We are all imperfect, We are all beautiful, We can all change

I wanted to write a quick blog to you tonight dear Rachel and hope that this will resonate with you and anyone who reads this tonight.

Matthew 7:2
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you

We as humans spend so much time finding fault, differences, imperfections, and judging people that we miss the whole point of God's mercy, love, and grace.   We were forgiven though Christ sacrifice so that we could be instruments and vessels of His great love.  Yet nowadays people are so quick to judge whether it be religious, ethnic, political, or other superficial things. We miss out on the opportunity to just love and know special people. 

Rachel Myatt I love you and always will.   There was nothing that would keep me from loving you and nothing did.  I didn't care that you were white, that you had a child, that you were brought up of a different faith than I was.  My relationship is with God and I wanted that bond to be strengthened between us.  I accepted your faith, I accepted you for who you were, I can't love anyone else like I love you.  I won't go on in this blog about all the things that you found wrong with me and made excuses for not loving me.  I just will say that a person who is selfless and who truly gives of themselves will look past many things and actually take the time to love someone because in that we find our true friends, family, and partners in life.  I would have waited years to marry you because I love you and our friendship was priceless. I am still your friend.  My heart is still with you and I don't know what else to do but to unleash this campaign of love so that you know that a man is serious about wanting to love you and that my love has never changed for you.  Once again tonight I ask for your forgiveness, I ask that you pick up the phone soon and call, and my prayers are with the Myatt and Friesen families.  I love you Rachel and Jonathan more than you will ever know.  I ask people to pray for our reunion and our acceptance of each other back into each others lives everyday.  I don't give up my dream of coming to worship with you and be with you and I refuse to do anything but tell the story of what happened to me with you.  I respect your Church I just want you to respect my feelings and understand that for every action there is a reaction and for everything we do there is a consequence if it is good it most likely will serve the common good but if it is evil then you can't hide from that because it most likely leads to more evil.  I chose to put that feeling aside and just love you.  I know deep in your heart you love me and you are afraid to show it whether it be family, relatives, friends or your own pride.  I know you care and so I pray and believe. 
Amen.  

Rachel,
I wanted to make a point. If we made peace and cared about each other again you would be free. You wouldn't feel like you had to hide everything on the internet.  You wouldn't wonder what I'm doing, who I am writing, what is being put up on the internet or in public.  We would be friends and love each other. You would not have to hide or be in bondage.  I miss hearing about your day.  I miss you.  I miss sharing music with you.  I have a picture of you and Jonathan by my bed and I never stop thinking about how much I love you.  I went to the mall today and they have a Lego Discovery Land and I thought had we been together you and Jonathan and Amanda and Riley and could all come visit me and the boys could go.  You were the one I wanted to have as my family. You are my family.  You are one of my dearest friends.  I have never hated you.  I have hurt and wanted you to hurt like me but I have always loved you and I was upset because it seemed you didn't appreciate that love and that is why I lashed out at first.  Now I am on a mission and all I want is to hear your voice again and to have you as my dear friend again.  I am done with the past I forgive you 1000x over everyday.  I love you and I just want you to contact me and lets end this. 
Here is a video that goes good with this thought. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ka7TQPwGVI
God Bless

Forgiveness is Golden

Dear Rachel,

The life we live is short if we had forever then maybe we as people would be less selfish with who we are and our time.  The one thing I know from experience is that holding grudges against people and losing valuable time with people who love us is a sad thing.  I have spent the past 9 months almost trying to get you to know how much I truly love you.  If you didn't mean a thing to me then I would have cursed you and moved on.  The fact is Rachel people around me have never seen me love anyone so much and it is that love that is about to explode and blossom around the world.  To any of my readers who want to help the Love Revolution please leave me a comment or contact and I will get back to you.  I have nothing but love for Rachel Myatt and some of you reading this may sometimes think I hate her or are bitter towards her.  The fact is there was a time when I felt that way.  I wanted her to suffer and to get revenge but God gave me solace, peace, serenity, and a never give up attitude that is second to none.  He through His word has taught me to be patient, kind, and long suffering especially with Rachel.  He has given me the means through this platform and others to love Rachel from a distance but slowly let her see how great that love is and others around her to see that love also.  My tone in the last couple of blogs has become one of calm, peace, and reality settling in.  The reality is that I love Rachel so much and to give up on her would not be what God wants me to do. Some people put their faith in their free will forgetting if they believe in a higher power that without that faith and guidance there would be no free will.  You are always free to hurt people, free to love, free to help, and free to make choices.  The choices you make will shape your life forever.  I choose not to give up on Rachel Myatt and if it takes another year of campaigning, writing books, blogs, and to give all I can to show her I love her I will.  I am really into my music and writing songs that will be the album about her.  I have so many great ideas.  How could a person not know how much you love them? They choose not to see it.  They choose to try to look past it.  I have given this person my heart, my soul, and shared my body with her. There is a bond that can never be broken yet she runs from it.  I love her and her son with all my heart and for me to deny that love would be criminal.  Rachel my dear I ask of you today once again to forgive me.  I am and always will be in love with you. No woman will ever be a better friend to me than you.  No one will ever be able to make me smile like you do. Lay down your arms, your weapons, your insecurities and come back to my heart.  You are my best friend in Christ, the love of my life, and the most important person to me alive.  God would never instill anything selfish in me He has only given me love.  In the next couple of weeks you will see how much people love me and how much they want you to forgive forget and take me back into your life because they have never seen a person with so much love and determination for someone who loves someone else even after that person devastated and tore them apart.  All that was in the past is in the past.  I will continue to forgive you and welcome you back with open arms.  I pray that you and your family be blessed today dear Rachel Myatt.  I pray that all my readers be blessed and that you pray for me and believe in the love I have for Rachel.  Even if you don't leave a comment just say a prayer for Rachel and I.  I believe in her and I will never stop.  



Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life.




I wanted to dedicate this song to today Rachel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsepQNIVA8w

I love you my friend and I wont let evil and hate ever overtake me and give up on you.

Dear God: Letting My Soul Run Free

Dear God,

Today I wanted to write this blog to tell you, Rachel, and all my readers some things.  In the next couple of weeks and months I will be engaging in things that will be centered around letting Rachel know that I love her.  At first when they happen they may upset her because she may not understand the reality or the purpose in me doing them.  I have close friends who are helping me and it will be something that will be done on a worldwide scale.  I love Rachel and if she has any love in her heart for me I ask that she put aside her pride and come back to my heart.  I never have nor want to do you harm I am just trying to show you without a doubt that I do love you. Even through all the messed up things we did and said to each other I could never stop loving you. I will not give into the evil.  What I will do is show the world that my heart is pure in my love for you and even though at times it seems when I write I am making you out to be a bad person it is just not true. I see all the beautiful things and all the good that you have to offer and you never gave me that credit Rachel.  You were my closest dearest friend.  I shared things with you that I would never share with even my other close friends.  We had a bond and love for each other that was special and I would never have come so far or loved so deeply if I didn't truly believe that.  What I do know is that what I am doing is God's will.  I have known from the day I saw your face dear Rachel and so now I am just going to put it out in the open. When all the people around the world see how much I love you then maybe you will open your heart to accepting me back.  I thought I deserved your love, your time and attention and you made me feel as such always.  Then you ran scared, cursed me, put me down, and sent me into a deep depression I thought I would never recover from.  God would not allow me to fall that far and He carried me the whole time and instilled a love greater than you could ever imagine in my heart for you.  I could hate you, I could blast you and keep going on about all the things you did but you know what? That shows a person of miserable existence so what I am doing from this day on is just showing the world how much I love you.  You will never know what I am doing, what I am passing out, what I am distributing, writing, singing, or doing because you wont just pick up the phone or email me.  I want this to end Rachel but I know it wont until you realize that someone truly loves you.  All the other women in my life I have been able to walk away and get over but you are special. You are someone God gave me the will to fight for, to love, and to face incredible odds.  Think for one moment about all that I had to go through to get to you, what man who didn't love you would fight and struggle to be yours.  You are everything I want, everything I desire, and everything I need.  I still want to worship with you.  I still want you and Jonathan to be my family.  I still want your forgiveness, your love, and to renew the deep friendship we once had. I will love you forever Rachel Myatt and you can take it however you want to.  I will keep writing,  I will keep believing in you, I will keep caring, and keep loving you.  You can choose to ignore it or you can be the person you were meant to be and be true to what your faith is about.  Giving to others unselfishly, unconditionally, and give yourself fully to Christ.  I gave of myself to you even when there were others.  My own selfish desires were never part of our relationship. When I was lonely and couldn't be with you and other women offered me comfort and companionship I only thought of how much I loved you and despite having a temporary fix for my desires I never once thought of cheating on you or being with anyone else.  I held my vow of celibacy for you.  You are special, You are the one I want and need Rachel Myatt.  I ask of you God today to let Rachel and her family read this and see me in a new light. I ask that you instill in her heart the insight and knowledge of how much I truly love her and this love that you have given me for her.  I ask that you bring out the best in Rachel and reveal her true loving nature and spirit and take away what fears, insecurities, and pain she has from her past to let her know that a man is willing to go to the edge of the earth to love her and no matter what happened in the past I still love her with all my heart.  The choice is yours Rachel.  My heart is with God and my heart is with you.  You can see what I am  doing as an attack on who you are, be offended, hide, deny me your love, and whatever it is that people who can't see the truth do.  I walk in the light,  I walk in Gods love.  I forgive you, I have forgotten most of the hurt.  I am going to focus on letting you know how much I love you through prayer, music, spoken word, writing, and others letting you know how much I care for you.  I pray that you and your family Rachel Myatt have a blessed day.  I pray that my readers have many blessings bestowed on them and thank God for all the blessings He allows us each day. I want to say thank you and AMEN

I love you this song is dedicated to you today http://new.music.yahoo.com/kim-fox/tracks/little-piece-of-heaven--44288784

Rachel I ask you to look back on all the good things that were in our friendship and relationship and was the reason you ran because you realized that I truly loved you when the others did not. I love you whole souled and with all my heart and maybe you will never get it but that is how I feel. I know you still love me too because you care enough to be hiding from it. I just want you to know my arms are always open as my heart is waiting for you to come back.  I believe in you. Unconditional love never goes away. God loves us unconditionally why cant you show the same love towards me?

