Evil That Men Do. Response and Call.

This is a challenge to Rachel Myatt to put all the bad that we did to each other away and make peace with me.
This is  also a call and response to Pastor Glenn Coleman's Blog which can be found here.
http://colemanglenn.wordpress.com/2011/10/30/sermon-the-lesser-evil/

I believe we all commit evil and I did leave a response that hinted not only at the way  Rachel treated me evil in accordance to the New Church and its Theology I also hinted at why we should try to do good in all situations and not look at the least evil way to do something.  There are times where people may have to tell an untruth and do something they may not like to here and there but in most cases you can always do what is right and what is good at the oppurtune time.  Pastor Coleman either hasn't read my response yet or either doesn't want to answer it or is trying to find a way to answer it. Since I respect him as a man of God I hope it is the latter of the 3.  If not I am sorry that you dont take me serious and dont see that I am truly about to start a revolution pertaining to the New Church Theology and I have only begun to fight. 

In my response I gave him a hypothetical about what if one person did something that was evil to another and in this action the other person in retaliation did something that would affect 5 other people and the original person had the chance to stop the second person from doing such things by engaging them and talking to them and making things right and doing what is rational.

This was in guise my way of saying: If Rachel picked up the phone and talked to me then maybe there would be no discussion about the New Church in the way I have had to talk about them.  Rachel started a snowball and she would rather ignore the problem and situation instead of talk to me not only does she hurt herself but she exposes her family to fallout of her actions, her church is  under scrutiny by means of people reading my blog and others who disagree with New Church theology and she would rather her evil actions lead to more actions that cause hurt for not only her but others involved.   I am wondering since he is a very intelligent man did Pastor Coleman get the gest of what I was getting at.  If he honestly thinks I am coming to his blog to start trouble or just to talk about Rachel he is mistaken it is much bigger than that now and I have moved on to the point where my campaign is directed at not only Rachel but the entire New Church.  My problem with Pastor Coleman and Pastor Cooper who are the main Canadian pastors I have dealt with is that they make excuses for things in the Church and as I have mentioned earlier for a group that is supposed to be a New Christianity they are falling into many of the traps that other Churches follow that eventually lead people away from God and away from the Church. Sometimes just doing what is in our heart is not what is doing what is right.  If we are truly to do good we must seek the best means of doing good to benefit the most people.  Not doing what selfishly will make us feel good about ourselves and our best interest.

I will let you know why I am so upset and disgruntled not only with Rachel but the New Church as a whole.

1. I accepted and wanted to learn about Rachel's faith I never put her down, said it was wrong nor did I make fun of her at anytime. I read, I studied, I even wanted to go to Church with her when I was in Canada.  She on the other hand told me what I believed was stupid, wrong, wouldnt pray with me, and then had the audacity to tell me I didnt love God.

2. The New Church has recently been in debate about the calling of Women as ministers and also of a direct calling to do something.  When God calls you to do something it is not a direct call with God speaking in your ear.  It is something he puts in your heart and you either act on it or you dont. You can choose to make it a passion and work towards achieving that goal or you can not listen and go on about life. God wants us to live happy lives that are fulfilled and full of love and charity toward one another. When I was called to love Rachel I knew it.  I had two other girls here in Texas who wanted me as their boyfriend. I had one in England who I loved and adored and there was Rachel. I love Rachel Myatt to this day with all my heart and what I will tell you is the call to Rachel was because of the love I thought Rachel had for God. It was the Holy Spirit giving me a love so deep and so true to this day I have nothing but a pure true love for Rachel. Dont get me wrong I have issues with Rachel on so many levels but I have with other people and eventually they realize the love I have for them and that my love is from God and they come back.  People of the New Church if you dont believe in the calling God has in ones life then dont hold back others from believing in the calling that God has for them.  God speaks to each of us at some point in our lives and some choose to listen and reap the rewards and others do not and they never see their true potential.

I am calling on the General New Church of Canada to look deep into your teachings and see that they are turning people away from your Church.  While all Churches have beliefs, traditions, teachings, and  customs that do so, in my dealings so far with the Canadian New Church Members it seems that you are bent on proving your point instead of accepting others, listening to their view points and having a discussion that is relevant to both sides understanding the other.

I Hereby call on Pastor James Cooper of the Mount Olivet New Church in Toronto to listen to what others in the world to say.  I ask the same of Pastor Coleman Glenn of The New Church of Dawson Creek.  I also as the same of Rachel Myatt of Dawson Creek and the Dawson Creek New Church.  I ask for forgiveness and reconcilation.  I am about to publicly and worldwide take my campaign viral and if you have any objections or thoughts you would like to ad in retrospect before I do so I will be happy to listen and reply.   My email is open to all of you.  I am also open to anyone who reads this blog and I also ask that you read Pastor Colemans blog that is as follows
http://colemanglenn.wordpress.com/2011/10/23/sermon-leaving-the-land-of-our-birth/ I wish that as a Pastor that he could get Rachel and others in the New Church to take this advice. It is the reason I write this blog.  I write this blog solely for the fact that I do love Rachel Myatt but she showed so much Bigotry toward me especially Religously and if she had of heeded the advice in this sermon maybe she would have thought twice about the cruel way she not only treated me or acted toward me when all I did was love her.  I could have done so many evil things to get back at her and I have discussed this with Pastor Coleman but in the end I love Rachel and Jonathan to the point I have relegated my battle of love for them to this blog, letters, and a few other methods.  Anyone that comes her to read has come so on their own accord  out of interest. I havent made the viral videos available that I could have because I feel that may be a form of evil that would hurt Rachel and her family and put a burden on her congregation that they don't deserve.  If you are reading this Pastor Coleman all I ever wanted was for Rachel to make peace with me.  She will have to choose if she want this to go on and how long she wants things to escalate and her actions will determine how far I go with this. So far by the end of November I will launch videos and a website pertaining to my "Letters to Rachel" book all that could be healed by a phone call and a few kind words from Rachel but pride wont let her put down the guns and realize that there is someone that loves her more than this silly feud we have had. All this started because I refused to stop loving her.   Plain and simple and I will end this blog today with that.

And For Rachel making excuses for loving me because I am different. We are all different and we cant let our differences stop us from loving each other. I appreciated everything about you that was not common to my life but you could not do the same. You did not appreciate the friendship and devotion I put into my love for you. I find inspiration that there are New Church Pastors such as this one who was loving in his replies to me when we emailed. More over he seems to understand that we do not live our lives for ourselves we live them for God and for others and when you say you are going to be there for someone and love them and turn your back on them like you do then yes I called you on it and you are paying the price for it now.  All I have ever had was love for you but more over I am no longer afraid of telling my story and giving my all to God.
http://blog.newchurchlive.tv/2011/10/god-is-more-for-you-than-you-are-for-yourself/



Song for the day that goes with what we are talking about.
The Evil That Men Do by Iron Maiden http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E50QazmwP7M
Why Iron Maiden, Byron you might ask. That isnt very Christian of you. Please read the description of the album in which this song is from "Seventh Son of A Seventh Son" and see how it applies to speaking about callings.  Please read the history section of this brief Wikipedia page
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seventh_Son_of_a_Seventh_Son also in reference you might want to look up clairvoyance, God's Spirit talking to people, and the power of a calling.  I will never let anyone tell me that I wasn't called to love people that is my main reason for being on here to love others. If Rachel had of taken the time to see she mean so much to me that I was willing to put down everything and I took that calling to love her and Jonathan and I still do. No regrets, Nothing holding me back , just pure God given love.

God Bless All 

How Love Can Change Everything.(Dedicated To Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn of the New Church of Dawson Creek)

Dear Rachel and Readers,

I am going to blog today about how not only God but love can change everything.  I am going to use a few of my favorite inspirational bands and stories as examples of how putting your faith in God and trusting in Him will help you find love and happiness in your life.

