A Year Strong - Letters To Rachel was not a joke. Why The Church of The New Jerusalem Thinks You Are Wrong? Essay

Heresy by Nine Inch Nails
Dedicated to Rachel Myatt, Pastors James Cooper and Coleman Glenn
(For Using Your Doctrine to Downplay others, For Putting a Man before Christ our Lord, Our God, and for being inconsiderate of someone who was grieving) Your correspondence and your actions are now being put on display. I came to you in peace, in love, and you ignored or scoffed at me and now I have had enough and I no longer seek to find peace with those who treat me as enemies.
Dear Rachel and Readers,

This Blog is Dedicated to Rachel and Pastor Coleman Glenn. This is for doubting my love of God. This is for calling me sick, messed up, damaged, this is for taking advantage of my love and my wanting to have a family. This is for putting me down to others and for lying about all the things we did.  As of tomorrow I officially start my month of love to both Rachel and the New Church.  I start distributing the essay.  Why The Church of the New Jerusalem Thinks You Are Wrong?  It is something I had to do especially when Pastor Coleman started talking about how false the teachings are of Catholics and Protestants and how it is found in the Writings and how I never said anything about Swedenborg being wrong and this is coming from me a student and admirer of Thomas Locke.  How I never said that his vision of Christianity was wrong but how Rachel and people in the New Church would constantly find flaws with others love yet post up a quote from Swedenborg about  "All religion relates to life, and the life of religion is to do good." That is so contradictory from the way I was treated.  I am just so tired of the hypocrisy so I finally am releasing everything. I was so full of love for Rachel and I tried to make peace with her but all she and the New Church ever did was make excuses so maybe having others know of that will open their eyes.  I no longer care.

This is not an act of Revenge or Retaliation as I have nothing but love for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. This is a Revelation that will maybe open the eyes of some people in the New Church in terms of Bigotry, Selfishness, Pride, and Acceptance of Others. This is not meant to blast Rachel Myatt it is meant to open her eyes on the way she treats other people, relationships, and just plain decency toward other human beings. I am willing to put all this personal things both private and intimate out there if that is what it takes for Rachel to realize how serious I am. She chose to ignore my pleas for peace and so this is how the story goes.


Everyday in February a new surprize unbeknowst to anyone but me.  If there is anyone who can give a reason why I shouldnt do this and that they think things will get better then they better pray for me now because come tomorrow I start the Innundation. This is dedicated to Rachel Myatt, Pastor Coleman Glenn, and Pastor James Cooper.  Im sorry that you doubt others love of God and that your way is the only way to love God and you cant see the beauty in others love.  Letters to Rachel 2012 the campaign goes on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fact is Readers all I wanted was peace with Rachel Myatt a phone, call, an email something like that would have ended it all. She is too full of pride though to seek any kind of forgiveness, peace, or reconcilation so that is on her. So what I do from here on out is no holds barred and if it embarrases her, makes her feel uncomfortable, or puts her in a light she doesnt want to be in im sorry but I tried the other way and got nothing but grief from Pastors and sympathizers, I showed love, understanding, the beauty of me willing able to just let it go for peace between us.  If the New Church instills values that are against such things then I am sorry. I no longer owe Rachel any kindness, mercy, or long suffering and so whatever I put out there the next month is not only truth but it will serve as reminder that in her words "I can do whatever I want to with no consequences"

I wont live my life worried about what she thinks or how it will affect her by telling the truth the window for that has closed. I am not out to trash her but I am also not going to hold back.  I will refuse to say ill things about my brothers and sisters in the New Church but I will not hold back how my situation and the people who I encountered acted.  I do not hold any bigotry, hate, or racism toward anyone nor do I hold religous prejudice toward anyone. It seems to be something that is taught in The Dawson Creek New Church.   I came to both Rachel and the Myatt family with nothing but love and if they knew how much I loved them they would reach out to me.  If they took the time to look the letters of love I sent them to Pastor Glenn then maybe they would have thought twice.  I am someone who believes one person can make a difference in the world it can either be for evil like some of the dictators and rulers the world it has endured or it can be like the saints and men and women of good will how have truly transformed the world many in the name of Christ.  I know I am a good person, I was never mentally ill, I was grieving and I will never forget the way Rachel treated me and how she abandoned me and used the New Church Doctrine to put down my love of God and soiled and destroyed my love for her.   So she deserves everything that is coming to her. I gave her a year of love, reaching out, and trying to make peace and if you people in the Church of the New Jerusalem want to make excuses for the beauty of that and want to teach that we should not try to find peace with those we have transgressed with then you are missing the real message Christ had to offer.  Think about it What Would Jesus Really Do? Would He hold a grudge against someone or would He say brother or sister I am sorry that we had our differences but I love you and I forgive you.  Would He offer His love and friendship to that person no matter what the trangression? What does it truly mean to be Christian if we dont follow the example of Christ, the One who forgives our worst of sins? What is it when we cant look at our brother or sister and lay down our arms and break down the walls of pain and just let love win. That is and has been the reason for this blog and never any other reason but that I love Rachel Myatt regardless of what she did to me and what she said.  I don't hate Rachel or wish her harm I hate what she did and what she is doing now. I hate the fact she ruined not just a relationship but a true friendship by being selfish, insecure, and uncaring.  I hate that she somehow was taught that it is ok to hurt people and treat them however you want without there being consequences and maybe you believe that God doesn't punish New Church members but there will be judgment for all of us. We as humans punish ourselves with our evil deeds. If someone wrote a blog about me and how much they loved me, if they were willing to believe in me and all I was, if they were willing to overcome all obstacles and never give up on me isnt that a person worth loving. That is what I did for Rachel and she didn't appreciate any of it. So while a lot of your Swedenborgians have said I should just let go or you don't understand my reasoning the reason I don't let go is because of God.  Yes I said it God was and always has been a hand in this. It is His love because on my own I would have never accomplished writing this for a year, I am creative but I lose focus on things that don't matter to me. If Rachel Myatt or the Myatt family or The Church of The New Jerusalem cant see the true love in my heart that has been the basis for this whole blog and campaign that I would not give up on loving my sister in Christ and even when I fell short in my words and to anger I still have loved her or wished her no harm only peace, reconciliation, and love.  Rachel you were my best friend and was being scared of being loved worth all this.  If any man truly loved you  besides the love you have of your son, your father, or your brother it is me Rachel.  I Byron love you with all my mind, heart, soul, and body. I was broken, bruised, and my will was shattered but I still loved you and Jonathan enough to come be with you even if my mother had just passed  away.  I can never forget how cruel you were to me and all I did was love you. So for those in the New Church reading this who want to make me the villian think about all I said. I love Rachel Myatt uncondtionally, unwavering, and forever and if she or people of the Church of the New  Jerusalem mentallity cannot see that then their message is truly contradictory to what the both the Bible and the Writings teach and that is the basis for my essay.

Rachel You Are My Best Friend

                                       100 Miles by Bad Company

Dear Rachel and Readers,
There are so many ways I could tell Rachel that I love her and I want this to end and for us to be in each others lives again but right now the simplest way would be this short little song called "100 Miles" by Bad Company.  I love you Rachel Myatt and I wish you no harm or hurt in your life. If you do love me or ever loved me please put aside all that is keeping you from making peace with me and come back to my heart.  I love you and Jonathan more than anything in the world and I will not stop that no matter what you do or say.  It is real, it is true, and you both mean the world to me.

