Dear Rachel and Readers,
As you saw from the blog before this Rachel was the one who said she would be there for me. She wasn't very kind to me after I came back here after seeing her 3 weeks later. I only became hostile because she became mean and hostile first. She added to the pain in my life. I had nothing but love for her and still I have nothing but love for her. I am not doing this to put her on display but for her to reflect on the things she said to me and how it was contradictory and unkind to the way she said she would act towards me. I wanted to point out a couple of things so that Rachel, her family, Pastor Glenn and anyone who reads this realizes why things are about to happen the way they are.
Think about all the love, time, and friendship we spent Rachel was it worth throwing away for this animosity, hurt, and pain. Do you want to keep hurting people your whole life. I am not out to hurt you. I truly love you and I will keep believing in the Lord and that you are better than the person you are being to me. I just wanted you to know Rachel if one of your parents died right now and we were together I would move heaven and earth to be with you. I would quit my job and be there from you. I would have accepted you as you were and not mistaken sadness for being a miserable damaged unhappy person like you said about me. All I wanted was half as much of that kind of love from you and to understand how much I was hurting but instead of be Christian, kind, and considerate you threw stones and added to my pain and abandoned me. I would never leave you and I have done nothing but love you and Jonathan all these months if even from a far. I love you both with all my heart.
1. Does anybody look at my profile and see the sketch picture of Rachel and I? That was Rachel's idea. It is very painful because that meant so much to me that she wanted to take that with me. That is a picture you would do with someone you are going to continue seeing. We did that my last night with her so if Rachel felt in her heart she didn't want to be with me she should have thought about that. It is also proof she was with me. I havent posted up any other pictures of of she and I or her family. I love her and respect her enough to relegate and keep this blog about her. I just love her and Jonathan so this current picture has stayed up the duration.
2. If you are in a relationship with someone and you are intimate with that person doesn't that mean you want to be with them. I told Rachel I didn't want to sleep with her unless she really wanted to be with me. I told her if I came and she felt that she didn't want to share that part of me with herself then to let me sleep on the couch. I also told her that if she decided that she didn't want me as her boyfriend to send me home. She did neither. She led me on the whole time. I was in her bed, we were intimate, and I had saved myself for her admist all the other women that were offering themselves to me here in Texas I believed in Rachel Myatt and the love she supposedly had for me. I just want everybody to know the truth about how much I cared for her and that I was adult and responsible about being with her.
3. When she abandoned me we were talking on the phone and I asked her if the reason she was breaking up with me was because her family didn't like me or somebody said something to make her feel she didn't want to be with me. She always hesitated and never gave me a straight answer. I felt a little tension from her mother about a religious question she had asked me and also about when we were talking about prisoners and I said something to the effect about them being punished. I had always told Rachel I was open to her faith but I am also entitled to my views on society and God. I believe even the kindest person will have to face God in the end and He alone will judge all of us. That was the punishment that I was trying to expouse. So Mrs. Jane Myatt if that was a deterent to me and Rachel being together I am sorry but you never sat down and talked to me about what I truly believed.
4. I went to the Church with Rachel's actions a year ago. I was amazed at how close minded and hateful she was toward other peoples religious views. The New Church claims to believe in all being accepted into heaven. You wouldn't have thought I would get in the way Rachel treated me and in the end she doubted my love even more. All of you know the difference between me and her now. I have a true faith, unwaivering and non doubtful. Though there have been days where I question my love of God and the love I have for Rachel I have never given up loving her or letting God love me.