Music has always been the one thing I have loved besides God when I am down.  I am going to use the band FireFlight as my first example.  We can always choose to love or we can choose to be irrational and not choose love. We can choose to find God or we can ignore Him. In Rachel's case she chose to put me down, she chose to use God's name in vain against me. She cursed me out, called me a loser, called me sick and damaged when I was in a state of grief for my mother and initially I wanted to hate her and felt like I should try to get revenge but instead I started this worldwide campaign to let her know I love her and I have no intention of stopping. I want to use FireFlight's song "You Decide" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNA5DO2FPOI&feature=related  to let anyone know that you can use free will to believe in the calling of God or you can let man and yourself stop you from believing and achieving that calling. All Rachel did was doubt my love for her and doubt my sincerity. I was never after anything but her heart, her friendship, and her love. It was never about sex, how pretty she was, or anything superficial. She was to me the most beautiful woman but it didnt define the reason I came to love her and that was what was in her heart. I hear a lot of people in the New Church challenging Evangelicals and other Christians beliefs in callings but we all have a calling in our hearts and we can choose to take that path or ignore it and it seems they are being defeatest to those who believe in themselves.  I am also using "What I've Overcome" by Fireflight as an example of God giving us the strength to endure tragedy and personal struggles in our daily  lives. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzPkRrfD_fw&feature=related  I thought Pastor Coleman as a cancer survivor would realize the beauty of God's grace more than anything and see how I had to suffer losing my mom and how I feel that God's love called me even after Rachel hurt, tore me down, and broke me. I am still here over a year later loving her and believing in her and neither he or she can see the love I have.   Fireflight was a major influence in me being able to get through things last year.  I remember about two years ago I had to get one of my wisdom teeth pulled and anyone who has had a wisdom tooth pulled knows how painful it can be.  I refused any drugs to help after the anasthesia wore off and two hours later I was right up in front after an hour drive to Dallas at a Christian coffee shop watching Fireflight. The ministry and dedication to their fans and to the Lord Jesus Christ is amazing.  I also want to point out that Rachel made fun of me for having thoughts of suicide.  People were so supportive of me and didnt make fun of me or mock me like she did because most of them understood the pain of losing my mother. They looked down on Rachel because of how she treated me. My own father called her a bitch but I reprimanded him and I told him that he didn't understand what it was like to loose the two women you loved the most. My mother and then Rachel at about the same time.  The point I want to make with Fireflight is that for the longest time I walked around wearing one of their shirts this one http://www.merchline.com/fireflight/categorydisplay.2835.c.htm and when I was in Canada if you look at my Facebook and my Myspace there is a picture of me wearing this hoodie with Rachel, her mother, and Jonathan. http://www.merchline.com/fireflight/categorydisplay.3465.c.htm Not only do I love Fireflight but I love the ministry and the love that they instill in their fans to love God. For Rachel to say that I didn't love God and to put my faith down was very disheartining.  Now wearing a piece of clothing doesn't make me a Christian but not being afraid to show that I am Christian and wearing it as a badge of honor and love for God does.  I am willing to suffer for my faith and hurt which I do on a daily basis because I believe in the love God has for us. On the back of the Restore Hope T-shirt there is a website.   I want you to check it out if you are reading this blog. http://lohintl.com/ Legacy of Hope International that helps children that are at risk for child trafficking, child and sexual abuse, and it helps to educate and empower children and those who can help them.  Though I may never experience what some of the children in these developing nation experience as a young child I was a victim of a sexual abuse incident I was 9 years old and it took alot of strength to tell Rachel who I thought was my best friend about it and she used my trust and my love for her telling her about the hurtful things that happened to me against me and called me sick and damaged. It was very painful and demeaning.  The New Church talks about living a life that is charitable to others.  Not only do I support organazations like Legacy of Hope through supporting and listening to bands like Fireflight I am someone who truly cares about my friends, family, and strangers and will help others as much as I can even to the point sometimes of going hungry myself. Rachel nor Pastor Coleman have no idea the pain their cruel words nor attitude ingrained on me but still I have nothing but love for both of them and the New Church and I soldier on hoping that in the end God's love will triumph and Rachel will see how much someone truly loves her. 

The next band I am going  to use as an example is Flyleaf.  They are a Christian band from Texas that have been a big influence on my life.   I have had the chance to meet them all and some of their family actually.  It is a bit more personal for me though because I got to help in the growing of the fanbase and watching their popularity rise.   In the summer of 2005 I was promoting bands for Sony/BMG on various street teams.  I had in the last two years watched popular secular band Maroon 5 one of the bands I promoted and met go from playing small bars to amphetheaters.   I was given a box of cds by a band called Flyleaf to pass out at the 2005 version of Ozzy Ozbourne's Ozzfest.  I do love music and one of my favorite metal bands Arch Enemy who are Swedish was playing that day so took the assignment. I was also working for Fuze TV that day and still have the shirt and hat they gave me. I stood in the hot 100 degree Texas heat handing out a two song cd sampler that included the song  "Im So Sick" which was on the radio at this time and another song called "Cassie"   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1pfSS54go0&feature=related  (acoustic version) which was about a young lady who was one of  the victims of the Columbine shooting. Cassie Bernell was asked by shooter Eric Harris "Do You Believe In God?" before he killed her. She became a martyr because of it and effectively the song is about lead singer Lacey Mosely( now Lacey Sturm) communicating how we should all be like Cassie and be willing to die for our faith in God.  I am willing to die for my love of God and put it up against anything that comes in my life. The day I passed out those cds people made fun of me. I had people laugh that I was promoting a Christian band at a metal concert.  Some people took the cds then pelted me with them but I stood there and believed in that little band until all the cds were passed out.  I kept getting them in the mail and I kept going to shows and passing them out. I started going to the shows and not only seeing that God was in their hearts but seeing how open minded they were as Christians.   One of my favorite bands has always been Nine Inch Nails and though many Christians would shy away from a band like that Trent Reznor is an incredible musician and a genius and I love that about him.  So when Flyleaf did a cover of my favorite song of theirs. "Something I Can Never Have" I respected them even more. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwipmQlsmBE When Rachel abandoned me I listened to it alot it helped keep me alive.  I kept going to shows and at one Christmas show where they played with Disturbed and some other secular rock bands I was outside promoting another band Army of Anyone who was Richard Patrick of Filter and Robert and Dean Deleo of Stone Temple Pilots  I ended up meeting some of Flyleaf's family members. They saw I had an old Flyleaf tshirt and a stack of their cds and pins along with the other band I was promoting and thanked me for supporting them.  Needless to say two years later the debut album "Flyleaf" went platinum and they were stars.  They never forgot God's love and always gave praise to Him not only giving back to charitable organizations but I remember going to a free show because of donating to one of those organizations. They were thankful for everything God gave them.  When I told Rachel I loved her I sent her a song off of Flyleaf's second album Memento Mori called "Treasure"  about loving and finding  Christ and being found by the one God has for you to love.  Rachel was the one I wanted to marry and I love and loved her with all of my heart and this song embodied all the love God gave me for her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB-FOb_vxO4 I truly loved Rachel with all of God's love that He gave to me I loved her and Jonathan with all my heart and to think that Christ gave His life so that I could live and love someone as beautiful and special as Rachel and that Flyleaf could put into words somewhat how amazing that sacrifice is moved me to tears.  I will never love anyone as much as I loved Rachel.  I will never seek to have a family or kids again. I will never give my heart to anyone again but God because all I ever do is get lied to, played with, and ridiculed and kicked down then months later or years later I get calls and apologies from these women who realized how wrong they were about the good man I was to them. Rachel wont realize it for a long time just how much I love her but when she does she will realize I was willing to give up everything to be with her and Jonathan and not only that fight to show her I love her but she is taking it for granted now.  Flyleaf is an amazing band that has inspired me alot I want to share Lacey's story about finding God with you before I ened this blog. Rachel made fun of me for wanting to die after she abandoned me.  I chose to live one because I loved the beautiful gift of life that God gave to me.  Two because I believed in the love I have for Rachel and that one day Rachel would realize how much I love her. That my love wasn't a joke or a game.  I love you Rachel Myatt.  Lacey was also into drugs and an Atheist and attempted suicide and God came to her and look what she became.  I know you are a good person and that you love me and you can rise above the doubt and the hurt we both been through and come back into my life. I know you love me.  I know you read this blog.  I know you still care and I still love and care for you very much.  I want to leave a video about Lacey talking about her love of God and how He came to her. We all do have a calling we are the ones who have to choose to act on God's love or we can live a life unfulfilled full of selfishness, death, regret, and hurt.   Here is her testimony. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0FsEQTnmOk&feature=related All I ever wanted to do was be loved Rachel and I wanted it to be your love. I believed in you.  Each day I pray about you because I love you and Jonathan.  There are tears in my eyes writing this but I am not ashamed.  I am not afraid of my love for you. My faith in God.  I am reaching out to you with all my love that God has given to me. I will go to the ends of the earth with a love for you that is unconditional and unwaivering.  I love you so much and I only hope you will see that I chose life because I love you.  I wanted to make things right with you some day because I knew that God loved both of us so much that He would bring us back together.  I do not write this blog or carry on my campaign to hurt you but because I love you more than any other earthy person on this earth.  I love you and Jonathan as my own flesh.  You are my sister, my best friend, and the love of my life.  Whether you ever talk to me again that is how I feel and I will end this blog on that note.  You mean the world to me. I wish I had of meant something to you but regardless God loves me and I will prosper on in loving you.

