Happy Mother's Day Rachel

I wish you knew how much I love you Rachel Myatt. Today as I walk through the cemetery to my Mothers final resting place I will think about you.  I will think about my Mom's last smile as we talked about you and Jonathan. How she was so happy that I loved someone so much and that she believed in you and believed in me. How I thought she would make it through and even though she didn't she still died happy seeing that her son loved someone so much.  Rachel Myatt that is the point you don't get you don't realized how much hurt and damage you caused.  You made everything about you when it was supposed to be about us.  Caring is a two way proposition.  When you use the L word in the way that we did it was not some game that revolved around your wants and desires.  There were real feelings involved and real hurt.  I don't know who the other guys were you pushed off to the side and obviously I didn't care but I wasn't just your boyfriend I was your dear close friend and we shared secrets and told each other everything.  I wanted you to be the mother of my children Rachel and I still do.  I still love and think about Jonathan everyday.  The worst two things you ever said to me is that my love for you was a mistake and that I wanted you to save me.  I never lie about loving someone so that was very hurtful and two only Christ love can save me and because of that I am still here.  I am still loving you and I still care very much.  You can continue to hide and sneak peaks at my blog from your Iphone.  You can also continue to be scared to post things up on the internet in fear I might find them or whatever.  It just shows that you know what you did was wrong and that you you have live with that.  I am free I am still full of love for you. I am not afraid to write my feelings.  I post pictures up all the time still. Soon I am going to put up a video in response to the way you treated me and the teachings of the New Church of Dawson Creek and how I was treated by you because you represent the Church Rachel whether you know it or not.  Reverend Coleman's response to me was also saddening because even though he said he talked to you I know you tried to make me out as some bad person when you know that I loved you and I had been through so much to be with you and I loved you even when you put me down.  Rachel think of all the people you hurt and continue to hurt.  This is only going to continue to get bigger.  My friends are behind me 100% my family is.  You know from a fact that I am a fighter and I never give up and if having to announce to the world in a book and video about how you claim to be a good Christian woman then you ridicule and look down on others for their faith and views is what I have to present to the table then so be it.  You might even get a rude awakening on what I am planning for Canada Day.  I am sure many of Christians would disagree with you on the point where you called me stupid for believing in the Creation account and Adam and Eve.  I never put you down for your faith or what you believed in. Hey I was never fully Ok with my Mothers faith but I never put her down and on many occasions I told her that I understood her passion for her faith but that she should be kinder to people in trying to express it instead of coming off elitist and full of oneself.  You had a chance to bear witness to me Rachel for Christ instead you chose to be cruel, you chose to destroy a friendship that was rooted in love, trust, honesty and some one that loved you unconditionally.  I have never stopped loving you through all the miles, tears, and heartache how many men in your life that aren't your father, son, or brother have shown you such a love.  Not too many I am guessing and that is why you ran.  Every kiss we shared was a tiny piece of me to you saying I loved you and only you. I wanted and desire no other woman to this day.  Every I love you was true and genuine.  Every touch and look into your eyes was real and sincere.  You were so scared of that you were too busy focusing on things that seem so minute and superficial . I was honest with you about my past and you used it against me and called me damaged.  I could have said you were damaged with a kid, always talking about your ex and how good sex and things were with him.  You never stopped to think what it was like to love me.  To let go of the other man and love me.  I had my problems too with other women but Rachel Myatt I love you and I loved only you when I was with you.  I didn't care how bad they screwed me over once I was in your life.  I had the most beautiful woman inside and out in my sights and it was all about you.  When I told you that you were beautiful it was because to me I felt that way.  I am sorry you couldn't take the compliments and couldn't believe me.  I never said you had issues or put you down.  You constantly found flaws with me and looked for my imperfections instead of love the beautiful person that was right in front of you.  My mother is probably looking down at you thinking what a selfish person you are.  God has given me this love because He wants you to know how bad you treat people who love you.  You were always making fun of Amanda and Aunt Brenda but did I write them and disclose that to them no.  I just let them know how much I loved you and how much I care about you and Jonathan.  So many women today want a man like me and I get complimented by married woman all the time and they tell me how much they wish their husband was like me and had a love like I did.  I have people trying to hook me up all the time with their sisters or daughters because they like how I believe in love.  Most of all Rachel people read my blog and they hear me still talk about you with the utmost love and devotion even though you ignore me and hide and they say you are truly in love with that person.  I do love you with all my heart Rachel Myatt.  I am not infatuated with you,  I am not some crazy stalker guy if that were the case I would have been hiding out in Canada trying to find you.  I am a beautiful caring loving human being who loves you with every fiber of my being and I love Jonathan too and you denied me that because all you thought about was yourself.   I wanted to be happy with a good Christian woman and I believed in you.  You deny yourself and Jonathan the chance to love someone who wanted to love both of you with all I had and was willing to sacrifice everything.  Remember the first night I got there and I had the Richard Scary book and I read to Jonathan.  That was amazing for me but the rest of the nights I let you do your mother and son thing because I didn't want to mess that up but really I wanted to be there with you reading to him.  You never asked how I felt and you never knew how much having a family with you two meant to me. You were my best friend and I use that in the deepest sense no one but God, my mom, and my friend Scott have the kind of love from me that you had.  I will never love another woman like I love you.  I trusted you,  I had and still have faith in you, and I think the world of you.  All the people reading this probably think I am either crazy and I should move on or they understand that anyone who would go through the lengths that I would to let someone know I love them and forgive them for the wrong they have done to me is probably a great guy.  I know that I represent the second of those two choices because I have never given up on you Rachel Myatt.  So if you are reading this I want you to think about what I have said.  I want you to think about the hurt you have brought to me, the love me and my mother had for you.   Think about me walking at her grave today and how hurtful it is that the last time she saw her son he was happy because he had a true friend and now you run and hide and treat me like I don't exist.  Happy Mother's Day Rachel.   I ask for God's blessing and prayers of anyone who reads this that one day soon you will call and make peace with me.  I love you.