Happy Canada Day Rachel!

Happy Canada Day tomorrow July 1st Rachel.  I remember last year when you were giving me the play by play about the parade you went to and how I wanted to be there with you and how I hoped this year we would have shared that together.  I'm sorry you didn't know how much you meant to me and how much I truly love you.  I want to say a few things today quickly.

First off to anyone who thought this was a phase or that my love for Rachel will fade then you are dead wrong. When you love someone as much as I love her you have to move mountains and swim seas and that is what I would do for Rachel and Jonathan. She has no idea how much I truly love her and I don't think she had an idea when we were together but I know this much. I am willing to put this story out all over and to do anything possible for Rachel to know how much I love her. Rachel I know you are listening and I will not stop loving you.  A friend reminded me of this quote today and since I have been vocal about everything then maybe this is how you are feeling.

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more. - C.S. Lewis

LETTERS TO RACHEL PROJECT IS IN FULL SWING
The Silence will only serve as a means of productivity

Rachel I realized that you are the one woman I would move heaven and earth for and do you realize that that is how much I love you and the reason for this blog and all the other things I have done and am doing.  I love you and Jonathan.  I still want to be with you and no matter what bad blood has been between us I wouldn't hesitate putting it all aside to be with you.  I was never in love with the dream of being a husband and father.  I was in love with making it a reality with you and only you. You and Jonathan are the ones I love. I love you spent so much time finding flaws with me instead of loving me for who I was like I did you. This song is how I felt about you all the long I thought the world of you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgb05OvtHBw

I have been very sick these past couple of months.  I don't use it as crutch to stop living I have gone everywhere.  I work almost everyday.  I travel, I go to concerts in the 100 degree heat in both Texas and California but still I fight it and I will till it overcomes me or I overcome the cancer. I am a fighter and much like fighting a disease If you love someone you will go to the ends of the earth for them.  Rachel haven't I shown you just how much I love you. It has been almost a year and I still haven't given up on you.  I am sorry that it is out there and that you feel the way you do but I love you.  If God didn't want this to be happening He wouldn't let me do it.  We do have free will and at first my free will was to totally trash you and tell you to bugger off but by the end of October all I wanted to do is love you and that is how it will always be.  I love you Rachel and Jonathan Myatt and if you continue not to see how great that love is and how much Christ has a hand in it then just look at all the letters that have been written to you or the Church by not just me but my friends. People love and care about me and if you had of just been loving and not kicked me when I was down when my mother had just passed away you would have seen that.   I was hurting.  I came to you as my best friend and you abandoned, put me down, and walked away from me like I never existed.  I was dead inside and still am to an extent the moment you did that.


I am not going to slow down in the things I am doing all I know is I hope that you will contact me soon and that you and your family especially Jane and also Reverend Coleman Glenn understand the love I have for you. It is true, genuine, and pure and I will never forsake the love I have for you and Jonathan.  People say to me all the time they wish they could find a man that would love me the way you love Rachel.  They understand the nature of my love for you. Its not about revenge, its not about hurt, its not about being selfish.  I am in love with you and all that you are Rachel and if I die in the next couple of months my last will truly is to make peace with you. If I passed without us ever talking again I would die truly unfulfilled. In you I saw the most beautiful woman in the world even though the tough exterior and the cruelty I have loved you completely and unconditionally.  I hope you had the courage to pick up the phone and talk to me and make peace with me.  My one wish for Christmas if I make it that far is to make peace with you and maybe even see you again.  Everyday you ignore me you kill my hope that there are truly good people in this world. I love you Rachel Myatt and I will leave you with a scripture about how much I love you and only you. Once again Happy Canada Day tomorrow.

Rachel you were and will always be the only woman to captivate my heart and I never wanted to be with anyone the way I wanted to be with you and Jonathan. I am sorry you couldn't look deep in your heart and find love instead of doubt because I will always love you. I love you with all my heart. God Bless

Ephesians 5:31
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

 

Soundtrack to Loving Rachel Unconditionally 
1. Recovery - Curve(the song that kept me alive)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbph6_XObnU

2. Hold Your Head High - Heartless Bastards  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWwWseTsYdg

3. Fall Back Down - Rancid   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoO8w1NG5kA

4. Lemonade - Tsunami Bomb  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM45O3HehHA&feature=related

5.Filthy Habits - The Flatliners(best Canadian punk band since D.O.A.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99VS62iZsXw

6.I Am Trying to Break Your Heart - Wilco   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlxH9-TYseY

7. I Was Right - New Years Day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJqHzpLVwvA&feature=fvwrel

8. God Makes No Mistakes -Loretta  Lynn (Dedicated to Reverend Coleman Glenn of the Church of the New Jerusalem Canada) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0r9iUOdHjk

9. Say the Words - DC Talk(for you Rachel) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZHR8axPqO8

10. Rocks Tonic Juice Magic - Saves the Day(Acoustic http://www.youtube.com
/watch?v=HExDl9a0Lis) and (Rock Version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jodXJnf_o9k&feature=related)

1l. I Could Never Hate You - The Eyeliners (You are still my dear friend Rachel) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqHEnasjmI8

12. Ready to Fall - Rise Against    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnmlw38KzxE

13. I'm Not Ready To Forgive You - Right Away, Great Captain  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSblEfq5CWo

I love you Unconditionally Rachel Myatt no matter how you treat me.   

What Comes Next Is Up to You. I tried to make things right with you in private. I went to the Church and now I go to the world. You always have a choice Rachel. You can live a life of caring , charity, a life of love ,and being kind to others or you can lie, deceive, be selfish, and try to make others look bad when you hurt them. I choose being kind and even if you continue to be cruel or non responsive you will remember me always and how much I cared for and love you and this next act will prove that.                                        

My Love for you Rachel transcends all space and time and God's love will never allow me to be cruel and treat you like you did me. Words are one thing but my actions of love in my heart will always stand. I love you with all my heart Rachel Myatt and that will never change.

Doing Something Nice for Rachel Because I Do Love Her!

One of the things that brought Rachel and I together was our love of music.  One band we both loved was the punk band Against Me.  Yesterday at the start of the Vans Warped Tour in Dallas Texas I got the band to actually sign a postcard and a t-shirt for Rachel.  I hope when I send it she will accept it and below is actually proof for Rachel that it is from them and not some hoax or game I am playing with her. With me being sick it was hard for me to stand out in the hundred degree heat for 40+ minutes but Rachel Myatt I love you that much. I want you and anyone that thinks I am being mean to you in anyway because of this blog to know that I would give my life for you and even if you can't appreciate it now eventually you will actually see how much I do care for you.  I hope all of you have a blessed day and this is for you Rachel because you do mean a lot to me. I hope you accept and cherish this gift from the band.

Picture #1 is of Tom Gabel  lead vocalist for Against Me signing the shirt for Rachel
Picture # 2 is the Post Card that the whole band signed for Rachel so please Rachel don't discard it or throw it out I ask of you.
Picture # 3 is a picture of the shirt I got for her with signatures from the band
Picture # 4 is a closer picture to see the signatures a little better.

Rachel this is an open invitation to you. If you hate me so much. If I was such a bad boyfriend and bad friend to you. Someone who loved you and Jonathan so much that I deserved the treatment you gave me and your cruelty then if you pick up the phone and say goodbye to me in the next 3 days. I will stop the campaign, I will stop writing, and I will just give up and go away. If that is how much you hate me I will keep my promise to all those things I just said.  All you have to do is pick up the phone and talk to me for 30 minutes and you will never hear from or hear anything about me ever again until I die.  If that is how little I mean and meant to you then here is me giving you the opportunity for me to go away for good. If you feel the need to seek litigation against me for expressing myself go ahead you already hurt me, you crushed any faith I had in women, and you ruined our friendship. I have copies of most of the letters I wrote and all our emails and text still. I wanted this to be about us forgiving each other and finding peace but if you want to make it about you then you can do that. I hold no ill will against you.  I truly do love you and if you want me to let go then pick up the phone and I will go away forever.
If not then I want you to remember this Rachel Myatt. God gives us love and guidance in our lives and the whole time I have never given up on you.  You know why because that is His will. If it had of been my will I would have hated you and cursed you to the day you die.  You know what though He gave me guidance and a love 10 times stronger than the one I had for you before and gave me the strength to do all these things like the blog, write the book, the music, and the spoken word cd and write the Church and He gave my friends the love and insight to write the Church too. All of this in God's name. I still believe in you Rachel Myatt and I want you to remember this scripture because I have done everything I said I was going to do because of His love and I will continue to and not back down so I give you this scripture as a promise if you choose not to reply to the aforementioned invitation.