Power of Prayer and "The Secret"

Dear Rachel,

Today so many of my friends tell me they have prayed for me today.  They pray because they love me and they pray that you will realize what kind of person I am and how much I love you.  When you have been hurt and not truly loved by someone of the opposite sex I feel that it can be hard and I realized that it hit you like an atom bomb that hey this guy is really in love with me and maybe that is why you bailed.  You saw your freedoms going out the door being attatched to me and thinking that it wouldn't work but the fact is you didn't even try and now you are seeing how much I do care about you. I mean in a few weeks you will know "The Secret" it will start popping up everywhere and things you wouldn't expect me to do to show you I love you will appear.  You mocked me when I said I loved you and I was not going to stop well here we are baby. Worldwide, out in the open, and live in Technicolor.  The funny thing is Rachel is that you probably are just living your life thinking soon I will just give up and go away. No after what you did to me I will never give up and give in to hate, fear, or despair again.  My inspiration is the Lord Jesus Christ, The Bible, all the people who suffer more than I do who accomplish things with little to nothing that are incredible i.e disabled people, poor people who make themselves rich, missionaries of God, children with life threatening diseases, cancer survivors.  That is the not give up attitude I have about loving you Rachel so if you and your family are reading this then that is where my heart is. God gave me this love and He is not going to let me give up on you.If anything when I am done you will speak to me and we will be at peace but for now know that I love you with all my heart and when "The Secret" gets out you will wish that you had of spoken to me beforehand because it will all fall back on you.  Have a blessed day. Thanks to all my readers also.  ?PA,USA?

This is from Chauncey Giles one of the Heart and Souls of the New Church of Jerusalem in which Rachel belongs to. When I needed her she wouldn't pray with me. She refused and said she didn't feel comfortable praying my way. Yet she prayed the Lords Prayer all the time and while that was the prayer I prayed all the time when I was little it was even up on my wall between a picture of two Angels Dr. Giles had this point right and maybe Rachel will read this and take key about prayer.

Prayer from doctrine, or faith alone, becomes formal and mechanical and essentially hypocritical, though there may not be any conscious desire “to be seen of men.” It is hypocritical because there is no meaning in it. We continue to pray because we have formed a habit of praying or because others pray. Neither the affection nor the thoughts rise to the Lord. No honor is ascribed to Him, no sins are confessed to Him, no help is asked from Him. There is no spiritual, and but little, if any, natural life in this formal devotion. If the words could have been uttered by a machine there would have been just as much prayer in them. They are repeated by machines.

I love you Rachel. God is calling you to be loved by someone who loves you. I can live without you, I am fine without you, I am not fine not doing God's will and that is why I continue to love you, and believe in you, and never give up on you. My will before I met you was to be a musician, a personal trainer, maybe a teacher or Radio Personality then I was transformed with unselfish love to give up all I had to be with and love you and Jonathan. If you cant see how much I love you then I don't know what more to tell you. I will continue to show you where my heart is and it is with the Lord. Its about our spiritual relationship with Him and I wanted to share in that relationship with you. I won't turn away from you.

I dedicate this song to you today Rachel.  I love you with all my heart and once again I ask for your forgiveness and seek it in God's name for every victory, every blessing, and every moment of joy we have is because of Him.  This is the perfect song to tell you I have always loved you and will continue to be in love with you even if you keep your back turned http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_jMpzaHRec

Prayer for the one I love

Dear Heavenly Father,

I ask for you to give me serenity, kindness, insight, and hope today. I ask that you help me to continue loving Rachel Myatt even if she doesn't realize how much I really do love her.  I ask that you will lead her heart to forgive her as I have forgiven her many times over and for her to see that through your sacrifice and forgiveness of our sins that we have been able to live our lives whether it be selfishly or altruistically for others.  I pray you will never let me slip into evil and curse her but continue to show an open heart full of love and welcome arms.  I want Rachel to know that I love her and Jonathan with all my heart and my Lord, my God, My Savior will answer my prayers and help Rachel to see that my love is from you.  Your promise is true and your love is unconditional. I ask you bestow nothing but blessings on Rachel, The Myatt and Friesen Family and to anyone in her circle of love ones.  I thank you for all my friends, family, and those who support me and for giving me the strength to love those who are unkind or who deny me the chance to be in their lives. Thank you for all that you give us each day Father. I humbly ask that which my Lord chooses to bless me with today in Christ name.

AMEN

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” - John 3:17

Rachel my heart is with you always and I wish you would lay down the walls of anger, frustration, and pain and come back to my heart.  I have done the things I have done to you to others in order to show them I love them. At first they are overwhelmed and cant believe it but once they have time to think that I could ignore them, blow them off, and just leave they stop and think about it. They never have seen someone with so much dedication and love and sometimes they think its crazy but they realize I truly do love them. I love you more than anyone I have ever loved.  Ive lost and loved plenty of people but none were worth fighting for like you. The more you push me away the more I will do and the greater my love will be. Please don't continue depriving me of you or Jonathan's love I care about you so much and I will do what I have to to show you that I am still here, still serious, and my heart belongs to you.

Maybe You Didn't Think : Part Deux

I would like to start this off and say Rachel that if I didn't truly love you I wouldn't be doing this. I don't waste time or energy on people who I don't care about so however you are feeling about me and my campaign to show you I care at the moment I want you to know it is not done out of revenge or some silly need to see ill things happen to you it is being done because the person who I love and believe in is still in my heart and to subside to evil would be to stop loving you and walk away from how much I care about you. That being said I am also not a doormat or someone who is to be walked on and so you will have to excuse me for believing in myself and the ability to love that God has given me.

First of all Rachel Myatt if it is you looking at the picture of you and me I wondered why you would take that with someone who you didn't want to stay in a relationship with.  I was proud to be your boyfriend, have you as my closest friend, and I would introduce you and be proud to be with you anyplace anywhere.  It seemed you were ashamed of me.  It seems you keep looking at the Maybe You Didn't Think blog and maybe you are trying to gather things from it that I did and hold water against me. Or using the picture against me.  Go ahead your choice. You never thought that someone would actually love you and care about you this much did you? Can you for one second think that maybe this guy really loves me and that I should talk to him and make things right? Remember when you were breaking my heart when you said I was strong and that I would be OK? Well hear I am a fighter and I am strong, confident, and back at the top of my game. Why cant you accept that I truly care about you. If I wanted to really do things to sully your name or hurt you I would of. I haven't I've told a truthful story, I have made it an expression of art and literature, and I even put it out in the open with God via your faith because you wouldn't stand up to me in private. I tried to keep this between us and it was your choice to not respond.   I stand by everything I have done and I have friends and family who are there for me.  I am expressing my feelings something people in free countries such as the U.S. and Canada are welcome to do.  You did and said so many things to hurt me and put me down I really don't care if any of this hurts your feelings or messes with your livelihood.  You didn't care about my feelings when I came 1949 miles from the U.S. to be with you and faced all sorts of obstacles including the death of my mother and I still loved and wanted to be with you and I let nothing stand in the way of that. So if you are on here trying to gather information on me because I am writing and passing out material you don't like go ahead. You slandered me and broke my heart I am not trying to slander you I am telling a true story and I have the emails, text conversations, and correspondence to back it up.  You wanted to pretend I wasn't your boyfriend and that we never existed but what this is pushing you to do is realize the seriousness of everything you did and said.  I went to the Church because of my faith and love for God and I have only begun to spread my story.  I will continue to do things in my legal power not because I wanted to do this to hurt you but because I love you as any of my friends will tell you and some of them have and you just sent their letters back.  I will use them as proof and all the the things you said to me if you try to make me out as a criminal for using my blog, music, and writing ability to express myself.  You had the chance to make amends with me, I asked for your forgiveness, peace, and for us to talk amicably.  You wanted to be selfish and live your life according to Rachel and not to love others and that is fine you just chose to bring me into the equation and then play with my want to have a family and you never knew how much that meant to me so I am going to continue letting people know my story.

1. You never appreciated my love, my friendship, and my dedication to you.

2. You never knew how much I wanted to worship and be a family with you and Jonathan

3. You didn't communicate your feelings with me when I tried to communicate mine to you

4. If you truly believed what your faith and religion is about you would have forgiven me and made peace with me by now.

5. You said you accepted me but you never did all you ever did was find faults and differences with me and call me weird instead of love me for who I was.  I love you for who you were and I never held anything against you till now.