God Bless All

I Would Lay Down My Life For Rachel

There is A Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths

Dear Rachel and Readers,
I wanted you to know why my blog has consisted of music the past couple of days.  Finally after a year and a half I can enjoy music and not hear a song and start crying thinking of Rachel.  There are two bands Rise Against and Against Me I can still not listen to without it really hurting but I am starting to enjoy music again for the first time in a long time.  I wanted to take a brief moment to let Rachel, her family, and her Church know just how much I do love her.  When I said she was the woman I would die for and give up everything I meant it. No other woman ever made me feel that way. I was willing to risk it all for her so her words, actions, and the way she treated me as an enemy in the end is what has lead to what has transpired.  I want to do two things.  When I asked Rachel to be my girlfriend.  This was the last song on the cd I made her.  I gave her a promise ring,  a coupon I made with my promise to God and also promise to love her unconditionally and unwavering always and a scrapbook of how much I loved her and Jonathan.  I have never loved any two people so much but this song was the one that summed up my true feelings for her. People say that I should just let it go and get over things. When God is ready for me too and His purpose is revealed I will but I know that I am supposed to be here and do exactly what I am doing otherwise it would be a waste of time. I do not just blindly follow my heart.   This song entitled
"There is A Light That Will Never Go Out" symbolizes my love for Rachel. This song has meant so much to me in my life much like the person the song is narrated by I was willing to leave all the pain and hurt that was in my life for something else, To be loved by Rachel and Jonathan and God led me there and I prayed many times about it as I do about letting this go and it is not His will yet.  The New Church talks about love and marriage lasting after death.  That is how deep and powerful my love was and is for Rachel. She always complained about men not loving her or being able to accept her faith and I was right there,  I accepted, wanted to learn, and loved her and her son with no complaints and no obstacles but I was only a game to her.  On Wed it will be February 1st and I will begin my month long tribute to show Rachel I love her and distribute my essay "Why The Church of the New Jerusalem Thinks You Are Wrong" to as many people as I can.  I just want to show Rachel, The Dawson Creek New Church, and The New Church of Canada that when people reach out to you, you dont scoff at them and turn them away you embrace them and show them love and kindness.  All I was shown was how could they selfishly prove themselves theologically right and justify Rachel's actions.  I will not regret anything I do and I deserve closure and to get this out of my heart. I am not out to hurt Rachel, her family, or the New Church but this must be done.  I am not some feeble weak person with no self esteem, courage, or will power as Rachel tried to make me out to be,  she tried to make people think I was mentally ill because I was grieving and that I will never forget a it is hard to forgive someone for saying or even trying to get others to think something so hurtful and evil.   I am going to leave the blog at that tonight.  I love Rachel Myatt very much and in February I will write her name in the sky if you havent figured it out yet it is a very simple thing I am doing. It will be revealed to Rachel and those close to her in the next two weeks.

Proverbs 19:11
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

My Heavenly Father,
Please let Rachel know that I love her through your accordance and that even if she continues to be silent my love for her and Jonathan is your love and I will never turn my back on you dear Lord. Rachel means the world to me and I put my trust in you Lord and God to show her that I am worth loving and making peace with. I thank you for your guidance , mercy, and strength and for the blessings we recieve each day.  To you all glory goes. Thank you for your Love most of all Most High

Amen

Control: Why This Will Be A Spiritual Lesson To Rachel

Original version of Poe's Control is here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oqgTlLU6qQ it is a much better version than the one in the video but the other one would not upload to this site. 


Dear Rachel and Readers,
When I wrote my blog The Scope of Doubting Other Pt 2 I used Poe's song "Haunted" from the album of the same name. I was so inspired that day I pulled out the album which sends chills down my spine everytime I have listened to it.  The track right after "Haunted" is "Control"  I want you to know Rachel and Reader the reason that Rachel is in the situation she is is because she doesnt respect other peoples feelings especially someone that loved her as much as I did and was always honest with her. She is a very judgmental person and instead of work on her own flaws and insecurities she has to find those in others to make herself feel adequate.  I noticed this from the start but I tried to be a good Christian and love her for her heart and not based on that flaw.  The words in this song are powerful the first two lines

"Dont You Mess With A Little Girl's Dream,
Because She Liable  To Grow Up Mean"

I dont think Rachel even understands the dimensions and the depths of that line and how it applies to what happened between us. I was that little boy like Poe was the little girl who dreamed of something and someone Rachel messed with that dream and she wonders why all this is happening to her. It is because she lied, she betrayed me, and she was cruel and all I did was love her. I confided in her and I trusted her, I even told her to not play games with me because I really did want to be with her and Jonathan. She basically pissed on all the good, the love, and the beauty of our friendship and relationship.  So the only way I know to let her know how catastrophic and toxic she is to people is to let the whole world know.  I want not only my blog but my writings and videos to show that not only did she use The NEW CHURCH teachings to put me down but she has treated other men like she treats me.  The saddest thing about it is Rachel doesnt understand that they way she treats men will shape the way her young son Jonathan sees relationships with women. I am a good man. I wanted to be his stepfather. I wanted to show him that I loved both him and his mother and for her to know that no matter who hurt her in the past I was willing to love her unconditionally and give her my all.  I pray that it could still happen but I dont live my life letting what Rachel Myatt could and could not do define me.  I write this everyday as a love letter to her and for her to know if she reads this that I still love her and I have never given up on her. I dont know why she gave up on me and after all the love, letters, correspondence with people of her Church, friends, family, and others she doesn't realize my love is true and real and she doesn't at least make peace with me.  She proves me right though about her attitude so in a couple of days I will start sending out my essays and my story to lots of people and she will get a surprize this Valentines Day that she wont be expecting.  It is something so special and so full of love it will be remembered for eternity.  I love you Rachel Myatt I dont understand what I ever did to deserve the way you treated me. I believed in you, I was willing to travel back and forth and do anything for you and Jonathan, you squandered that for selfish pride,  fear of what others would think, and inconsideration for my feelings.  It will be your spiritual lesson for a long time I am not hiding and I refuse to I am full of love for you and I will keep spreading my story. I have already pitched it to some forms of media which I will not speak on at this moment.  Instead of make peace with me personally Rachel would rather throw herself, her Church, and her family and loved ones out under the bus then just make peace with me.  That is fine it is your life to live and you keep hurting people and not believing in the ones who believe in you it will ultimately lead to more problems. I am free as my story is about how much I love you not about how much I hate you.  I leave you with the words to Poe's Control and  highlighted in red the ones that are most meaningful so that Rachel and you kind readers might understand the nature of this blog today.  God Bless All



Control by Poe
Don't you mess with a little girl's dream
'Cause she's liable to grow up mean

Surprised you to find that I'm laughing?
You thought that you'd find me in tears
You thought I'd be crawling the walls
Like a tiny mosquito and trembling in fear

Well you may be king for the moment
But I am a queen understand
And I've got your pawns and your bishops
And castles
All inside the palm of my hand

While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in meI was taking control

Now I have taken control
Now I have taken control...

This is beginning to feel good
Watching you squirm in your shoes
A small bead of sweat on your brow
And a growl in your belly your scared to let through

You thought you could keep me from loving
You thought you could feed on my soul
But while you were busy destroying my life      (These are the defining lyrics Rachel)
What was half in me has become whole

While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me

I was taking control

Now I have taken control
Now I have taken control...

So this is how it feels
To breath in the summer air
The feel the sand between my toes
And love inside my ear
All those things that you taught me to fear
I've got them in my garden now
And your not welcome here
Come a little bit closer
Let me look at you
I gave you the benefit
Of the doubt it's true
But keep in mind my darling
Not every saint is a fool



While you had your eyes closed
While you were looking the other way
While you were looking the licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me

I was taking control

Now I have taken control
Now I have taken control..

.Don't you mess with me


I will not back down in my attempts at loving you and being a Christian who made another Christian a promise to love her unconditionally but I also was never your doormat and I deserved respect, decency, and love and your use of the NEW CHURCH DOCTRINE to put me down opened my eyes so just remember how I tried to make things right and make peace with you when all this is out in the open.

