Rachel and Jonathan

Rachel and Jonathan
I Love you and Always Will

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Question: Finally Know I Am Doing What is Right

Dear Rachel and Readers,
First of all I know about your attempts to have this blog removed or at least contained Rachel. Well its my freedom of speech and free will and since you did that I have backlogged the whole thing and have released it other places.  You simply cannot hide from the truth. I respect your free will to hide and not be part of this but its also my free will to tell a true story. You had every chance to make things right and you did not take it. I even offered to take the whole thing down but when you made that attempt it just made me want to put out more stuff. Sue me or whatever you wont get anything I am humble and not rich and I have all the letters I wrote to the Church and copies of things and proof of our relationship so I will gladly show any court of law everything. Oh and your Ugly Loser poke at me on MSN ha ha. Thats funny but see this loser actually had you. Loved you and believed in you when you told me I never would so I would watch how you treat people.

You may be thinking what a weird title for a blog. It actually has to pertain to a song by the Old 97s called "Question" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1YGuOt8T9Q when Rachel and I were together I put that song a cd for her when I gave her a promise ring.  She meant the world to me.  I couldn't listen to that song for a year without bursting out into tears.  Last night I went to the Dallas Observer Music Awards showcase in Dallas.  The Toadies and The Old 97s headlined and the Old 97s played that song. I didn't cry I sang along. I dont think Rachel ever knew how much I loved her but to her it was just a game. I realized last night that someone like her that puts people down and cant love and see them for who they are is just insecure with herself.   Last night not only did my whole world get turned around I realized what a beautiful person I am and how much people love me and that Rachel really missed out and never deserved to be loved. When she gets into another relationship and her heart gets broken and she gets screwed she will think about me. She will think about how nice I was to her. She will think about all the little things like letters, cds, phone calls, the ring, Tshirts, sending her son toys and loving her enough to be faithful to her all the way from another country and truly be in love with her. She will think about how she used her faith to constantly put me down and she complained about no one loving her and accepting her faith and I did.  I even study some of its teachings to this day. It was her loss though. Last night I showed up at the concert all alone.  I sat down since I  was a VIP I was catered food and free beer. I had a beer and a great vegetarian sandwich. I walked over to see one of the bands and one of my older friends Scott walked by and we talked for about 30 minutes.  He thought that I had been avoiding him or didn't want to talk to him since it had been a year since we had seen each other. I told him about the Rachel situation and how I was so hurt that I went into hiding.  For the past year I really had no desire to be around people because Rachel's cruelty to me when I really needed a friend and someone to be there for me turned me off to people.  We had a great talk about music, politics, drugs, smoking, and all the good times we used to have in Dallas. He is in his 50s and I met him when I was very young but is one of the people that gives me hope that in the next 15 or so years when I am 50 that I will still have an active and fun lifestyle.  The real surprize happened while I was talking to Scott.  I was originally supposed to go to this show with my friend Lara but she had become to busy with work and I told her that I didn't want to get involved with someone who had no time for me. Rachel if you are reading this it means yes I do go on dates.  Yes there are other girls. No I am not sitting around waiting on you. I do love you and I do believe God wants me to be with you and make amends with you but I also am a great guy contrary to what you believe and how you treated me and I get asked out all the time. She actually asked me out the first time we went out.  Anyways while I was talking to Scott she walked by I said hello we embraced and told each other how we missed and were happy to see each other.   We ended up spending the night hanging out watching bands and talking. She is a great woman and a great friend. She plays guitar and I go see her do her songs as I will tomorrow night. Pretty soon in Novemember when the "Letters to Rachel" tour starts I will ask her maybe to help me play some of my songs.  Rachel I just want you to know that I am very loved. What guy has people that would write the Church and tell them how great of person I am and how much I love you.  Not many eh? What guy would go through all the trouble that I went through to be with you and then put up with the way you bailed on me and still love you just as much.  Not many? I want you to actually think about all the things you said and did and how things could have been so different.  I didn't plan for my mother to die and the way you treated me in the aftermath was detestable and almost unforgiveable.  I just know my mom would want me to continue loving you because that was how she was. If people held a grudge against her or were cruel she did everything in her power to make peace and have them back in her life.  I do her justice with what I am doing and I most of all show God how much I love Him and appreciate His Love, Grace, and Mercy by continuing to love you and seek true peace and forgiveness.  Do you know what that means Rachel?  That means us talking and being in each others life not one person thinking that its ok that you forgive me in your heart and that I forgive you.  Letting that other person hear it in person or on the phone.  That is all I ask for you. Be brave, be courageous,  be a true Christian and show your love of God by acting on one of His greatest acts of love to us. Forgiveness. Reconcilation. Love. Love will always win and that is why a year later I am still here. Maybe Pastor Glenn doesn't recongnize it. Maybe your family doesn't know what to think or do. Maybe after the blog two weeks ago and the emails to your Pastor you are really beginning to think about what transpired and how you can make it better.  The best thing you can do is just make peace with me. I told you Rachel Myatt I love you so much I will fly to Canada and make peace with you. I love you Rachel Myatt more than anyone I have ever loved. I moved mountains to be with you and the whole time I never doubted my Faith in God in loving you or my faith in you. I don't doubt that you will eventually come around and talk to me and we will be in each others lives again. All I want for Christmas Rachel Myatt is you back in my life. My best friend, the most beautiful woman ever, and My Sister in Christ. Is that to much to ask for? You love someone so much you would go to the ends of the earth for them and they not see that great love you have for them! I Finally Know What I Doing Is Right!!! I wont walk away or give up on you now. I love you Rachel MyattLuke 17:6
He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.

My faith in God and in you is this strong Rachel.

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