Dear Rachel and Readers,
I am going to blog today about how not only God but love can change everything. I am going to use a few of my favorite inspirational bands and stories as examples of how putting your faith in God and trusting in Him will help you find love and happiness in your life.
Music has always been the one thing I have loved besides God when I am down. I am going to use the band FireFlight as my first example. We can always choose to love or we can choose to be irrational and not choose love. We can choose to find God or we can ignore Him. In Rachel's case she chose to put me down, she chose to use God's name in vain against me. She cursed me out, called me a loser, called me sick and damaged when I was in a state of grief for my mother and initially I wanted to hate her and felt like I should try to get revenge but instead I started this worldwide campaign to let her know I love her and I have no intention of stopping. I want to use FireFlight's song "You Decide" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNA5DO2FPOI&feature=related to let anyone know that you can use free will to believe in the calling of God or you can let man and yourself stop you from believing and achieving that calling. All Rachel did was doubt my love for her and doubt my sincerity. I was never after anything but her heart, her friendship, and her love. It was never about sex, how pretty she was, or anything superficial. She was to me the most beautiful woman but it didnt define the reason I came to love her and that was what was in her heart. I hear a lot of people in the New Church challenging Evangelicals and other Christians beliefs in callings but we all have a calling in our hearts and we can choose to take that path or ignore it and it seems they are being defeatest to those who believe in themselves. I am also using "What I've Overcome" by Fireflight as an example of God giving us the strength to endure tragedy and personal struggles in our daily lives. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzPkRrfD_fw&feature=related I thought Pastor Coleman as a cancer survivor would realize the beauty of God's grace more than anything and see how I had to suffer losing my mom and how I feel that God's love called me even after Rachel hurt, tore me down, and broke me. I am still here over a year later loving her and believing in her and neither he or she can see the love I have. Fireflight was a major influence in me being able to get through things last year. I remember about two years ago I had to get one of my wisdom teeth pulled and anyone who has had a wisdom tooth pulled knows how painful it can be. I refused any drugs to help after the anasthesia wore off and two hours later I was right up in front after an hour drive to Dallas at a Christian coffee shop watching Fireflight. The ministry and dedication to their fans and to the Lord Jesus Christ is amazing. I also want to point out that Rachel made fun of me for having thoughts of suicide. People were so supportive of me and didnt make fun of me or mock me like she did because most of them understood the pain of losing my mother. They looked down on Rachel because of how she treated me. My own father called her a bitch but I reprimanded him and I told him that he didn't understand what it was like to loose the two women you loved the most. My mother and then Rachel at about the same time. The point I want to make with Fireflight is that for the longest time I walked around wearing one of their shirts this one http://www.merchline.com/fireflight/categorydisplay.2835.c.htm and when I was in Canada if you look at my Facebook and my Myspace there is a picture of me wearing this hoodie with Rachel, her mother, and Jonathan. http://www.merchline.com/fireflight/categorydisplay.3465.c.htm Not only do I love Fireflight but I love the ministry and the love that they instill in their fans to love God. For Rachel to say that I didn't love God and to put my faith down was very disheartining. Now wearing a piece of clothing doesn't make me a Christian but not being afraid to show that I am Christian and wearing it as a badge of honor and love for God does. I am willing to suffer for my faith and hurt which I do on a daily basis because I believe in the love God has for us. On the back of the Restore Hope T-shirt there is a website. I want you to check it out if you are reading this blog. http://lohintl.com/ Legacy of Hope International that helps children that are at risk for child trafficking, child and sexual abuse, and it helps to educate and empower children and those who can help them. Though I may never experience what some of the children in these developing nation experience as a young child I was a victim of a sexual abuse incident I was 9 years old and it took alot of strength to tell Rachel who I thought was my best friend about it and she used my trust and my love for her telling her about the hurtful things that happened to me against me and called me sick and damaged. It was very painful and demeaning. The New Church talks about living a life that is charitable to others. Not only do I support organazations like Legacy of Hope through supporting and listening to bands like Fireflight I am someone who truly cares about my friends, family, and strangers and will help others as much as I can even to the point sometimes of going hungry myself. Rachel nor Pastor Coleman have no idea the pain their cruel words nor attitude ingrained on me but still I have nothing but love for both of them and the New Church and I soldier on hoping that in the end God's love will triumph and Rachel will see how much someone truly loves her.