Christ Compels us to Love

Dear Readers,
Last night I was thinking about Rachel and all the people who have and are reading this blog. This has been one of the most eventful months for it so I wanted to let people know how much I truly love Rachel in the next couple of days before I launch my campaign.   She means the world to me and so does her son and whether I ever see them again I want her to know that for a time I truly felt someone loved me.   I uploaded this song by Sun-60 called "Out of My Head" from their 1992 album simply titled Sun-60.  I can't believe this song is 20 yrs old this year I was a 16yr old the first time I heard it and this  is representative of the kind of music that moves and inspires me the most.  I dedicated  this to Rachel today on this blog and on youtube because I truly do love her. This blog has never been about getting revenge or retaliation. It is because I love her and I want her to come back into my life and to realize that yes people do hurt other people but by me she is truly loved and I can let all that go because I have a love deeper that the one of just being human. We all have the capacity to love like Christ because He instilled that in all of us.  If you have read my blog and seen how much I truly want to forgive and forget with Rachel then I urge you to go pick up this book .  Unconditional: The Call of Jesus to Radical Forgiveness by Pastor Brian Zahnd Here is a link http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-call-Jesus-radical-forgiveness/dp/161638025X/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327591498&sr=1-3 Now this is not where I got my world view of forgiveness but it was refreshing that other people in the world believe in the true beauty and love of Christ that is tainted by all of us as Christians. What I am doing though is Radical and people believe in me. I have never given up on Rachel and it is up to her to see the true love I have for her.  I have reached the New Church, I have reached Catholics, Protestants, Muslims, and many other people of faith with my blog.  Most of the feedback has been positive and people see the love I have for Rachel and the New Church people who were inconsiderate and uncompassionate.  If Rachel didnt appreciate all the love I have for her then she never will.  It is sad but its her loss.  I wont stop loving her but I have never stopped living life either I will probably never trust another woman and Rachel was my true love. I will never give up on her waking up one day and realizing that someone went through so much trouble to show her that they loved her and something I do will make her realize that we need peace between us.  Only God knows the time and answer so I will be dilligent.  I spent at least an hour everyday writing this blog or thinking about what I will write for the day.  I have over a half of years worth of blogs and for the month of January alone there is enough for one for each day.  Rachel you are truly loved and I am reaching out today for your to let it all go.  I won't and cant stop loving you and Jonathan and if you think im crazy, damaged, messed up, mentally ill that is ok because that shows immaturity, insecurity, and being uninformed.  I am quite competent in all that I do.  I am happy enough that I still believe in you and even though things are tough in my life I just go on. I want to share something with you people really quick.

My mother passed away in August of 2011.  My father was recently diagnosed with a rare blood disease that there is really no cure for and the only way they can control it is with a form of Chemotherapy.   My father was given a 60/40 chance to live.  Do I give up on him because of what a doctor says.  No!  I fought with my mother right down till her last breath and it was time for God to take her I let her go.   I was at peace with that.  The saddest thing about losing my mom she didnt want me to stay and watch her die she gave me permission to leave and go see Rachel and Jonathan.  I didnt though I waited till she passed.  Rachel truly didnt know how happy my  mother was to see us love each other and each day I live with the hurt that Rachel didnt appreciate and used that love.  My point being is that sometimes there are people who have been through so much we know nothing but how to fight and not give up.  Some people think it is extreme and it is a bad quality but its not because when the chips are down we are one of the people that sees the good in even a bad situation.  All I can say my dear Rachel and Readers is that I love Rachel Myatt and Christ continually compels me to do that each day.  I love you and Jonathan with all my heart Rachel if you are reading.


2 Corinthians 5:14
For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.

You are all my brothers and sisters in the Lord no matter what your belief system is.  Even if it is non Christian I still love you and respect you for all that you are.  I wish that my Christian sister would realize her Christian brother is broken and hurting and after all we shared together that our friendship and love is worth putting back together.

God Bless All


I love you Rachel Myatt
Im not sorry that I love you and believe in you and Jonathan.
I dont regret not giving up on you or anything I have said in order to show you that.
I know that we as human beings make mistakes but the biggest thing we do is doubt our ability to love.
I know one thing and I never doubted that Rachel Myatt and that was and is that I truly love you. I am sorry you are scared to love me after all the beauty and good we shared.
Ultimately you will be the one who will have to look back at all the damage and hurt. I am free I have nothing but love for you. It doesn't haunt me it just makes me do more. February will be a month that you will never forget.  God bless

Ordinary Day/ Why I think Rachel is the Most Beautiful Person.

Dear Rachel and Readers,

One of my readers made me remember one of the reasons I love Rachel so much and why I have not sought to get revenge on her. When I asked Rachel to be my girlfriend one of the songs I sent to her was "Ordinary Girl" by Dolores O' Riordan of the Cranberries off her first solo album "Anybody Listening?"  I sent this song to her because I think she is the most beautiful person in the world and I loved her for all her flaws, insecurities, and imperfections.  She could never quite love me back in that way and that may have been the reason things failed.  For anyone who thinks I hate Rachel or want to see harm done to her this song should let you know how much I love her and Jonathan. I would love for us to be in each others lives again and I would drop everything to be with her. It is all in her hands now. I just wanted to share with you this evening how much I truly do love Rachel Myatt.

Enacting Revenge

Dear Rachel and Readers,

This blog is not about me actually enacting revenge it is what people feel when they are forced into feelings of hurt, betrayal, despair, and heartache.  I wanted to use these songs because they are both dear to me. Both are bands and women that I admire very much and have shaped my love of music.  It was 1993 I waited outside a club in Dallas to hand a then 23yr old Dolores O' Riordan the lead singer for the Cranberries a song I had written for her called "Pristene Tears" at the time I was amazed by Dolores voice and she moved me their album "Everybody Else is Doing It, Why Can't We"  was starting to take off because of "Dreams" and "Linger" the Cranberries were the middle act on a bill that was headlined by "Suede" in America "The London Suede" due to another band claiming the name here.  Another fledgling band was the opening band called Counting Crows was weeks away from releasing their song "Mr Jones" and I was blown away by their performance.  Dolores and Noel finally walked out the back door of the club as I had set there for hours wanting to meet her.  The whole band signed my cd which I still have to this day. I gave Dolores my song on a hand written peace of paper with a note to her saying how her voice had inspired me and changed my life.  She was very modest gave me hug and walked off down the street to go get dinner before the show.  I will never forget that one because they would never be that small again they became legends and two because of the song "Loud and Clear" she wrote about someone she loved that didn't see how much she loved them and how she gave them their all and they were cruel and unresponsive.  So Rachel pretended to want to be with me and want to have a relationship with me and it was the meanest most evil thing anyone has ever done to me. Nothing else that anyone has done to me not even being molested or abused is as hurtful as what she has done and that should let her know the scope and measure of her actions.  I hope you will take the song not as me wishing evil or hurt upon Rachel but as that she was the one I would have done anything for and she abused that and mistreated me so it has been hard to love her through this.  The second song is one of my favorite songs ever by one of my favorite artist ever Polly Jean Harvey better known as P.J. Harvey.   It is the title track to her second and one of her most acclaimed albums "Rid of Me" I just wanted to put it on here to let Rachel know that I love her and sometimes I wish I never met her but I do love her very much and she cant make me stop loving her.  God has had a hand in this the whole way and I want everyone to know that in my heart there is nothing but love for her.  In February I am going to write Rachel's name across the sky so even if she doesn't talk to me ever again she will always be someone special and dear to me.   She and her family will know what I mean when the time is right.  It is something loving and special I have done for her to let her know she and Jonathan were the light in my life.  My dream Rachel Myatt was to be your husband someday and to be Jonathan's stepfather and love him as my own.  I had never loved anyone as much as I loved you two and for the rest of your life know that you giving up on me hurt me enough to where I could never love anyone again.  I no longer desire to have a family because you played with that and I will never open my heart again to anyone to be betrayed that way. I believed in you, why was it so hard to believe in me?