I just want Rachel to be a woman and face me. Pick up the phone and if you are truly sorry tell me yourself. I had even promised to go away forever if she was just woman enough to do that. I promised to take down the blog, stop the campaign, stop writing the Church and making music toward her all that. Rachel knows I am a man of my word. Truth is Rachel can't face the facts or be woman enough to justify any of the cruel and hurtful things she has done. She sits up in the Church every Sunday and whenever she is there and pretends to be a kind, loving, Christian woman but here someone is trying to make peace with her. Someone she lied to, she played games with, she wronged and here I am showing so much love for her and care for her and her son so much. She thinks that she will be safe in Dawson Creek, British Columbia and that no one will care about my letters or blogs. Lots of people read this. For some reason people in Russia and the former Soviet Union loving it. It is read all over the world. You can't hide from the evil you have done Rachel. I am trying to love you, be kind, and find peace with you. If you don't want that then you have given me free range to just put out the book and tell the story. I don't want to but if you would rather not talk to me and have me tell all our personal things just to show you that I love you and have people all over the world really reading about you then so be it. You know that I am confident, that I dont back down on things, and as the email I put in the blog yesterday shows you I kept all our emails and I even have a file of all our conversations and messengers so everything you said even the cruel stuff is ready to be on display. All I ask is you pick up the phone and talk to me Rachel I truly love you. If you dont want to talk to me after that I will go away but I do want to hear your voice and I do want to talk to you about somethings. If you would rather this continue to go on in this manner and you just read this blog and not know what I am doing fine. You can have that. Just dont be surprized when things start happening that you dont like because I told you I am serious about all that I said I would do and what I am doing is spreading my love for you worldwide. I dont think I am being unfair, I dont think I am harrassing you. I am expressing my thoughts and feelings about how you treat me and others and I am putting the truth out in the open for others to see.
I am going to include in this blog today my personal prayer. I am not afraid to show my thoughts to God to anyone. Prayer is something that is personal between our Lord and King but God also wants us to be able to express our Love for Him with others so I have no shame in sharing this prayer with my readers and with Rachel and her family.
Lord Jesus Christ, My Father in Heaven
Please forgive me for any transgressions I have unknowlingy caused to Rachel and the Myatt Family. Please let them know that I love them all and that I want them to know that Rachel is precious to me. You gave me a love for her so deep and strong that I will not give up on her. You have carried me through trouble times and disappointment and it is your love I ask that You instill in Rachel to be able to find peace and to love and accept me again. Father I thank You for the insight and guidance You have given Pastor Glenn in this matter. Please watch over him and let him know that I can call him friend and brother in Your name and that I do not hate or harbor ill will toward him because that is not what You want. Let him be able to share with Rachel the love I have for her without compromising his role as Your servant. Let the love You have given me for Rachel and Jonathan be so strong and pure that she understands Your purpose for it and Your design. Your Love has given me the strength to love Rachel unconditionally even if things have seemed hopeless. I will continue to love Rachel even if she chooses not to see I know You love me so much that her eyes will be opened because I have faith in You and through that faith I believe in her. Lord please let Rachel see the love that is really in my heart for her. May through my prayer and constant actions may she know that everything happens for a reason and the reason is that You love us both so much and that will bring Rachel back into my heart. I only seek forgiveness and reconciliation with her and I know You see what is truly in my heart and that is why you have continued to be here for me when I haven't had a friend in the world Father you have been here for me and never went away. Rachel Myatt is my dearest friend and I know that in her heart she knows that and please take any pain, hurt, or doubt away from her that is stopping her from loving and caring for me. Only You can do that Lord and She has to truly want to let go of it all and forgive me as I have forgiven and love her still. I ask of this as you Lord with a humble heart and the truest intentions. I ask that if anyone in the Myatt family harbors any resentment or had problems with me loving Rachel that they let it go and realize that she is my true friend and I came to her through all the pain and suffering because I truly love her. Thank you Father for listening to my prayer, my thoughts, and for always showing me kindness, mercy, and long suffering. Through You all good things do come.
Amen
My heart is broken on a level that you cannot even understand and its because of how you treated me. I dont expect you to because you dont care. I told Pastor Coleman that you didn't care if I died. You kept telling me that on the phone. You told me to go ahead and end my life it wouldnt matter to you. All I ever needed was for you to love me and if I gave up right now and you had a chance to make peace with me and been there for me instead of ignore me and treat me like you are doing what would you do. