Hate Me

I never thought this song would ever mean so much to me. When it came out it took me awhile to like it. The song I am referring to is Blue October's "Hate Me".http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xogOqnMQdy8 I feel like I have something to prove to you Rachel Myatt yet I don't owe you nothing!  You say you believe in God and someone is asking you forgiveness, someone gave you forgiveness for all the things you did them but yet you cant find absolution or solace in that. You run scared and think it will eventually go away. You can keep trying all you want but as long as I have a fire in my heart and God lets me breathe I will soldier on. I wont stop loving others and I wont stop loving you. You had every opportunity to make things right with me. I have done everything I could and now I am just going to do bigger and better things with that love. I finally got to the point where I can try to trust another woman. Its been 6 months. Does it mean I going to give up on you. No No No. I love you Rachel Myatt.  Last night one of my friends said that she hopes her new boyfriend will love her like I love you. I have women all around who see how special my love is and you continue to avoid and ignore it.  God gives us life to love and you seem to use yours to hurt others.  You don't care as long as Rachel is ok! I dont live my life like that. I don't live a life for myself. I thought being a mother you would understand what it was like to have to give yourself to someone else. I wanted to give myself to you and Jonathan and no matter how much you ignore the fact I love you both. So pretty soon you will see that I am serious about taking my love for you worldwide.  I will not stop until you respond and we end this. I love you.

To all who believe in true love.... Never Give Up

Endgame/I Felt Free - Broken Hearts Will Heal Friends Will Reunite

Dear Rachel,
Today is a bit of sadness for me. North America gets the release of the new Rise Against album "Endgame" I knew how much you loved them so I even wrote singer Tim Mcllrath to write you.  I personally hurt when I hear their music now.  I think of you driving me to the airport our last kisses and how I thought I'd see you and Jonathan again and how right before I walked through I ran back to kiss you again and said "Don't forget I love you". I will never stop loving you.  I also want you to know through my mothers death and everything thing else that was going on at the time when I was with you when I was with you I was free so today I dedicate the song "I Felt Free" by Circa Survive. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ROr9HTmfCY&playnext=1&list=PL27105BFE4BF03EE5  I wish you truly knew how much I cared and how much being with you was healing me and giving me a hope for the future.  I wish you could put your pride aside and see you have a chance to do good and that us reconciling and putting all the things behind us is what God was worth. If you weren't worth my time then I would have given up long ago against my better judgment. I stand tall and believe in the one who gave me life and who washed me of my sins.  Christ is my reason for still loving you and no matter what you do to ignore, hide, or not pay attention eventually you will be faced with the reality of what you did and have to come full circle with it.  So as I prepare to let the whole world know how much I love you I would rather you contact me and put this behind us so that I wont have to take things that far but I will if it means you will eventually face me.  Pick up the phone and talk to me and be free also.  I love you Rachel Myatt.

To anybody reading this who believes in true love,  may you receive it.

Miles Away

I wonder if you still think of me
We are so far away, but my heart still aches to be with you.
Sometimes I still cry and the music almost left me to die
But I fell to my knees and I started to pray
So I was lifted like a flower and I still believe in you
You can keep walking away from what is real just like you always do
Whatever feels good at the moment what is right for your moment in time
It was ok for you to feel the way you do only your heart mattered not mine

So you laughed and you called me sick
I was hurting and I reached out to you to be there for me
You said you would and then you threw me out to sea to drown
Miles Away from you and you still put me down......

Now im a little bit stronger and the days are longer
I no longer live in the shadow of a cloudy day
So you try to hide and you wont be able to this time
I will put your cruelty to others out on display
When I needed you the most, You were not a gracious host
As your naked body I remember ever kiss and every caress
Then you tried to deny the love in your bed that we lie
Try to forget me for ever and a day
I will burn in your conscience till the day you die even though I am Miles Away...

