I used to make Rachel cds with songs to tell her how much I love her. Tonight I am just going to leave some songs and let her know how I am feeling and how much I really still care about her.
1. Perfect Girl - Tara Slone(Canadian) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBlzMD5EG9s I put this song as the first one because I loved you for all that you were and I never asked for anything more or less. I don't know why I wasn't worth being loved unconditionally like I love you. You were "My Perfect Girl"
2. Better By You, Better By Me - Spooky Tooth http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPEHheZQsb4 I put this song as a selection because it is about a relationship gone wrong so the guy goes and joins the war effort so as to avert the pain the woman has caused him. I have felt the same way as I battled the urge to just give up on life, on you Rachel, on everything. I was tempted to just start being a jerk and having sex with women and using them but I remembered that I wanted to be in love and have a family. I thought about doing drugs and drinking but I remembered those things are a waste of time and money. So I prayed and kept loving you Rachel so in essence I have gone to war with logic, ethos, and pathos and have kept believing in you and loving you.
3. A House is Not A Motel - Love http://www.youtube.com/watchv=u2wAhdI5XE4&feature=related This comes from what I consider one of the greatest folk rock albums of all time Love's "Forever Changes" it is even more awesome that Arthur Lee the man singing was Black. I am learning to play this on guitar and when I listen to this album I think of how much you mean to me Rachel.
4. You Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone - Cinderella http://www.youtube.com/watchv=VSML7J2yHbg&feature=related Neither one of us can change what happened in the past but everyone deserves a second chance. Rachel I wish you no evil and this blog has always been about how much I love you and need you and Jonathan it was never an attempt to hurt you. I dont want to live without you. For the past year I have hurt alot but I put my faith in God that you will realize that I love you enough that I would always forgive you no matter what we did in life because I am truly in love with you as a friend, as my sister in Christ, and as the love of my life. You will never find another man that loves you and believes in you as much as I do. So I hope you listen to this song and think about me because all I ever did was love you and I feel like you felt you had to be mean to me to make me stop loving you and it didnt work.
5. Rainy Day - MxPx http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDDk_tkOe_Y When you just abandoned me I felt like you never cared and the whole thing was a joke to you. I am real person and this hurt truly happened, you damaged my soul, my love for humanity, and my trust. I trusted you with my heart, I believed in you Rachel Myatt and you walked all over me and tried to pretend I didnt exist. Still here I am still loving you.
6. Hate It Here - Wilco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkIgSMOJeOs Rachel all I ever wanted was to be with you and have a family with you and Jonathan and these past couple of months have been lonely. I pull out your pictures and all our letters as I write and think about all the hope you had with me and all the dreams we shared. In one moment you shattered all that and tried to turn someone who loves you into an enemy. All I ever wanted was to be with you in Dawson Creek.
7. Sick Cycle Carousel - Lifehouse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWOZWRC5f1Q I truly want this to end. I want to know that you still love me somewhere enough to pick up the phone and talk to me. Nothing is ever easy but with God we are given incredible strength. Like Job in the Bible I lost everything and I still havent got anything but my prayers and my hopes that you will come back. I will die for my faith in Jesus Christ and even if I die broken from how you treated me I still had my faith. There are days I sit and cry to this song and wonder why you hate me so much when all I ever did was love you and believe in you. You made fun of me and tore me down when I was grieving and what makes me sad is that you would say I was mentally ill and sick and all those other hurtful things you should even dare say to a grieving person. None of it was true I was just trying to cope the best I could and I needed your encouragement not you throwing stones.
8. Baby, I Hate You - Total Chaos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH4D_EDbvgM Growing up as a punk rocker when some girl used to hurt me I used to put this song on and be cool. I have grown up and I truly love you Rachel that is why I havent sought revenge on you and have limited my actions. I am reaching out to you for love and reconcilation so I never get to the point where I want revenge or for you to hurt because evil is not the way love is.
