was. I told her it was fine I asked the same she said it was ok but her week had not been so great I asked her what was wrong? She said her co-workers were making fun of her and were disrespectful. I told her not to pay so much attention to what they say and the only one who can continue to let it get to you is yourself I told her to be thankful that she had a job and she replied yes and then I asked her to pray about it to God.  Then her attitude seemed a little better. Rachel uplifting people, encouraging them, and letting them know they are loved is what we should be doing with are lives not hurting, being unforgiving, and being enemies but if that is what you want to continue to do with me when you know how much I love you thats fine. I wont be that way  I wanted to share with you my favorite song by Throwing Muses with Ms. Hersh the lead singer and guitarist.  Its called "Shimmer" its one of the best songs ever and it is an example of how people shine even with differences, disabilities, and obstacles.  I love you and I want your forgiveness and for us to talk and get to know each other again but that choice is yours.  I love you Rachel Myatt and I won't stop or give up on you or Jonathan you both mean something to me. All I ever wanted was for you to love me and accept me for who I was as I did you and believe in me as I did you. You are close to your mother and one day she will die and you will remember that you could have been kinder to me because I loved you and my mother did too and all she wanted was for her son to be happy and you made me happy Rachel Myatt. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_NQe5Qo8JY

Romans 15

 1 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2 Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. 3 For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”[a] 4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.
 5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
 7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Rachel this was the kind of unconditional love I have and still have for you. I wish you could look into your heart and see that I truly do love you and care after all this time and hurt. Come back to me dear sister.  I have an empty place in my heart without you.

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