6. You couldn't even pray with me when I needed you to pray with me.  It wouldn't of mattered if it was the Lord's Prayer or whatever as long as it was a Christian prayer I was supposed to be with my closest friend and girlfriend and you didn't even care enough to put your religious bigotry aside to have unity with me.

7. Everything happens for a reason. I am ten times stronger than I have ever been and in the past 9 months have kept having adversity and pain thrown in my face but through all this even if you ignore me, get mad, cant forgive.  I love you Rachel Myatt and Jonathan Myatt with all my heart and that will never change so I am going to say this to you.


You can sue me, ridicule me some more, tell other people whatever ill things you told Reverend Coleman and others about me, you can think of me as sick, wounded, damaged and all those cruel words and names you had for me when I just needed your love, compassion, and understanding.  I don't care.  I still love you and when God, When Christ Jesus gives us fire in our hearts for someone who has wronged us to go on loving them then that is all we can do.  There is so much good in my heart and so much love left for you.  I will only continue to do what I have to worldwide and all over even if it means making videos, songs, and traveling around the world to tell you how much I care.  You abandoned me and left me for dead.  I never abandoned you and I never will.  I wont give up on my friend and people I truly love and if you don't believe it then wait to see what happens in the next couple of weeks and months.

I want to end this with I love you and if anyone who knows Rachel, family, friend, or anyone can get through to her to make peace with me then my prayers are in your hands but most importantly this is and always has been about God.  Rachel I never would have said I loved you or had to tell another woman I needed to be with you if my heart wasn't with the Lord. Still you ignore me, you shun me, and you doubt that I will do the things I say and here I am 9 months later with a full out love assault that will only get bigger.  One phone call is all it will take and not one from a Private Number :( I wont answer.  Anyways I love you Rachel Myatt the choice is yours.  Be selfish, get mad because I am doing what I am saying, try to sue me or prevent me from telling the truth on here and I will just present the truth in as many ways as I can legally, in words, in pictures, and in proof.  God Bless you I hope soon you will change your heart and mind. 


xoxo

Why I Will Not Be Sorry

Rachel, I was a true friend to you and loved you beyond compare. Many guys get infatuated or obsessed with women and I am too old for that. I loved being your friend and your boyfriend but I wanted to be your boyfriend because of the friendship we had.  I trusted you, I adored you, I liked who you were as a person.  It seemed you never gave me the same credit.  I have been trying for months to try to make peace with you because I do love you.  So from here on out I wont apologize or even let you know what I am doing.  You will just see things happen.  In your city, In your world, on the internet.  I love you and all I wanted was for us to make peace.  I have made peace with so many people who I have had problems with but it means more to make peace with you then all of them.  It seems that you cannot open your heart to forgive and forget and I am truly saddened by that.  You had the potential to be so much more if you let go of some of the anger you had especially towards men.  A man comes along and is willing to love you no matter the distance, boundaries, or obstacles and you still treat him like he doesn't exist.  You talked about your baby's daddy more than any woman I know.  He didn't want you he has two other kids and you were a quick lay that turned into something more come on get over it.  You have a blessing with Jonathan and it will always be something you will share but move on.  I was willing to give all of myself to both of you and you didn't appreciate my love, time, or devotion to you.  I am doing lots of things in my life everyday and soon you will see the fruition of what I am doing.  Family, Friends, and concerned parties who were there when you abandoned me will be involved.  You just don't know how many people care about me and I didn't until you dumped me.  I will do my mom justice in her absence and just keep loving you.  Pretty soon your congregation and all family and all those around you will see exactly what kind of person you are and you will have to answer for it.  I am just going to put it out there and I have no qualms, no regrets, and no cares anymore.  You know why because you don't and never did care about me it seems. I am strong, I am a fighter, a loyal friend, and a person who never backs down from the people I love.  I love you Rachel Myatt.  If I didn't I would have told you to bugger off and told you where you could go and what to kiss but when God has a hand in things He wants us to love.  So you continue living your life care free and soon you will get a rude awaking.  I will never threaten you or wish harm to you intentionally but when the writing is on the wall soon I did everything I could to try to get you to make peace with me without going outside the boundaries of you and me and now it had to go outside that.  You have my number it hasn't changed and you have my email neither one of those have changed.  Use this chance to turn this around or you can just see what happens next and be upset when it happens that way because I warned you.  I love you Rachel Myatt its your loss.

This song is for you Rachel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtn_DD28HMo   People keep telling me I should hate you and be cruel and try to get revenge but God is not about that.  God is about forgiveness, redemption, and love so I will keep it up.  I love you that much. 

Rachel this is how high my love for you makes me.  The guitar solo by Nels Cline on this video at the 2:46  mark pretty much is how much I love you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxDJTWee-zY&feature=related   Its beautiful like you.  It exhilarates me. It brings me hope and the only one I love more than you is God.

I Love You Faithfully and Always

I think of you everyday when I listen to this and I hope one day soon you will come back my friend, my sister, my love,  but until then I will do whatever it takes to let you know I love you even from a far.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFUV3nt0_gE  When I was younger and I was sad I would listen to this song.  Kristin Hersh is one of my all time favorite singers and guitarist she also was the front woman for Throwing Muses which influences my music.  Rachel I wish there were some way other than to write this book, make songs, and a blog to let you know how much I love you.  Maybe you weren't ready to be loved unconditionally but I do love you with all my heart. Maybe I talk like I hate you, or that I am mad, no I'm just disappointed that someone who said they loved me so much and cared so much would just let this chance slip through the cracks and be hostile toward me about it.  I put it Gods hands and I will just show my love the best way I know how, through writing, music, and never giving up.  I love you Rachel Myatt.

Life Goes On: Reasons Why I Should Hate you and Reasons Why I Don't

Dear Rachel,
I want you to know this one thing. I am and always be in love with you.  I wanted to start this blog off with a couple of words from my favorite Canadian/American group Arcade Fire. The words are from the song "The Suburbs" from the album of the same name. It is simply these words in the song  " So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I'm still young. I wanna hold her hand, And show her some beauty Before this damage is done. But if it's too much to ask, it's too much to ask. Then send me a son."   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAitZuh4ueg   The reason for everything that is happening to you, the reason I am going to follow through with everything I said I was going to do is because you messed with my dream of being a father.  I loved you and only you,  I never cheated on you, I loved your son and I wanted to have a daughter and a family with you so bad.   I never loved a woman as much as I loved you and I never wanted children with anyone but you.  I will not trust a woman again and I will not love again.  What you did to me was very hurtful, your insults and injury were cruel and untimely considering how much I went through to be with you and all the pain and suffering that I had to endure. My love for you was never a mistake, it was never a joke, and it was pure and true.  I wanted to be your husband and Jonathan's step-dad and love him as my own with no second guesses and no regret and that is how much I loved and still love you.  If what you want is to know that your cruelty, your inability to communicate your feelings, your selfishness, and pride caused someone to not care about others again then let it be known that is how you have made me feel.  I opened my heart to you completely, accepted you whole souled and fully and you abandoned me, ridiculed me, and spit on me when I needed you the most. One day I hope you think you are in love and you get lied to, abandoned, and used like you treated me and I hope you die the bitter for judging me, for pretending to love me, and for treating me the way you did.  Here is a video for the song that I want you to know is my mantra after your treated me like this. Loud and Clear by the Cranberries. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X49ZJ41Q5mY  For pretending to accept me, for pretending to love me, for pretending to want a family with me and for playing with my love.  I should hate you and I wish I could be as pissed off as the words of this song but I will show you the error of your ways shortly with my actions.  I will never wish evil on anyone but I have reached out with you nothing but love from day one and all you did was try to doubt me and not even give yourself a chance at a love more deserving.  So you know what fuck you for not being able to get over Jonathan's dad. Screw you for being in a relationship with me then being a coward and not being able to be there for me when I needed you.  I was there for you always and how will you ever be in a relationship if you cant trust, be there through crises, good times and bad, and whatever may come.  I never ask my mom to die, I tried to talk to you about everything , you held back your feelings so you know what.  You deserve everything that is coming your way.  I gave you every opportunity to be in my good graces and for us to reconcile.  I love that you think that being a country away allows you to hide but in this day and age it doesn't I have all the ammo and the truth I need and I also have God.  So Rachel I should hate you but I don't I will continue to love you.  I will continue to reach out to you.  I will continue to do things that let you know I am out here and I am not giving up what I started . The choice is yours come out of the shadows, make peace with me, and we can talk about things and mend what was broken or watch me set the world on fire with my words and the story of what happened between us.  Think of all the people and how your private life would change, think of how it would be for Jonathan, think of the people talking, think of being a Christian and what it means to forgive, forget, and move on.  I release you from every messed up thing you did and said to me all you have to do is forgive me and do the same.  I love you but I will do whatever it is I have to do because Life Goes On.   You can be in my life or you can become the story that everyone hears about in my life.  Big things are about to happen you cant even imagine.

I used to feel defeated and small to you Rachel this is how I felt after you ditched me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYeGw-bo430 now I am ten feet tall and I am coming for you.  This is for all those you have hurt before and I wont stop till my story and I am on the top. Thanks for fucking me over!!!