So go ahead and don't forgive let your selfishness prevail
I will soon be free of you and you will be lost like my letters sent back in the mail
I gave you everything and kept my word and my promises
No one will ever love you like I did, Each night I think of you and your kid
How we could have been a family, No i think of what you did to me
I will never trust another, you tried to pretend we were never lovers.
You wanted to brush me under the rug like some bad memory
Miles Away when the truth comes out you will be
Then I will be free.........................................................

I Love Rachel Myatt Worldwide Campaign

This is to Rachel, Her Family, and any true believers of love out there that read this.

I am about to put my faith, my love, and the limits of my heart to the test.  Starting in April I am going to let the world know how much I love Rachel through part of the book I have written.  "Letters To Rachel" this book is true story. It is only culminated from out Emails, Text, and Messenger conversations with some commentary thrown in from me because it is my story and my heart.  I do care about Rachel and how she feels and it is not put out to slander her or hurt her but rather to show her that she hurt and abandoned a true friend who loves her so much that they would go to the ends of the earth to let her know that.  There are crazy stalker guys and girls out there I know I have a stalker but this is different. I live thousands of miles away from Rachel. I haven't tried to call anyone but Rachel though I did write letters to her sister and mother. Both of which I adore but they might never know it.  I have been steadfast in my love and I haven't backed down and that is what Unconditional love and friendship is about.  Rachel maybe you have never had that kind of love outside of your family.  The other guys gave up on you or didn't want or need what I need. I needed a best friend who was willing to accept me for who I was and still after you left me you said you loved me and accepted me.  It also seems that you are so enmeshed in your family and the kids you take care of that you don't even know how to manage a relationship with another adult. You are hostile and cruel to people who otherwise love and care for you.  It is sad because the woman who loved me was just that. She was full of love and hope then she became this ugly monster contradictory to her faith, her attitude, and the beautiful person I fell in love with.  You don't give yourself a chance to be truly loved. You spend so much time finding faults in others when they overlook yours and love you for who you are.  I just wanted you to know that this blog is just the start and in a couple of months I hope we have put this all behind us and I can stop all this writing and campaigning but I won't give up till we mend what was broken and make peace. That is how much I love you baby.  So I will give you a hint of where the first 1000's people will know about Rachel Myatt.  Its a big U.S. festival in one of the biggest states. Oh and I gave you a t-shirt from last years event. Yep you know how big that audience and lots of Canadians will be there so I will keep my promise. Hope this inspires you to bury the hatchet I'm waiting with open arms and all the love in the world still and take a listen to Blindside's song again "Time Will Change Your Heart" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YmTkY1nJaE&playnext=1&list=PL4BD64D12E9DBE626
Remember a true friend will weather the storm and do anything for you.  You chose to see my diligence and my unabashed love for you as a burden and a curse. Even though I was hurting and wanted you to hurt end the end God lifted me to a higher place.  Can you reach that higher place Rachel and forgive and forget as I had to or will you hold onto your pride continue to be selfish and treat me like an enemy.  Your Choice as you always used to tell me.