James 2:26
As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
For anyone who thinks that I am out to hurt Rachel it is just the opposite. I love her very much and would do anything for her.  I'm not out to slander her or libel but to give her a look into just how much I do love her and how her actions affected me. It just made my love for her stronger and now if she refuses to see then it is her loss. Most people who know me understand me and they don't understand why I would want to be nice to someone who hurt me so.  I love Christ and so in that even if Rachel was my worst enemy I would still be kind to her but she is not.  I know she does care for me and I will be persistent, long suffering, patient, and keep loving her no matter what the cost.  I hope you all are blessed and if there is someone you love that you have fallen out of favor with please forgive them and try to make peace.  The sad thing about this is Rachel knows how much I love her and she could make peace with me but something or someone is holding her back from doing so and that is a shame.  I dedicate this song to her today because I love her and hope she will find her way back into my heart soon. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfvkF5wgeQQ . Rachel I never tried to be anyone but myself and when I was grieving I had every right to be less enthusiastic about things. I loved you with all my heart and for you to ever judge me or be cruel to me because I lost my mom and wasn't all there was very sad.  I hope that the day that Jane or Howard dies you will realize what I was going through and remember how much you hurt me with your attitude and your lies. I would have stood by you if one of your parents died no matter what. I love you and I hope you come around soon. Bottom line is I refuse to let Rachel, her family, anybody of the New Church or anyone for that matter label me as the villain here. I reacted to the way someone I loved slandered, put me down, lied to, and abandoned me and here I am open armed with love. I will never think less of what I write or how I feel.

Here are a couple of great sayings I hope you all can take to heart today.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" - Dr. Seuss

"Falling in love is NOT finding the perfect person ... it is learning to love an IMPERFECT person PERFECTLY"                                 




love
B,

Rachel's Insensitive and Cruel Nature 2 : Why This Blog Came To Be

Rachel you were my dearest friend other than my friend Scott.  The love I had for you and still have for you is like family and as many girls as I have been out with that have children Jonathan was the only one I wanted to to commit to and I loved him as I love you. I want to explain to you in this blog why things happened so you and everyone will read this will know why I started this blog and it can be here for all too see. I do not do this to hurt you but only to tell a story and seek truth.  Most of all I do it because I love you and you abandoned me and were very cruel to me at a time when you said you would be there for me. My love for you was never a joke, it was never a game. It was always whole hearted and whole souled.  I thought and think the world of you.  You showed how little you thought of me. I never doubted my love for you and all the times I could have hung the phone up and give up on you I never did.  I kept my promises and came to you and in the end all you could think about was yourself.  You didn't care that you hurt me or how you hurt me and so that is what I want you to know today. I believed in and still believe in you Rachel Myatt

1. You were my angel, my best friend, and  the only woman I had ever felt comfortable with telling certain things. We shared lots of secrets and when we talked I felt that I had a true partner even if sometimes we disagreed I always thought it would be a phase that after we had been together awhile we would learn to compromise more or that we would agree to disagree amicably. I loved you and all I wanted was to be there for you and Jonathan.  You messed with my dream of being a husband, a father, and of thinking someone truly loved me.  If you had a looked a little closer you would have seen how I looked at you and how all the other girls who had made advances on me never had a chance I was and still am in love with you Rachel Myatt.

2. You can't make someone stop loving you especially the way you tried to do things. You thought you could text me when I got home and that things would be great because you were in Canada and I was in the United States and breaking my heart when I had just lost my mother and when I needed your love and Jonathan's love more than anything wouldn't upset me.  It was wrong, it was selfish, and you really did get the kind of response you deserved from me.  I was devastated, torn, and it made me want to die.  You then were hostile to me, you made fun of me because of my hurt, you called me sick, said I had issues, and just a whole slew of things that were evil, cruel, and showed you only thought of yourself.  I should not and will never feel guilty again for the way I reacted because you were out of line, and to be part of the faith that you are that teaches to give of oneself and not be selfish you were nothing but selfish, hurtful, and spiteful to me so I returned that to you eventually because I was tired of being brow beat by your attitude. I do still love you and as you can see I have never stopped.

3. I only meet peoples Parents and Family if I am sure they love me and you introduced me to your family and I felt so loved and wanted and then a couple of days later you abandon me, ridicule me, and try to make me look bad.  I had nothing but respect for you and your family and it would have meant so much to have them in my life especially at the time I was going through.  I adored your mother and sister and I wanted to know more about them.  You deeply hurt and saddened me by your actions.

4. You knew how I felt about sleeping with someone who didn't love me.  You shared your body with me and to me that is something sacred that people in love do.  I don't go around having sex or sleeping with everyone that offers it up. I had been very lonely and needed affection but I held out for you even though lots of offers arrived many that I told you about.  Once we were together do you know how much that hurt me that you abandoned me. I got a taste of what it was like to be with the woman I love then you walk away from me.  I was truly in love with you and I wanted to make love to you and only you and I have always been that way.  You were my queen, my Ray Ray, my best friend and you spit on that and disrespected all those feelings and all that love making.

5. I would do anything for you and Jonathan.  I started this blog not to spout out but to show you how deep my love was and that I really did love you.  I wanted you to know I keep my promises and if I have to put out a music album, put out this book everywhere, and keep writing this blog I will do this.  There are people writing to your Church in various incarnations from all over North America and maybe soon some from across seas. People from far over as Thailand and Japan are reading this blog.  I am serious about the love I have for you and I have never wanted to do anything on here to hurt you.  I just want you Rachel and your family to realize that I really do love you and that you pushing me away and being mean, judging me, and being selfish is what started this.  I was never mean to you, I tried to understand you, I wanted to worship with you, I love you and your son and wanted to raise him as my own, I was in mourning and I still came to Canada to be with you in my sadness and you make fun of me because I wasn't proficient at Geocaching. Come on I love you and all I wanted was to be with you.  I loved everything we did I just was not 100% me and you cant fault me for that.  I wish you would take a look at this blog and see look how much this man was hurt but how much he would go through to show me he loves me instead of he is trying to make me look bad and make people think I am a bad person.  I have nothing but respect for you Rachel. You are the love of my life. So I am asking you to forgive and forget and come back into my life.  I love you and I still want to be there for you.  Whatever happened happened I forgive you.  I love you.  I am going today to stand in line to get Tom Gabel and Against Me to sign something at Warped Tour for you and I hope you wont send it back.  I love you with all my heart and I hope that this will give you a clear understanding of why I am so persistent and never give up.  Main point being if I didn't truly love you Rachel and Jonathan I would have walked away by now but its for you two I wanted to devote my life too while we search to come closer to Christ together and if that doesn't seem like a man who is truly in love with you then you might never find that truth.

6. I always accepted your faith Rachel and for you to put down my love of God in anyway shape or fashion when your faith teaches of religious tolerance even salvation for non Christians was just uncalled for and I am a Christian. I studied and learned about your faith so that is why I addressed and am still addressing the Church on many levels because of the way you acted toward someone.  You turned someone away from you faith who wanted to share it with you and become one with you in it.  You blasphemed against me because I wouldn't stop loving you and Christ instilled this love in me and I would never turn my back on it.  I hope you take the time to think about everything I have written today and that soon you will be able to talk to me. I love you with all my heart and will continue to do so even if in this manner. 

Philemon 1:15
Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back forever

True Faith: Putting Your Love in God's Hands

Dear Rachel and Readers,

I have faced obstacles in my life before like the love I have for Rachel.  When you get knocked down you get back up.  I got knocked down about 2 rungs of the ladder when Rachel abandoned me but you know what? I got right back up and kept fighting like I always do.  I get a lot of emails and replies from people that say she doesn't deserve a love like yours.  I am happy that people don't read this and think that I am some broken soul that can't find other women but that I truly do love Rachel and believe in her.  I believe in the good in her and I believe deep in her heart she wants to make peace with me she just doesn't know how and she thinks it will become worst if we do talk and try to mend things.  Nothing could be further from the truth. I am open heart, open mind, and full of love for you Rachel Myatt always.  Tomorrow I will be doing something special for you by getting and sending you an item by one of your favorite bands.  I hope you will realize it is authentic and from the heart and the time and care I went through to get it to you.  I love you very much and for you to accept my token of love to you this time would be a start in the right direction. I know things will get better and soon you will speak.  I have faith in the Lord so strong and I will never back down from that.  I love you Rachel Myatt I hope your day is blessed and that you think about me and we will soon be back in each others lives. I continue to lay this in God's hands and let Him do his great work through me, my friends, and through you.

