Saying My Peace

Quick Preface "The Only Way to Fight Hate is WIth Love"

Rachel Myatt there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and Jonathan so tonight for you and anyone who reads this I will just say my peace. 
I can forgive you but I will never forget how you treated me.  That is what the blog and the worldwide campaign is about.  I could care less how you feel about it.  You can sue me if you think I am harassing you or tarnishing your name.  It was never meant to be like that. I am showing you that even though you were cruel and inconsiderate of me I do care very much for you.
 I can never forget how you disrespected my mother, my family, and my friendship but I forgive you.
I want Amanda and everyone else in your family and the Church to know I wrote because I love you and I hoped you would learn to forgive and actually think about the way you did things and why I reacted the way I did.  I reacted the way I did because you made me the happiest man in the world when you said that you wanted to be with me then two days later after telling me how much you love me you retract and reject me at the peak of my happiness and at the zenith of me healing from my mothers death.  That is why this is happening to you.   You know how they say everything happens for a reason.  Well this is happening because of the way you treat people.  I put my faith in God not in my own selfish desires.  I have much better things to do in life then sit around and bitch about some selfish, condescending, religious bigot, who doesn't value friendship, thinks that love is a game, and has her head so far up her ass that she could see China from it but you know what.  I do love you and God has given me the platform to tell you that.  It will slowly resonate as I am happy that I see people from all over reading my blog and it being posted on other sites you will see that had you been truthful, kind, and honest none of this ever would have happened.  You chose to have this happen to you.  You thought I would be a pushover like the other guys get mad at you and go away.  No Rachel Myatt I was truly in love with you and that is why I came.  You spat on everything that was good about our friendship, the tenderness, the caring, the trust, and the communication that we had.  You were too afraid of what others might think if you kept loving me and didn't want to just be loved by someone who you claimed to love and who loved you back.  Once again I forgive you.  I forgive you for playing with my desire to have a family with you.  I wanted Jonathan as my stepson and I had so much to give and offer him. You played with that and though I forgive you I wont forget how cruel and painful that was.  Christians have been fighting wars for years and years over religious doctrines and theology but you and I we could have worshiped together I gave my life to the Lord a long time ago.  I accepted and studied your faith and would have been baptized as such to be one with you.  I guess a love like that wasn't worth sticking around for.  I tell you this out of love that all that has happened and will happen is and will because of how you treat people.  I would end this tomorrow if I got a call from you or an email saying you wanted to talk.  You know why because I want to make peace with you.  I love you enough to admit some of the things I did were wrong but I forgave myself and because of that I live and love on. I am not stuck in the past of what we both did.  I am in the present and future and I love you and want you in my future still. Henry Rollins of Black Flag fame said it best in one of his spoken word albums.  "Every time someone makes you less you become more" There are no truer words Rachel. When you pelted me, put me down, and I was reaching out to you for love, help, and acceptance.  You rejected me and because of that I have become someone with a passion and a mission.  You are the cause for this blog, you are the reason for the letters that will be everywhere, the book, the music I am creating.  It was your choice to act the way you did.  You and me could be a happy couple and our friendship would have been strong.  I believed in you but you didn't believe in me, respect me, or care about me enough to just tell me what was on your mind. Instead you acted impulsively, irrationally, and cynically and in turn you got the same kind of reaction at break neck speeds from me.  The difference is I changed and all the anger and misdirected hostility I had for you became love and I realized that I shouldn't just say I was going to do stuff but instead do it to show you I was serious so that I could prove to you without a doubt that yes I do love you but no I would not let you walk over me or disrespect me like you did.  So while you are thinking about this I hope that you will consider calling me.  I know it would be like old times. I am not looking to be cruel to you.  I care about you and Jonathan.  I want to know how you have been doing and what is going on in your life. The choice is yours Rachel Myatt.  You can live a life running, hiding, and being scared of the people you hurt and the actions you take.  Or you can face your fears and live out your dreams and aspirations like I am doing.  Either way I am not going to stop loving you and what I am doing is going to get bigger and bigger all you have to do is embrace it and come back to my heart and into my life.  I love you ................. I wish you peace and good will and to know that you can always come back and I will be open armed and full of love for you.

Maybe you could see why I feel the way I do sometimes because I saw so much bad stuff and became a better man for explaining it and talking about it and not acting on it but laughing at things and living and loving people for who they are.  You gave up on me because you knew I truly loved you and I never gave up on you(Explicit words are in this spoken word piece
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1SuMgOnaXk&feature=related)