Revelations and Revolutions

I want you to to know both Rachel and my readers of this blog that I am doing this because I truly do love Rachel Myatt. Rachel maybe didn't realize how devoted I was at the time.  She is noticing now. I love her with all my heart and I was not going to just let her walk all over my feelings and play games with it but I also do care for her very much.  I want to say this to the Myatt family especially to Jane.  I feel that you didn't feel I was right for your daughter because of my religious views and the thing is I am accepting of Christ and I am not a religious bigot.  My heart is open and Rachel knew I was ready to worship with her.  I also was not myself I was grieving and more quiet and reserved and both you and Rachel should have taken that into consideration when I came. I came because I loved Rachel and wanted to keep my promise to Rachel and to my mother to go be with her.  If I seemed awkward in anyway it was because I was.  I was only half there but Rachel meant that much to me that despite my pain and suffering of losing my mother Rachel was part of the life that would be beyond. So I don't understand it if you had anything against me.  I gave her my all at the time.  Rachel said she would stand up and defend her love for me and the whole time we were arguing on the phone she kept telling me she loved me and I even told her to hang up and go away if I didn't matter and she wouldn't until we had our last and final argument. I haven't stopped loving her nor will I and you are all in for a surprise at what happens next.  I have refrained from putting up more pictures of Rachel and Jonathan out of respect.  I only put this one up to show that I love both her and Jonathan and it was really just supposed to be for Rachel. I have also refrained from the videos on Youtube I was going to put up about the New Church, Rachel's cruelty, and other things.  Here is what you don't get.  This is my story. Rachel can twist it anyway she wants but if she is running, hiding, and shying away she knows that what I have to say is true.  I will not use and have not used anything in my books that wasn't true.  I will not use anything that has not truthfully come from me or Rachel.  My book has not altered any of the email I only want my story to be told so that Rachel knows that I love her and that the damage she has done to not only me but the other men in her life needs to stop.  She complained about men not loving her or wanting to accept her for her or her faith.  I did both and all she did was talk about how different and weird I was as she had done to me about the guy before.  The problem is you Rachel. I am sorry if all you do is look for peoples flaws and are so insecure about other peoples differences then you are being petty.  You said the guy before me couldn't believe in God and would hate God if he was the way you believed in Him.  Its not the New Church theology its Rachel Myatt's theology why do you think I asked Reverend Coleman if your faith was hedonistic.  It was because if you look back at most of the things you have done you have done them selfishly.  You would always talk about the people whose kids you kept and how they hosed you over or were greasy with your time but they did provide you with a means to income and were loyal to you.  You always talked about Amanda in a bad light and I though she is was an awesome sister I would have loved to have her as my sister.  Aunt Brenda never met her but all I heard was you belittling her most of the time.  Anything you didn't agree with me about you wanted to argue about instead of have an intelligent conversation you wanted to prove yourself right.  Who is to say who is right? When you abandoned me you said you wanted to do it without a care.  That was cold, selfish, and already heartless since you dumped me by text.  I just want to say that you are a horrible friend.  You are a dishonest person, you lie, you aren't loyal,  you don't keep your promises and you NEVER DESERVED MY FRIENDSHIP, MY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, MY LOYALTY, OR TO EVEN BE CARED ABOUT BY ME!!!!! Yeah I said it and in the coming weeks myself and other people are going to do things that will show others of how you are.  I love you Rachel but the only way out of this now if for you to talk to me.  Everything that I do to show you that I care and love you is legal.  I don't do this to slander you.  I own the pictures, the story is mine, the music is mine.  I am doing this for one reason only.  I LOVE YOU RACHEL MYATT AND I WANT PEACE WITH YOU AND FOR YOU TO BE BACK IN MY LIFE. I FORGIVE YOU FOR EVERYTHING. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND GOD WILL NOT LET ME GIVE UP ON YOU LIKE I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP ON ANY OF MY FRIENDS,FAMILY, OR LOVED ONES.  YOU WERE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT. You know what though Rachel you probably never will.  You will let your stubbornness and selfishness keep this charade up and you will let me put this book out, my cd and songs about you will be out and then people around you will start looking at you in a very selfish light.  They will see how I reached out to make peace with you and you constantly shunned me and ignored me.  They will see that I even went to the Church and my friends wrote the Church and you and you sent the letters back and your pastor ignored my friends.  You don't care because the bigger it gets it wont matter who it harms or touches because your life is all about you.  You don't live by Christ message or Swedenborg's view of Christ message of giving of yourself to others unless it selfishly benefits you.  If all I was a boyfriend of convenience to you or an over glorified pen pal then you know what FUCK YOU. I said it I cared about you and you need to be told.  I loved you was willing to come give up my life in the United States to be with you in Canada where there was nothing I was used to but I loved you and Jonathan so much that none of that mattered because all I wanted to do was be with you. You played with my want and need to have a family and that was wrong. I won't ever be able to trust another woman and now I don't even know if I want kids cause you FUCKED with me so bad.I adored Jonathan and wanted to be there full time for him. So think about that when you read this or if any of your family members read this.  If anyone from the Dawson Creek New Church reads this then know what kind of person Rachel Myatt is.  She can't forgive, she can't keep her word, she hurts people constantly and even though I forgive her and love her unconditionally she is still hateful, spiteful, and unrepentant.  What kind of Christian message or message of goodwill of any kind is that.  Anyways I have said what is on my mind and now all that I can say is that I did everything to make peace with you. If you think I am harassing you then FUCKING SUE ME!!! You have already taken advantage of me enough. You can't take anything else from me because you did that the day you spit on and disrespected the true love I had for you.  The next steps will be worldwide and out in the open for everyone to see.  I love you, I have no shame, no regrets, and instead of look back I love you and keep looking forward.  What will you do now Rachel? One of these days one of your parents will die and you will want people around you who love you and care about you to be supportive.  That was all I ever wanted from you because I loved you and trusted you with my friendship, my heart, and my love. So I am sorry that you had to be such a selfish, self centered, spoiled cunt who doesn't know how to talk to people, hides behind children and her family because she cant grow up and be her own woman, and who cant be there for people who love you who would be there for you. One day soon some deep shit will happen to you and you will think about me and how all I wanted was your love and you fucked it up.  I apologize to my readers but she needs to hear this.  Just because I am Christian doesn't mean I come without flaws or human imperfections at least I am honest that I have them so I ask God for forgiveness and I even have this song about being human and sometimes having to say what is on our mind about things even if it seems slandering and hurtful. I WANT YOU TO KNOW RACHEL I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS BEING WORLDWIDE AND A LOVE REVOLUTION. I AM EVEN TAKING PIANO LESSONS TO WRITE SONGS ON PIANO. If you think hiding anymore is an option soon people all over will know your name and why because you couldn't forgive, couldn't make peace with someone who loved you and you chose to be cruel, hurtful, and selfish.  The choice was yours and so this is what God has in store for me. Not to hurt you but to teach you to treat people better.  Thanks for your support. I love Rachel with all my heart but I am about to show everyone just how strong I am and how I don't back down. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEv1Ymcb6H0

Today's song to accompany how I feel about Rachel.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rpbtry6Udww

Start Spreading the Love!!!

Dear Rachel and Readers Phase 2 has officially begun. I am happy to initiate it and I thank all the great people in my life who are helping me.  Rachel Myatt what will it take for you to forgive and forget and understand I love you.  Regardless you are going to learn just how strong and how persistent I am.  I hope you are ready for what comes next.

By Any Means: Love Conquers All

Rachel this is fair warning to you.  I am about to do things no man has ever done to show you that he loved you.  You may have put me down, you mocked my pain, my love, and basically made a joke of our friendship and most people wonder why I am not talking ill of you and totally trashing you.  I could get all emo and whiny about it but I don't.  One thing I do as a man is stand by my word.  If you are a wishy washy or someone who can't stand by what they say then that is someone I have no respect for. If you say you love someone then love them and dont play games with them. Don't let others put down your chance for happiness.   I want you to know this.  In the immortal words of the African American Leader and Political Activist Malcolm X.  I will love you strongly, unconditionally, without backing down.  I will do this "By Any Means Necessary"  I mean that from the bottom of my heart and I mean that as the Malcolm X that had become peaceful and began to accept others of different colors and creeds.  The one who took a look in the mirror at how he had been and become a new person.   I too will show you a love that will cross the United States.  Up into the Yukon and Northern Territories of Canada.  I will send word to Toyko and Hong Kong.  I want people to rejoice in my love for you in Sydney, Australia.  I want people in Spain, Portugal, and Morocco to know of my love for you.  Rachel Myatt I love you and despite your treatment of me.  I am going to show you how much someone cares for you.  Maybe the other guys didn't truly care for you but I do.  I pray about it everyday.  God has given me so much strength, friends who don't give up on me, and they encourage me to keep loving you even if I should feel the need to hate you.  You will never bring me down and I will keep going strong.  So keep hiding, keep living your life like nothing happened.  Soon you will see songs, pictures, posters, and an attitude that just wont die.  Ill be talking about the New Church of Dawson Creek in Videos, Articles, and wherever I can and you will realize that your cruel actions to someone who loved you and needed you at the time of grief really did damage and cause pain. Only then will it sink in how evil your actions were and I am full of love for you and Jonathan still.  So you keep pretending it doesn't matter. I haven't lied to you yet about doing things and as long as what I am doing is legal and I get the word out to people I will not stop until we make peace or I am dead.  Dedication,  Love of God, and Devotion.  My other friends who have written you know that because they have seen how much God loves me and lifts me everyday even before I met you.  I pray you come back into my arms and into my heart. I will fight until you do.  God bless you Rachel and my readers please pass this blog onto your friends and if you want to help and be part of my revolution by writing letters for me please leave a comment or contact me for info. Thank you.