Psalm 31:23
Love the LORD, all his faithful people! The LORD preserves those who are true to him, but the proud he pays back in full.


love to all
B
 

Jesus Infinite Love : Why I will stand my ground

Dear Rachel,

Its saddens me that people like your Reverend Coleman would just like me to lay down and give up my love for you. Yet in his reply to me he says he hopes I continue to seek God's will.  I have been doing that the whole time.  I never would have believed in you or given you my love if I had not of thought it God's will. I am here with a purpose, a design, and a great love that He the one most high gave me for you. Whether you realize it or not I have not given up on you because it was never His will for me too.  I am just going to leave you with a little sketch of one of the songs I have almost finished writing for the yet to be released "Letters To Rachel" album.  I leave it for all you to see today


Because Jesus Loves Me...... From the upcoming album "Letters to Rachel" by A Chapter of Fault


Ive had so many shots thrown at me
Now I am immune to the pain
The stones I'm constantly pelted with
Are like embers dancing in the falling rain
Beaten down, broken, hated , and put to the test
At the end of the day I'm still blessed
Because Jesus loves me.....

You point the finger at me
Judge me for all that I have been through
Still I wish you no harm and unconditionally love you
Be an example and give of yourself like Christ
He is the only one who could save with His Sacrifice
I walked the path of darkness when you cursed me and left me behind but at the end of the day
I found the narrow path into the light, You can only run from your lies so long my dear
Know when you are ready to forgive and move on I will still be here
Open armed and open hearted because in my soul you have never departed I love you always
Because Jesus loves me....

Rachel when you left me for dead
When I lie there crying for you in my bed
I asked God to never let me hate you
And my prayers were answered with more than love
You can choose to keep ignoring me and turn a blind eye
Fact is because of His love I will care about you till the end of time
I will always call you sister, I will always call you friend, the love I have for you all time and space transcends.
It doesn't matter because soon the truth will shine, you can revel in the past
You can get caught up in your lies
Or we can forgive and seek a brighter day for all
But I will still love you till the day my final breath keeps me from standing tall
I will never give up on you and I will keep you in my prayers constantly
I know there is hope in His promise and I love you Because Jesus Loves Me......


I am sorry for anyone that thinks what I am doing is uncouth, has stalker qualities to it, or doesn't agree with your conventional way of telling someone you love them. I am trying to make peace with someone who deeply hurt me, criticized me and tried to make me look small.  I have Reverend and Pastors trying to make me feel like what I am doing is crazy or not right in their eyes but can they see what God has in store for me. No only that is revealed to me so to Reverend Coleman and any other New Church clergy that think that what I am doing is so far fetched then you don't know what its like to truly love someone unconditionally and to tell someone to not seek forgiveness and to find peace with someone who has wronged you saddens me coming from a spiritual leader.  I have every reason to hate Rachel Myatt but I don't I may talk about how she hurt me and say things that seem harsh or mean but the fact is I am doing this because I am truly in love with all that she is and everything about her. She knows she doesn't deserve my love or my friendship and so she hides, she knows what she did is wrong,  I have brought it out in the open and now she has to make a choice what to do. Does she put all the happened behind her and make peace with me or continue hiding, wondering what I am going to write, or who is writing, and what is next.  If we made peace this blog wouldn't be here and I could set her free if that is what she wants. I am asking her to set me free by making peace with me. God will never let me give up on that because that is an attribute of His love.  I love you forever and always Rachel Myatt. I hope you can find it in your heart to make peace with me soon. You hurt me deeply but here I still stand with forgiveness and love and stand against all those who oppose my love for you and my forgiveness and willingness to not give up the beautiful person you are and are going to be.
Luke 17:3
So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.

 

Epilogue: (A Brand New Day) A Message to the New Church

Dear Rachel, Myatt Family, and Church of New Jerusalem North America(i.e. Canada and the US)


I am writing this blog today to explain something to you all.  I started writing because of my love for Rachel Myatt.  When God gives you a calling you can run from it or you can stand strong and be steadfast.  If there is truly love in your heart then God will be there to guide it if you ask that of Him.  My love for Rachel was never a joke, it was never a mistake, and it is still here.  If I have any detractors who think I am being extreme, harsh, or disrespectful to Rachel in anyway then you have no understanding of our story and where I am coming from.  The whole time I was dating Rachel she used her faith as a tool to put me down.  I used my faith as a tool to love.  She used God as a means to break up with me and to put me down even further when I had just lost my mother.  Honestly would any of you treat people with disrespect who has just lost a parent? Well Rachel did to me she was unkind, uncaring, disrespectful and the thing about it is all this because I loved her enough to want to be her boyfriend, though all the obstacles, the country lines, the other girls, the death in my family, religion, and ethnic differences.  All that I didn't care about I just wanted to love Rachel and Jonathan Myatt.  During my darkest hour Rachel you were my light, my hope, and my true friend and I don't know what you thought or your family thought but I loved you all and only wanted all of you in my lives Rachel, Jonathan, Amanda Jane, Sarah, Howard, and everybody.  You had a chance to make a difference in someones life.  A chance to welcome someone to your faith, to your family, and into your hearts and for whatever untold reason you didn't look deep into my heart and see that you all meant something to me.  I know Rachel loves me and despite her attempts to ignore me I soldier on. I pray everyday, my friends and family pray, the Church has been getting letters from various people and I will continue to love Rachel in this way hopefully she will eventually come back.   I am fighting this disease I have right now with all my heart and if I should die then I have told everyone that the last thing I want is to make peace with Rachel.  That is truly my final will. I do love her like I have never loved any woman before and I can never love anyone else.  Even if she doesn't ever want to be with me again she can do the right thing and make peace with me and set me free because I love her.  She can do the right thing because of what she did I cannot trust or love another woman.  I trusted her after so much hurt and pain and out of all the women I loved she betrayed and hurt me the most.  Ive been hurt so many times in my life but this was the most painful hurt of all.  It hurt the most because you were my dearest friend and sister and Christ.  I love you with all my heart Rachel Myatt.

Rachel and Jane when we were together all day that Saturday I was there I was wearing a hoodie that was by the Christian band Fireflight on the side of it it said "I will hold on to this hope that you gave me. You gave me a Promise"  You never caught that and how much I love Christ and all He has done for me. I want you all to look at one of Fireflight's videos "You Decide" we can choose to be God's love or we can turn it away.  I love you all Myatt family especially you Rachel and I will not turn from that love. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujQzI5PEmmc


A Message to the New Church
Dear New Church Pastors, Clergy, and Potential Members,

I have no ill will toward the New Church. I think it is a great expression of God's love and of progressive thought in Christianity.  I never had anything but good things to say.  Rachel always put down my protestant beliefs and she instead of showing the great love she was taught in the New Church used it to tear me down and show elitism and uncaring when I came to her as a friend, a boyfriend, and a follower of Christ in need of love.  I have always written this blog in a response to the way she has treated me.  I have dated women of many faiths and I wanted to be with Rachel because I saw the potential of great worship and love as a family with her.  In the end, Rachel choose to use all that was special and sacred about our relationship and our love of God and use it against me.  We all have free will and we can choose to use it for good and we can choose to use it for evil.  Rachel lied to me, she deceived me, she put down my love of God and used hers to justify the cruel things she was doing and that is where I have always have had the problem and why this all started.  God does not condone evil nor is He evil. He is and always will be love.  He allows bad things to happen because people choose to do those bad things.  I will leave it at that I love Rachel but she chose to do and say bad things and the worst two thing she could have said to me is that she didn't care if I lost my mother and that I wanted her to save me.  Those were insults to my family and to my love of her. She was always a compliment to my life, my dear friend, we shared secrets and love and the fact that she would say that I wanted her to save me was just selfish, cruel, and insensitive.  No matter I wish you all the best in your lives and I will continue to love Rachel, to write, and to love and help people no matter how evil, hurtful, or bigoted they are.