I love you Rachel Myatt.

I wasn't afraid to share my story worldwide but it is your story too Rachel. God has given me the strength to tell everything and not be afraid of what others say or what lies ahead.  I am not afraid to keep loving you and in fact I am proud of the love I have for you. I am sorry you didnt appreciate or realize the true love I had for you and how deep my love of God is. You can choose to leave this story like it is full of hurt and despair or you can make peace with someone who loves you and is willing to do anything to show you he loves you. You decide!

I loved you Rachel Myatt and I know you were hurt in the past but I truly love you. I never wanted to change who you were. I loved you how you were and I still love you. You were my dearest friend and if others didnt believe in me and I didnt believe in the love God gave me for you I wouldnt still be here I leave you with the song "More Than A Love Song" by Fireflight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yST2RwcdmFM&feature=related

What The New Church Thinks About Womens Calling To Be Ordained

Dear Readers,

In dealings with Rachel's religious leader Pastor Glenn I felt that his reponse was arrogant about the me being called to love her. I feel that we as humans have free will to go and do many things. God wants us to be happy and many people will choose to do evil things such as kill, slander , and persecute others. I have always thought that women have something to offer Church(meaning Churches of  all types) Though I dont feel they should hold the highest roles in the Church and I am by no means misogynst or sexist.  I do believe if women feel a calling to be ministers and spread the gospel then this is what Christ wanted.  Women are made in God's image too.  They are strong, nuturing, great decision makers.  How many of you were raised by a single mother and one that worked and struggled to do all she could for you.  I was for a time then my parents got back together but in that time my mother (R.I.P.) did all that she could for me and my brother. It is true that God does give men and women a different perspective on live, love, and world view but it is together as one that we both compliment each other in life.  Whether it be a physical or spiritual marraige we both do good as men and women and both have their place in spreading the Gospel.

I always believed in Rachel and the strong woman she was and despite our falling out and the things she did and said to me I believe women should be ordained in some capacity.  Below is a blog/magazine article from the New Church Perspective Page.   I encourage people to read this.
http://www.newchurchperspective.com/essays/2011/10/14/the-21st-century-debate-on-women-in-the-priesthood-part-i-da.html

I am going to bring the teachings of the New Church into the public eye in the next couple of months. All I had was love not only for Rachel but I respected the Pastors and Reverends I talked too but some of them had no respect for me. They came off as arrogant and pompous and maybe the New Church needs the perspective of women to balance the Patriarchial Dichotomy which seems to be causing more harm than help.   I don't think Rachel understood the strong will God gave me and my willingness to put myself out there for the sake of God. She had me pegged as some Evangelical zealot or Protestant mainstay but in all actuallity I have an open mind and believe in calling. You can choose to accept God or you can ignore Him and that in itself is a calling.  I will put a public eye on the New Church since some of its members chose to scrutinize me and all I wanted to do was join them in prayer and worship.  I hope this blog finds you well and that you share it with others and  I hope that the women of the New Church are one day utilized and their full potential as servants of God is  realized.

The saddest thing of this all is that the Church of The New Jerusalem claim to be a new kind of Christianity, accepting all religions, and accepting all. Not only was I not given a warm welcome by them but I was scrutinzed for my Protestant beliefs when I was open to learn with out judgement or a close mind. It seems they are just more of the same and make up things to keep certain people in power or control and to keep people from actually learning their doctrine which I thought would be a beautiful message of love. 
God Bless All


For anyone that thinks I have any hate for Rachel in my heart there is none. I love her with all my heart.  It is her choice to stop hurting people and to start accepting them for who they are and actually take the time to learn about them.  I want to dedicate a song to let any readers know how much I love Rachel.  It is "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzmTFBPMhk8&feature=related   Yes I do believe my love for her is a calling but God only helps those who help and believe in themselves and I always believed in my love for Rachel and I accomplished that through determination and perseverence.  She said I would never be in her arms and there I was.  All the things she told me I would never do I did and that is why I know that my faith and my love are true.



Oh and this is for Rachel. GET OVER IT. Someone loves and cares about you this blog is not about being pissed off and whining about you hurting me. It is because I love you and after all your cruelty to me,  I still care and love you and forgive you. That is what it is about. So move on past your animosity, your hate for the bed you made and just make peace with me.  If you were truly the person you claim to be and someone loves you as much as I do it never would have went this far. So stop thinking this is about hurting you or putting you down its about how much I love you silly girl. So here is a video that is just for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BxfpbyV-uc

Plastic World/Fake People/Liars

Dear Rachel and Readers,
The thing that hurt me the most about this whole ordeal is that Rachel thought that she could do what ever she wanted to and just expect me to just bend over and take it.  Well here we are at what is not only the beginning of the next chapter but the one that counts the most.  I am weeks away from releasing a book with vital information and stories about her. She would rather it hurt her family, her church, and herself than to pick up the phone and make peace with me.  I can't stand hypocrites or people who say one thing then act another. To some she may appear a good so called Christian woman but she is not loyal, she chastises and puts down anyone who doesnt believe like her, and she has pulled the same mess she pulled with me with two other guys so if she wants to talk about people with mental problems and who are messed up in the head maybe she needs to look as far as her bathroom mirror. I never judged her and never did anything less than love her and want to be with her.  She doesn't know the value of true friendship, she constantly lies, and she is fake. Anything that I believed was genuine and true about her went out the window months ago.  I am not going to hold back in anything I have to say anymore.  I wanted to make this blog short and sweet and dedicate this song to Rachel Myatt today for treating me the way she did, for judging me, and for trying to hide and ignore all the wrong she did. Here is a song about treating people less than human and judging them for the enviroment that made them who they are.  It is called "Plastic World" by Naked Agression (profanity spoiler) I apologize but it is necessary to prove a point. One day I would like to make a Christian version of this song with certain words removed to teach others about the evil of judging and passing judgment on others.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxnLk12EWDI


When you pass judgement on others and claim to be Christian it makes you the biggest of hypocrites.   It is ok to agree to disagree but to treat me evil and put down my faith as Rachel did and then try to twist her own world view to make me look bad to others I am not having that crap. That is why I fought the war that I have for the past year. She is going to learn that you dont treat people like she does because someone is eventually not going to put up with it and put you in your place. I got tired of women lying to me and playing games and Rachel was arrogant, pompous, pious, and selfish and so I did what I had to to show her that I a was never her doormat. I truly loved her and care for her and Jonathan and now what does she have? She made an enemy out of me. I love her and to me she will never be an enemy if she truly loved me at all she would end this ridculous mess she started and make peace with me but see that is the difference between myself and her. She comes at the idea of God of being selfish and self centered.  I see God as a means to help others, to love others, and if we hurt others to find peace with them. That is what Jesus would truly want us to do. Rachel I pray for you every night because I do love you very much but you would much rather continue to hide and to have a book containing the way you treat people come out about you.  I am going to do whatever I want and how I want it and I no longer care for your feelings because you didnt care about mine. You mocked my feelings, you made a joke out of the love I had for you, you put me down, disrespected my dead mother, you are not loyal, you are hurtful, spiteful, and the worst  of what Christianity should not be. It is people like you who make people hate God and not want to find Him.  I say what I say proudly and I will continue to tell the truth about your actions and how you dont care about anyone but yourself.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 

The Following Portions of this Blog are culled from Sacred Text used by The Church Of The New Jerusalem in their studies and worship. I am using them to show that not only did I study and want to worship with Rachel but Rachel's treatment of me was hypocritical to the values of the Religion she is part of.