love to all

6 Months Today Rachel!!!!!

Rachel,
It was 6 months today that you left me that text and you abandoned me. You told me you loved me but yet you made excuses why you couldn't be with me. You took a broken man who came to you for true friendship and love and you dealt the hardest blow that could happen to someone in my condition at the time. Then you got mad because I reacted the way I did. You didn't know what it was like to be in my shoes and you judged me and became cruel and inconsiderate. I really loved and still do love you. I told you I wouldn't stop. I hope that someday soon when you are reading this or when your family or others read this you will understand the nature of why things happened they did.  I mean I was a guy that was willing to leave everything behind for you. I was a free spirit who had nothing to be held down too and I wanted to be with you and your son and live a life simple and full of love. I wanted to one day be your husband and I wanted to help raise Jonathan with you and if you truly didn't want a man in your life who loved you that much then you should have said so ahead of time. You were my dearest friend. I would have done anything for you and if you truly loved me you would have understood the magnitude of a person grieving for their dead parent.  I guess it will take your mom or dad to die for you to understand how I feel. You hang out with your mom all the time so imagine when she is gone and how much you will miss her.  Then you turn to others for love and comfort and the one person who is supposed to love you and be there for you abandons you too and throws stones at you. I will never forget how cruel you were to me.  I truly wanted to die and I had every right too. You didn't love me enough to talk to me in person about your feelings.  You waited till I flew all the way back to the United States from Canada to text me goodbye and that was just too much for me. It was disrespectful, unloving, and unkind.  I forgive you for what you did so why can't you forgive me for reacting the way I did.  Things happen for a reason Rachel Myatt and what is about to happen is that I am taking the disrespect, mean spirit, and inconsideration you had for me and turning it into love. I will not give up on you and until the day you call me and we talk I will go strong.  6 months from now I will still be loving you even though you don't deserve my love, my friendship, and my caring.  Christ wants us to love and if He gives us a calling and a love so great then we as Christians cant turn our backs on it.  I am not sitting back spending my days crying over you either. I truly love you.  I do go on dates and have lots of new female friends right now I have 3 one of them is 23 one 25, and one 26 if I was such a miserable person than how did I get you to date me and how do I always have a bunch of women who flock to me? Its simple your logic was flawed and you were not being sensitive to the fact that when I came to see you I was wounded and God sent me to you because of the love you were able to give to me as a friend, a girlfriend, and a Christian.  You choose to be selfish and follow the Devil's route though.  You only thought of yourself in the end. It didn't matter how much of a sacrifice I made to get to you in the end it was all about how you felt.  There was never any us it was all about Rachel. You loved me being your boyfriend of conveinence but when faced with actually having to love me and take the time to know me in person you bailed.  That is what a relationship is Rachel taking the time to truly know someone and if you loved me you would have taken an little more time to see deep inside me.  To see my soul. My passion, My love of Christ.  My love for you and Jonathan that will not waiver.  I don't know what to tell you but soon you will get a rude awakening about how real and how serious I truly am.  I make things happen and I don't sit back and wait because God will help us and carry us but He also gives us free will to be proactive and to make our own moves.  So my book will start circulating, My music, and my story and all are about you.  You thinking hiding the Mr.Scrawny Bear Videos from me was smart but in reality you gave them to me months ago so they are downloaded on my computer.  You are the one who has to hide Rachel because you know what you did was wrong, cruel, and unkind.  The fact that I haven't let up makes you think about it and instead of forgive me, make peace, and be able to not have to look over your back and wonder what I'm going to do next you have to have little to no internet presence and sneak around.  So soon the world will know of the story I have to tell.  I loved you and 6 months from now I hope you have come back to me and our friendship is as strong as ever.  I love you Rachel Myatt I kept my promise for 6 months and I will continue to keep my promise for life and won't stop because I made my promise not only to you but first and foremost to God and if you think someone crazy and put them down for keeping their promise to God then you need to look in the mirror and see who is really living a life unfulfilled because God will always be first in my life.  Hope you change soon and we can work this out.