To the Reverend Coleman Glenn

I came to you as an outsider someone who truly cared about Rachel.  I looked to you for guidance as a spiritual leader but it seems you had a bias against me from the start. Your replies sounded condescending and uncaring. You would rather have two people be at each others throats or hold a grudge against one another instead of make peace from they way  you replied to me. It sounded like you took Rachel's side and that you feel that she was just in her actions of lying to me, deceiving me, and being cruel to me during the loss I had in my family. Is that what the New Church Clergy are taught? Twist things to make them for your own personal greater good at the expense of hurting others? It sure sounded like it from the way you replied to me. Is that what free will is to members of the New Church Reverend? Do whatever you want and hurt others and it will be fine because God wants you to infringe on other peoples happiness by lying to them and hurting them. It was ok for Rachel to play with my dream of wanting a family, a loving wife, and children and it was ok for her to do all those cruel things she did am right Reverend Glenn? I love Rachel with the purest of heart and I dont believe in being infatuated with anyone so I actually care for Rachel very deeply and the last time I was hurt I just walked away from that person because they didnt mean anything to me after betraying me.  I am sorry that you don't understand what happened between Rachel and I but I wouldn't have come to the Church if Rachel didn't mean something to me.   You think I am some twisted soul who got his heart broken and is seeking revenge.  You are wrong if so.  I sent you a Christmas card and one to Rachel and I sent Rachel my will to you because I had just found out I was ill at the time. Maybe you read my letter and thought I was some whiny nobody who sits back and complains about life. Im the complete opposite I make things happen. Rachel told me I would never be with her and I ended up in her heart, in her town, and in her bed.   I never did anything but love her and loved her and only her. Revenge is not an option and it never will be in my book.  I love Rachel with all my heart and the fact that you compared our situation to Laban and Jacob shows that you really think ill of me.  It will be Rachel who has to live with her lies, her betrayal, and her deceit.  I was her friend, her loving boyfriend, and someone who came to her for love, because I wanted to worship with her, and because I wanted to love her and her son.  She told me that she wanted that when I left Canada and if she didn't want it I gave her an opportunity to let me go and we would have still be on amicable terms. Instead she gave me false hope.  Let me tell all my family and friends how great she was and how awesome her family was and then she tore me down.  It was her free will to do that, she knew the consequences, and she knew that it would cause great pain.  She knows what she did was wrong and in the end she will have to live with it. The most important part of it all is that I had just lost my mother. Barely 3 weeks after she died I loved Rachel enough to keep my promise to her because my mother wanted me too, she gave me her blessing and Rachel and the Myatt family.  I am sorry Rev. Coleman if you can't understand that this was more than Rachel verbally abusing me it was Rachel being selfish, insensitive, and hurtful. My friend Melody wrote you about how Rachel was affecting me and she told me you never wrote back that is sad. You know what though she was an atheist and she saw how much I loved Rachel and how God kept me optimistic and hopeful and even in my sadness I continued to love and do for others. She now goes to Church with her boyfriend and that was a witness because of my love for Rachel. You can doubt my love for Rachel and my approach all you want but I know its God's will.  I wish you nothing but the best for you and your congregation and I hope you take a second look at what I am saying should you read this. Love Conquers all. Rachel constantly doubts other peoples love for her and her abilities. I will continue loving her and fighting the good fight because I believe in her. This is not about a separation it is about reconciliation and to right wrongs between two people who do care about each other. Rachel wouldn't be in the situation right now if she had of been truthful or had of talked things out with me. Instead she choose drama, deception, and lies and that is why I came to the Church so that she wouldn't smear your beautiful teachings anymore with the way she conducts herself.  God bless you Rev Glenn and I hope you continue to seek Gods will and will try to truly help others the next time they come to you for guidance.


To my readers.

I thank each and everyone that comes to this blog to read of my situation everyday.  This is really hard for me because I am conflicted sometimes about if I should keep writing.  God has given me supportive friends and family who support this blog, my love for Rachel, the purity of my love, and my search for truth in the Church.  That in itself is all that matters.  I hope you all continue to seek God in your life each day and even if you don't have that faith to seek some form of spirituality and good will.  My love and my heart goes out to each of you. We are all human, we are all love, we are all one.  

Titus 3:1-3
¹ Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, ² to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.

 ³ At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.

God Bless
B.

Tracking My Blog

For the person using Emailtray to track my blog.  Today I want you to know this.


I love Rachel Myatt
I am sorry if this blog offends anyone from Rachel or her family or anyone of the New Church but I am entitled to my free speech and words as long as they are in the confines of the law.  I was mistreated by someone I loved and I thought who loved me who used her faith to do evil so that is the purpose for this blog.  To let her know everyday that I love her with all my heart and that she is killing the love I have for her and for other people. 

If anyone wants to investigate me for wrong doing or objects to my free speech I will be happy to share with them pictures of Rachel and I and our correspondence for further inspection.

When you lose a loved one and another loved one becomes hurtful and treats you like an enemy then you are affected.  I had two choices I could lay down and die and let Rachel's mistreatment of me let me miss out on life and be a coward or I could do what I do best and be honest and express myself.  If anyone wants to sue me or has words for me then I will gladly talk to them in person if they leave contact information.  I am someone who has a broken heart not only because I lost my mother but because the woman who said she loved me, my dearest friend and girlfriend turned her back on me and was cruel about it.  There is no other way to put it. If you don't like my blog or don't like how I am conducting myself I am a man and will be happy to talk to you as such.

I want everyone to know this Rachel Myatt is a wonderful woman. I think after the way other men treated her in her life or her experiences she was overwhelmed that someone loved her and thought so much of her.  I also think she thought being with me would take away from her independence.  I only wanted to compliment her life and be there for her and Jonathan.  My hope for this blog has always been for her and others to read it and see how much I truly love her.  God gave me this love and I made a promise to her and to God to never forsake my love for her.  If anyone can't respect me for wanting to keep my promise to God and thinks less of me for that then so be it.  Rachel Myatt I love you and before I leave this earth I just want to make peace with you.  You mean so much to me. I will keep my promise till my last breath is taken from this earth and I will never give up on my family and friends even if they treat me hostile or hate me.
Romans 13:8
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. 


Thank you for your time.

Why Just Writing Is Not Effective Anymore.

Yesterday I started sharing my story about me and Rachel via the net with the story below.  Another thing happened.  Two Reverends involved in Rachel's Church contacted me one in the U.S. and one in Canada. The one in Canada is the same one who contacted me in October and he has actually talked to Rachel so I know she told him a bunch of lies and mistruths to make herself look good.  He tries to be sincere but from his tone of writing he is on her side.   I think the Canadians are just going to keep pushing it under the rug but the gentleman in the U.S. seems truly concerned and is closer to the headquarters.  Look you can't make people love you and I think somewhere in her heart Rachel does love me she just ran scared and then she felt she had to be mean because I refused to stop loving her but there is a line you cross when you are dealing with someone who has just lost a loved one and a line she crossed about religious tolerance especially if you are part of a religion that teaches there is salvation for all even non Christians upon death.  I wish Rachel no ill will but I am going to have to put more effort than into just writing. The videos will have to go up.  The music will have to come out.  I will tell my story on youtube or whatever I have to do to let both the Church know I am serious and Rachel know I am serious.   I think most of all she is upset that I called her out  months ago about going to the Church. Anyone that loves someone and loves God will go to the Church with their concerns.  I went to spiritual leaders of mine and of hers.  The people I know know that I have a heart of gold and I don't give up on people.  In the last week I have had to love someone who wanted to kill themselves and I had a friend who had started doing drugs who I have persuaded not to do so.  I never give up on people. Rachel gave up on me and yes that is her right but it is also my right to show my feelings and to prevent others from having to go through the same mess with her.  I have the chance to make her look at how she treats people and change.  It hasn't been easy for me but I survived.  Rachel I am just gonna come at you with more love and greater things.  You can choose to ignore and be hateful or you can open your arms and come back. 

