Dear Rachel,
Today I wanted you to know exactly why I continue to love you. I first and foremost put my heart and my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and He has always been the reason for my love for you and for others. When I said that pretty soon you will get a revelation that will make you face what has transpired between us I am not kidding. It will be out in the open for all to see. I tried like a man would to keep this between you and me. All you had to do was pick up the phone and talk to me its been 8 months now. There would be no screaming, no name calling, no deep anger or animosity. Pick up the phone and call. I have learned that I have won more battles with my pen and my strength of character than with fist and shouting matches. I put my faith in the Lord that this battle is no different. You said you loved me and you always hesitated going away until I became as angry and hostile as you. I only put on an act so that I could hold up a mirror to let you see how you were treating me. I never said or would have done the nasty and cruel mean things I said I would do to you. It was just me wanting revenge on you at the time for being so mean, selfish, uncaring, and inconsiderate of the time I was going through in my life. By now you have probably received the package with the T-shirt "When Hope Fails" I have the same shirt from 8 years ago. I used to wear it with pride as I helped others who were downtrodden and wanted to die. I was proud to be a part of loving and helping others overcome addiction, grief, feelings of worthlessness, alcoholism, abuse(both sexual and verbal), and what ever else would make people hurt so bad. Rachel you have a gift the gift to love. God gives us that great gifts and you had a chance to use it with me. I never expected my mom to out of nowhere die. I was hoping she would meet you sometime last year and out of the blue it happened. You denied me your love because I was under the weather and because I had so much on my mind and needed someone to talk to things about. I went for a whole 3 weeks before I came to see you without talking to anyone. I had no support, no family was in the mood to talk about it, and no one really wanted be there for me. I come to the woman who was supposed to be my girlfriend and because I act shy and reserved you think that I had issues. First of all I was in a strange setting and I wanted to fit in but I was putting out my feelers for your family and my surroundings. Secondly you knew about all the things I told you and I am saddened that you would use that against me after I had been honest with you from the start. Lastly the fact that you used your faith against mine when I was ready to accept your faith and worship with you is what this is all about. Soon I will have for that matter you facing up to what you have done. You took your dear friend and boyfriend someone who was willing to give his all to you at a time when my whole world was crashing down and used your religious faith to put me down. I forgive you but I wont forget how you had a chance to bear witness for Christ for your faith, how you shut the door on not only the relationship but you turned me away from your Church. It was bad on so many levels. You turned away someone who was seeking to have that relationship with you in God, you turned away someone who was of a different ethnic background in your mostly white Church that is mostly your family, and you used the name of God to speak ill of another. I did nothing but love you unconditionally, I did everything I could to keep my promises to you, I never cheated on you, I desired and wanted only you, I still love and desire only you and what are you doing. You are still hiding, still afraid to email or pick up the phone, still not reading the letters. What choice do I have but to bring this out in the open to make it a public forum. You don't realize how much you have hurt me and I have held back on some of the things I was going to do but as of today no longer. I love you so much and you continue to disrespect me and all that I gave of myself to you. I gave unselfishly because I believed that unselfishly you would give back. I would have turned away any job or amount of money and left all my material possessions behind and sold them just to live a life fulfilled with you and Jonathan. My music and my traveling and all that I love to do. I would have just walked away from to be your husband and Jonathan's step father. You let other people cloud your judgment and your judgment was clouded by not talking to me and letting me know what was on your mind. I love you with all my heart but what I am going to do next will make you understand just how much you hurt me. It wont just be me either my friends will be a part of this so you can see just how much I am loved and these are friends who wronged me at one time too and we forgave each other moved on and loved on. That was all I wanted from you. I love you more than any woman I have ever loved but nothing I do will make you look into the mirror and see that. I have to take this big step and make this great advance to let you know how much I love you. If you read this and you want to bring this to an end you have my number and two of my emails or you can contact me on here. I would love to talk and not have to go to Phase 2 but since you have done nothing but hide I am faced with no option. People hide when they know they have done something wrong show me you are more than that, that you aren't afraid, that you are willing to be more, willing to say I'm sorry or at least talk about it. I know you are a strong woman, be strong and meek, not strong willed and stubborn. I ask of our Father today to bring us together once again in friendship and love. I truly love you Rachel Myatt and I hope you read this and that soon you and I will love again. I miss you. I forgive you 1000 times over I still ask the same of you. How could you deny a love so strong. How could you continue to hide in the shadows as I walk in the open professing a love so true and pure for you. You deny me forgiveness and I openly forgive you and give you my love everyday. I do this not to hurt you but simply because I love you My Sister.
Matthew 6:15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
John 20:23 If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”
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