Love: I love the New Church, I love Rachel Myatt, Most of all I love God

Dear AC1937 and New Church Readers,

I always believed in Rachel. I supported her love for God. I never told her what she believed was wrong. I actually read  your Writings everyday and so what you say about me not thinking others have the same abilities I do is wrong. Instead of doubt others abilities and hold some elitest world view that I can see something that others don't I just believe in them. I am happy to discuss other religions. Two of my girlfriends have been Catholic and instead of tell them as a Protestant I would not go to Church with them I did.  I had an Atheist girlfriend and instead of try to push my love of God on her she saw through my actions that maybe there was a God. I don't try to prove others wrong in fact I was ready to worship and love God with Rachel with an open heart and no matter what you say AC1937, Pastor Coleman or whoever comes on this blog Rachel and Pastor Coleman turned me away with both their uncaring and their attitude.  I am not making unwarranted claims and take it how you want to that is how it was presented to me. Maybe they didnt think so and that is their free will to do so but how I was treated and the actions both of them took yes I am warrated in saying I was turned away.  Rachel was vicious and unkind in her actions and Pastor Coleman's actions at the time were unloving and seemed only to want to prove his  Theological interpretation of things right.  I am a human being and one of Jesus most important commandments is to love.  Rachel chose her bed and she didn't think anything would come of it. Because I had the courage to show her what lying and decieving people does you want to make me a villain.  I respected her and she never showed me respect.  To all you people who would make fun of a person who was grieving and call them sick, damaged, and mentally ill then that is fine that is what Rachel did to me and said that was the reason she didnt want to be with me. What a messed up person to say such things to another person then use the New Church philosophy to put me down even more.  Then she taunted me on Msn Messenger made fun of me on Yahoo Questions and all sorts of things you people dont even know about that I have never even talked about. So how is a person who had just lost his mother and has a girl just dump him and try to humiliate him and embarrass him supposed to take it. I could have took a quick evil revenge but I didnt here I am still full of love and some of you cant even see that.  To you I am just trying to attack the New Church and disprove you .I am telling you I believe in some of what your saying but the way that I was treated was very wrong and if people believe that and it is origin in your teachings then people need to know.  I mean the Dawson Creek New Church is a collective of people not just Rachel so if that kind of attitude is being taught to others then am I not free to tell of my experience and how that could affect others.  Yes it is my free will. Just as it was Rachels free will to be evil, unkind, and uncaring so she is getting what she deserves and I dont wish evil upon her I just think that God has led me to this place and I tried to make peace with all of you and show you that I love you but still you ignore the signs and the purpose. You would probably like it if I enact some cheap evil vengence on Rachel. Too bad I am going to keep loving, keep blogging, keep spreading the word and to keep believing in myself and the love God gave me because nothing you who are man can say can change the outcome only God can do that and He comes first in my life. If He truly didnt want me to be on this path then I would have acted on great evil, revenge, and retaliation long ago but love stand true in my heart and for you who doubt that , that is fine you have judged my heart and my spirituality and that is a sin.

Ive extended my hand out with love, forgiveness, I have offered to fly anywhere and do anything to make peace with Rachel and not have this rift with the New Church and I know there are lots of good people within the Church because I have felt and heard their presence so I will keep reaching out with my Christian heart and if people want to be evil and ignore the love I have for them then so be it.   I wont make up a bunch of lies about Rachel because I dont have to I have the proof all over the place and her own words will tell the story.  So if you want to be bias and see this as a New Church battle its not.  Its one Christian reaching out to another Christian who's hurtful attitude, deceptive nature, and unkindness almost destroyed another and if AC1937 or any other Swedenborgians cant understand where I am coming from then it is their loss.  When you believe in something you dont let it go and maybe this needs to be out in the open for the New Church to deal with and so Rachel can grow spiritually and stop hurting others.  All I know is that I would never treat my worst enemy the way she treated me and still I am treated like the villain because I wont stop loving someone in the face of all adversity.  Christ love is so much more than people actually see and I am trying to trade the hurt and vengance that could be in my heart for true unconditional love. I am sorry that it is not so obvious to you AC1937 and others.

I Am Annoyed By This/Responsible (To Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn)

I am starting this blog off with a song from a 90s band I loved called Sun 60 called "Responsible"
I wanted both Rachel and Pastor Glenn to know you are responsible for everything you do just as I am. I am well aware and I take full responsibility for everything I put on here and everything I have done and will do. That being said you choose to speak of love in such a way where was it once shown to me in favor of proving yourself Theologically right.  I recall a time in your life when you were sad about loved ones case and point in this blog Pastor Glenn that you wrote entitled "Eating Ashes" http://colemanglenn.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/eating-ashes/  It was ok for you though to basically take Rachel's side when I brought this to you and make things all good on the New Church front. Death is death and for a minute ask yourself had it been your parents or Rachels parents would you would have wanted me to be a douche and be non supportive of you like Rachel was to me. Would you have sounded uncaring and unkind people look to you as a spiritual leader and you sure didn't show it. I just want to point out to people how you say things and contradict what you say.  I could care less now though because in February I unleash it all and the Dawson Creek New Church can deal with Rachel's unkindness and yours. I had nothing but love for both of you and tried to come at you like a Christian otherwise I would have just did what i was going to do and never prayed or try to find resolution or peace within the confines of the Church so my first act will be a telling of the story with the sketch of me and Rachel sent worldwide to religious places known only to me.  Making peace with someone and realizing the damage we do when we lie and hurt others and play with their dreams would have been easier for Rachel than this but she doesn't care and so why should I anymore

Dear Readers,

Here is A Blog by one of the Pastors I encountered,  Pastor Coleman Glenn of the Dawson Creek, British Columbia Church of the New Jerusalem, and though I respect this man greatly after all the love I have shown and dealt with the hypocrisy of some of  the things he has said to me in regarding Rachel and the Church of the New Jerusalem this one really annoys me and reeks of ironic subjugation.  http://www.patheos.com/blogs/goodandtruth/2012/01/the-little-way/#more-392

Sorry Pastor but I will call it how I see it. You treat people one way then preach to them about another way.

The Scope of Doubting Others : Part 2 Haunted

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0&feature=related

Dear Rachel and Readers.  The above is a song called Haunted by Poe this is a song about facing yourself, inner demons, and people that you have loved and lost.   I want you all to listen to this I thought that this should stand alone from the other part of the blog so please take the time to read The Scope of Doubting Others : Part 1 so that you will understand where I am going with this.  I am free Rachel being cruel to me does nothing but fuel my determination to do the things that I love doing. Even being sick hasn't stopped me from going out and being creative. In fact it has inspired me.  I have entered into a friendship with someone who is hearing impaired and she doubts her abilities and how wonderful she is.  Rachel did the same way with me and in the end she pushed me away. If you truly put your trust in the Lord you may have room for doubt but in the end you always come back to the realization that with Him nothing is impossible and all things happen in His time. If I truly didn't believe that then this blog would have fizzled a long time ago. I wouldnt care about Rachel and Jonathan and I wouldn't still be fighting to show her how faithful, loyal, and how much love I have for my loved ones. So Rachel if you are reading this you are family to me.  Sometimes family fights they dont get along and they dont talk for awhile but when the chips are down most families will be there for each other.  You are part of my close circle of friends that I consider my blood. They are few but special and come from many different religions, ethnicities, and thought processes but the fact is if one of them needed me to give my life for them I would and you are one of those people. If anyone in the New Church wants to know about sacrifice then I will tell you my story. I wont brag or boast I will just tell you about how I never put my faith in men or worry what will be given to me.  I suffer somedays and never do anything but pray but I know my faith is a greater thing than being selfish and hurting others.   If I were homeless and had nothing I would still be blessed to live and to take what little I had and God would make me new again return it tenfold because I believe.  I hope you take the time to listen to the song I have posted and that you understand why I put it up. Rachel will have to look back at all that she has done and me putting it out in the public is my way of telling her that I am not afraid, ashamed, and will not hold back what is beautiful and means something to me in my life and if I have to do this for another year for her to realize how much she means to me I will.  I would rather we make peace, talk about it, and move on but I have to do what is in my heart and that is to tell this story and keep believing in the good in her heart. Rachel ultimately will have to look in the mirror and make a choice but for me I have made my choice I will continue on with love and seeking reconcilation, forgiveness, and true friendship with her.


Here are the lyrics to the above song. I posted the link again in case you didnt watch it firsthttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0&feature=related

Haunted


Come here
Pretty please
Can you tell me where I am
You won't you say something
I need to get my bearings
I'm lost
And the shadows keep on changing


And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I'm haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head



Don't cry,
There's always a way
Here in November in this house of leaves
We'll pray
Please, I know it's hard to believe
To see a perfect forest
Through so many splintered trees
You and me
And these shadows keep on changing


And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I'm haunted
By the promises I've made
And others I have broken
I'm haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head


Hallways... always


I'll always love you
I'll always need you
I'll always want you


And I will always miss you

Come here
No I won't say please
One more look at the ghost
Before I'm gonna make it leave
Come here
I've got the pieces here
Time to gather up the splinters
Build a casket for my tears


I'm haunted
(By the lives that I have loved)
I'm haunted
(By the promises I've made)
I'm haunted
By the hallways in this tiny room
The echos there of me and you
The voices that are carrying this tune


Father :
What is it Annie?


Daughter :
You think I'll cry? I won't cry!
My heart will break before I cry!
I will go mad.