The Woman I Continue to Love Unconditionally :A World Wide Love Story

I wanted to share my story with as many people in the world as I could. I truly love this person with all my heart but she is selfish, judgmental, and very insensitive so I want her and the world to know of my story.  A year and a half ago I was making friends around the world on a pen pal site and I met a beautiful Canadian woman named Rachel.  She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen and we began to talk and it was true of her beauty inside and out so I thought.  We talked about music, literature, movies, children and religion.  Religion seemed to be the hard part because she belongs to the New Church or Church of the New Jerusalem in Dawson Creek, British Columbia. If you don't know then do a search.  I was willing to accept her beliefs and had even read some of the founders work in college.  I loved her more and more each day and so even though she kept putting me down because of religious beliefs I as a Christian know that we are supposed to love each other even if the other person doesn't see how much they are hurting you.  I was single and had prayed to God a year before to send me someone to love.  I was patient going through the motions, dating, and not having any luck.  I did find a nice woman named Tiffany who I befriended and fancied but I felt that Rachel had the spiritual love that I wanted to share with someone so as a good friend I told her I loved her and she meant something to me but I needed to be with Rachel.  I made Rachel a Scrapbook of how much I loved and wanted to be with her and her 5 year old son Jonathan and I sent her a promise ring, and a promise date when I would come be with her.  I even had the chance to sleep with other women and I had been on a vow of celibacy for some time and though I was lonely and wanted companionship I always let Rachel knew which friends I went out with and that if advances were made on me because I truly loved her.  We had a wonderful summer talking and texting everyday.  I had never felt so loved in my life and Rachel and her son Jonathan were the ones I wanted to devote my life too.  Two weeks before I was supposed to go to Canada my mother fell ill and died on August 8th 2010.  I had to push back my date going to Canada to be with Rachel but I though she loved me and understood. I still kept my promise after only 3 weeks of grieving and on her deathbed my mom gave Rachel and her family her blessing and she wanted me to go and be with her and love her with all I had.  That is one reason I haven't given up on her even if she has treated me less than a person.  I went through hell to get to Rachel I had trouble getting my new passport and almost didn't get to go.  I had to take a later plane because of inclement weather here in Texas and when I got to Edmonton I had a 4 hour delay because of the plane.  I couldn't call Rachel because my phone service wouldn't work.  I asked the lady at the desk if I could use the phone to call my girlfriend and she wouldn't let me but a lady came up right behind me 5 minutes later and she let her use the phone.  I felt like she didn't like me because of the color of my skin.  I am African American or black but no matter I am human.  I arrived at the airport and Rachel ran into my arms and I was so overwhelmed she was so beautiful and so awesome all i wanted to do is kiss her but I was scared I had to use the restroom bad too so we embraced and then she took me to her vehicle and it was late so we went to her mothers house to pick up her son Jonathan who I adore.  He was really into Legos at the time so I surprized him and brought him some.  All I wanted the time I was there that week was for Rachel to know how much I loved her and she didn't know how much I had on my mind.  I did everything she wanted to do with me almost she wanted me to be more assertive and all I  wanted was to be with her.  I loved being with her and her family and that was all that I needed to help me through my pain of losing my mother.  I loved being in her arms. I loved the thought of being with her and her family and becoming part of that fold.  I wanted to worship with her and be her husband and raise her son as my own. I though she knew how much I loved her.  6 months of loving and wanting to be with her and all I wanted was to grow both in love and in the Lord with her. The day I left I asked her if she loved me and wanted to continue being my girlfriend. A real man is able to take rejection if he is ready for it if she had of said no then I would have been cool hugged her shook her and and said we will always be friends.  She said she wanted to be with me kissed me three times and then she and her nephew Riley who was so cool walked me to the gate and I kissed Rachel like I was losing my best friend and told her I loved her all I wanted to do was come back to her and Jonathan and be with her forever.  I started walking through the gate and then when I did I ran back and kissed her again and said don't forget I love you!  I love her so much.  I got back home about 10 hours later and the next day we talked and had a good chat and before I went to bed she told me how much she loved me. I was so lucky.  I got to work the next morning told everyone how cool Rachel was and her family her mother Jane and her sister Amanda.  I wanted them all to be my family.  Jonathan had just started school so I text her and asked her how was her day going? She said not good and I said why.  She text me back "I don't think I can be your girlfriend".  My heart stopped I was at work in front of a bunch of people I just broke into tears.  I showed my boss the text and asked if I could go home.  I barely made it home I was so hurt all I wanted was to die.  She called my work and my manager told her I would be ok.  I was so hurt because if she had loved me she could have at least talked to me on the phone and she text me to break up with me after I came all that way and she said she wanted to be with me all I was worth was a text.  All that love for nothing and I had give up everything to be with her.  I went home and started chatting with her then we later talked.  I was so broken I told her I was going to end it all and I took a couple of supplements I use for my workouts and I knew they would make my heart stop.  Then I told her goodbye hung up the phone and walked to my car.  I was really hurt because Rachel made up all these excuses not to love me and said that I was sad and I wasn't happy and I didn't like to do the things she did.  I was in mourning I came to her for love and that is what I tried to explain to her that she and Jonathan were the people who would get me through this pain by having a family to love and someone I cared about.  All she could think about was herself so I drove to my moms grave site meanwhile since I had taken the pills Rachel called the Police and Fire Department all the way from Canada.  I was so invisible though I drove right past all of them 5 cop cars and one fire truck and I drove right past the fire truck on my way out.  She didnt know how bad she hurt me. I  eventually ended up in the hospital and I also left a note for her if I did die and gave it to a friend with my old phone and he text her.  She thought I was tricking her and so she called me a liar.  My cousin also text her but again to her I was just playing games with her and so she made fun of me began taunting my love for her saying that it was a mistake.  She started making fun of my love of God and all the while I was just ready to lay down and die.  No one had ever seen me love someone so much and no one had ever seen someone hurt me so much either.  I threw up on a daily basis and sometimes I barely made it through a day of work. Eventually she just stopped calling and writing she was evil to me. I told her I was sorry if she felt i tried to manipulate her by wanting to leave this world and asked for her forgiveness but that was never my intention.  I felt betrayed by her and I thought I had a true friend who loved me enough to understand that at that time I was walking on eggshells and I wasn't 100% but she took everything the wrong way.  Needless to say God lifted me up and gave me a purpose and instead of hate Rachel and be cruel like she is to me I have started a campaign of love to her worldwide.  I am not angry anymore I am just hurt and betrayed because of they way she uses her faith to put down others and is always making fun of others because they don't live the way she does. I came to her with a love to worship, care for, and be one with her in the Lord.  I want her to know that I love her more than anyone else in the world. I come to you dear follower of Christ and the Most High for strength, prayers, and because my calling was to love Rachel and instead of being bitter towards her I come to show her I would go to the ends of the earth to let her know I love her and her son Jonathan. I have shared this message with the New Church and others worldwide. Please pray that Rachel and I make peace, reconcile, and that He led me to find love for her instead of anger, hate, despair, and regret.  I want to show Rachel that my life is not mine to live but God's love to share and to be charitable with. My biggest dream in life was to be a husband and father. I never wanted material things, money, or fame. When I found Rachel she and her son were the only ones I ever felt like I could give this too. I love Rachel Myatt with all my heart and I hope this message has touched you enough to write back and share with others.   I thank you for your time and God Bless.

Rachel's Insensitve and Cruel Nature.

Well today I have finally realized what I have to do. I am on Youtube checking out Rachel's channel http://www.youtube.com/user/nofaintresemblance on which she just hides on and I see her making fun of some lady who is on making a video profile for a dating site.  Rachel spends her time on the internet finding people to make fun of and putting rude comments up but she doesn't even love herself or have the guts to do some of the things half of these people do.  She doesn't know how to love others because she takes care of kids all day and acts just like them. Childish. She doesn't have any adult relationship skills and constantly bitches about her baby daddy. She brings strange men into her home around these kids and is a foster mom. Hmmm maybe I should alert the Canadian Foster Agency?  Anyways she is just cruel and insensitive towards people because she wishes she had the intestinal fortitude to do some of the things they do.  I have had enough I am not going to hold back on my book, my statements, my videos or anything else. Rachel Myatt needs to learn to respect other people and their love of life. If you lived in a hole in Dawson Creek like she did you may be jaded too. Not knocking it either I have plenty of Mexican, Swedish, and Asian friends who come from little tiny towns.  If you went to a Church where the majority of the 50 plus people are your family and aren't exposed to many outsiders then you might be enmeshed too.  It just seems just because she lives in her own little vacuum she is not open to the rest of the world and that gives her the right to treat other people of different backgrounds like crap. Rachel makes fun of meeting someone on a dating site but she met me on a Pen Pal site. Go figure oh by the way I have all those conversations in my email box official and unchanged and I will release them as part of the book. I am sick and tired of this person though. All I did was love her and I know now why God kept me in her life it was to show her a lesson. So since I have control of all the documents and pictures that are mine I am going to go ahead and release it to the public.  She has gotten out of hand, she is just hateful, selfish, judgmental and doesn't care who she hurts and what she does. Why should I? Why should I care what goes out to the Church, to friends, family, anything anymore.  I was really trying to avoid being like this but I now know that I have to do this so someone will learn a lesson in humility.  She claims to be a certain type of person and is the worst hypocrite of them all. So to you Rachel I am sorry I put up with your crap long enough.  Thanks for pretending to love me, thanks for the sex, thanks for leading me on about being a family with you and Jonathan but now its time for me to give you something back and that is the truth to all the fine people around the world.  I wish you would change and I wish we could find peace but you obviously don't want that. 


ITS NO FUN WHEN YOU CHECK YOUR IPHONE AND SEE THE TRUTH BEING TOLD AND IT INFRINGES ON YOUR LIVELIHOOD IS IT? THEN AGAIN YOU DON'T CARE AS LONG AS EVERYTHING GOES WELL FOR YOU YOU DON'T CARE WHO YOU HURT. REMEMBER YOU MADE A CONSCIOUS CHOICE TO TREAT ME AS YOU DID. JUST LIKE YOU USED YOUR FREE WILL TO EXPRESS YOURSELF AND PUT ME DOWN I AM USING MINE TO LET YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. SO IN THAT I AM DOING NOTHING WRONG.