Just remember this Rachel. You can run from things you did all your life but if you are a man or woman you will face up to those things so that they wont be a problem.  You made a mess and run from it. I took this whole situation and turned it around where I should hate you and God gave me nothing but love.  In the end you will have to deal with what you have done and the cameras and eyes will be on you. I am not hiding. I'm right here out in the open for anyone to see or anyone who wants to come at me.  You cant break me down because when you kicked me when I was down I will never be that low again.  So think about that Rachel when you read this.

What does it feel like?

I love you my friend but I have done all the talking and trying to work it out with you from this platform so now there will be more proactive writing, campaigning, and doing.  I really wish to make peace with you.

Rachel I wonder what it feels like now that you have had all this time to think about it? Are you finally thinking about the degree of the hurt and the reasons why things are happening the way they are for you? Do you remember how you vainly used God as an excuse to abandon me.  I remember your words so clearly. "You will be alright because God loves you!" Yes He does. I would never use that as a reason to break up or abandon someone especially someone who was in the condition I was in.  How do you feel now when you have to change your whole way of doing things online? Is it strange that you have to hide from someone who was once one of your dearest friends? Is it weird not being able to put things up on Youtube or put simple videos or information about yourself because you think I will find it and use it against you. No that is silly I refuse to stalk you and be childish like that.  I just want you to face up and be a woman to all the people you have hurt, the way you treat men, and the way you constantly hurt people. What do you think about my worldwide campaign? Did you think I was lying?  Did your sister and your aunt get something in the mail pertaining to that? It was addressed from Palm Springs was it not? I told you I was not kidding about the book, the Cd, or the tour. You see Rachel Myatt when you kicked me when I was down, left me for dead, and treated my friendship and love like a joke I became stronger.  I could hate you but that would not be me.  I love you so much and you refuse to see that.  I can't believe the way you tried to make me seem to people just so you could look like your actions were justified.  I admitted the wrong I did and I will always from the bottom of my heart be sorry.  I have asked you many occasions to talk to me, work out our differences, and make peace. This is not about a romantic relationship anymore this about our friendship that was so much more than that. If you hadn't run scared or just been truthful with me in person none of this would be happening to you. Now you have to worry about where you can post things, how you can hide your name, what am I going to post, send out, or pass out next.  It would be so easy just to make peace with me and restore our friendship but no you are too full of pride, selfish, and stubborn to do that.  You think that what you did was right and you could just live your life up in Canada with no consequences.  Well I am here to tell you that the power of word, the internet, music, and determination is going to prove you wrong.  If anything if you loved anyone you would think about Jonathan and how you affect him with this.  What if I was a jerk and posted up pictures with him on them besides my loving tribute to both of you on my blog.  I care too much about both of you to ever do something like that.  I have done nothing but accept you, love you, and care about you even with your insistence not to talk to me and ignore me.  It is cool Rachel Myatt soon more will be out in the open and more people will be exposed to the story. All I wanted was peace with you personally but you just wont let that be.  You want it to be a worldwide international thing and all you had to do was put aside pride, insecurity, and just love.  You cant do that because you dont even love yourself.  You find fault with others to make up with what you are lacking.  I know your kind because they are and were the bullies I have dealt with.  I don't know what else to say but that I love you and I gave you every chance to keep this between us and now it is going to video and beyond.  I wish you would let go of what ever animosity and hurt you still hold on too and just come back to my heart, my love, and my friendship. I would have loved for you to come to the states and go to Warped Tour June of this year as Against Me as one of the headliners. It is hard for me to listen to them without thinking about how much we once loved each other and how you were just able to treat me like I don't exist. I tried so hard my friend it seems my plea for peace still falls on deaf ears. I pray this week you will email or call even more so than others but if you don't I have more stuff going out and up on the internet to be a part of my campaign.   May God bless you and lead you back to a true friend if not I will keep putting the word out there and letting people know

P.S the Letters to Rachel Cd will be available in its finished form in September to mark the one year anniversary of the dissolution of our friendship. I will post other songs in July and August as teasers and make the RM ep available online.  I am hard at work in my studio at home with guitars, keyboards, and a lot of surprises. This is a revolution for someone I love and with the story I have to tell she will realize how bad she treated me and all I did was give her a true friendship and a love like no other.  This is what she wants though. Everything is written, produced, and performed by me and the songs are taken from direct experience with Rachel everything is based on truth and from the heart.

To The Myatt Family.

I wanted just to write a quick blog and a quick message to you all.
I will never give into hate or not offer my forgiveness and I will continue to love Rachel and others who abandon me, ridicule me, or forsake my love and friendship. I could have just let go and gave up. I could have turned to drugs and alcohol to relieve the pain. I chose to heal my pain and become stronger through prayer, exercise, helping others, and music.  I am a fighter and that is what Rachel did not understand.  I get knocked down and God lifts me up even higher. He has given me the will to do what I am doing and the love. I wont turn my back on Rachel like she did to me. My heart resides with God.

Rachel Myatt I love you with all my heart and we had one of the closest deepest friendships I have ever had in my whole life.  I don't know why you chose to run like you did and I don't know why you did it at such a time when I needed you. I never ask for much and hardly ever need anyone but God but I needed you.  I love you more than words can say and I would have always been there for you and Jonathan.  I am not doing any of this to hurt you but I am doing this because you hurt me greatly and just abandoned me.  I would do anything if we could put this all behind us and be in each others life again.

Jonathan Myatt.  I wanted so bad to be your stepdad and I wanted to spend my days loving you and your mother.  I wanted to play Legos, read to you, help you with your homework, take you to whatever sport or be there to support you in any interest that you had.  I wanted to dream and be there with you.  I am sorry that your mother didn't and doesn't know how much I love her. I will always love you and for the time you were in my life it was amazing.


Jane and Howard Myatt.  I loved your daughter with everything I had.  There were times when she was very cruel and said things to upset me but I know that a true love, a Christian love will surpass that all. I have that love for her.  I still love her with all my heart and if you as parents wanted your children to be loved by someone who was truly in love with them then you didn't really know how much I loved Rachel. My idol childish threats of death and of pictures I would never take of her were stupid and they were only attempts to get back at her for her cruelty at the time. I asked for her forgiveness which she seems not to be able to give. I apologized and asked for it many times over and have made my peace with the Lord.  Jane I let you see inside of me but it was only a little bit.  It was the reserved person that had just been through a disaster and isn't quite sure if it is done yet.  That is how I felt after I lost my mother and it made me a little sad to be with the woman I love, her mother, and her son and not make me think about how much I loved my mother.  There was nothing wrong with me but grief.  I had to come to terms with alot of things especially my father who never told my mother how much he cared until she was unconcious and almost dead and that is why I told you about the relationship I had my father. He did not define me nor am I some person that harps on peoples inability to realize what a beautiful person I am.  He didn't start till I was in my 30s and he is just now beginning to see how the weird little boy who refused to be shaped into who he wanted me to be was better being himself.  Howard I will just say that I am sorry that I didn't get to know you. I would have liked to have a male figure around to do things with and have adventures with, get you down here to see Nascar and lots of other cool things that my father would never do with me.  I had nothing but respect for you and that is from the bottom of my heart and I am glad that I got to meet you. If being a husband and father was a corporation then I would want to be the CEO of loving and caring for Rachel and Jonathan. That is how much I love your daughter Howard and Jane. If I could tell you in a song how much I love Rachel still and how she made me feel it would be this song.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvbErM6ZTBA 

Amanda Myatt.  I thank you for your kindness.  For being interested in knowing about me and if I could of had you for a sister you would have been the coolest.  I wanted to get to know your children because when Rachel took me to the airport and Riley was with us I really enjoyed having him along he was super cool and when I left and Rachel and I were saying our goodbyes he even wanted to group hug.  That is what this is all about family.  I wanted you and Rachel and everybody as my family.  My friends are my family and you guys were someone I felt comfortable with that I could grow to love and be with.  I want to apologize for any inconvenience that I made for you sending you letters and things for Rachel.  I still have one gift to send you the shirt I had for you and I hope soon I will be able too.  I want you to know I love you and I wish nothing but good will for your family and your relationship.


I love you Rachel Myatt with all my heart and I put my faith in God that you will put down your arms and your family will read this and reconsider what they think about me and understand that I am a man who truly loves you and when you abruptly pushed me away after telling me you loved me and you wanted to be with me you brought more hurt and damage than you can ever imagine.  If I didn't truly love you I would have let this all go but here I have a blog, I made a record that is ready to be put out and a book just to let you know that you hurt me but I still love you with all my heart. What man would go through all that trouble if he didn't truly love and care about you with all he had.  Not many.  I hope you have a blessed day and to anyone and everyone who reads this pray that Rachel and I find our way back into each others life.  God bless


Listen to the words to these 2 songs. I love you. You are still my best friend even through all this and I wont give up or leave you.  I love you Rachel Myatt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLo0ZCBlTas&feature=related     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Go_Ea1o0kHQ

Saying My Peace

Quick Preface "The Only Way to Fight Hate is WIth Love"

Rachel Myatt there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and Jonathan so tonight for you and anyone who reads this I will just say my peace. 
I can forgive you but I will never forget how you treated me.  That is what the blog and the worldwide campaign is about.  I could care less how you feel about it.  You can sue me if you think I am harassing you or tarnishing your name.  It was never meant to be like that. I am showing you that even though you were cruel and inconsiderate of me I do care very much for you.
 I can never forget how you disrespected my mother, my family, and my friendship but I forgive you.
I want Amanda and everyone else in your family and the Church to know I wrote because I love you and I hoped you would learn to forgive and actually think about the way you did things and why I reacted the way I did.  I reacted the way I did because you made me the happiest man in the world when you said that you wanted to be with me then two days later after telling me how much you love me you retract and reject me at the peak of my happiness and at the zenith of me healing from my mothers death.  That is why this is happening to you.   You know how they say everything happens for a reason.  Well this is happening because of the way you treat people.  I put my faith in God not in my own selfish desires.  I have much better things to do in life then sit around and bitch about some selfish, condescending, religious bigot, who doesn't value friendship, thinks that love is a game, and has her head so far up her ass that she could see China from it but you know what.  I do love you and God has given me the platform to tell you that.  It will slowly resonate as I am happy that I see people from all over reading my blog and it being posted on other sites you will see that had you been truthful, kind, and honest none of this ever would have happened.  You chose to have this happen to you.  You thought I would be a pushover like the other guys get mad at you and go away.  No Rachel Myatt I was truly in love with you and that is why I came.  You spat on everything that was good about our friendship, the tenderness, the caring, the trust, and the communication that we had.  You were too afraid of what others might think if you kept loving me and didn't want to just be loved by someone who you claimed to love and who loved you back.  Once again I forgive you.  I forgive you for playing with my desire to have a family with you.  I wanted Jonathan as my stepson and I had so much to give and offer him. You played with that and though I forgive you I wont forget how cruel and painful that was.  Christians have been fighting wars for years and years over religious doctrines and theology but you and I we could have worshiped together I gave my life to the Lord a long time ago.  I accepted and studied your faith and would have been baptized as such to be one with you.  I guess a love like that wasn't worth sticking around for.  I tell you this out of love that all that has happened and will happen is and will because of how you treat people.  I would end this tomorrow if I got a call from you or an email saying you wanted to talk.  You know why because I want to make peace with you.  I love you enough to admit some of the things I did were wrong but I forgave myself and because of that I live and love on. I am not stuck in the past of what we both did.  I am in the present and future and I love you and want you in my future still. Henry Rollins of Black Flag fame said it best in one of his spoken word albums.  "Every time someone makes you less you become more" There are no truer words Rachel. When you pelted me, put me down, and I was reaching out to you for love, help, and acceptance.  You rejected me and because of that I have become someone with a passion and a mission.  You are the cause for this blog, you are the reason for the letters that will be everywhere, the book, the music I am creating.  It was your choice to act the way you did.  You and me could be a happy couple and our friendship would have been strong.  I believed in you but you didn't believe in me, respect me, or care about me enough to just tell me what was on your mind. Instead you acted impulsively, irrationally, and cynically and in turn you got the same kind of reaction at break neck speeds from me.  The difference is I changed and all the anger and misdirected hostility I had for you became love and I realized that I shouldn't just say I was going to do stuff but instead do it to show you I was serious so that I could prove to you without a doubt that yes I do love you but no I would not let you walk over me or disrespect me like you did.  So while you are thinking about this I hope that you will consider calling me.  I know it would be like old times. I am not looking to be cruel to you.  I care about you and Jonathan.  I want to know how you have been doing and what is going on in your life. The choice is yours Rachel Myatt.  You can live a life running, hiding, and being scared of the people you hurt and the actions you take.  Or you can face your fears and live out your dreams and aspirations like I am doing.  Either way I am not going to stop loving you and what I am doing is going to get bigger and bigger all you have to do is embrace it and come back to my heart and into my life.  I love you ................. I wish you peace and good will and to know that you can always come back and I will be open armed and full of love for you.

Maybe you could see why I feel the way I do sometimes because I saw so much bad stuff and became a better man for explaining it and talking about it and not acting on it but laughing at things and living and loving people for who they are.  You gave up on me because you knew I truly loved you and I never gave up on you(Explicit words are in this spoken word piece
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1SuMgOnaXk&feature=related)

Why I am doing this

I want every reader to know exactly why I am doing this.  First of all it is because I truly do love this person and she treated me very horribly at a time when I looked to her for inspiration, love, and kindness.  My mother had just passed away 3 weeks prior and I gave Rachel an opportunity to end our relationship at the airport and for us to do it amicably.  She instead waited two days later and text me. Not call on the phone, text me from Canada and broke it off.  She used all sorts of bogus reasons why she didn't want to be with me and she destroyed our beautiful friendship, trust, and all the good times we had together. She tried to tell me I was mentally ill and has issues to make up for her lack of insecurity, her inability to keep her word, and her indecisiveness. How evil to someone who cares about you who is grieving. It was amazing the way she treated me. How many of you have lost a parent and know what I am going through. It is not pretty but I kept my promises to my friends and I worked and I helped people as much as I could a day after my mother died.  She would have wanted it that way.  She had nothing but love for Rachel Myatt and was so happy that we were in each others lives.  Rachel disrespected me in every sense of the word and I have come at her with nothing but love since we had our falling out.  At first I was angry but I continued to love her from a distance.  This person is so selfish she said if I got her pregnant and went back to the U.S. she would never let me know if I had a child.  She also sent back my Christmas card which was very hurtful. She wouldn't let me keep my promise to her son and her nephew to send them Legos they asked for.  I mean she is very selfish and only thinks about herself.  Through all my hurt and pain though I know Christ would want me to love her and persist.  If she takes this blog or anything as a threat or her family does also its not.  Its a pure honest reaction to her attitude and the way she treated me as someone who believed in her and never gave up on her.  She couldn't afford me the same.  She said she loved me then left me at the lowest point in my life.  People who run in the face of adversity never face up to their fears.  My fear of being left alone slapped me in the face and I said you know what.  I choose to love Rachel Myatt and persist even after all she has done to hurt me.  I forgave myself for the wrong I committed against her.  I write this blog, send her letters, her sister, and I have other family members to let her know I am serious about this worldwide love and if she doesn't want me to do this all she has to do is pick up the phone, email me, or get on messenger with me and we can straighten this all out.  I wanted to make these things clear to anyone who reads this blog and thinks I am against her religion or faith or even the Church of New Jerusalem of Dawson Creek.  I am relating my experience and Rachel using her faith to be elitist and put down others and in turn she is a representative of that Church.  If one part of the Church is sick then it hurts the body as a whole.  Just as with anything else.  I am stating facts that occured between Rachel and myself and I have proof of almost all of what I write about.  I have chosen at this time to not put the emails and other information up because it is part of my book "Letters to Rachel" and I am hoping that Rachel and I make peace before I have to go that far but I am nearing the end of that rope as she has been unresponsive in taking this opportunity to mend fences with me.   I want you all to know that I love Rachel Myatt with all my heart and though it seems like I am backhandedly putting her down everyday I am not trying to put her in that light. She is a good person and has the ability to love beyond compare.  She choose to treat me badly after complaining about so many other people she let walk on her and take advantage of her but I never did that I loved her for all she was and I still love her that much.  I just wish she had of chosen someone else to be cruel to that didn't appreciate her the way I did and love her as much as I do.  I pray for all a blessed day and that both you the reader and Rachel understand my intentions for the future and remainder of this blog.  I love you Rachel Myatt.  I ask you sister once again to forgive and come back to me. My love transcends space and time for you. You were one of my inspirations and strengths I never left you you left me.

Rachel this is how I felt when you abandoned me.

"The most fear you could ever have is when you reach your hand out to someone for help and they leave you in the shadows and turn their back on you."   Spencer Chamberlain of Underoath

Here is my song for you today.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1myc8KM4Tbk

Church Of The New Jerusalem Worldwide vs New Church Dawson Creek and Rachel Myatt