True Christian Religion 407
To love the neighbor is not alone to wish well and do good to a relative, a friend, or a good person, but also to a stranger, an enemy, or a bad person. But charity is to be exercised toward the latter in one way and toward the former in another—toward a relative or friend by direct benefits and toward an enemy or a bad person by indirect benefits, which are rendered by exhortation, discipline, punishment, and consequent amendment. For example, a judge who punishes an evil-doer in accordance with law and justice, loves his neighbor; for so he makes him better, and consults the welfare of the citizens that he may not do them harm. Everyone knows that a father who chastises his children when they do wrong, loves them, and that, on the other hand, he who does not chastise them therefore, loves their evils, and this cannot be called charity. Again, if a person repels an insulting enemy, and in self-defense strikes him or delivers him to the judge in order to prevent injury to himself, and yet with a disposition to be-friend the person, he acts from a charitable spirit…. The end in view declares whether it is charity or not.


(I use this because in my blog I am calling for peace with Rachel and I love Rachel. I do not want to be her enemy but I went to the New Church because I care about her and I wanted her to stop being lofty and judgemental so I did it as someone who was concerned for the way she was using her teachings not so much as an angry ex boyfriend like most think. I truly do love and adore Rachel and that is why I am doing what I am. Not as a defamation of character but as a way for her to realize how she hurts people with her actions, demeanor, and the bastardization of her Church doctrine to fit her own selfish needs)

Arcana Coelestia 2284:4
One is never allowed to judge the nature of another person’s spiritual life, for the Lord alone knows this. But one is allowed to judge the nature of another person’s life, private and public, since this is of importance to society.

Rachel chose to judge me and put me down and was cruel and untruthful about things.  She made fun of my mental state after losing my mother, she said I was sick, unhappy, and damaged.  She chose to do that. So I have every right not only to write this blog but to call her out on the evil of what she did.  When we lose a person in death especially a parent or child we are allowed certain feelings and emotions. My mother loved me so much all she wanted was for me to live my life and love Rachel and on her deathbed she gave me her blessing. Rachel Myatt is someone I love with all my heart but instead of show compassion and patience with me like I showed her during the course of our relationship, she abandoned me, threw stones, and without proper cause made assumptions that just weren't true. She didnt communicate her feelings to me but even worst she tried to interpret my feelings without asking me or talking to me about things. 


Heavenly Doctrine 164
A person who examines himself for the purpose of practicing repentance, should explore his thoughts, and the intentions of his will. There he ought to examine what he would do, if he were at liberty; that is, if he were not afraid of the laws, and the loss of reputation, honor, and gain. A person's evils are in his thoughts and intentions; and the evils which he does with the body are all from thence. Those persons who do not explore the evils of their thoughts and of their will cannot practice repentance. For afterwards they think and will just as they did before; and yet willing evils means doing them. This is meant by self-examination.



I have made a lot of mistakes and I fall short everyday of what God might want me to do. The one thing I do know is that God called me to Rachel Myatt.  Rachel asked me on the phone after she abandoned me did I ever think that my love for her was a mistake? I told her no and I still love and believe in her. I put my faith in God first and that is why I got to where I did with her. I admit every wrong thing I did.  I am sorry for the things I did after Rachel abandoned me to hurt her but I am not sorry for having the strength and courage to be able to ask God forgiveness, say what is on my mind to an audience worldwide, and to also tell people about her.  If you love someone, truly love someone you never give up on them.  I feel this way about Rachel and I would go to the ends of the earth for her but I also dont let people get by with treating me bad and others bad and not let them know about that which they have done to offend.

Arcana Coelestia 1594:5

He who is in mutual love acknowledges and believes that all that is good and true is not his, but the Lord’s. His ability to love another as himself—and if he is like the angels, his ability to love another more than himself—he acknowledges and believes to be the Lord’s gift. I loved Rachel and Jonathan Myatt so much that I was willing to give up my life her in Texas and be happy being a devoted husband, father, and best friend to both of them.   I still love Rachel and Jonathan to this day more than my own life.  In my heart Rachel is my best friend and I grieve her loss like I grieve my mother.  The sad thing is my mother is gone from this world but Rachel and I still have a chance to put things right.  I hope that in reading this Rachel you will see how God has transformed my heart and put a fire in it so strong that you cannot deny the love I have for you. Arcana Coelestia 6388 They who are in genuine mutual love are in their delight and bliss when they are benefiting the neighbor, for they desire nothing more. I wanted to be Rachel and Jonathan's faithful servant and love them everyday and become closer to the Lord Jesus Christ with both of them. It was the smile in my heart, the joy in soul, and I love Rachel with all my being and doing for her and Jonathan would have made me happy for my mortal life till the one beyond. Arcana Coelestia 3875:5 Mutual love is different from friendship inasmuch as mutual love has a person’s good in view, and in directing itself towards that good is directed towards the person in whom good is present. Friendship however has the person in view, which is also mutual love when it looks at that person from the point of view of, that is, on account of, that good. But when it does not look at him from the point of view of good or on account of that good but on account of self which it calls good, friendship is not in that case mutual love but something close to the love of self. I always saw the good in Rachel and it outweighed the flaws, short comings, and misgivings of her.  I could have been selfish and thought about what I wanted which was only to be loved but I did always think about Rachel and Jonathan first.  How could I benefit their lives if I come into them? I loved that Rachel was so compassionate and caring with children and that was one of my reasons for wanting to date her.  I liked that she was passionate about her faith,  I never thought she would use it against me for evil though.  I loved how she talked abou her family and it made me love and and want to have them as my family with her and Jonathan aswell.   I thought  Rachel loved me back the same way as she claimed to but in the end it was all about her selfish desire. I will continue to dissect some of The Church of The New Jerusalem's Sacred Text and Writings in accordance with the Bible, Swedenborg, and how they pertain to Rachel Myatt and I in the coming blogs. I hope if anyone from the New Church is reading this that you are now convinced that I wouldnt just go into this course of actions to degrade or to demean Rachel Myatt.  I love Rachel Myatt and I am doing so to prove to Rachel and her family that I was meant to be with her and that even through adversity and tragedy we can rise about it all with God's love to be triumphant.  I want nothing more than peace with Rachel Myatt.  Love to all who Read this especially you my dear Ray Ray

Rachel I Still Love You

Dear Rachel,

I love you very much and that will never change. I think the world of you and through all the heartache, pain, and hurt I just want you to know. I love you just as much as the first time I said it. I still believe in the good in your heart and that I will get my wish for Christmas of you burying the hatchet with me. I love you and that is the only present I want. I ask that in the Lords name. That you have the courage to put aside anything that is holding you back from making peace with me. I would walk the world 12 times over or do anything to let you know how much you mean to me and for us to be friends and in each others good graces. I hope your life is blessed and that there is much happiness in your life.

love
B

If I Had One Song to Tell you How Much I Love You Rachel Myatt

Dear Rachel,

 I am sorry you couldn't accept me and support me during the troubled time in my life.  Relationships are about not giving up on people when things get bad.  I would have never walked away from you or Jonathan. I loved you, and still love you for all you are.  Whatever you or others want to think of this blog or anything I have done it is all because I love the woman you are.  God gave me a love so strong that I have never walked away from you.  I would have been there for you if you had cancer and no hair,  I would have pushed you in a wheelchair if you lost the ability to walk,  I would have held your hand and guided you if you went blind.  I would have kissed your tears away when you had a bad day.  I would have loved you forever.  I do love you forever unconditionally.  I just want you to know how painful it has been not having you around and not hearing about you and Jonathan.  The most painful of all was all the stones you threw at me and all the cruel things you said because you know I was nothing but a good, loyal,  Christan man who loved you with all his heart.  I just want to leave this song to tell you how much I love you and how no matter what you did or do I will love you unconditionally with no doubts no regrets and no surrender.  "Colorful" by the Verve Pipe(Steel Dragon song in the movie Rockstar)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV14skTk6Ck&feature=relatedI love you this much and no matter what has happened or would have happened I always would have forgiven you and love you even more.  I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Now I dont even trust other people.  I can't look in the mirror and i feel betrayed and like maybe I should give up but I keep on because of my love for God and because I truly love you Rachel Myatt. I would do anything to end this blog,  I would do anything for you to talk to me, I would do anything if you loved me again. 