9. Bluebird - Christina Perri http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpZDVD9S9tY I chose you to date because I thought you were my dear friend, that you believed in me and loved me, that you were willing to accept me for all that I was. I chose you because of my love of the Lord and yours. You tore me apart and abandoned me I still care very much Rachel.
10. When I Remember - Blindside(Christian band from Sweden) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGHSzezc_24 This song is about how when everyone else turns there back on you God still loves you. It was because of His love I am still here loving you Rachel. Just think if I had of been selfish and used my free will and gave up on life and on you Rachel. It would haunt you whether you thought it would or not because you would know that you had part in the sadness that caused my pain. God's will prevailed over mine because He knows I have a place in your life and that I should never give up on you.
11. Blue - Elastica http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwsLnf45b5Y I feel this way without you Rachel.
12. If You Could Read My Mind - Johnny Cash(Gordon Lightfoot Cover) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lukJAutj4jo If you had known all that I was going through at the time Rachel and that I loved you so much that even with my pain from my mother dying you may have been kinder and have thought things over before you just ditched me. I never thought twice about keeping my promise to you. I love you and Jonathan to this day and I told Pastor Glenn that I love you like Johnny Cash loved June Carter and I would chase you and do anything for you like he did for her that is how strong my love is for you.
13. Strong Enough To Bend - Tanya Tucker http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF4pT1Kdm4Y&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLEAC011C6CB8923C6 This is how much I love you Rachel nothing would ever get in the way of my love for you and I only wanted the same from you. When I was a little boy I had this album on a cassette and I would sit and dream of the day I would meet the girl who I could love that much. Now that I have found her she denies me her love, ignores me, and treats me as an enemy when all I do is believe in you.
14. Art of Pretension - Scarling http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz4g_BcLkiU&feature=related I am ending this list with this song. It is about being judgmental, pretentious, close minded, and selfish. I could choose to get revenge on you Rachel but I seek forgiveness and reconciliaiton with you. You keep running and hiding. You would rather other people deal with your actions like your Pastor and others instead of face me head on. Its your choice and you loss in the end I know I am doing what is right and that is loving you and believing in you. Please read the blog before this. God Bless
1. Perfect Girl - Tara Slone(Canadian) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBlzMD5EG9s I put this song as the first one because I loved you for all that you were and I never asked for anything more or less. I don't know why I wasn't worth being loved unconditionally like I love you. You were "My Perfect Girl"
2. Better By You, Better By Me - Spooky Tooth http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPEHheZQsb4 I put this song as a selection because it is about a relationship gone wrong so the guy goes and joins the war effort so as to avert the pain the woman has caused him. I have felt the same way as I battled the urge to just give up on life, on you Rachel, on everything. I was tempted to just start being a jerk and having sex with women and using them but I remembered that I wanted to be in love and have a family. I thought about doing drugs and drinking but I remembered those things are a waste of time and money. So I prayed and kept loving you Rachel so in essence I have gone to war with logic, ethos, and pathos and have kept believing in you and loving you.
3. A House is Not A Motel - Love http://www.youtube.com/watchv=u2wAhdI5XE4&feature=related This comes from what I consider one of the greatest folk rock albums of all time Love's "Forever Changes" it is even more awesome that Arthur Lee the man singing was Black. I am learning to play this on guitar and when I listen to this album I think of how much you mean to me Rachel.
4. You Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone - Cinderella http://www.youtube.com/watchv=VSML7J2yHbg&feature=related Neither one of us can change what happened in the past but everyone deserves a second chance. Rachel I wish you no evil and this blog has always been about how much I love you and need you and Jonathan it was never an attempt to hurt you. I dont want to live without you. For the past year I have hurt alot but I put my faith in God that you will realize that I love you enough that I would always forgive you no matter what we did in life because I am truly in love with you as a friend, as my sister in Christ, and as the love of my life. You will never find another man that loves you and believes in you as much as I do. So I hope you listen to this song and think about me because all I ever did was love you and I feel like you felt you had to be mean to me to make me stop loving you and it didnt work.