I have never had and will never have any animosity or ill will to any believers of Christ in any faith or anyone of any religion for that matter. I may not agree with the teachings of another but I will never put down others for my faith.  That being said my blog is not about trying to put the New Church in a bad light it is how I was treated by one of its members who was supposed to be my girlfriend and one of my dearest friends and how she constantly used her faith to put me down, make me seem small, and use it against me like I was someone who couldn't understand or comprehend  what Swedenborg said.  She called me stupid for my Protestant beliefs and said things that were unbecoming of me on many occasions.   I still loved her accepted her faith and wanted to worship with her and learn more.  I took to reading "Heaven and  Hell" which I had read in part in a philosophy class years ago philosophy is my college minor. I am interested in all forms of religion but basically Christian theologies.  Upon the start of my dating Ms. Rachel Myatt. I started reading "Arcana Coelestia" and because I was truly in love with Rachel Myatt and courted her and wanted her hand in marriage as my dearest friend. " Conjugial Love".  I was someone who opened my heart and had an open mind to this person and her beliefs so if you are reading this (Denmark Readers?) and you are part of this faith then I have no qualms with the religion as a whole.  I have a problem with a person who said she loved me and acted like she was so full of love and a good Christian woman who stabbed me in the back, turned away from me when I needed a true friend, and lied to me about so many things.  It was a chance to bear witness and to welcome someone into the congregation who was full of hope, love, and  interest.  She had someone at her feet who loved her with all their heart instead she chose to waste this chance. Squander it on being selfish and centered. She acted very contradictory to the peaceful religion that I had come to know from reading and it is a shame.  So I want this all out in the open this Letters to Rachel Project, the book and the blog is aimed at the New Church of Dawson Creek, British Columbia and anyone in the Canadian fold who believes in treating people bad, using your faith to put down others, and to not accept people who are openly seeking God into your heart and into your congregation.  Rachel crossed those lines.  She did it to someone who loved her unconditionally and wanted to worship with her.  The majority of the Dawson Creek Congregation is related to Rachel so if that is where she learned her hateful ways then I am sorry but that will be spoke upon in the coming weeks and months.  I had nothing but love for all of the Myatts and Friesens if Rachel had of given me time, my heart was open to the teachings of Swedenborg but it seemed that Rachel was afraid to bring someone into her life and into her world who might be a little different.  She listened and let what other say influence her instead of truly take the time to love me and see where my heart was.  So to the Worldwide Body and Organization of the New Church of Jerusalem I have nothing but love for you and I will continue to respect your teachings and your love for Lord Jesus Christ but in my blog and the coming literature that I have to write.  Rachel Myatt belongs to the New Church of Dawson Creek, British Columbia and that was where the wrong was initiated.  She can always make peace with me and I will end this all.  She would rather it get bigger and bigger.  I urge any Clergy of The New Church hierarchy in Canada to get in touch with her and discuss this matter or get in touch with me through this blog because I am about bring this out in the open to the public.  Rachel Myatt started this revolution by being cruel, and not being truthful, and just ridiculing and pointing fingers. Well now she got what she wanted.  A person who loved her with all his heart who will tell the story of how she represented a congregation and because she couldn't forgive things got out of hand.  Christ urged us to forgive but she cannot.  She cant face me because she knows that I was right for all my wrongs against her.  I was right and I forgave her and still love her.  I still call her friend,  I still call her sister, I still believe in her.  She cant wish me the same respect and love and if that is what the New Church of Dawson Creek is about, hate, hurt, and not being able to forgive then that is sad because I was mistaken when I thought I wanted to be a part of it. 

I dedicate this song to anyone who seeks forgiveness and who can forgive.  We are all forgiven by our Heavenly Father so it is sad when we can't forgive one another.  This is for you Rachel Myatt I love you. I am strong and my love will never falter for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV0tWAz24kg

Praise be to the Lord Jesus Christ and may all that receive Him be blessed and all who seek to find Him be lead to Him.  May you all be blessed upon reading this and your hearts and minds be filled with the Holy Spirit!!!! Rejoice.

Why I Forgive You Rachel Myatt : Why I will love you unconditionally

Dear Rachel,

Today I wanted you to know exactly why I continue to love you.  I first and foremost put my heart and my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and He has always been the reason for my love for you and for others.  When I said that pretty soon you will get a revelation that will make you face what has transpired between us I am not kidding.  It will be out in the open for all to see.  I tried like a man would to keep this between you and me. All you had to do was pick up the phone and talk to me its been 8 months now.  There would be no screaming, no name calling, no deep anger or animosity.  Pick up the phone and call.  I have learned that I have won more battles with my pen and my strength of character than with fist and shouting matches.  I put my faith in the Lord that this battle is no different.  You said you loved me and you always hesitated going away until I became as angry and hostile as you.  I only put on an act so that I could hold up a mirror to let you see how you were treating me.  I never said or would have done the nasty and cruel mean things I said I would do to you.  It was just me wanting revenge on you at the time for being so mean, selfish, uncaring, and inconsiderate of the time I was going through in my life.  By now you have probably received the package with the T-shirt "When Hope Fails" I have the same shirt from 8 years ago. I used to wear it with pride as I helped others who were downtrodden and wanted to die.  I was proud to be a part of loving and helping others overcome addiction, grief, feelings of worthlessness, alcoholism, abuse(both sexual and verbal), and what ever else would make people hurt so bad.  Rachel you have a gift the gift to love.  God gives us that great gifts and you had a chance to use it with me.  I never expected my mom to out of nowhere die.  I was hoping she would meet you sometime last year and out of the blue it happened.  You denied me your love because I was under the weather and because I had so much on my mind and needed someone to talk to things about.  I went for a whole 3 weeks before I came to see you without talking to anyone.  I had no support, no family was in the mood to talk about it, and no one really wanted be there for me.  I come to the woman who was supposed to be my girlfriend and because I act shy and reserved you think that I had issues.  First of all I was in a strange setting and I wanted to fit in but I was putting out my feelers for your family and my surroundings. Secondly you knew about all the things I told you and I am saddened that you would use that against me after I had been honest with you from the start.  Lastly the fact that you used your faith against mine when I was ready to accept your faith and worship with you is what this is all about.  Soon I will have for that matter you facing up to what you have done.  You took your dear friend and boyfriend someone who was willing to give his all to you at a time when my whole world was crashing down and used your religious faith to put me down.  I forgive you but I wont forget how you had a chance to bear witness for Christ for your faith, how you shut the door on not only the relationship but you turned me away from your Church.  It was bad on so many levels.  You turned away someone who was seeking to have that relationship with you in God,  you turned away someone who was of a different ethnic background in your mostly white Church that is mostly your family, and you used the name of God to speak ill of another.  I did nothing but love you unconditionally, I did everything I could to keep my promises to you,  I never cheated on you, I desired and wanted only you,  I still love and desire only you and what are you doing.  You are still hiding, still afraid to email or pick up the phone, still not reading the letters.  What choice do I have but to bring this out in the open to make it a public forum.  You don't realize how much you have hurt me and I have held back on some of the things I was going to do but as of today no longer. I love you so much and you continue to disrespect me and all that I gave of myself to you.  I gave unselfishly because I believed that unselfishly you would give back.  I would have turned away any job or amount of money and left all my material possessions behind and sold them just to live a life fulfilled with you and Jonathan.  My music and my traveling and all that I love to do.  I would have just walked away from to be your husband and Jonathan's step father.  You let other people cloud your judgment and your judgment was clouded by not talking to me and letting me know what was on your mind.  I love you with all my heart but what I am going to do next will make you understand just how much you hurt me.  It wont just be me either my friends will be a part of this so you can see just how much I am loved and these are friends who wronged me at one time too and we forgave each other moved on and loved on. That was all I wanted from you.  I love you more than any woman I have ever loved but nothing I do will make you look into the mirror and see that.  I have to take this big step and make this great advance to let you know how much I love you. If you read this and you want to bring this to an end you have my number and two of my emails or you can contact me on here.  I would love to talk and not have to go to Phase 2 but since you have done nothing but hide I am faced with no option.  People hide when they know they have done something wrong show me you are more than that, that you aren't afraid, that you are willing to be more,  willing to say I'm sorry or at least talk about it.  I know you are a strong woman, be strong and meek, not strong willed and stubborn.  I ask of our Father today to bring us together once again in friendship and love.  I truly love you Rachel Myatt and I hope you read this and that soon you and I will love again.  I miss you. I forgive you 1000 times over I still ask the same of you. How could you deny a love so strong. How could you continue to hide in the shadows as I walk in the open professing a love so true and pure for you. You deny me forgiveness and I openly forgive you and give you my love everyday.  I do this not to hurt you but simply because I love you My Sister.

Matthew 6:15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

John 20:23 If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

Dear Rachel, 8 Months Today and Counting.........