Psalm 64:3
They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim cruel words like deadly arrows.

Gravitas: Not Backing Down on your Word

Dear Rachel and Readers,

I wanted to ensure you that I will not give up on my quest to either find peace with Rachel or make her realize that she needs to treat people better in life.  I gave up so much for her and loved her so much and to her it was just a game.  So now that the spotlight is in her face and it is not only affecting her, her family, and showing those she worships with how hypocritical she has been people think I would just walk away and back down.  On the contrary.  I have been working hard on my campaign. I have been sending letters, people have been praying for me and writing letters also.  I want Rachel to know that I did and do love her and that she can't go through life constantly treating people with disrespect at her discretion.  She seems to some how think in her warped sense of free will that you can get by in life and do whatever you want with no consequences.  Her actions toward me did cause consequences. They are the reason I am writing this blog.  The reasons why I make it a point every week to write her, the reason she has no internet presence, the reason her family and Church got tangled up into this.  God has a reason and a plan for everyone.  He has been working wonders and miracles with my heart and soul in the past couple of months.  He was the one who brought me to Rachel and He is also the one who will eventually bring her back. He is the one who helps me everyday to differentiate between seeking vengeance on Rachel and keeping my heart open full of love and fighting this battle smart and objectively.  I know I am getting results because she ran scared and had to hide.  No one who does evil or does wrong to others will hide unless they know they are in the wrong.  A truly evil person will be proud of what they have done and revel in it sort of like those non remorseful criminals in prison.  In Rachel's case she didn't expect me to react the way I did and still be around and care and to put the mirror to her actions.  She has plenty of good in her heart and I know because that is why I fell in love with her but she also has a lot of anger, pain, and ill will towards others and a lot of selfishness locked inside.  I want Rachel and the Myatt family to know though I do love you all and respect you all I have only done more work on the "Letters to Rachel" campaign.  The whole month of July I am going to work on the music Cd. I will not do anything after work but mix and master my songs.  I will perfect and make the art work and I will start distributing them in September to mark the Anniversary of Rachel's transgressions against me and against my love. I will use a picture of Rachel because I am the owner of the picture and I am also in it. It is fair game and copyrighted to me. If she wants to sue me go ahead. She took my heart, soul, and messed with my want to have a family so there is nothing else she can do to hurt me.  I love you Rachel Myatt but I am sorry I am not going to back down from my mission or my word.  Get ready for the next couple of months of "Letters to Rachel" worldwide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is my promise that is my word and I will stick to it like I always do. For those who think I am just writing on this blog blowing off steam no there is a whole revolution going on. A love Revolution to one miss Rachel Myatt in Dawson Creek, British Columbia, Canada.  There are letters from friends and me to her Church. Blogs on message boards. Music being made. Youtube pages.  Everything I can do to show her how much I truly love her and that even though she abandoned me and turned her back on me after my mom died.  I can forgive her and just show her love worldwide.  Please say a prayer for both of us today and for me to keep my heart pure and to continue to love her.  Amen.!!!


Proverbs 24:26
An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.

I Miss You: I Believe In You: I Have Faith In You

Dear Rachel,

I think back to how special it was around this time last year. I had just told you how much I loved you and we were officially a couple for about a month.  You were my best friend in the world.  My mom was still alive.  I remember sharing music and all the Cds I made and sent you. I still have copies. I wish you would pull out the scrapbook and look at how much love I had and still have for you.  I wanted you and Jonathan to be in my life forever. Now look at what we have. One person that avoids the other and one who loves the other too much to avoid her.  We all make mistakes and we all hurt others but the saving grace is can we make things write when the time comes.  I remember how much you love Against Me.  Next week I will see them at the Warped Tour on Friday 24th. Maybe I will just share my story with people there in form of my spoken word cd "Letters to Rachel" I don't know where will be so many people there and I don't really want to waste my time not watching bands.  I love you so much and I wish you would lay down all the hurt and animosity and forgive.  We can never forget what we did to each other but I am the one that was wronged the most and if I am willing to reach out and forgive you and love you unconditionally I don't see what is stopping you.  I as always have my arms open to you 100% and I will just keep trying, writing, campaigning, and loving you.  I hope that soon you will get the message. It has been almost 10 months in July and I have never stopped loving you and love you just as much.  My plans just keep getting bigger but the one thing I haven't stopped doing is loving other people and caring with all my heart just as God would have wanted me too. Everyday I honor my Mothers memory by loving you. It was her blessing she gave to you and your family and her love.  Each day you ignore me or turn your head you dishonor her and you hurt me even more.  I hope you will pick up your Bible if you read this and just pray on things. I will never stop loving you and Jonathan I hope you will come around soon. I have faith in The Lord Jesus Christ that you will soon be back in my life. He is my strength, my determination, and the reason I still love you.  Have a  blessed day dear Rachel and to my readers. Please pray today for Rachel and I to reconcile. I have friends that pray everyday and the kind prayers of strangers and concerned people is the greatest love of all. Thank You.

Hebrews 13:2
Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.                                     

Thanks to my friend Sonja for reminding me of how powerful and important this Scripture is.

A Star Without its Soulmate

As each day passes by Rachel my hope of reconciling with you before I am gone flickers.  I pray to God you will know how much you mean to me and just put aside all your pride and come back to my heart. I wont write a long novel tonight I will just leave you with this video to let you know how I have felt without you. God Bless. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVr2eOBmo_U

You are my heart and soul Rachel Myatt I love you and it has been hell without you as my friend.

Suicide

I write this blog tonight in tears its one of the hardest things to do but I want Rachel to know this and all my readers to know before I continue writing.  Suicide is Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ I want anyone who ever judged someone for being suicidal or made fun of them like Rachel did to me back in September to take the time to listen and read what I am about to write.  One of the reasons feel the way about Rachel and am writing this blog is because of instead of being a good friend and girlfriend and being supportive of me during my mourning process, she chose to tear me down and put me down which caused me to want to die. She said I wasn't happy, I had problems, and issues, and just did not understand where I was at that point after losing my mother. So I told her I was going to kill myself. So she continued to make fun of me more and call me manipulative and called me a liar and said very harsh and mean things that I would never say to someone I loved especially someone who just lost a loved one.  I tried to explain that to her and she pushed me further away. Eventually I got mad and upset at how cruel, selfish, and hateful she was being and started throwing idle threats at her because of how evil she was being. It was not right of me and I apologized and asked for her forgiveness but no one deserves to be treated the way she treated me.  I was lied to, criticized and told that my love for her was a mistake.  She put down my love of God, She also said there were no consequences for anything she did she could just do whatever she wanted to.  So with my heart broken for about three months I wanted to die. I asked God everyday for the strength to love Rachel and not hate her.  I was sad because her faith The New Church teaches about charity, loving your neighbor, and always giving of yourself.  She chose to be selfish, judgmental, and hateful to me when I had sacrificed and went through so much to be with her.  I hope when she reads this and others read this they know that I would never spend 4 months on a blog just to blast someone that I truly love like Rachel and it has never been intended that way. It is to let her know I am strong.  I still love her with all my heart and that I wont stop loving her.  I told you this story to prepare you for what I have to say next.  So here is my story.

About 4 years ago I lost my childhood friend of 21 years to suicide.  I never got to say goodbye to him. I never let him know how much I loved him and how bad my life had been but that I struggled and got through it and just lived life.  He had everything I wanted a beautiful wife family and friends that love him and people who cared.  I wished I could have been there for him and for the rest of my life that will haunt me.  Rachel could have been there for me but she took the easy way out and abandoned me.  She didn't want to be there for me as a friend or girlfriend when I needed her most. I came to her after my mother died because she was the person who said she would be there for me.  Tonight my friend talked about and started to attempt suicide and I had to choose whether to be like Rachel or choose to be like I know a good friend should be.