5. Rainy Day - MxPx http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDDk_tkOe_Y When you just abandoned me I felt like you never cared and the whole thing was a joke to you. I am real person and this hurt truly happened, you damaged my soul, my love for humanity, and my trust. I trusted you with my heart, I believed in you Rachel Myatt and you walked all over me and tried to pretend I didnt exist. Still here I am still loving you.
6. Hate It Here - Wilco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkIgSMOJeOs Rachel all I ever wanted was to be with you and have a family with you and Jonathan and these past couple of months have been lonely. I pull out your pictures and all our letters as I write and think about all the hope you had with me and all the dreams we shared. In one moment you shattered all that and tried to turn someone who loves you into an enemy. All I ever wanted was to be with you in Dawson Creek.
7. Sick Cycle Carousel - Lifehouse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWOZWRC5f1Q I truly want this to end. I want to know that you still love me somewhere enough to pick up the phone and talk to me. Nothing is ever easy but with God we are given incredible strength. Like Job in the Bible I lost everything and I still havent got anything but my prayers and my hopes that you will come back. I will die for my faith in Jesus Christ and even if I die broken from how you treated me I still had my faith. There are days I sit and cry to this song and wonder why you hate me so much when all I ever did was love you and believe in you. You made fun of me and tore me down when I was grieving and what makes me sad is that you would say I was mentally ill and sick and all those other hurtful things you should even dare say to a grieving person. None of it was true I was just trying to cope the best I could and I needed your encouragement not you throwing stones.
8. Baby, I Hate You - Total Chaos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH4D_EDbvgM Growing up as a punk rocker when some girl used to hurt me I used to put this song on and be cool. I have grown up and I truly love you Rachel that is why I havent sought revenge on you and have limited my actions. I am reaching out to you for love and reconcilation so I never get to the point where I want revenge or for you to hurt because evil is not the way love is.
9. Bluebird - Christina Perri http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpZDVD9S9tY I chose you to date because I thought you were my dear friend, that you believed in me and loved me, that you were willing to accept me for all that I was. I chose you because of my love of the Lord and yours. You tore me apart and abandoned me I still care very much Rachel.
10. When I Remember - Blindside(Christian band from Sweden) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGHSzezc_24 This song is about how when everyone else turns there back on you God still loves you. It was because of His love I am still here loving you Rachel. Just think if I had of been selfish and used my free will and gave up on life and on you Rachel. It would haunt you whether you thought it would or not because you would know that you had part in the sadness that caused my pain. God's will prevailed over mine because He knows I have a place in your life and that I should never give up on you.
11. Blue - Elastica http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwsLnf45b5Y I feel this way without you Rachel.
12. If You Could Read My Mind - Johnny Cash(Gordon Lightfoot Cover) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lukJAutj4jo If you had known all that I was going through at the time Rachel and that I loved you so much that even with my pain from my mother dying you may have been kinder and have thought things over before you just ditched me. I never thought twice about keeping my promise to you. I love you and Jonathan to this day and I told Pastor Glenn that I love you like Johnny Cash loved June Carter and I would chase you and do anything for you like he did for her that is how strong my love is for you.
13. Strong Enough To Bend - Tanya Tucker http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF4pT1Kdm4Y&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLEAC011C6CB8923C6 This is how much I love you Rachel nothing would ever get in the way of my love for you and I only wanted the same from you. When I was a little boy I had this album on a cassette and I would sit and dream of the day I would meet the girl who I could love that much. Now that I have found her she denies me her love, ignores me, and treats me as an enemy when all I do is believe in you.
14. Art of Pretension - Scarling http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz4g_BcLkiU&feature=related I am ending this list with this song. It is about being judgmental, pretentious, close minded, and selfish. I could choose to get revenge on you Rachel but I seek forgiveness and reconciliaiton with you. You keep running and hiding. You would rather other people deal with your actions like your Pastor and others instead of face me head on. Its your choice and you loss in the end I know I am doing what is right and that is loving you and believing in you. Please read the blog before this. God Bless
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