Unconditional Love

Many times in my life I have been faced with the dilemma of whether I should let sleeping dogs lie or certain people to fall by the way side. I thought long and hard about just walking away from you dear Rachel but I never did. Whether you believe it or not God has a reason for everything and He wanted me to live because He gave me the strength to press on and love you regardless of how you treat me, ignore me, and pretend you don't love or want me in your life anymore. Regardless what people do to each other in life. God gives us free will to choose. Do we push that person aside whether they be friend or family or do we never give up on them. Do we show them that we love them with all our heart and want to support them during the worst of times.  Rachel that is what God wanted me to find out. Would I give up on you because you abandoned me, ridiculed me, made me feel weak, and unloved. I could have done things to hurt you and try to seek revenge. No I didn't succumb to that way of thinking. So while you are learning to play guitar from Marty or spying on my blog from your Iphone take this into consideration. I have the free will to walk away from you, to stop writing, to stop caring, to just give up on you.  That would also be walking away from what God has had in store from me. I didn't walk away from you even in my darkest hour because I truly love you Rachel Myatt. God, Lord Jesus Christ gave me such a complete love for you and such a passion for you that it was that love that kept me from slipping into the arms of death and it will be that love that will spread all over the world soon through my pen and my word of mouth campaign. I was meant to love you. Maybe you should talk to your Reverend Coleman again and ask Him about when God called him to the Ministry.   Well you know when you have a calling when God calls you and the same way he felt when he was called to be a servant of God is the same way I feel about loving you and Jonathan and I was called to be with you too.  I also don't know who in your family made you feel like you couldn't date me and be there with me for the long run and why you went from being my closest friend to someone who treated me like an outcast.  I could never love another woman like you. If your mother didn't see the way I looked at you and loved you and Jonathan then she didn't really see what was in my heart.  She sent back both the letters that were addressed to her so she never got to hear what I had to say.  You can send back all the letters you want because now I'm taking this love to a bigger platform. It is going to be the internet and printed word all over North America and then the world. In a couple of weeks I will start my annual trek around North America to many music festivals. Some of them will be up to 75,000 plus people.  Just think if I give my Letters to Rachel cd or book to a couple hundred or thousand how the love and the story of you will catch on. You don't think I will do it Rachel but soon you will know how serious I am. I'm not going to stop loving you or Jonathan and I will keep this up until you pick up the phone and call me and that we are at least friends again. I will never love another woman like I love you but I also am not going to be walked on, disrespected, have my family disrespected like you did my dead mother. You didn't appreciate all the love, time, and effort I took to be with you and court you as a girlfriend.  I was totally in love with you and you only thought of yourself in the end and kept trying to throw it back at me and say I was the one who was only thinking of myself. No Rachel I was willing to give up my home all that I worked for and everything for you because I loved you that much.  You would still be living in Canada and you would have a best friend and partner in me that would never think of anyone but you and cherish the time I had with you and Jonathan.  God gave you someone who had a love for you that knew no bounds and you once again would rather judge someone instead of love them and get to know them.  I had and still have no problem with the Church of New Jerusalem. What I do have a problem with is when people use God's name to be selfish and to put down others and that is what you did to me.  I was ready to worship with you and become one with you. So while you sneak and read this I hope you will think about everything I said and how no matter what you do you cant hide from the truth, the pictures, your emails, your messengers, your text. They only tell the truth of what you said and that is what I will use to tell the truth in my story nothing more nothing less than what is real. They are your words, your missteps, and your free will to hurt me, not be forgiving, and not love me unconditionally like I will always love you.

Words from the Heart

Each day that passes I grow a little stronger
Still the yearning for your touch grows longer
I can still feel you on my lips, I can taste your hair, I am wanting to be there
You didn't know how much I truly cared
How the nights haven't been right, all the sleep I lost, and demons I had to fight
You wanted me to hate and curse you like you did me
It would never happen because in this world I am just an anomoly                                                                    So full of love, So full of hope, I came to you, and you put me on the rope
You hung me up to dry its like seeing with one eye, when you would bypass the truth for a lie.

If I could tell you how i feel in song

Dear Rachel,
Though I have written a whole cd or two worth of songs I know you will read this and I want you to know how I feel. You were my best friend and it was like you went from loving me to betraying all we worked to build in our friendship and loving each other. So i leave you first this song by Circa Survive its called "Imaginary Enemy" it brings me to tears each time I hear it because I think of how you just wanted to throw me away and treat me like your enemy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn6NgyC3qBc   I also wanted to leave this song by Sunny Day Real Estate called "Two Promises"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvb1QN11t44 its about a man who was abandoned and he wants to commit suicide. Much like I felt when you abandoned me. Jeremy Enigk has always been someone I admired because he left what could have been the next Nirvana for his love of Christ. I loved the album that this song came from "How It Feels to Be Something On" it moved me to tears and to love God even more the first time I heard it i was 23 and things seemed simpler.  I love you so much Rachel Myatt and I hope you and your family read this. I hope you know how much you mean to me and that I will continue to care about you and Jonathan and spread this love worldwide if I have too.  Good Night