The Scope of Doubting Others

Proverbs 27:5 Better is Open Rebuke Than Hidden Love


For Anyone that still thinks I am still out for hate or revenge. No I truly want Rachel in my life and want to make peace with her but I wont find peace until she has the courage to see that God has a hand in this and that I have truly loved her all along. She would rather be full of pride and ignore me and hide in the shadows.  I am out in the open you know my name. I dont put up the picture of she and myself because she is ashamed of me.  I am and have never been ashamed of her she was my best friend so I dedicate the video "Say the Words" by DC Talk a Christian music group


Dear Rachel and Church of the New Jerusalem,

I am amazed at how many other people take my blog and put it on their site as a top blog. Rachel thought that nothing I did would matter and that she could just return to living her life carefree after treating me with such disrespect and in such an unkind manner.  In the end I proved her wrong again. See when people constantly doubt other people such as people doubting others love for God as Rachel did me then they tend to be the ones with the real insecurities in their lives.  As much crap as I have been through in the past year and a half.  I still press on. There were three months where I thought I was going to die and I didn't now with the campaign looming and me about to give up faith on Rachel's ability for good and just go all out on her and the Dawson Creek New Church I am feeling a strength and a power of tremendous proportions.  I think this is what was meant for me so that the self righteous people in this religion will think about what they do or say.   I will not be haughty, I will not be untruthful, I will tell my story both the good and the bad.  I do believe there are many great people in the New Church and I wont mention their names because they are the ones I respect but I will mention the names of those who took the true love and kindness in my heart and miscontrued it and only tried to make themselves seem right theologcially instead of understand the nature of the situation I was bringing to them about Rachels cruel, insensitive, and morally bankrupt attitude using the New Church doctrine.  So to Rachel Myatt and the Church of The New Jerusalem, february will be the month I finally get tough and I will release my arson worldwide in places you wouldn't imagine.  If Rachel can sit up in Church today and  Pastor Coleman Glenn can sit up and preach today when they know they have hurt someone so bad that it has led to this then that is cool I admire their non caring and push things to the side attitude but they must also know that I can do what I choose to also and for their inconsideration, the evil, and the uncaring attitude the truth will set me free...............................

If you want to go down as the religion that turns people away, shuns them, and treats people certain ways according to belief  system, creed, color of skin or otherwise you have succeded in at least starting a way to be outted.  I came at all of you with nothing but love and a caring heart so remember this all could have been changed with a couple of words from Rachel.

I wanted to end this with a song called "I Was Wrong" By The Sisters of Mercy                         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O499jyENw5M
It has one of the best lyrics in the chorus and maybe Rachel and the New Church need to apply this lyric to the love and forgiveness and to Swedenborgs Writings instead of be hypocritcal towards me for wanting what Christ wants us to do and that is to not hold grudges and forgive and forget things and without Rachel stepping up to the plate to do that she is going against just that. I am willing to wipe the slate clean if she is willing to come forth and face it. I love her and I have seen this all before my other Canadian ex is one of best friend and she hurt me almost as much. Anyways I leave you with this lyric from the song and the rest can be viewed with the above video.
I was wrong
I was wrong to ever doubt
I can get along without
I can love my fellow man
But I'm damned if I'll love yours

God Bless All

Letters To Rachel: In Words, Online, from the Heart

Dear Rachel and New Church Readers,

I have decided that the only way to show Rachel how much damage she truly did to my soul is to tell my story online and through spoken word. I have a cd that I made of me recounting out time together but I am going to have a special Youtube video and another site transcribing the text messages and our emails.  Maybe all those New Church members will then see that Rachel could have made this so easy by just picking up the phone and making peace with me. She doesn't care how it reflects on the New Church or others in her life as long as she doesn't have to face me and that is fine. I don't have to let her actions of hurt toward me win.  I will just be truthful and tell of my story and my correspondence with the New Church both good and bad.  I tried to be kind and seek peace with her and find peace but she wont see that so now I will do what will give me peace and spread this message in different places and media.  I have also printed out my essay "Why The New Church Thinks You Are Wrong!"  I was very hurt at all the excuses  I got from a lot of the pastors and reverends and I think they need to know how there doctrine might sound to someone who was ready to learn but was told they were ignorant and that what they believed didnt matter.  It seemed that many of them would flip flop and say one thing and it would be hypocritical to the Bible and the Writings and I also tried to incorporate both in my blog and my essay. I am a good Christian man and like everyone else I have flaws and insecurities.  Rachel knew what she was getting into and I shared my secrets my pain and my happiness with her and she used that against me in the end and used religion to tear me down and almost destroy me.  The reason all this is happening is not because of a failed relationship it is because of Rachel's disregard for the nature of the situation I was in, her poor judgement of character to a person who was grieving, and her religious bigotry toward someone who loved and looked up to her.  Yes Church of the New Jerusalem I said Bigotry. Now maybe this is isolated to certain people in the Dawson Creek New Church but it was a form of bigotry. It was the my religion is better than yours and my faith matters so much I will put down others.  It also was very harkening to me because you think a black man in Northern Canada would get some love and respect if I wanted racism I can just stay here in good ol Texas where it is ramapant but do you know the potential PR disaster taht it could be for the New Church if I tell other black people that I didn't feel welcome.  Nobody in the New Church is even thinking about that and Rachel sure doesnt care as long as she can ignore me and wipe her hands clean of something she thinks she didn't have to face any consequences for.   So I just wanted to be truthful in the direction I am going to anyone who reads this and  wants to know where my heart is going.   I do appreciate the people who reached out to me from the New Church Perspective but it was back when all this happened that I needed that kind of love and understanding instead I was met with people trying to make themselves seem theologically right and justify Rachels actions.  Just remember for every action there is a reaction so if you do something expect something to happen back. So for Rachel she could have made peace with me but this is the reaction she gets and she will have to live with all the damage she caused when we could have been in each others graces and made true peace and conciliation.  No one can blame me for how I feel because I reached out to both Rachel and the New Church now it is all in your hands.  If anyone cares I am always here but Rachel is the only one who can change this in the end.

When I was a teenager this was one of my favorite songs about a Eulogy called "Lay Me Low" by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds seeing him do this song in 1994 two nights in a row made me understand the beauty of making peace with others in our lives.  Maybe some of you will listen to this song and see my intentions with Rachel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhPU6jEwUl4 I have always been humble and put others before myself this altercation has always been about Rachel disrespecting my grief and my mother and she can end it all with a phone call and a sorry.
For those who are interested Nick Cave wrote an interesting book about mans "Inhumanity to man and their innate ability to fear what they don't understand" called "And The Ass Saw the Angel" The title of the book is taken from Numbers 22:23 My third favorite book next to the Bible and Carson McCullers "The Heart is A Lonely Hunter"   In this book the main character Eucharid is a mute who endures hate, abuse from his parents, is shunned by the town and is an outcast eventually he enacts revenge upon those who put him down.  I have never truly wanted to enact any kind of revenge on Rachel as it is not my nature but I have reached out to her and I loved her and so that is what it feels like.  She was so scared of our differences and the society around her and her New Church Doctrine made her feel like loving me would make her seem awkward or different too. I am tired of people making excuses not to love me and eventually when you kill a persons love it turns to hate and in my case that is where it is going. I am being truthful about it and it has had all this time to be love but due to the way I was treated by your Canadian Pastors and Rachel the love is wearing thin.
This is for all you who put down people who are different than them especially the Dawson Creek New Church

Heart Spark Dollarsign By Everclear  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvn8xQIfzmU

Time stops when the whispers blare
The voices drop hard, but the eyes still stare
The world resolves into a death's head grin
Because I walk with pride with a black girlfriend

My mom said not to bring her around
Cause she's black
My family would put her down
I'll break the white-trash ties that bind
Trade a love so pure for a hate so blind


She said -- she said
Forget the fact that I don't look like you
She said -- she said
You're possessed with a power
Bigger than the pain

Time stops when we lie so close
In my room where we share
What no one knows


From the day that we start
Until the day that we end
I know I know I know now
We will never find a place where we can just fit in


Me and my black girlfriend

God Bless All.

