Rachel you were my dearest friend other than my friend Scott. The love I had for you and still have for you is like family and as many girls as I have been out with that have children Jonathan was the only one I wanted to to commit to and I loved him as I love you. I want to explain to you in this blog why things happened so you and everyone will read this will know why I started this blog and it can be here for all too see. I do not do this to hurt you but only to tell a story and seek truth. Most of all I do it because I love you and you abandoned me and were very cruel to me at a time when you said you would be there for me. My love for you was never a joke, it was never a game. It was always whole hearted and whole souled. I thought and think the world of you. You showed how little you thought of me. I never doubted my love for you and all the times I could have hung the phone up and give up on you I never did. I kept my promises and came to you and in the end all you could think about was yourself. You didn't care that you hurt me or how you hurt me and so that is what I want you to know today. I believed in and still believe in you Rachel Myatt
1. You were my angel, my best friend, and the only woman I had ever felt comfortable with telling certain things. We shared lots of secrets and when we talked I felt that I had a true partner even if sometimes we disagreed I always thought it would be a phase that after we had been together awhile we would learn to compromise more or that we would agree to disagree amicably. I loved you and all I wanted was to be there for you and Jonathan. You messed with my dream of being a husband, a father, and of thinking someone truly loved me. If you had a looked a little closer you would have seen how I looked at you and how all the other girls who had made advances on me never had a chance I was and still am in love with you Rachel Myatt.
2. You can't make someone stop loving you especially the way you tried to do things. You thought you could text me when I got home and that things would be great because you were in Canada and I was in the United States and breaking my heart when I had just lost my mother and when I needed your love and Jonathan's love more than anything wouldn't upset me. It was wrong, it was selfish, and you really did get the kind of response you deserved from me. I was devastated, torn, and it made me want to die. You then were hostile to me, you made fun of me because of my hurt, you called me sick, said I had issues, and just a whole slew of things that were evil, cruel, and showed you only thought of yourself. I should not and will never feel guilty again for the way I reacted because you were out of line, and to be part of the faith that you are that teaches to give of oneself and not be selfish you were nothing but selfish, hurtful, and spiteful to me so I returned that to you eventually because I was tired of being brow beat by your attitude. I do still love you and as you can see I have never stopped.
3. I only meet peoples Parents and Family if I am sure they love me and you introduced me to your family and I felt so loved and wanted and then a couple of days later you abandon me, ridicule me, and try to make me look bad. I had nothing but respect for you and your family and it would have meant so much to have them in my life especially at the time I was going through. I adored your mother and sister and I wanted to know more about them. You deeply hurt and saddened me by your actions.
4. You knew how I felt about sleeping with someone who didn't love me. You shared your body with me and to me that is something sacred that people in love do. I don't go around having sex or sleeping with everyone that offers it up. I had been very lonely and needed affection but I held out for you even though lots of offers arrived many that I told you about. Once we were together do you know how much that hurt me that you abandoned me. I got a taste of what it was like to be with the woman I love then you walk away from me. I was truly in love with you and I wanted to make love to you and only you and I have always been that way. You were my queen, my Ray Ray, my best friend and you spit on that and disrespected all those feelings and all that love making.
5. I would do anything for you and Jonathan. I started this blog not to spout out but to show you how deep my love was and that I really did love you. I wanted you to know I keep my promises and if I have to put out a music album, put out this book everywhere, and keep writing this blog I will do this. There are people writing to your Church in various incarnations from all over North America and maybe soon some from across seas. People from far over as Thailand and Japan are reading this blog. I am serious about the love I have for you and I have never wanted to do anything on here to hurt you. I just want you Rachel and your family to realize that I really do love you and that you pushing me away and being mean, judging me, and being selfish is what started this. I was never mean to you, I tried to understand you, I wanted to worship with you, I love you and your son and wanted to raise him as my own, I was in mourning and I still came to Canada to be with you in my sadness and you make fun of me because I wasn't proficient at Geocaching. Come on I love you and all I wanted was to be with you. I loved everything we did I just was not 100% me and you cant fault me for that. I wish you would take a look at this blog and see look how much this man was hurt but how much he would go through to show me he loves me instead of he is trying to make me look bad and make people think I am a bad person. I have nothing but respect for you Rachel. You are the love of my life. So I am asking you to forgive and forget and come back into my life. I love you and I still want to be there for you. Whatever happened happened I forgive you. I love you. I am going today to stand in line to get Tom Gabel and Against Me to sign something at Warped Tour for you and I hope you wont send it back. I love you with all my heart and I hope that this will give you a clear understanding of why I am so persistent and never give up. Main point being if I didn't truly love you Rachel and Jonathan I would have walked away by now but its for you two I wanted to devote my life too while we search to come closer to Christ together and if that doesn't seem like a man who is truly in love with you then you might never find that truth.
6. I always accepted your faith Rachel and for you to put down my love of God in anyway shape or fashion when your faith teaches of religious tolerance even salvation for non Christians was just uncalled for and I am a Christian. I studied and learned about your faith so that is why I addressed and am still addressing the Church on many levels because of the way you acted toward someone. You turned someone away from you faith who wanted to share it with you and become one with you in it. You blasphemed against me because I wouldn't stop loving you and Christ instilled this love in me and I would never turn my back on it. I hope you take the time to think about everything I have written today and that soon you will be able to talk to me. I love you with all my heart and will continue to do so even if in this manner.
Philemon 1:15
Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back forever
No comments:
Post a Comment