Goodbye

All the ways you slandered and put me down are listed below but I forgave you and have only sought reconcilation and forgiveness for you.

1. Saying you loved me and wanted to be with me if you thought you didn't
2. Saying things horrible things about my dead mother when I was on the phone with you
3. Engaging in Sexual Activity and Intimacy when you knew I was marriage minded and courted you and built a relationship on that trust and unity.
4. Not telling the truth to Pastor Glenn and saying you would deny things to the Church.
5. Letting me meet your family and Jonathan if you didn't want me to be around
6. I gave you a chance to break up with me so basically Leading Me ON
7. Saying that I am mentally ill. when I was grieving. I was sad but I was not unhappy and to lie and tell people things like that was wrong.  Who are you to judge anybodies mental states.  I have sociology and psychology classes under my belt and I have also taken care of someone who was manic depressant or bi polar.  I have never been diagnosed with a mental illness so for you to take it as anymore as reaction to the messed up way you handled things was  very rude, hurtful, and selfish.
8. Pretending to be a Good Christian woman when there is so much hypocracy in your life. When I am wrong I admit it. I admitted and apologized for anything I thought I might have done to hurt you. I dont apologize for this blog nor its contents because it is true all the things you did and I have proof in emails, messenger files,  and text conversations and the letters you and Jonathan sent me. I will back anything I have said up and then some 

I love you I just wish you knew how much you really do keep hurting people Rachel Myatt
"It is a matter of taking the side of the weak against the strong, something the best people have always done."
Harriet Beecher Stowe

How Judas Priest Helped Me Love God More and Seek Forgiveness with Rachel

This is probably one of the most personal blog I will ever write but I wanted Rachel and all my readers to know the beauty of music and how God can use it to heal and to help us deal with everyday life. Many people would think that me being a Christian and listening to Judas Priest and even using them as an example would be quite an odd choice. I grew up listening to lots of heavy music and I was brought up with a strict Christian upbringing.  I was even singled out at Church by the hiearchy when I was 14 because of my love of heavy metal.  It was this constant judging in life by people that made me the way I am. Rachel you had no right to judge me and say the things you did. I am a perfectly normal human being who has never been diagnosed with a mental illness.  I have never done drugs.  I have never been in trouble with the law. I am not out smoking and drinking.  I love God and I had to struggle to find that love and when I found Him it has been the glue that holds my life together. All I ever did was love you and I never judged you or decided I couldn't love you for any flaw or doubt I had about who you were.  I don't understand you ridicule and your finger pointing at my mental state, my faith, and my love.  When people die you are going to grieve. What if your mother died today. Would I call you sick and mentally ill? No would I abandon you because you were a little under the weather? No I would have been right there by your side being the best friend I could be. I would give you all the support and love in the world which is something you didnt do for me.  When I was with you I was  so happy more than you can ever know I was never sad just shy and collected.  I went from being one of the most outgoing guys ever to just living in limbo after my mom died.  I was dealing with it the best I could.  The one thing I do know is that I loved you and Jonathan enough to come see you and keep my promise to you without hesitation with no selfish feelings of my loss but instead doing what my mom asked me to do and just live my life and love you.  So how does Judas Priest fit into my love of Christ and my love for Rachel. I will explain.

Recently I had been looking for inspiration in music.  I have been writing and mixing the songs that will appear on  the "Letters to Rachel" album.  People are like when are you going to finally put the album out? I told them I have to make sure that its right so that Rachel knows how much I love her. I wrote a song last night about forgiveness called "If We Could..." It is amazing. Anyways!  Judas Priest has always been one of the greatest Metal bands ever.  Rob Halford's voice is incredible!! The range of his octaves is impressive.  So how does this fit in with loving Christ and Rachel Byron? 

I have been listening a lot to the album "Stained Class" it came out in 1978 when I was only 3yrs old.  It is probably one of the greatest metal albums ever it starts off with a song called "Exciter" with Rob Halford wailing about an Alien Messiah who comes to give us Salvation.  Now to me the guitar work is so netherwordly and angelic that I think of Christ love.  I think of the beauty of giving Rob Halford a voice like he did and giving us great guitarist like K.K. Downing and Glenn Tipton.  The best part of the song is a solo at the 3:38 mark which can be viewed here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO2DYwvseiY I think of God's love and how he can lift us up when we are at our lowest. 
The next song on the album "White Heat , Red Hot" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahCP6BkVG1k&feature=related the groove alone send me to heaven.  I think of the cosmos. I think of God's creation and all its beauty. I have been blasting this in the car window down even with it being cooler now and just rocking out.
The 3rd song on the album is the one that will explain the whole reason I am using Judas Priest as an example.  It is a cover of the Spooky Tooth song "Better By You, Better Than Me" It is about a man leaving the woman he love because of the relationship and going to join the war effort.  I feel like I am at war with Rachel and it was never supposed to be this way. We had so much love and Rachel in one instant you just ran scared, cursed me, treated me like your enemy and abandoned me. I was willing to believe in you, be faithful, and love you unconditionally and you just threw it all away so the guy in this story figures he might as well go to war and die because the love he has isnt working out. That is how I felt whether you understand it or not when you abandoned me my heart and soul died then.  I barely made it out alive but I am here and I am here with forgiveness and love.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKzOIdJ7ApI&feature=related

I am also going to use the song "Better By You, Better Than Me" as an example of personal responsibilty and choice.  Rachel used her personal responsiblity to hurt and damage me. I was always honest with her and truthful. I even gave her a chance to break up with me in Canada. Instead she wanted to be selfish and wait till I was back here in the U.S. so she didn't have to deal with the pain of actually hurting someone instead of when I could have hugged her shook her hand and walked way amicably, as friends still. She seems to thrive on drama and that is why I have never let down on my convictions and my belief in this blog or my love for her. Ok how does this song and Judas Priest pertain to this.  I will now explain. 

This was an actual court case against the band Judas Priest. It said that the song "Better By You, Better Than Me" had sublimal messages which led two young men to make a suicide pact, one suceeded and the other was horribly disfigured and later died from an overdose of painkillers James Vance Vs Judas Priest was the court case it was chronicled in the documentary "Dream Decievers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNg-QLsv_9U&feature=related  This is an example of placing blame on others and not being able to stand up for personal  responsibilty.  These two guys had the choice. They chose to make a suicide pact. They chose to pull the trigger. They chose to try to blame their actions on a song.  No song will make you pull a trigger you have to make that choice. I chose life when you abandoned me one because God loves me and two because I love you Rachel Myatt.  You made a choice to treat me the way you did Rachel. It was your free will to be cruel. It was your free will to say the things you did.  Your choice to judge me and tear me down. It was my choice to react they way I did but in the end I have reacted with love no matter how pissed at you I have been. I could have just said screw you and just flogged you all over the place. Instead I made a heartfelt decision to let people know how much I love you. It may have seemed like a backhanded attempt to get back at you but its not. I really love you. I don't look at what happened and hate you. It makes me love you and wish you would listen to the message of love and forgivenes I am trying to share with you. I want you back in my life but again that is your choice. You have to stand up and face your responsibilty Rachel Myatt. Do you want to this to continue do you want to it to affect your life, your Church, and everyone around you. Stop hiding and face up to things and make peace with me.  I am glad that their are bands like Judas Priest that have great music that inspire me. I am inspired to love you because of their music.  I am to blame for loving you, I am to blame for believing in you, I am also to blame for putting up with the way you treated me. I wont pass judgement on anyone else because of that.  Your behavior towards me was my grounds for all that I have done it directly affected others so it will be up to you Rachel Myatt how you want to ultimately end this. Do you want it to end in love and reconciliation or with more of the same and you end up hurting more people in the near future. You decide.

I also want to talk about how Judas Priest is a reminder of how we should be tolerant of other peoples beliefs, views, and thought process.  Rob Halford the singer of Judas Priest is gay.  A lot of people suspected it but in the 90s he finally came out in public.  He believed his professional career and the people around him was more important than his sexuality so he tried to keep it hidden.  He cared about the other people around him and his personal responsibilty was to those who he loved and respected.  When he finally admitted it people accepted it.  The fans still loved and respected both Halford and Judas Priest. What people do or believe shouldnt be all that defines them. It is how they conduct their life and serve their fellow man or woman.  Its about charity and love.  I was raised in Christian Theology and that Homosexuality was wrong. It didnt stop me from loving people who were gay and accepting them for who they are. My cousin died of HIV in the 90s he was gay. He hid it well but we didn't love him any less.  Rachel the reason that I wanted to write this blog today is because of the way you judge people. You know why God is giving me the strength and insight to do what I am doing. He loves you. He wants you to stop judging people. He wants you to stop hurting people.  He wants you to stop hurting me and love me. I love you and I am happy. I have so much love for you and even after all that you did and said to me I can forgive and still want you in my life. This is not about having you as my girlfriend again. I would take you back in a heartbeat but I would rather have you talk to me as a friend and just slowly have you back in my life.  I am calling on you today to be brave and find it in your heart to do so.

Judas Priest was diverse and accepting as they culled their name from a Bob Dylan song "The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dwm-5ABSIs0 It has a beautiful message.  Judas Priest though they were metal always did covers of great songs especially the cover of folk singer Joan Baez "Diamonds and Rust" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGMHSbcd_qI and the Judas Priest Version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLDazyvMMGw&feature=fvsr  This blog today was about my love for music of all kinds and how even things we wouldn't normally bring us closer to God can. With God all things are possible. This Blog today was directly to Rachel Myatt as challenge to face up to they way she treated me and to talk to me.  Rachel no one can make things right but you. You have to stop hurting people and then hiding after you do the damage. I love you and I am willing to put it all on the line to prove that to you.  I love you more than anyone on this earth and if I have to travel this world to let you know that I will and I am about to. You mean the world to me I just wish I had of meant the world to you
Christian  Band Stryper in 2011 covering Judas Priest "Breaking the Law" from their album "The Covering" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKEJ5draLcA&feature=related Being a Christian doesnt mean being uptight intolerant and not living. Being a Christian means loving others, accepting them, and caring for them as Christ did all of us.  We can learn a lot in this video. Not only did Rob Halford take it as a compliment instead of slag Stryper for being a Christian band like so many people do but Stryper did a whole album of covers some like Iron Maiden, Ozzy Ozbourne, and Led Zepplin, Now in constrast here is a video of someone judging and slagging Stryper for just playing music they like sort of like Rachel judging me and putting me down because I was raised to love God differently than her.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgHcaFRoRxQ&feature=related   I just wished people would love each other and appreciate the beauty of Jesus sacrifice, His Love, and the wondeful gift of life we all have and not judge and put each other down but rejoice in all that is HIS
 


.2 Corinthians 11:4
For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the Spirit you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough.


Only God can Judge You and Me Rachel So I leave you this from one of your Sacred Text.


Arcana Coelestia 22842284. Peradventure ten shall be found there. That this signifies if there should still be remains, is evident from the signification of the number "ten," as being remains (explained in volume 1, n. 576, 1738). What remains are has been stated and shown before in various places (as in n. 468, 530, 560, 561, 660, 661, 1050, 1738, 1906), namely, that they are all the good and all the truth with man which lie stored up in his memories and in his life. [2] It is well known that there is nothing good and nothing true, except from the Lord; and also that what is good and true is continually inflowing from the Lord into man, but that it is received in various ways, and in fact in accordance with the life of evil, and in accordance with the principles of falsity in which the man has confirmed himself. These are what either quench, or stifle, or pervert the goods and truths that are continually flowing in from the Lord. Lest therefore goods should be commingled with evils, and truths with falsities (for if they were commingled the man would perish eternally), the Lord separates them, and stores up in his interior man the goods and truths which the man receives; whence He will never permit them to come forth so long as the man is in evil and falsity, but only at such a time as he is in a holy state, or in some anxiety, sickness, or other trouble. These things which the Lord has thus stored up with man are what are called "remains," of which very much mention is made in the Word; but it has not yet been known to anyone that this is what they signify. [3] According to the quality and quantity of the remains-that is, of the good and truth with a man-does he enjoy bliss and happiness in the other life; for, as has been said, these remains are stored up in his interior man, and they are opened at the time when the man has left corporeal and worldly things behind. The Lord alone knows the quality and extent of the remains in a man; the man himself cannot possibly know this, for at the present day man is of such a character that he is able to counterfeit what is good, while within there is nothing but evil; and a man may also appear to be evil and yet have good within. On this account no man is ever allowed to judge concerning the quality of the spiritual life of another, for the Lord alone, as before said, knows this; but everyone may judge of another in regard to the quality of his moral and civil life, for this concerns society. [4] It is very common for those who have taken up an opinion respecting any truth of faith, to judge of others that they cannot be saved, unless they believe as they do-a judgment which the Lord has forbidden (Matt. 7:1-2). On the other hand, I have learned from much experience that men of every religion are saved, provided that by a life of charity they have received remains of good and of apparent truth. This is what is meant by its being said that if ten were found, they should not be destroyed for the ten's sake; by which is signified that they would be saved if there were remains. [5] The life of charity consists in thinking kindly of another, and in wishing him well; and in perceiving joy in oneself from the fact that others also are saved. But those have not the life of charity who desire that none should be saved except those who believe as they do; and especially is this the case with those who are indignant that it is otherwise. This may be seen from the mere fact that more from the Gentiles are saved than from Christians; for those Gentiles who have thought kindly of their neighbor and have wished well to him, receive the truths of faith in the other life better than those who are called Christians, and acknowledge the Lord more than Christians do. For nothing is more delightful and blessed to the angels than to instruct those who come from the earth into the other life.

You Backed Me Into A Corner with your Judgement and Your Cruelty and Now You Dont Like The Fact That I Wont Back Down, Wont Fall Down, and Wont Give Up.  All I Ever Did Was Love and Believe In You but you didn't want me to feel loved or be happy but it was ok for you to take and play with my love.  Even in Your Generousity Rachel you are Selfish!

Songs For Rachel : The Online Version

I used to make Rachel cds with songs to tell her how much I love her. Tonight I am just going to leave some songs and let her know how I am feeling and how much I really still care about her.