The next band I am going to use as an example is Flyleaf. They are a Christian band from Texas that have been a big influence on my life. I have had the chance to meet them all and some of their family actually. It is a bit more personal for me though because I got to help in the growing of the fanbase and watching their popularity rise. In the summer of 2005 I was promoting bands for Sony/BMG on various street teams. I had in the last two years watched popular secular band Maroon 5 one of the bands I promoted and met go from playing small bars to amphetheaters. I was given a box of cds by a band called Flyleaf to pass out at the 2005 version of Ozzy Ozbourne's Ozzfest. I do love music and one of my favorite metal bands Arch Enemy who are Swedish was playing that day so took the assignment. I was also working for Fuze TV that day and still have the shirt and hat they gave me. I stood in the hot 100 degree Texas heat handing out a two song cd sampler that included the song "Im So Sick" which was on the radio at this time and another song called "Cassie" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1pfSS54go0&feature=related (acoustic version) which was about a young lady who was one of the victims of the Columbine shooting. Cassie Bernell was asked by shooter Eric Harris "Do You Believe In God?" before he killed her. She became a martyr because of it and effectively the song is about lead singer Lacey Mosely( now Lacey Sturm) communicating how we should all be like Cassie and be willing to die for our faith in God. I am willing to die for my love of God and put it up against anything that comes in my life. The day I passed out those cds people made fun of me. I had people laugh that I was promoting a Christian band at a metal concert. Some people took the cds then pelted me with them but I stood there and believed in that little band until all the cds were passed out. I kept getting them in the mail and I kept going to shows and passing them out. I started going to the shows and not only seeing that God was in their hearts but seeing how open minded they were as Christians. One of my favorite bands has always been Nine Inch Nails and though many Christians would shy away from a band like that Trent Reznor is an incredible musician and a genius and I love that about him. So when Flyleaf did a cover of my favorite song of theirs. "Something I Can Never Have" I respected them even more. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwipmQlsmBE When Rachel abandoned me I listened to it alot it helped keep me alive. I kept going to shows and at one Christmas show where they played with Disturbed and some other secular rock bands I was outside promoting another band Army of Anyone who was Richard Patrick of Filter and Robert and Dean Deleo of Stone Temple Pilots I ended up meeting some of Flyleaf's family members. They saw I had an old Flyleaf tshirt and a stack of their cds and pins along with the other band I was promoting and thanked me for supporting them. Needless to say two years later the debut album "Flyleaf" went platinum and they were stars. They never forgot God's love and always gave praise to Him not only giving back to charitable organizations but I remember going to a free show because of donating to one of those organizations. They were thankful for everything God gave them. When I told Rachel I loved her I sent her a song off of Flyleaf's second album Memento Mori called "Treasure" about loving and finding Christ and being found by the one God has for you to love. Rachel was the one I wanted to marry and I love and loved her with all of my heart and this song embodied all the love God gave me for her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB-FOb_vxO4 I truly loved Rachel with all of God's love that He gave to me I loved her and Jonathan with all my heart and to think that Christ gave His life so that I could live and love someone as beautiful and special as Rachel and that Flyleaf could put into words somewhat how amazing that sacrifice is moved me to tears. I will never love anyone as much as I loved Rachel. I will never seek to have a family or kids again. I will never give my heart to anyone again but God because all I ever do is get lied to, played with, and ridiculed and kicked down then months later or years later I get calls and apologies from these women who realized how wrong they were about the good man I was to them. Rachel wont realize it for a long time just how much I love her but when she does she will realize I was willing to give up everything to be with her and Jonathan and not only that fight to show her I love her but she is taking it for granted now. Flyleaf is an amazing band that has inspired me alot I want to share Lacey's story about finding God with you before I ened this blog. Rachel made fun of me for wanting to die after she abandoned me. I chose to live one because I loved the beautiful gift of life that God gave to me. Two because I believed in the love I have for Rachel and that one day Rachel would realize how much I love her. That my love wasn't a joke or a game. I love you Rachel Myatt. Lacey was also into drugs and an Atheist and attempted suicide and God came to her and look what she became. I know you are a good person and that you love me and you can rise above the doubt and the hurt we both been through and come back into my life. I know you love me. I know you read this blog. I know you still care and I still love and care for you very much. I want to leave a video about Lacey talking about her love of God and how He came to her. We all do have a calling we are the ones who have to choose to act on God's love or we can live a life unfulfilled full of selfishness, death, regret, and hurt. Here is her testimony. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0FsEQTnmOk&feature=related All I ever wanted to do was be loved Rachel and I wanted it to be your love. I believed in you. Each day I pray about you because I love you and Jonathan. There are tears in my eyes writing this but I am not ashamed. I am not afraid of my love for you. My faith in God. I am reaching out to you with all my love that God has given to me. I will go to the ends of the earth with a love for you that is unconditional and unwaivering. I love you so much and I only hope you will see that I chose life because I love you. I wanted to make things right with you some day because I knew that God loved both of us so much that He would bring us back together. I do not write this blog or carry on my campaign to hurt you but because I love you more than any other earthy person on this earth. I love you and Jonathan as my own flesh. You are my sister, my best friend, and the love of my life. Whether you ever talk to me again that is how I feel and I will end this blog on that note. You mean the world to me. I wish I had of meant something to you but regardless God loves me and I will prosper on in loving you.
I love you Rachel Myatt.
I wasn't afraid to share my story worldwide but it is your story too Rachel. God has given me the strength to tell everything and not be afraid of what others say or what lies ahead. I am not afraid to keep loving you and in fact I am proud of the love I have for you. I am sorry you didnt appreciate or realize the true love I had for you and how deep my love of God is. You can choose to leave this story like it is full of hurt and despair or you can make peace with someone who loves you and is willing to do anything to show you he loves you. You decide!
I loved you Rachel Myatt and I know you were hurt in the past but I truly love you. I never wanted to change who you were. I loved you how you were and I still love you. You were my dearest friend and if others didnt believe in me and I didnt believe in the love God gave me for you I wouldnt still be here I leave you with the song "More Than A Love Song" by Fireflight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yST2RwcdmFM&feature=related
I am going to blog today about how not only God but love can change everything. I am going to use a few of my favorite inspirational bands and stories as examples of how putting your faith in God and trusting in Him will help you find love and happiness in your life.
Music has always been the one thing I have loved besides God when I am down. I am going to use the band FireFlight as my first example. We can always choose to love or we can choose to be irrational and not choose love. We can choose to find God or we can ignore Him. In Rachel's case she chose to put me down, she chose to use God's name in vain against me. She cursed me out, called me a loser, called me sick and damaged when I was in a state of grief for my mother and initially I wanted to hate her and felt like I should try to get revenge but instead I started this worldwide campaign to let her know I love her and I have no intention of stopping. I want to use FireFlight's song "You Decide" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNA5DO2FPOI&feature=related to let anyone know that you can use free will to believe in the calling of God or you can let man and yourself stop you from believing and achieving that calling. All Rachel did was doubt my love for her and doubt my sincerity. I was never after anything but her heart, her friendship, and her love. It was never about sex, how pretty she was, or anything superficial. She was to me the most beautiful woman but it didnt define the reason I came to love her and that was what was in her heart. I hear a lot of people in the New Church challenging Evangelicals and other Christians beliefs in callings but we all have a calling in our hearts and we can choose to take that path or ignore it and it seems they are being defeatest to those who believe in themselves. I am also using "What I've Overcome" by Fireflight as an example of God giving us the strength to endure tragedy and personal struggles in our daily lives. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzPkRrfD_fw&feature=related I thought Pastor Coleman as a cancer survivor would realize the beauty of God's grace more than anything and see how I had to suffer losing my mom and how I feel that God's love called me even after Rachel hurt, tore me down, and broke me. I am still here over a year later loving her and believing in her and neither he or she can see the love I have. Fireflight was a major influence in me being able to get through things last year. I remember about two years ago I had to get one of my wisdom teeth pulled and anyone who has had a wisdom tooth pulled knows how painful it can be. I refused any drugs to help after the anasthesia wore off and two hours later I was right up in front after an hour drive to Dallas at a Christian coffee shop watching Fireflight. The ministry and dedication to their fans and