First thing I did was ask what was wrong and for her to stop ignoring my text and phone calls.  Finally she contacted me and told me that she had taken some pills.  A younger child was involved so I told her that she had her child to live for and that even as an adult losing my mother was traumatic please don't do that to your child. (Rachel never knew that I was living for Her and Jonathan's love and that was helping with the healing process before she abandoned me).  I told her about my friend and how she was hurting me and by saying and doing these things.  I also told her as she has read this blog that Rachel abandoned me as she was in a similar situation with someone and that I continue to love her and show her that love is the only way.  If someone wrongs you and hurts you , you just go on loving and focus on those who care about you. Eventually that person who hurt you will realize what they did and they can either forgive themselves and forgive you or go on being hateful and hide from the wrong.  Evil has a way of catching up with you.  Rachel and her family have to hide things from me because they think I will use them against her on the internet.  I refuse to do that instead I write music, poems, blogs, and literature to let her know how much she hurt me and I still love her.  I have written her Church and family along with some of my friends and she just sends the letters back and so I know she is the one who is full of hurt in her heart not me.  Im just fine.  I love her and always will.  I still desire to be with no one but her.  I have went out on plenty of dates and care about other women but I am in love with Rachel Myatt and God still has a plan for me with her so I press on and this blog is one way.  Anyways I tried to get my friend to understand how important her life is and that she needed help but I didn't ridicule her and make fun of her.  Rachel made fun of me and basically said I was damaged and needed help and there was things wrong with me.  I told her that she had no clue what I had been through and that she had issues and things wrong with her but I never did anything but love and accept her for all that she was and even wanted to love and raise her son as my own.  I am beginning to get jaded about women after all the hurt she inflicted on me.  I just want everyone to know out there that being suicidal doesn't make you weak, crazy, or mean anything is wrong with you it just means you do not know how to cope with the pain. Rachel laughed when I told her that and continued to put me down. She did this to me both on the phone and on messengers all of which I have the proof and have written about in my book but I haven't released the book yet and I am holding out for God's miracle of our reconciliation and forgiveness before  I do so. If I do put it out it is because God wants Rachel to see the error of her ways.  Rachel could have been there for me and been supportive of me but instead she let others make her ashamed of me and instead of exhibit the love I know she had and still has for me she let others persuade her not to be with me.  A couple of hours ago I called 1800Suicide or the Hopeline to tell them about my friend. I tried to get her help because I was concerned.  Rachel didn't really care about me as a friend it seem she just called the police and fire department on me to keep the blood off her hands. If she really cared she would have stuck around and been there for me through my troubled time.  I loved her enough to put off my school, career, and in the middle of mourning my mother because I loved her so much but all I was worth was a text to break up with me then a bunch of excuse and ridicule about how sad I was and how we wouldn't work out cause I was damaged. Thank you for your concern. I wont let my friend fall by the way side or anyone else for that matter. I hope you know how bad you hurt me Rachel and I hope you learn to deal with real crisis in the future. I will keep loving people and put my heart and soul on the line if it will save a life. That is what love and love of others is truly about not about the selfish way you live your life Rachel Myatt. I love you with all my heart and each day I will continue to let you know and as others see our story unfold maybe then you will realize how mean and inconsiderate what you did was.  If you need help and are feeling down dear readers please call this number or check this website. 1800Suicide or http://www.hopeline.com/

A Message for Rachel and Amanda

First of all Rachel I wanted to say this to you.  I'm sorry you could never accept who I am and who I was. The whole reason I wanted to be with you is because I thought you saw through what was all the hurt and pain to see that I was full of love and truly cared about you and no matter what I went through I was always going to love and put you and Jonathan first.  I am not sorry that my mother died and I couldn't help that and I will not apologize for mourning or being broken or wanting to die when you betrayed and lied to me.  I am sick of people lying to me, cheating, playing games with me so let this be a declaration and Amanda, Jane, Howard, Jessica and anyone that wants to hear this I want you to know I am more determined and inspired to let Rachel see how much I love her and I have more friends and family ready to help me take on this worldwide task. She can either be peace with me herself or our story will just continue to circulate.  I can print papers, books, Cds, and whatever material all day. I can put this blog up on message boards all over the internet.  When I travel I can put this info in hotel rooms, leave it at music shows, churches and whatever.  Since you couldn't accept me I want you to listen to one of my favorite songs about people who are fake because I was always real with you and don't lie or play games with people with me you get what you see. So one of my favorite protest songs "Plastic World' by Naked Aggression may open your eyes.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEUTnOSLHtA  I am a book smart man who as a kid was poor, ran the streets but kept my head in the books and stayed out of trouble.  I am well versed, I have never done drugs, never been in trouble with the law.  Rachel made comments about me being mentally sick, damaged, put me down because I was in mourning for my mother and the sick person was you Rachel.  You never treat a person like that right after they lose a loved one. Had I still been bitching and moping a year or two years down the line then you could have had a case but 3 weeks Rachel come on you sounded like a douche!!!!! So for judging me, for tearing me down, for doubting my love, my friendship, and for having me to come to Canada if you truly didn't want a boyfriend I say screw you.  I love you but screw you for all your hate, your hurt, and inconsiderateness I hereby declare a war of love on you and I promise that I will continue to write this blog, I will let people all over know of my story, I found a card today that you sent me from Jonathan and I will compile all our Interpal conversations I have, our physical letters, our emails, and you messengers where you were putting me down along with your text to finish out the "Letters To Rachel" book and project.  I have had it.  Amanda if you are reading this I reached out to you because I love and wanted you to be part of my life too.  My letters and cards to you were real and from the heart but you chose to be the same way.  I am sorry you couldn't accept my olive branch because I cared and talked about you too.  So screw being bitter I am just tired of you being a scared, hiding, coward Rachel.  The more evidence that is stacked against you and the more you don't know I know about the better it is.  The sad part is that you know that I love you more than words can say, you know that I love Jonathan, you know it was wrong to play with my want to have a family with you and still you cant just pick up the phone and make peace with me.  You are a hypocrite according to your New Church Doctrine me I am not a hypocrite and I will stand by my words, my actions, and whatever happens next I am going to do it and not look back.  Yeah I mean every word I say so you better just prepare for it.  I am not going anywhere and this spark is not going to go down.  My friend she prays for me everyday and sends me scriptures and encouragement via text she believes in the love I have for you Rachel Myatt.  Most of all the people around me believe in my love of God and how much I care for His great love and returning that love to others so my heart will not back down,  I will not give up on you, I will not be some sissy bitch whining cause you don't love me but what I will do is show you how much I love you and how you missed out and how you lie and hurt people and how you are contradictory to your faith so yeah Rachel I am just getting started.  You messed with the wrong guys heart.  The guy full of love, hope, and Kick Ass endurance.  I love you Rachel Myatt are you ready.  Oh and here is something else for you Miss use your Religion to put down others. I love God but I have a relationship with Him always and don't need anyone to influence that or tell me how to love God and you seem to be brainwashed and don't even truly know what you believe because I asked you so many times and you couldn't explain it to me.  Being a Christian to me means always questioning what God has before us and not believing things just because some fool on the podium tells us its true or it was passed down as tradition from our family. I never let my mom force me into her religion I told her if it was meant to be then God would give me a calling then I come to you saying I am ready to accept God in your way and you put me down.  Fuck you and your false witness Rachel so this video is for you.  I hope you read this and think about how shitty you really did treat me and who instead of seeking revenge on you I have done nothing but tell you how much I love you. Oh but maybe I should start being a dick and doing shitty things to get revenge on you since being nice and wanting peace with you and loving you, praying for you, and wishing you the best doesn't seem to work.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAvwTG43dKs&feature=related  Also for your bullshit doctrine of people not being punished yeah I am sorry but God does judge we will all eventually have to answer for our sins and also you are responsible for your actions everything you did to me from lie to tear me down when I needed your friendship and encouragement you will pay for that shit maybe not from me but somewhere down the line.  If you havent seen in the past couple of months how much I loved you then fuck you.  Fuck you Rachel Myatt.  Fuck you for sending back my gifts and my Christian notes of love and forgiveness.  Fuck you for sending back my Christmas Card, fuck you for not letting me send the boys Legos.  If you send back the Old Crow Medicine Show shirt I send you then Double Fuck You.  Yeah you deserve all this.  You never deserved me as a friend, a boyfriend, or anything.  You are a selfish, self righteous cunt, and I am tired of holding back what I need to say. Just because I love you and am in love with you doesn't mean I shouldn't live my life.  Fuck you if you think I haven't gone on dates.  I have gone on plenty.  I have had other women fall for me but you were the only one I wanted to marry.  I kept writing you, kept trying to make peace with you. The people around me believe in my love for you but you know what screw you for not being able to see that.  Screw you for being cruel to someone who lost a parent, screw you for lying to me at the airport, screw you for ever pretending to want to be my girlfriend.  You pissed on my ring, my promise, the love I had for you. Fuck you for letting me fall in love with you and Jonathan and wanting to love you both as my own flesh and blod.  Fuck you for being a wishy washy selfish inconsiderate liar.  Fuck you for being a Religious Bigot and not accepting the fact  that I wanted to worship with you I opened my heart to you and the New Church.  So now everything I do is to let you know. I am strong after you hurt me, I am a great loving man, and that you missed out on a beautiful person that thought the world of you Rachel Myatt even after all the hurt I still love you dearly and even kept you in my will with my most important possessions of all my heart and my music.  So maybe you will pick up the phone and call after seeing this or maybe Amanda will write are call but if not then fuck it.  Go to the fucking Netherworld or whatever kind of heaven that Religious Bigots go to.  I am from this moment on just going to say what is on my mind and to spread the to message to the  world of your hatred more and more.  Good day and sorry to my readers for all the profanity its not usually me but that is how I feel at this moment about this ungrateful, bigoted, selfish person.
 
Proverbs 19:5
A false witness will not go unpunished, and whoever pours out lies will not go free.   

You obviously don't read the Bible Rachel if you don't see all the times that God says there is punishment for people.  He is merciful, loving, kind, forgiving, and He is love but He does punish.  Somewhere down the line you will receive the karma that you deserve and what you did to me will be amplified by 3. I never did anything but love you and wish you no harm but the taunting, making fun of me, and putting me down when I needed you to care well you know what I hope you realize what an evil act that was and that is why God gave me the strength to carry on and the insight and power to not give up on you and to campaign worldwide.  If my work were evil and vengeful then other people wouldn't be helping me, writing letters, or believing in me.  I never ask anyone but God for help and people are willing to help me with this love I have for you.  Maybe you should step back and reflect at just how evil you are being.  As for me I am just going to tell it like it was, it is, and will be and go on with my life.  I am tired of you ignoring me so I will just put it out for all to see.

My Last Will and Testament : For Rachel

Dear Rachel and Readers this statement is true and part of an actual document I have in my possession due to my health I wanted to put this up for not only her to know my unconditional love but for anyone else who needs to make peace with someone they have been estranged from I pray and hope that you forgive them and speak your mind with them.  I love Rachel Myatt with all my heart, body, mind, and soul and I put my faith in God that before I leave this earth shortly she will make peace with me. Below are the context of a real will I have


Last Will And Testament


III. BEQUEST:

I direct that after payment of all my just debts, my property be bequeathed in the manner following
Upon my leaving this earth I wanted Rachel Myatt of Dawson Creek,  Province of British Columbia in the Country of Canada to know that she was my best friend and the most important person that I met in this life.  The Lord Jesus Christ is the sole owner of my soul. Rachel Myatt is the sole owner of my heart and it will belong to her always.  I loved her and her son Johnathan Myatt dearly. She never knew how much. I also leave to her the only thing I loved besides God, My family, and her: I bequeath my entire music collection to Rachel Myatt. God was always my best friend and He gave me the gift of music even in my darkest times. It was the only friend besides God that was always there for me. I hope one day Rachel you will realize how much your love and friendship meant to me. I only wanted to be human and for a couple of moments in my short life you gave that to me. I only wish you had of believed in me enough to continue being in my life and believed in me like I believed in you.  I will love and cherish you and Jonathan always even in death my love for you will still be as strong as in life even more powerful.  My last wish is that you forgive me for what kept us from continuing to love each other whatever it was that you couldn't accept about me or that pushed you away when I needed you I hope you can let go of it. I forgive you for everything and all I wanted was your love and forgiveness too. I love you Rachel Myatt with all my heart till the end of time.

 B.E.B


As I think of my last couple of months on this earth I just wanted all the people that I loved to know how much I loved them and express to them how much it has meant to have them as friends, family, and confidants.  Rachel was the person who gave me hope for a true friend. Then in a moment she abandoned me.  My wish is that anyone that reads this pray for our reconciliation and that even if I should pass from this earth in the next couple of months to make peace with Rachel is the last thing I ever wanted. No love I have ever had has been greater for anyone. It is a gift and love from God and I will never forsake it or turn my back on the love I have for Rachel Myatt. I wish she would come back to me ......................... (This has nothing to do with me trying to take my life and it is because I am physically sick maybe terminally ill )  Signing off  6/10/11... B.B                                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVtSSCzASR0

Killing With Kindness(Those Who Hurt Us)

I am sure most of us at one time or another have truly loved someone that we would do anything for.  In my case it has been Rachel.  I don't think she has a clue how much I care.  I have taken steps to to reach out not only to her but to family members to let her know how much I love her.  I have went to her Church.  I have written a book, made videos which I have yet to put on Youtube out of respect and hoping she and I will reconnect before having to do that. I have written numerous songs I am ready to share with the world soon. I doubt that the reality of how much I really care about her will sink in for another couple of months.  When she sees that Wow this guy really went out not only to show me that I hurt him but that despite all that he really does love me.   As I stated in an earlier blog I am too old to be infatuated with anyone.  What I am is patient, kind, and long suffering and even if Rachel thinks I will grow tired of this and give up I won't. As long as I stay in the civil parameters of the law in expressing myself I will continue to show here I love her and care like I have done for so many people before me.  She never expected me to love her like this she expected me to be another one of her expendables and throw away boyfriends.  She really didn't understand that through her want to be tough exterior I saw through all of it to see the good.  I never let her tell me that she wasn't worth loving or that her hurting me would discourage me. I was broken and lost my way for awhile after it happened but never did I stop loving her and give up hope. So the question is now Rachel Myatt are you ready to be bombarded with all this attention and for people to know about you in this way of public forum or are you willing to just pick up the phone and say that we agree to disagree and go from there.  I love you so much and I still have a big space in my heart for you.  If you want me to pull out the stops and keep spreading the world then I will.  All you have to do is let go of whatever it is that stands in the way of making peace with me and come back. I love you my dear friend with all my heart and I will not stop doing that and I will never back down from my faith, my love of God, and the good of loving those who do us wrong. I will continue to kill you with kindness, I will show others how I care for the woman who treated me worst than any other woman had before.  The others realized it a year later in most case and one it took her 7 years.  They all in the end understood the good man I am and my persistence, love, and believing in other is what gave them the insight to realize the beautiful person they turned their back on.  I reached out to Amanda your sister today Rachel.  I hope she takes it as a sign of peace and will return my olive branch. I love you and Jonathan so much and no matter how you have taken this the past 9 months every thing I have done since November has been purely out of love. I harbor no animosity anymore for what you did. I also want you to know the reason I reacted the way I did. It was not that you abandoned me it was how you chose to do so when I loved you so much and went through so much to be with you. Even in my time of mourning my mother I sacrificed everything because I believed in your love and love you and Jonathan so much. Didn't you think I deserved more, to be treated a little bit kinder considering what I had been through. That didn't seem to matter though you just wanted to get rid of me and act like I never existed. Told me that my love for you was a mistake. My love for you was a gift from God and that my dear Rachel is why you are in the situation you are now. You are cruel to people who love you and respect you but you want respect when you don't give it.  I am sorry things happened they way they did.  I never tricked you with my phone calls, or my friend texting you that night. You kept calling me a liar and not believing for one moment that your selfishness, cruelty, and untruths could cause another such pain. Well here I am.  I survived and I survived to love you and live on despite what you think about me or treat me.  I still love you and I will continue right now letting others know and spreading the gospel of Christ, of forgiveness, and going against all odds to show someone you love them.  I never gave up on you. Why did you give up on me?

Job 6:14
“Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.

I came to you in need Rachel, your faith teaches of giving of yourself and of charity.  I came to you at my lowest point in life because you said you loved me and would be there for me and I still have your email telling me how you wanted to be there for me. I wish that Rachel had of been the one who claimed to love me. 

...they who are in the faith of charity observe what is good, and if they see anything evil and false, they excuse it, and if they can, try to amend it in the person...Where there is no charity, there is the love of self, and therefore hatred against all who do not favor self. Consequently such persons see in the neighbor only what is evil, and if they see anything good, they either perceive it as nothing, or put a bad interpretation upon it. It is just the other way with those who are in charity. By this difference, these two kinds of persons are distinguished from one another, especially when they come into the other life; for then with those who are in no charity, the feeling of hatred shines forth from every single thing; they desire to examine every one, and even to judge; nor do they desire anything more than to find out what is evil, constantly cherishing the disposition to condemn, punish, and torment. But they who are in charity scarcely see the evil of another, but observe all the other's goods and truths, and put a good interpretation on what is evil and false. Such are all the angels, which they have from the Lord, who bends all evil into good.

Arcana Coelestia (Heavenly Secrets) #1079
 
The Lord also teaches that to be angry with one's brother or sister or the neighbor rashly, and to hold someone as an enemy, is also to commit murder. Doctrine of Life #73


Matthew 5:23-24
²³ “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.