Strong Enough To Bend(To The Church of The New Jerusalem)

Dear Rachel and New Church Members,

When a lot of you write me back you always say the same thing. You hope that I find peace.  I will find peace but it will only come when Rachel realizes that she has to be part of that peace.  See I believe in the true power of love and forgiveness and some of the Pastors that wrote me back dont share that view. I will only find peace when Rachel picks up the phone and calls me, writes a letter, or emails me and we truly forgive and make peace with each other. Otherwise I will just keep on going.  It is up to her how far this goes and I have reached out the loving hand. She never cared about the consequences of doing what she did and just thought she could treat me like a light switch and go on with her life.  So I ask all of you who read this blog and see anger in me for one moment to actually see that I am the one that is full of love. I didn't abandon her when she was constantly putting my faith down. I loved her.  I never judged her for being a single mother out of wedlock and I was raised to sort of frown on that.  I never did anything but love her unconditionally and give of my self unselfishly.  I was willing to give up my single carefree life and just give it all to Rachel and Jonathan and love and be loved. So I want to share with you a couple of scriptures out of the Bible and then a quick story so that maybe some of you will finally understand where I am coming from and why that Rachel can either practice love and come to me to forgive and be forgiven or she can just ignore me and I go on with my worldwide campaign and stop caring about her feelings or how it will affect her much like she did when she abandoned and slandered me. So I will share with you these scriptures as a prelude to my story.

John 20:21-23
²¹ Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” ²² And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. ²³ If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

Dear Rachel and New Church members it couldnt be more clearer the kind of peace I am looking for. The true peace of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The kind that doesn't fester animosity, the kind that doesn't linger in disclosure, the kind that two people who have a disagreement or have had words put away feelings hurt, anger, and fear and do the most beautiful thing. They lay it all in God's hands and they forgive and go on with their lives.  If anyone doesn't see the love in my heart for Rachel Myatt especially Rachel Myatt then they have never looked at my blog in earnestness.  I thought about posting up all the emails that we wrote back and forth and to put up my personal journal of love letters but out of respect for her I would not put up all those conversations. I want you all who are reading this to go back and look at some of my blogs both the ones that seem angry and the ones that are loving and through it all I call for the same thing, love, reconcilation, and my friend back.  Rachel and I may never be in a romantic relationship again and that is her loss because I loved her dearly but my love for her was never rooted in that it was rooted in Christian friendship and because I thought I had a true sister in Christ I fell in love and I thought Rachel loved me enough to see that too.  So I will end this blog with a story to explain how much I truly do love Rachel Myatt and why it is so important that we reconcile and talk again.


Strong Enough To Bend: A Story of True Love
When I was 12 years old I knew the only thing I wanted was to have my own family and it was in the year 1988 when I turned 13 I realized the kind of love I wanted to have.  My home life was less than stellar especially at the time. I was being neglected alot and told how worthless and stupid I was everything I did was wrong even though I was in the Honors Program at school and I never got in trouble nothing I did seemed to be right. I got picked on a lot and spent a lot of days sitting in a corner by myself because no one wanted to be my friend.  I had a little Walkman that I would sometimes carry with me and one of my favorite cassettes at the time was one by Tanya Tucker called Strong Enough to Bend. It was that song that truly made me believe in the beauty of having a family and a loving wife and partner. Ironically two years later Tanya Tucker would be my first concert going experience and to this day I still have my tshirt that still fits from the occassion.  I want you to take a minute to listen to the lyrics of  the song "Strong Enough To Bend" as I have left the link here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff6naK5t00k


I shared with Rachel my painful past and before we were ever boyfriend and girlfriend  I was honest with her. If she couldn't handle who I was then she should have never played with my emotions or heart.  The kind of love I have for her and Jonathan is the kind that is life changing.  See not only was I turned away from being able to love her with a love that was pure and true but she turned me away from the Church. I wanted more than anything to have a family that was rooted in God and I often talked about how much I wanted to go to Church with Rachel and Jonathan and how much it would mean for us to be a family. My mother was the one who kept our little family together for better or for worst.  My father didnt treat her very well for most of her life and he was my example for how to treat women so I never liked that example. I remember doing little things for my mom because he treated her so bad and it brought tears to my eyes so I vowed to never do anything but love the women who came into my life and treat them with  respect and dignity.  I did it so well that most of them ran scared and thought it was an act and many times would come back after they abandoned me to either try to get a second chance or apologize and tell me what a good man I was to them.  I never wanted that with Rachel I wanted to grow with her, I wanted to love her and Jonathan in the Lord and for things to be based spiritually and of Heaven.  I could have lived my life selfishly but if any of you actually came to see how modest and how little I  have then you would realize that none of this I am saying is a joke. I give most of my money away helping others and as long as I have a car to drive, food to eat, a Bible and music I have enough. Most of all as long as I have God I am taken care of.  God has been the reason I have been reaching out to Rachel.  God is the reason I never let up on Pastor Glenn and though it may have seemed like I was personally attacking him it was never meant that way I apologized.  I sent a donation to the Church because despite what he may think  I support the greater good and that is everyone getting to share in the message of our Lord Jesus Christ.  I sent a donation to Rachel for her Ladies Group because I believe in her and since she probably wouldn't accept a traditonal gift from me after sending my letters back even my Christmas card then I figured a donation to something she believed in would let her know that I love her and that even if she hates me my heart is with her.  I have many problems going on in my life.  My mother is dead and my father has been sick now for the past couple of months with heart problems and he has to undergo chemo.  My health is going back to normal but I dont worry about myself. If I die tomorrow I would  die helping others.  I have given to others in the past couple of months when I could barely afford to take care of myself because I believe in a love higher than being selfish and of thinking of oneself.  I believe in God's love.  So for anyone that thinks I want to get revenge on Rachel or hate her I dont.  In my heart since she wont be responsive I feel that taking out a campaign to let her know how bad she hurt me and to let other people in the New Church know how here worldview has affected someone who was willing to learn and wanted to share the experience with her and others may be the only way.   The song "Strong Enough To Bend" stands for the love I had  for Rachel and Jonathan. Rachel was the woman who I would have never left her side.  I have never given up on her even through all these tough and troubled time.  She always doubted  me and my love for God and I never treated her that way.  I accepted and loved her for all she was but she couldn't afford me the same.  Here I stand with my hand and heart out to forgive her transgressions and for her to forgive mine.  I love her with all my heart and to me the song represents Jesus love, a love true, pure and never swaying.  He is always with us and never turns His back on us. That is how much I love Rachel Myatt and so to those in the Church of the New Jerusalem please take this in consideration before you judge me or not understand my calling to either find peace and forgiveness with Rachel or to launch this campaign.  My heart is full of love and Rachel continues to kill that love.  My life belongs to God and it belongs to others it is not one for me to be selfish with and I will continue to love Rachel Myatt even if she hates and shuns me.


Arcana Coelestia #345, 346v.3
That a "tiller of the ground" is one who is devoid of charity, however much he may be in faith separated from love, which is no faith, is evident from what follows: that Jehovah had no respect to his offering, and that he slew his brother, that is, destroyed charity, signified by "Abel." Those were said to "till the ground" who look to bodily and earthly things, as is evident from what is said in Gen. 3:19, 23, where we read that the man was "cast out of the garden of Eden to till the ground."

346.3   And at the end of days it came to pass that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering to Jehovah. By the "end of days" is meant in process of time; by the "fruit of the ground" the works of faith without charity; and by "an offering to Jehovah" worship thence derived.


I thought that people in the New Church would understand that Rachel is killing my love and some how she would understand it so I leave you with this from your own Writings so that you understand where I am in my life. I love her so much and she seems to be twisting everything good that is in the Writings. (Sometimes I feel like letting it all go and let the darkness overcome me and get back at her but you you know what stops me? My love for Jonathan and that is why I have never really tried to do anything but show Rachel I love her I loved them as a package deal but sometims I feel like this video we have a choice between good and evil this video was a a playful but truthful attempt on what happens when someone twist your good into evil and that is what Rachel does to me with each passing moment so please take me as being serious New Church  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFkAAvDkj9k&feature=related I wonder if Rachel even knows how deeply and how much she continues to hurt me but I press on because the deep love I have for her and Jonathan.