1. Perfect Girl - Tara Slone(Canadian) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBlzMD5EG9s I put this song as the first one because I loved you for all that you were and I never asked for anything more or less. I don't know why I wasn't worth being loved unconditionally like I love you. You were "My Perfect Girl"
2. Better By You, Better By Me - Spooky Tooth  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPEHheZQsb4  I put this song as a selection because it is about a relationship gone wrong so the guy goes and joins the war effort so as to avert the pain the woman has caused him.  I have felt the same way as I battled the urge to just give up on life, on you Rachel, on everything. I was tempted to just start being a jerk and having sex with women and using them but I remembered that I wanted to be in love and have a family.  I thought about doing drugs and drinking but I remembered those things are a waste of time and money.  So I prayed and kept loving you Rachel so in essence I have gone to war with logic, ethos, and pathos and have kept believing in you and loving you.
3. A House is Not A Motel - Love http://www.youtube.com/watchv=u2wAhdI5XE4&feature=related   This comes from what I consider one of the greatest folk rock albums of all time Love's "Forever Changes" it is even more awesome that Arthur Lee the man singing was Black.  I am learning to play this on guitar and when I listen to this album I think of how much you mean to me Rachel.
4. You Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone - Cinderella http://www.youtube.com/watchv=VSML7J2yHbg&feature=related  Neither one of us can change what happened in the past but everyone deserves a second chance.  Rachel I wish you no evil and this blog has always been about how much I love you and need you and Jonathan it was never an attempt to hurt you. I dont want to live without you. For the past year I have hurt alot but I put my faith in God that you will realize that I love you enough that I would always forgive you no matter what we did in life because I am truly in love with you as a friend, as my sister in Christ, and as the love of my life. You will never find another man that loves you and believes in you as much as I do. So I hope you listen to this song and think about me because all I ever did was love you and I feel like you felt you had to be mean to me to make me stop loving you and it didnt work.
5. Rainy Day - MxPx http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDDk_tkOe_Y  When you just abandoned me I felt like you never cared and the whole thing was a joke to you. I am real person and this hurt truly happened, you damaged my soul, my love for humanity, and my trust. I trusted you with my heart, I believed in you Rachel Myatt and you walked all over me and tried to pretend I didnt exist. Still here I am still loving you.
6. Hate It Here - Wilco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkIgSMOJeOs Rachel all I ever wanted was to be with you and have a family with you and Jonathan and these past couple of months have been lonely. I pull out your pictures and all our letters as I write and think about all the hope you had with me and all the dreams we shared. In one moment you shattered all that and tried to turn someone who loves you into an enemy. All I ever wanted was to be with you in Dawson Creek.
7. Sick Cycle Carousel - Lifehouse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWOZWRC5f1Q I truly want this to end. I want to know that you still love me somewhere enough to pick up the phone and talk to me.  Nothing is ever easy but with God we are given incredible strength.  Like Job in the Bible I lost everything and I still havent got anything but my prayers and my hopes that you will come back.  I will die for my faith in Jesus Christ and even if I die broken from how you treated me I still had my faith. There are days I sit and cry to this song and wonder why you hate me so much when all I ever did was love you and believe in you. You made fun of me and tore me down when I was grieving and what makes me sad is that you would say I was mentally ill and sick and all those other hurtful things you should even dare say to a grieving person. None of it was true I was just trying to cope the best I could and I needed your encouragement not you throwing stones.
8. Baby, I Hate You - Total Chaos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH4D_EDbvgM Growing up as a punk rocker when some girl used to hurt me I used to put this song on and be cool. I have grown up and I truly love you Rachel that is why I havent sought revenge on you and have limited my actions. I am reaching out to you for love and reconcilation so I never get to the point where I want revenge or for you to hurt because evil is not the way love is.
9. Bluebird -  Christina Perri http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpZDVD9S9tY I chose you to date because I thought you were my dear friend, that you believed in me and loved me, that you were willing to accept me for all that I was.  I chose you because of my love of the Lord and yours.  You tore me apart and abandoned me I still care very much Rachel.
10. When I Remember - Blindside(Christian band from Sweden) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGHSzezc_24 This song is about how when everyone else turns there back on you God still loves you. It was because of His love I am still here loving you Rachel. Just think if I had of been selfish and used my free will and gave up on life and on you Rachel. It would haunt you whether you thought it would or not because you would know that you had part in the sadness that caused my pain.  God's will prevailed over mine because He knows I have a place in your life and that I should never give up on you.
11. Blue - Elastica http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwsLnf45b5Y I feel this way without you Rachel.
12. If You Could Read My Mind - Johnny Cash(Gordon Lightfoot Cover) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lukJAutj4jo  If you had known all that I was going through at the time Rachel and that I loved you so much that even with my pain from my mother dying you may have been kinder and have thought things over before you just ditched me.  I never thought twice about keeping my promise to you. I love you and Jonathan to this day and I told Pastor Glenn that I love you like Johnny Cash loved June Carter and I would chase you and do anything for you like he did for her that is how strong my love is for you.
13. Strong Enough To Bend - Tanya Tucker http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF4pT1Kdm4Y&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLEAC011C6CB8923C6  This is how much I love you Rachel nothing would ever get in the way of my love for you and I only wanted the same from you. When I was a little boy I had this album on a cassette and I would sit and dream of the day I would meet the girl who I could love that much. Now that I have found her she denies me her love, ignores me, and treats me as an enemy when all I do is believe in you.
14. Art of Pretension - Scarling http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz4g_BcLkiU&feature=related I am ending this list with this song. It is about being judgmental, pretentious, close minded, and selfish.  I could choose to get revenge on you Rachel but I seek forgiveness and reconciliaiton with you. You keep running and hiding. You would rather other people deal with your actions like your Pastor and others instead of face me head on.  Its your choice and you loss in the end I know I am doing what is right and that is loving you and believing in you. Please read the blog before this.  God Bless

Why I Wanted A Family With You

Dear Rachel,
I was truly in love with you and the person you were. I was amazed  at the love and compassion you have for children and all I wanted was to share that love with you.  Do you remember when I was there that friday and we put in the dvd for the kids and it was Marvin the Tap Dancing Horse? You were laughing because I knew the theme song.  I have no children of my own but I am always around my friends and families children and I love children so much.  I had even been with a young lady for awhile who has 5 children but she chose drugs over her children until recently.  Her mother adored me for calling her daughter out on the drugs.  I went so far as to go after her drug dealer and send her pictures at the crackhouse she was staying at of what drugs would do to her. You may think that this blog is extreme and a little over the top but you truly do not know the things I have done for the people I care about. You are missing the point of this blog and all the things I am doing if you think that I am doing  it to hurt you. When this young lady was hanging out doing drugs one of her kids was really sick and in the hospital. I remember going to see him and his mother didnt even see him and I went so I could give him a birthday present.  This was 7 years ago. She shaped up and got married to a nice serviceman. Her mother still contacts me sometimes and she and I will always be friends.  I am always there for people Rachel.  The reason I wanted a family with you is because I love you and Jonathan.  I felt that my time, my love, and energy would be well spent devoting my life for you.  Sure I would miss Texas and all the music and entertainment that is easily accessible but I would be happy going geocaching with you, watching Jonathan grow, and going to the occasional show that did come by or maybe going to Vancouver or Victoria every once in awhile.  I wanted to worship with you and was interested in the New Church theology but you turned me away. That didn't discourage me from studying it anyway.  Rachel I really do love you and I just wish you and your family would take a second look at how much I love you. I wasn't looking for a girlfriend or anything when I met you but God came to me and said this is the one.  Never give up on her, believe in her, give your heart and soul to her and love her lke you have love no other.  I have shown you that even in adversity and pain I still love you unconditionally. You and Jonathan are the ones I would lay down my life for literally.  I don't know what else to tell you other than when I finish my cd and start touring to let people know how much I love you and let the love spread from the story then.  I would rather you and I talk though and I just want to tell you that I miss you.  You can take the last year or so however you want.  I have never stopped loving you or wanting to be with you. For whatever reason it is I feel like you were ashamed of me for being black, you didn't want to deal with the social stigma. I feel like you thought I wasn't attractive and maybe you couldnt just deal with the fact that I loved you and that was all that mattered after I saw the Ugly Loser thing on MSN.  Maybe your family didnt like me or werent willing to really know me.  I was sad when I came to see you but Rachel never unhappy.  It was the happiest time of my life I was with my best friend and her family and I never wanted to leave you.  I would have sold everything and dropped it all if you had of let me to be with you and Jonathan. That is how much I love you.  You were my dearest friend and the person I trusted most with my heart, my secrets, and my love.  That is Why I Wanted A Family With You. Right Now My Father is in the Hospital Rachel and I am only 36 he has been sick for awhile too. Imagine losing both your parents within a year which I am afraid might happen. I lost my mother, the girl that I love meaning you Rachel and then it would just be me and my brother.  You making peace with me right now would mean so much I love you with all my heart so I am reaching out to you to look deep into your heart and believe in me and believe in the love you have in your heart.  I am telling you the truth. I love you so much Rachel Myatt    I leave you with this song by Tsunami Bomb called "Swimming Through Molasses" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1lLsP8j5j8 It is special to me because no matter what life throws at me I end up stronger and just keep fighting. Rachel you are truly special to me. I have never fought so hard to show someone I love them. My friends and family have reached out to you and the Church and I have never done so much to prove to someone I am worthy of loving them. I do love you so much and you just wont open your eyes and see it.  I keep praying and believing in God and I believe in you.  Have a blessed day.



Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.





Arcana Coelestia 1799.4   In the Christian world it is doctrinal matters that distinguish churches; and from them men call themselves Roman Catholics, Lutherans, and Calvinists, or the Reformed and the Evangelical, and by other names. It is from what is doctrinal alone that they are so called; which would never be if they would make love to the Lord and charity toward the neighbor the principal of faith. Doctrinal matters would then be only varieties of opinion concerning the mysteries of faith, which truly Christian men would leave to everyone to hold in accordance with his conscience, and would say in their hearts that a man is truly a Christian when he lives as a Christian, that is, as the Lord teaches. Thus from all the differing churches there would be made one church; and all the dissensions that come forth from doctrine alone would vanish; yea, all hatreds of one against another would be dissipated in a moment, and the Lord's kingdom would come upon the earth.

Is It Too Much to Believe in You?