Dear Rachel,

I guess you never thought someone would stick around and love you as much as I do.  I remember that day 8 months ago when you sent me that dreadful text and how my whole body went to another place and inside I died.  I remember as I drove down the Interstate wanting to just end it all how you said you loved me but you had betrayed our friendship and any love we had by not taking the time to talk about things with me.  I cared about you Rachel Myatt.  I cared about Jonathan, your family, your faith, and everything about you.  I still have your text in my phone it said "I don't think I can be your girlfriend".  It just let me know that someone had led you to believe something was not right about me or you had been coerced because of what others think. Its not the first time it has happened. I remember I was dating this girl named Caroline and her parents hated me because I was black.  I just smiled every time I went over there and I sent her flowers, I wrote her poems, I took her out and did everything with her.  She wanted to be with me but her dad was very hateful toward me.  Finally I called him up one day and told him how I felt and that I am sorry that I loved his daughter so much and that he couldn't deal with the color of my skin but that if he hated me that much then I would not see her anymore.  Then I hung the phone up on that bigot.  The next day I got a call from him and he apologized and said I could see his daughter and I told him I broke up with her because I didn't want to be with someone whose family didn't accept me for who I was.  I heard her mother calling me weird one day when I was in the bathroom and I was hurt that she would talk bad about me like that.  Needless to say I still have letters that Caroline sent me afterward saying she loved me and she still wanted me but I could not go back to that situation. Rachel I know I am different. I thought you could handle that.  I am a human being first though I wish that I could turn off being black or being against the grain or whatever it is that makes me so awkward but I cant. I am me.  The people who embrace that understand my love and those people have been life long friends. It hurt so much when you said you accepted who I was because really you didn't how could you toss someone aside who loved you so much when they were at their lowest. That was not love, that was not acceptance, and that was not what Christ wants us to do. You had the chance to be there for me and in the months after things happened with you I was completely alone.  I learned what it was like to be deserted and I didn't even have my mom there to support me.  I spent the loneliest holidays ever and I had been looking forward to having the happiest holidays ever with you even with my mom being gone. You turned your back on me and abandoned me and there is no way around that you didn't accept me. When I met your family Rachel it was because I loved you.  I was shy about meeting your mother not about your father and when she grilled me with all the questions I knew she was trying to test me and see what was in my heart. You know what though I told her the truth.  You think a person who is honest with you about where he has been has issues.  You don't know the half of the crap I had to grow up with but if you loved me Rachel you would have just accepted it.  As a Christian you could have been there to uplift me, pray with me, hold me, and understand I had lost my mother.  I would have done the same for you and more.  No all you cared about is that I didn't like Geocaching which I did i was just upset that I couldn't find them and you couldnt see that.  You were more worried that the Canadian movie we saw was offensive to you and it was the least offensive of all the other movies that were out that were PG or PG-13 so that is why I chose that one.  I cared about you Rachel.  I am clausterphobic and don't like being in small spaces for two long but for hours I stayed in the vehicle with you and your mother and Jonathan and I didn't say a word because I was happy to be with you and your family.  I don't really know what more I can say to let you know how much I love you.  I am not writing this blog to lay a guilt trip on you.  I am writing this to let you know that I love you Rachel Myatt.  I love you with all my Heart,  I love you with All MY SOUL.  I love you with every FIBER and BEING in my BODY.   I have been on dates, I have tried to be with other people,  I haven't been sitting back not trying to love other people but the fact is God gave me a love so strong for you and He wont let me forsake it or give up on it.  My hope is that in the next week or so you will pick up the phone or email me and we can start the healing process.  If not then I move on to Phase 2 to show you how much I love you and it will be something big that you wont be expecting.   What I do could change how people look at you as a person and others around you.  It is an act of love but it is also something big and will reach a lot of people.  I urge you to settle this with me privately end it with the blog and what I started in California.  Rachel I love you that much to go to the ends of the earth and if that is what it takes for me to get through to you how much I love you that that is what I will do but I have faith you will be able to put your pride aside and start talking to me soon and no more will have to be done.  I love you and just remember in September it will be a year and I will keep my promise to you I told you I would love you no matter what.  Here I am.  Put aside whatever it is that is holding your love back for me and love me.  You love me and if I didn't know that if Christ wanted me to walk away I would but I know He doesn't so I am still here. With His great love and my love for you.  Take my hand again dear friend and walk with me. I love you with all my heart.  Bless you this day and all my readers. 

Rachel,
If you do come back into my heart this is about forgiving and forgetting. This is not about holding all this that we did to hurt each other against each other. It is about remembering the fun we had in each others company, the love, the laughing, and about being close to each other.  It is about true friendship and that is why I urge and pray you come back.  I love you like my sister, my best friend, and the love I waited a lifetime for. Please know that and please embrace that.  I love you and forgive you.  Forgive me. I will treat you like we have been on vacation from each other open heart, open arms, leaving where we left off without any of this to cloud my heart I love you that much.

Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”






Not being able to forgive is one of the worst sins we could commit against God because He gave so that we may live.  Think about that today.

Happy Mother's Day Rachel

I wish you knew how much I love you Rachel Myatt. Today as I walk through the cemetery to my Mothers final resting place I will think about you.  I will think about my Mom's last smile as we talked about you and Jonathan. How she was so happy that I loved someone so much and that she believed in you and believed in me. How I thought she would make it through and even though she didn't she still died happy seeing that her son loved someone so much.  Rachel Myatt that is the point you don't get you don't realized how much hurt and damage you caused.  You made everything about you when it was supposed to be about us.  Caring is a two way proposition.  When you use the L word in the way that we did it was not some game that revolved around your wants and desires.  There were real feelings involved and real hurt.  I don't know who the other guys were you pushed off to the side and obviously I didn't care but I wasn't just your boyfriend I was your dear close friend and we shared secrets and told each other everything.  I wanted you to be the mother of my children Rachel and I still do.  I still love and think about Jonathan everyday.  The worst two things you ever said to me is that my love for you was a mistake and that I wanted you to save me.  I never lie about loving someone so that was very hurtful and two only Christ love can save me and because of that I am still here.  I am still loving you and I still care very much.  You can continue to hide and sneak peaks at my blog from your Iphone.  You can also continue to be scared to post things up on the internet in fear I might find them or whatever.  It just shows that you know what you did was wrong and that you you have live with that.  I am free I am still full of love for you. I am not afraid to write my feelings.  I post pictures up all the time still. Soon I am going to put up a video in response to the way you treated me and the teachings of the New Church of Dawson Creek and how I was treated by you because you represent the Church Rachel whether you know it or not.  Reverend Coleman's response to me was also saddening because even though he said he talked to you I know you tried to make me out as some bad person when you know that I loved you and I had been through so much to be with you and I loved you even when you put me down.  Rachel think of all the people you hurt and continue to hurt.  This is only going to continue to get bigger.  My friends are behind me 100% my family is.  You know from a fact that I am a fighter and I never give up and if having to announce to the world in a book and video about how you claim to be a good Christian woman then you ridicule and look down on others for their faith and views is what I have to present to the table then so be it.  You might even get a rude awakening on what I am planning for Canada Day.  I am sure many of Christians would disagree with you on the point where you called me stupid for believing in the Creation account and Adam and Eve.  I never put you down for your faith or what you believed in. Hey I was never fully Ok with my Mothers faith but I never put her down and on many occasions I told her that I understood her passion for her faith but that she should be kinder to people in trying to express it instead of coming off elitist and full of oneself.  You had a chance to bear witness to me Rachel for Christ instead you chose to be cruel, you chose to destroy a friendship that was rooted in love, trust, honesty and some one that loved you unconditionally.  I have never stopped loving you through all the miles, tears, and heartache how many men in your life that aren't your father, son, or brother have shown you such a love.  Not too many I am guessing and that is why you ran.  Every kiss we shared was a tiny piece of me to you saying I loved you and only you. I wanted and desire no other woman to this day.  Every I love you was true and genuine.  Every touch and look into your eyes was real and sincere.  You were so scared of that you were too busy focusing on things that seem so minute and superficial . I was honest with you about my past and you used it against me and called me damaged.  I could have said you were damaged with a kid, always talking about your ex and how good sex and things were with him.  You never stopped to think what it was like to love me.  To let go of the other man and love me.  I had my problems too with other women but Rachel Myatt I love you and I loved only you when I was with you.  I didn't care how bad they screwed me over once I was in your life.  I had the most beautiful woman inside and out in my sights and it was all about you.  When I told you that you were beautiful it was because to me I felt that way.  I am sorry you couldn't take the compliments and couldn't believe me.  I never said you had issues or put you down.  You constantly found flaws with me and looked for my imperfections instead of love the beautiful person that was right in front of you.  My mother is probably looking down at you thinking what a selfish person you are.  God has given me this love because He wants you to know how bad you treat people who love you.  You were always making fun of Amanda and Aunt Brenda but did I write them and disclose that to them no.  I just let them know how much I loved you and how much I care about you and Jonathan.  So many women today want a man like me and I get complimented by married woman all the time and they tell me how much they wish their husband was like me and had a love like I did.  I have people trying to hook me up all the time with their sisters or daughters because they like how I believe in love.  Most of all Rachel people read my blog and they hear me still talk about you with the utmost love and devotion even though you ignore me and hide and they say you are truly in love with that person.  I do love you with all my heart Rachel Myatt.  I am not infatuated with you,  I am not some crazy stalker guy if that were the case I would have been hiding out in Canada trying to find you.  I am a beautiful caring loving human being who loves you with every fiber of my being and I love Jonathan too and you denied me that because all you thought about was yourself.   I wanted to be happy with a good Christian woman and I believed in you.  You deny yourself and Jonathan the chance to love someone who wanted to love both of you with all I had and was willing to sacrifice everything.  Remember the first night I got there and I had the Richard Scary book and I read to Jonathan.  That was amazing for me but the rest of the nights I let you do your mother and son thing because I didn't want to mess that up but really I wanted to be there with you reading to him.  You never asked how I felt and you never knew how much having a family with you two meant to me. You were my best friend and I use that in the deepest sense no one but God, my mom, and my friend Scott have the kind of love from me that you had.  I will never love another woman like I love you.  I trusted you,  I had and still have faith in you, and I think the world of you.  All the people reading this probably think I am either crazy and I should move on or they understand that anyone who would go through the lengths that I would to let someone know I love them and forgive them for the wrong they have done to me is probably a great guy.  I know that I represent the second of those two choices because I have never given up on you Rachel Myatt.  So if you are reading this I want you to think about what I have said.  I want you to think about the hurt you have brought to me, the love me and my mother had for you.   Think about me walking at her grave today and how hurtful it is that the last time she saw her son he was happy because he had a true friend and now you run and hide and treat me like I don't exist.  Happy Mother's Day Rachel.   I ask for God's blessing and prayers of anyone who reads this that one day soon you will call and make peace with me.  I love you.