 DLW 47 It is the essential of love not to love self, but to love others, and to be conjoined with others by love. It is the essential of love, moreover, to be loved by others, for thus conjunction is effected. The essence of all love consists in conjunction; this, in fact, is its life, which is called enjoyment, pleasantness, delight, sweetness, bliss, happiness and felicity. Love consists in this, that its own should be another's; to feel the joy of another as joy in oneself, that is loving. But to feel one's own joy in another and not the other's joy in oneself is not loving; for this is loving self, while the former is loving the neighbor. These two kinds of love are diametrically opposed to each other. Either, it is true, conjoins; and to love one's own, that is, oneself, in another does not seem to divide; but it does so effectually divide that so far as anyone has loved another in this manner, so far he afterwards hates him. For such conjunction is by its own action gradually loosened, and then, in like measure, love is turned to hate.

God Bless All

Losing All Hope

Dear Readers,

Stop if only for a moment and listen to this song.  I told Rachel this was the way I felt about her. This is a song originally by the Christian band Switchfoot but it was sung by Mandy Moore in the movie "A Walk To Remember" It is called "Only Hope" all I ever wanted was to be loved and believe in love but after what Rachel did to me and because I am not worth making peace with I truly doubt that there is such a thing anymore.  So for anyone that thinks I hate Rachel and I want to see her hurt. This song is a reminder of how well and how beautiful I think she is as a person.

Only Hope(From the Motion Picture "A Walk To Remember" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9SScOEU0nw&feature=related

Believing In You Rachel Strengthned my love for God because for the first time in my life I thought I was worth His love and His blessing but now I guess I am wrong. I feel hated because you ignore my love and all good that came from what we had.  So for the rest of your life know you killed that love and I gave up because I reached out to you and when I needed another person and believed in them I wasn't worth the same.
1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.


For a brief moment I thought I was worth loving but I guess I never was


God Bless All

What If I Seek Revenge(To Church of The New Jerusalem)

Dear Readers,

I will never forget the day it was September 7th as I sat in the airport with Rachel waiting to go board my plane sitting with the woman who I love with all my heart.  Asking her did she still want to be together.  I looked her straight in the eyes and she said yes.  I kissed her and asked her again two more times I did this and she said "Yes" all three times.  I have written a song about it called "Judas Kiss" because it was the biggest betrayal I had ever encountered in my life. 

For a person like me this was one of the happiest moments of my life. I thought I had finally after all the hurt, pain, abuse, and rejection deserved to be loved.  Rachel is the love of my life but she was too scared to see that.  So instead of stay with me and keep her word and support me during the most trouble timed in my life she abandoned me and then was cruel about it. She never understood that she was the reason for me wanting to die. Her cruelty made my mothers passing which I was at peace with truly sad. She used God's name in vain to as she used the worst scapegoat ever.  "Even if I don't love you God still loves you Byron" I know God loves me what a load of Balderdash!!  I hate when people use that line as excuse for evil. That burns in my soul to this day. It is a cowards way out and it is not what God wants you to say to anyone.  God wants you to be responsible for the things you do and know that for every action there is a reaction.  What did Rachel think I was going to do let her walk all over me and just take it.  See it is for this reason my dear New Church friends that I want you to see why I am so upset and have had to fight so hard not to seek revenge on Rachel. But maybe I should because maybe that will be the only way she will see that by not reaching out to reconcile and make peace with me after all this time. After all the love I have shown her even if she has ignored me.  I mean this is the person who sent my Christmas card back. It was not addressed but she was so hateful she put my address on it and sent it back.  I want people to know that I am not the villain.  For months on this blog and around the world I have told people about how much I love Rachel but maybe I should hate her.  Maybe that would make Pastor Glenn and the Dawson Creek New Church happy when I not only trash her but include both him and the Church in the festivities.  Or will Rachel realize that love is the only way and that by ignoring me and being silent she is adding to the pain and making it hard for me to be nice.  Most of you who have read this have seen the true love I have for Rachel and I want all you New Church Members to know I will not find peace until Rachel steps forward herself and the longer she ignores the love and peace I am trying to keep in my heart for her the more I feel hated, unloved, and like I should get revenge on her.

A person like me grows up in a life enviroment around violence, abuse, drugs, broken families, and constant disappointment. She played with my biggest dream to have a family of my own and to share my love of God with that special someone. I accepted her flaws and all and she constantly found as much wrong with me as she could. Is that a New Church trait to just look for all the bad in people because if so that is Satanic.  It is evil and it is not of God.  Rachel and Jonathan were a chance to leave my past beyond, let my mother go because she was sick all her life and her dying freed me from watching her in pain constantly,  I wanted since I was 12yrs old to have a family and I told Rachel if she didnt truly want to explore that with me then dont play with me but she did.  In the end she was the cruelest person I ever met and a lot of it had to do with the way she percieves God. So that is why I include the New Church in my hurt because she was constantly using her religion to justify her being cruel to people. 

I ask you Church of The New Jerusalem is this what you want for me to seek revenge on Rachel and to include you in this?

If you truly cared then you would be looking to Rachel for answers about her cruelty and using her religious upbringing to hurt and put down people of other faiths especially people who did nothing but love her unconditonally.

Rachel needs to know that once I put the course of events in to action there is no turning back. It will hurt her family, it will effect the Church and it will be seen to many. Rachel isnt sorry for anything she said or did to me. She is so selfish that she told me there were no consequences for anything she did and she said I was trying to make her feel guilty. The only person who can make you feel guilty is yourself when you know you have done something wrong. She tries to hide now because she doesnt want others to know what she done. I have had a year plus to think about getting revenge and once I decide to there will be no turning back. I wont feel guilty. I wont care what happens to Rachel because I spent all this time trying to make peace with her and trying to save the beautiful friendship we had. So nobody but God can judge me in the end and I have done nothing but love her. Rachel Myatt stand up and face yourself either I am your enemy or your friend. I choose to be your friend you choose to have me as an enemy. So in the end it is your choice of how things go. The ball is in your court Rachel Myatt

I am trying to reach out to her with love and peaceful resolution and I am not making a threat because I dont live that way.  I am truthfully telling you how I feel in my heart and what will result in us not talking and her continuing to ignore my call to peace, love, and reconcilation.


Will Your Selfish Pride allow you to let Evil win over Good? After all this love and believing in you even after you almost destoyed me and all the good and love I had for you, you would rather me just put it all out in the open and let others know our personal business? Is that what you want Rachel? I guess so.  All I want is peace with and for you to evolve past this hate you have for me. You dont love me even if you told the Pastor you did you dont even love me as your fellow human because everyday you commit a crime against my love and my willingness to make peace with you and you were the one who transgressed against me.  I feel sorry that you feel that way.


The choice is yours Rachel Myatt and Church of the New Jerusalem!!!

You Were Loved Rachel Myatt

When I said I loved you, I meant it
It was never cheap words
You were never a waste of my time and it was never a game.
When I made a promise to God to love you always I kept it and here I am unconditionally still loving you even with a broken heart and you ignoring me.
When I said I dont give up on the people I love, here I am still believing in you and Jonathan.
I said I would take this worldwide and now people in your Church and around the world are starting to pay more attention to my blog and my letters got answered that will let you know that I am a true friend.
I am not sorry for anything I have said or done and I stand by my word.
If you would rather me get on the internet and tell my story and embarrass yourself, hurt you, your family, and disrespect your Church that is fine. I am brave and I will do what I have to do to be happy. You abandoned, ridiculed, and put me down and I guess that made you happy. You sure didnt seem to care until you found out how much damage you really did.  You Rachel Myatt are the one who is hiding.  If you were truly brave you wouldnt care what I write. You would proudly put your pictures and videos up on the internet and you would show me that nothing I do matters but I know what I have done matters all I have done has been out of love and I know you think about what you said and how I express myself everyday. I told you I am willing to fight to show you I love you Rachel Myatt and you can take it anyway you want.  I know God is on my side and I have to continue to reach out to you.  Rachel Myatt YOU ARE LOVED.  Why cant you see that, lots of women would kill for the kind of devotion, love, and faithfullness I have for you but you threw it all away. Are you truly happy knowing I at any minute could be writing about you or spreading things about you? Don't you want peace of mind? Don't you  want peace and reconciliation instead of looking over your back and wondering if someone hates you.  What if I quit loving you and gave into the hatred and hurt. What if I went down to New  Orleans and put a Voodoo Curse on you? What if I put compromising pictures up of you everywhere? What if I was truly evil? I am not I love you and I want no harm to you why cant you pick up the phone and make peace with me? Reason why Rachel Myatt is because I have embarrassed you and shown you the true nature of your behavior and you know what you said and did was wrong and it was the cowards way out of things.  Rachel friendships, relationships, and any kind of ship that involves two people is never easy. You cant just bail on people when the going gets tough and then ridicule and put them down.  That is immature and it is very uncharitable, and unloving.  What if Jesus had of said I dont want to die for those people? They dont deserve it and I dont want to go through all the pain. He didn't though He did it because He loved us and He wanted us to live a life of happiness, to be fulfilled, and to share His love with others.  Rachel I am reaching my hand out again to you for love. Not hurt, not hate, not rejection, revenge, or retaliation.  I love you Rachel Myatt and I want your acceptance again. I want to put an end to this and for this to never go any further than us making peace and being in each others life.  I love you and Jonathan and I am still willing to give my life for you two because that is what you have and always meant to me.