Rachel Myatt. I just wanted you to know tonight that I care about you deeply and I wish you could put all the hurt and pain aside and understand that real love is more than just about some failed ideal of a relationship. The love we had for each other was more than that. It was true friendship, it was caring, it was loving, it was understanding and it was God's love. Are you truly willing to walk away from that knowing that everyday I think about you and what you and Jonathan are doing and love you that much.  Are you able to sleep at night knowing you hurt someone so bad but that person still loves and believes in you. That person prays about you and for you. He loves you and prays not for you to come back to him in a relationship but just that you and Jonathan are safe. He love you so much that there are somedays he just breaks down and cries. It would mean so much to him if you put aside all your pride and taked to him. I just wanted you to know I love you and that what little bit of a heart I had left after being abused and mistreated is completely gone after believing in you.  You have deeply hurt and scarred my heart and soul. I truly did believe in you and that you loved me. Now I dont believe in such a thing as love just people using people for whatever and then using God's name in vain when they hurt them saying God loves you even if I didnt. Its a cowards way out and it is not what God wants us to do to each other. I wasn't your toy. I wasnt you game. I truly cared and love you.  No matter what has happened between us and how you feel I love you with all my heart Rachel Myatt. I forgive you. If you picked up the phone and talk to me I have put all that we did to each other behind us but you have to too.  I want to talk to you again. Hear your voice. Your laugh. I miss you. If you want to know how I feel about you I end this blog with a video about unconditional love even with someone who you didnt always get along with.  Its "Girlfriend In A Coma" by the Smiths its tongue and cheek but its also a very endearing song about how sometimes it takes something almost tragic to make us realize how much we love someone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5b_V68mQ9k&ob=av2e Goodnight Rachel Myatt I love you with all my heart I wish we could end this feud and being apart.

Since you like Against Me , Rachel I wanted to share this Frank Turner song called "Once We Were Anarchist" I wish we could still share music and were still in each others lives I miss hearing from and sharing music with you but I love you regardless and maybe you will get into him through my blog efforts.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUQ9tMyi7Ns&feature=related He used to be in a punk band called Million Dead since you like Rise Against and bands like that you may like them also. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUJFgTyEP8M&feature=related

Luke 14:11
For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

True Faith and the Power of Love

Dear Rachel,
First of all my freedom of expression has been restored so thank you to those who allowed that.  I wanted to talk to you today about Faith dear Rachel.

Remember how you would always doubt me and I never doubted you. I always had faith in the person you were. I believed in God enough to love you for exactly who you are regardless of your short comings and flaws. Instead I chose to focus on the beauty of your imperfections, the amazing friendship you and I had, and the love you were able to give.  In return all you did was doubt me and that someone could love you so much.  Rachel for the past year and a month all I have done was try to show you how much you really mean to me. You did the most hurtful thing ever to me at the worst time of my life and I forgave you. I love you so much that I started a worldwide campaign to tell everybody how much I love you.  I remember last year sitting back and crying and wanting to die. You were the one I wanted to have Christmas and Thanksgiving with. I wanted to share that with you because I hadn't really had that in my life. I wanted to come be with you and all the kids and share love and bond with you and your family. The day I left Dawson Creek all I wanted was to come back to you.  The sadness you saw in my eyes when you took me to the airport that day was because I knew how much I was going to miss you when I left.  You were the sun in my cloudy day.  You were the smile on my heart. Most of all you and Jonathan were my what I was and wanted to live for.  My faith in God strengthend my faith in you. I believed in all the good in you and I still do. I wish you had the love and the faith to believe in me again and realize that anyone who didnt truly love you wouldn't fight to get you back as I have. What guy would do the things I have done? It may seem a little crazy or different to you but I always fight for the people I love and I love you more than anyone else on this earth Rachel Myatt.  It doesnt matter what I have to do I want you to know that.  My faith in you has been shaken but God loved me so much He not only made my faith in you stronger but He brought me closer to Him. Rachel all I wanted to do was be your best friend, partner, and love in life.  I still love you that much.  Everyday I look at this blog and see that picture of Jonathan and you and wish I could hold you both. I wish I could be there now that its getting colder in your arms.  I wish that I could just be there with you two.   You caused me so much pain because I wasn't afraid to dream with you.  I wanted to live out your dreams and aspirations. I wanted to travel with you and Jonathan. I wanted to worship and be one with you two as a family. I wanted to love your family.  What part of that did I not show? Just because I was broken didn't mean I didn't love you. I was sad when I came but I wasn't unhappy. I still read your email about how you wanted to be there for me and how when I needed you most you abandoned me.  God gives us others to be there for each other when we are up and down. I came to you because you said you loved me and wanted me. For the first time in my life I truly felt a woman wanted me for me. You were the first to make me feel like that and then that special feeling died and I just felt about you like all the other women who abused and played with my heart.  You are the love of my life Rachel Myatt and I wish you could see that a man that would never give up on you and Jonathan is a man worth being with.  I love you with all my heart and I will just keep trying and hope you will realize how truly special you are to me.  I would lay down my life for you and Jonathan. I also will die for my faith and my love of God if called so. I just dont understand why you don't look into my heart and see the truth and the power of the love that I was given for you and see that you deserved to be loved as much as I love you. I am not here to hurt you or put you down only to love you and I love you with all I have. I dreamed of having a family someday but with you and Jonathan both my dream and my dream family had come true. I wish you knew how much I loved you.  God bless you Rachel Myatt


1 Peter 4:10
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

1 Peter 4:19
So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

Prayer & Faith(The Only Solution)

Dear Rachel and Readers,

Lord Jesus Christ,
I ask that you hear my prayer to find peace and reconciliation with Rachel. I ask that you give us both the insight and courage to do what is best to bring this situation to a peaceful resolve. I ask that you don't let Rachel's insistence on ignoring  me eat me up inside and turn me to do evil but instead have the clarity and wisdom to keep being kind and loving her. I ask that you give Pastor Glenn insight and knowledge into the situation in the coming weeks and that the New Church of Canada know that I have nothing but respect for them all. I ask that you let Rachel know how much I truly love her and that this blog nor any actions in my life were never meant to cause her pain or harm they were only reactions to the love I have for her and the love she said she had for me. I ask that you forgive all my transgressions against others I may have caused O Lord. I ask that I am also able to forgive my transgressors and love them and continue to walk the narrow path of love.  I know what I ask of you is possible if I only believe and have true faith. I ask that you bring Rachel and I back into each others lives in peace and harmony. I love her with all my heart dear Father and with Your love I know anything is acheivable.

Amen

If you have hurt someone or someone has hurt you please pray about it today.  Have the courage to try to make amends and show love, kindness, and compassion. Evil is never the way nor is avoiding people. Life is too short to hold grudges and to miss out on the love others have for us. Please pray for myself and my friend Rachel if you should read this today.  I hope she reads this and knows how much I truly love her.  If you like this blog today spread it and share it with others. I would appreciate it. Thank you.  God Bless

All I really ever wanted was to be loved Rachel I never deserved any of the hurt and pain you inflicted on me because all I ever did was love you. I am sorry you cant understand that.

Rachel You Should Know

Dear Rachel,

You should have known from being with me that I was quite intelligent and resourceful. You think that just cause this blog is in interestial to all but the U.S. that it wont be spread but it will. I dont need a computer to do that. Was the New Church worried that it's reputation would get tarnished because of you? Think about it! Your one act of cruelty sprang out and caused all this. If you had of been kind and we had of talked to each other instead of Rachel do what she wanted to and just blow someone off  especially by text none of this would have been happening.  Its you loss and you are to blame for what happens to you next. All I did was love you and I continue to love you and offer truth and love.  If you and Pastor Glenn want to try to paint me less as desirable then that as fine and though I was sad a couple of weeks ago and felt sort of like giving up I can never let go of this precious life or feel like that again because of you. I am simply too good of a person to let you get me down and I will continue to fight the good fight and to make you see how your evil and cruel actions cant win over love.  You do whatever you want because I am far from done.  This blog might be retired and I will just start a completely new one that will dissect both the emails I recieved from Pastor Glenn and all the correspondence from you and how it pertains to the New Church teachings and how you are not living the life you say you believe in.  I just want the truth to be told and for you to realize that you cant go around in life constantly hurting people and thinking its ok. Thanks for your time today.