to the Lord Jesus Christ is amazing. I also want to point out that Rachel made fun of me for having thoughts of suicide. People were so supportive of me and didnt make fun of me or mock me like she did because most of them understood the pain of losing my mother. They looked down on Rachel because of how she treated me. My own father called her a bitch but I reprimanded him and I told him that he didn't understand what it was like to loose the two women you loved the most. My mother and then Rachel at about the same time. The point I want to make with Fireflight is that for the longest time I walked around wearing one of their shirts this one http://www.merchline.com/fireflight/categorydisplay.2835.c.htm and when I was in Canada if you look at my Facebook and my Myspace there is a picture of me wearing this hoodie with Rachel, her mother, and Jonathan. http://www.merchline.com/fireflight/categorydisplay.3465.c.htm Not only do I love Fireflight but I love the ministry and the love that they instill in their fans to love God. For Rachel to say that I didn't love God and to put my faith down was very disheartining. Now wearing a piece of clothing doesn't make me a Christian but not being afraid to show that I am Christian and wearing it as a badge of honor and love for God does. I am willing to suffer for my faith and hurt which I do on a daily basis because I believe in the love God has for us. On the back of the Restore Hope T-shirt there is a website. I want you to check it out if you are reading this blog. http://lohintl.com/ Legacy of Hope International that helps children that are at risk for child trafficking, child and sexual abuse, and it helps to educate and empower children and those who can help them. Though I may never experience what some of the children in these developing nation experience as a young child I was a victim of a sexual abuse incident I was 9 years old and it took alot of strength to tell Rachel who I thought was my best friend about it and she used my trust and my love for her telling her about the hurtful things that happened to me against me and called me sick and damaged. It was very painful and demeaning. The New Church talks about living a life that is charitable to others. Not only do I support organazations like Legacy of Hope through supporting and listening to bands like Fireflight I am someone who truly cares about my friends, family, and strangers and will help others as much as I can even to the point sometimes of going hungry myself. Rachel nor Pastor Coleman have no idea the pain their cruel words nor attitude ingrained on me but still I have nothing but love for both of them and the New Church and I soldier on hoping that in the end God's love will triumph and Rachel will see how much someone truly loves her.
The next band I am going to use as an example is Flyleaf. They are a Christian band from Texas that have been a big influence on my life. I have had the chance to meet them all and some of their family actually. It is a bit more personal for me though because I got to help in the growing of the fanbase and watching their popularity rise. In the summer of 2005 I was promoting bands for Sony/BMG on various street teams. I had in the last two years watched popular secular band Maroon 5 one of the bands I promoted and met go from playing small bars to amphetheaters. I was given a box of cds by a band called Flyleaf to pass out at the 2005 version of Ozzy Ozbourne's Ozzfest. I do love music and one of my favorite metal bands Arch Enemy who are Swedish was playing that day so took the assignment. I was also working for Fuze TV that day and still have the shirt and hat they gave me. I stood in the hot 100 degree Texas heat handing out a two song cd sampler that included the song "Im So Sick" which was on the radio at this time and another song called "Cassie" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1pfSS54go0&feature=related (acoustic version) which was about a young lady who was one of the victims of the Columbine shooting. Cassie Bernell was asked by shooter Eric Harris "Do You Believe In God?" before he killed her. She became a martyr because of it and effectively the song is about lead singer Lacey Mosely( now Lacey Sturm) communicating how we should all be like Cassie and be willing to die for our faith in God. I am willing to die for my love of God and put it up against anything that comes in my life. The day I passed out those cds people made fun of me. I had people laugh that I was promoting a Christian band at a metal concert. Some people took the cds then pelted me with them but I stood there and believed in that little band until all the cds were passed out. I kept getting them in the mail and I kept going to shows and passing them out. I started going to the shows and not only seeing that God was in their hearts but seeing how open minded they were as Christians. One of my favorite bands has always been Nine Inch Nails and though many Christians would shy away from a band like that Trent Reznor is an incredible musician and a genius and I love that about him. So when Flyleaf did a cover of my favorite song of theirs. "Something I Can Never Have" I respected them even more. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwipmQlsmBE When Rachel abandoned me I listened to it alot it helped keep me alive. I kept going to shows and at one Christmas show where they played with Disturbed and some other secular rock bands I was outside promoting another band Army of Anyone who was Richard Patrick of Filter and Robert and Dean Deleo of Stone Temple Pilots I ended up meeting some of Flyleaf's family members. They saw I had an old Flyleaf tshirt and a stack of their cds and pins along with the other band I was promoting and thanked me for supporting them. Needless to say two years later the debut album "Flyleaf" went platinum and they were stars. They never forgot God's love and always gave praise to Him not only giving back to charitable organizations but I remember going to a free show because of donating to one of those organizations. They were thankful for everything God gave them. When I told Rachel I loved her I sent her a song off of Flyleaf's second album Memento Mori called "Treasure" about loving and finding Christ and being found by the one God has for you to love. Rachel was the one I wanted to marry and I love and loved her with all of my heart and this song embodied all the love God gave me for her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB-FOb_vxO4 I truly loved Rachel with all of God's love that He gave to me I loved her and Jonathan with all my heart and to think that Christ gave His life so that I could live and love someone as beautiful and special as Rachel and that Flyleaf could put into words somewhat how amazing that sacrifice is moved me to tears. I will never love anyone as much as I loved Rachel. I will never seek to have a family or kids again. I will never give my heart to anyone again but God because all I ever do is get lied to, played with, and ridiculed and kicked down then months later or years later I get calls and apologies from these women who realized how wrong they were about the good man I was to them. Rachel wont realize it for a long time just how much I love her but when she does she will realize I was willing to give up everything to be with her and Jonathan and not only that fight to show her I love her but she is taking it for granted now. Flyleaf is an amazing band that has inspired me alot I want to share Lacey's story about finding God with you before I ened this blog. Rachel made fun of me for wanting to die after she abandoned me. I chose to live one because I loved the beautiful gift of life that God gave to me. Two because I believed in the love I have for Rachel and that one day Rachel would realize how much I love her. That my love wasn't a joke or a game. I love you Rachel Myatt. Lacey was also into drugs and an Atheist and attempted suicide and God came to her and look what she became. I know you are a good person and that you love me and you can rise above the doubt and the hurt we both been through and come back into my life. I know you love me. I know you read this blog. I know you still care and I still love and care for you very much. I want to leave a video about Lacey talking about her love of God and how He came to her. We all do have a calling we are the ones who have to choose to act on God's love or we can live a life unfulfilled full of selfishness, death, regret, and hurt. Here is her testimony. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0FsEQTnmOk&feature=related All I ever wanted to do was be loved Rachel and I wanted it to be your love. I believed in you. Each day I pray about you because I love you and Jonathan. There are tears in my eyes writing this but I am not ashamed. I am not afraid of my love for you. My faith in God. I am reaching out to you with all my love that God has given to me. I will go to the ends of the earth with a love for you that is unconditional and unwaivering. I love you so much and I only hope you will see that I chose life because I love you. I wanted to make things right with you some day because I knew that God loved both of us so much that He would bring us back together. I do not write this blog or carry on my campaign to hurt you but because I love you more than any other earthy person on this earth. I love you and Jonathan as my own flesh. You are my sister, my best friend, and the love of my life. Whether you ever talk to me again that is how I feel and I will end this blog on that note. You mean the world to me. I wish I had of meant something to you but regardless God loves me and I will prosper on in loving you.
I love you Rachel Myatt.
I wasn't afraid to share my story worldwide but it is your story too Rachel. God has given me the strength to tell everything and not be afraid of what others say or what lies ahead. I am not afraid to keep loving you and in fact I am proud of the love I have for you. I am sorry you didnt appreciate or realize the true love I had for you and how deep my love of God is. You can choose to leave this story like it is full of hurt and despair or you can make peace with someone who loves you and is willing to do anything to show you he loves you. You decide!
I loved you Rachel Myatt and I know you were hurt in the past but I truly love you. I never wanted to change who you were. I loved you how you were and I still love you. You were my dearest friend and if others didnt believe in me and I didnt believe in the love God gave me for you I wouldnt still be here I leave you with the song "More Than A Love Song" by Fireflight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yST2RwcdmFM&feature=related
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