Ask Yourself This Question? Was it worth all this to be cruel, untruthful, unloving, and unkind? Do you really think I will just sit back and do nothing and you will get away with the evil you did? Here I am pouring my heart out to you and trying to make peace and show you that I love you and Jonathan with all my heart and you are so blind to see that you are being selfish, uncaring, and once again proving me right to others so that is why I am still here and my campaign hopefully will teach you to treat people with respect next time. I was your true friend, I was your boyfriend, I was your brother in Christ. I was not a light switch you could turn on and off and that was  how you thought you could play me. Well here this I am playing with a true story about you and once I pull the switch and push play there is no turning back the hurt is done so the ball is in your court now Rachel Myatt. Do you contact me and make peace with me or do you just keep hiding and let me use my freedom of speech to let others know of how you treat people and use your faith to belittle and hurt others.  You Decide!


God Bless All

My Last Plea for Peace with Rachel(To The Church of The New Jerusalem)

Dear Readers,

I have tried for months to find peace and closure with Rachel Myatt. I am a doer and not just someone who sits back and says they are going to do things I actually do them so I want you to read this with me explaining my true intentions and wishes.


We all have to find happiness in our lives and for a year of my life almost Rachel Myatt was my dearest and closest friend.  I loved her and her son to no end and in one shallow moment without talking to me or every really knowing what I felt our going through she abandoned me.  She also said a lot of things that were untrue and unkind and that has been the reason why I have been so dilligent in my blog and my actions toward her and the New Church.  When you use religious doctrine to hurt other people or put them down as she did to me so many times in our relationship it sets off a red flag.  The first time Rachel told me I was stupid for believing in Adam and Eve I hung up the phone and I was about to break off our relationship then and there but you know what? I picked up the phone and tried to talk to her and I thought that we would be ok.  I had always told her that I was willing to love God in the way she loved God but she would have to give me time. I actually started reading the Writings and I wanted to share the New Church experience with her.  She was not patient with me and when she abandoned me she was very hostile and mean spirited. When I said that I would take this to the Church she said I was stupid and didnt believe me but as most of you know I have not only done that but surpassed it.  I do not want to wage a personal war against the whole Church and that is not what this altercation is about. This is about religious bigotry that has been taught and instilled in someone. This is about selfish pride, evil, and inconsideration for others feelings.  Many of you have read my blog and you have seen where I have called Rachel out through her emails saying she would be there for me. I have hesitated to release all of them but I am seriously contemplating it.  I want the people at the Dawson Creek New Church to know that if that is the kind of values that they teach and instill in people then you are not very kind, loving, or charitable.   I will not be a hypocrite and I will not lie about things that I am not true to.  Rachel said she loved me, wanted to be with me, and cared about me and then crashed my hopes later. If she really loved me she would have talked to me. She would have never judged my mental state and been supportive of me during my difficult time.  All I ever wanted was her love and Jonathans love and to give my life to God and to them.


Rachel's Pastor said Rachel said she was sorry for all the pain she had cause but she is not woman enough to pick up the phone or email me and tell me herself.  It means nothing to me conveying the message to someone else it will mean something if you tell me yourself Rachel Myatt.  So if you want me to let you go and you want me to be free you are going to have to be a woman and give me that closure yourself. Otherwise you have hurt me for the rest of my life and I wont move on, I want care about anyone else, and I wont love anyone the way I could have loved you if you hadn't of been so selfish. Rachel you are killing my love for people because you were so evil to me when I needed and loved you.


I need the Church of the New Jerusalem to know one thing. I do love you all as my brothers and sisters in Christ and if any of you care about Rachel and I then please read and think about what I have to say in the closing of this blog.

1. I have only strived to make peace with Rachel. I believe in my heart that she is still worth loving and that God would not have let me go this far and to suffer if He knew I couldn't handle this burden. My heart is broken and shattered but every night I pray for Rachel and Jonathan and tell Him how much I love them.  I dont pray for her return in my life but that she just knows that I love her and I wont give up on her.


2. I do want a happy end to this without anyone suffering any pain and so listen closely to what I am about to write.  If anyone wants to talk to Rachel about what I have said and about true forgiveness and peace in the New Church fold. If anyone has been touched by my willingness to never give up and to not want to get revenge on her then my prayer is that it happens now. If anyone wants to make an effort to initiate peace between us and Rachel is willing to let go of whatever is holding her back from loving me then I will fly anywhere in the Continental U.S or Canada to do that. I have already told her Pastor that I would fly out there go to Church service just for a couple hours to sit in a room with her and make peace no matter the financial burden. That is how much I love Rachel.  I am willing to put everything on the line because having this hole in my heart and wanting to fight the evil, the feelings of anger, and darkness are what I continue to have to do.  I don't want retribution I want reconcilation. My best friend back and love.  If anyone believes in that and believes that Rachel can turn the tide on this then pray and if you know her talk to her about that. Ultimately the choice is hers. I cant make her love me, I cant make her see how much I love her. All I can do is pray, put my faith in God, and keep believing in what I am doing.

3. Finally as for my campaign. If Rachel is unresponsive then my last resort is to finally release the video of my story on youtube and other outlets.  I have video of me telling the whole story in words and pictures and some of it is very intimate and graphic. It is not a threat to Rachel it is just me telling her that if she cant pick up the phone and be a woman and make peace with someone who is truly trying to make things right by her then the only way I will have any closure is to just tell my story because I never want her to treat another man like she treated me. Most of you dont know how much I loved this woman and how much I went through to be with her. If someone believed in you as much as I believed in Rachel don't you think they are worth giving a second chance.  Saying things about my mother after she died was almost an unforgiveable offense and saying that I lied to her about things and tried to be manipulative was even more dishearting. I was grieving and her lying and pretending to want to be with me caused me so much pain I wanted to die. It was never a trick and I never tried to hold anything over her head I truly thought I was just going to lay down and die. I never cried so much and I had never felt so empty but here I am 14 months and still loving and believing in this person .  The thing that upsets me the most is I hear these New Church people say let it go.  You can't let God's work go and this is a revelation He has revealed to me. It is my battle and it is my burden to bear. You do not know what I am destined to do but I do just as cannot say what you are destined to do.  I am sorry that I have to say this but people do have callings and I called out Rachel's Pastor on this point when he was trying to skirt around it.  I told him just like God called him to be a Pastor it was something that God revealed to him. I cannot say I know what his path was so who was he to judge mine.  It seems like everyone wanted to take the side of evil and condone what Rachel did.  Why because I wasn't part of the New Church? I could trash the whole church and be impolite but as a Christian I cant do that because I believe in all of you and your love for God.  I will however tell my story and not let Rachel hurt other people physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally so if anyone would like me not to tell my story and to save Rachel, the Dawson Creek New Church, and its Pastor any grief then step up and tell them how important it is that they really reach out to me. I have done all I can do and I am open for suggestions but I will not falter and I know that I am doing what is right. So if you read this today and you believe and see the love in my heart then leave a message. Most of all if you are Rachel leave a message.  You are loved beyond compare. I believe in you and I only want peace with you but this is my last time before I get more serious in my efforts.

God Bless All.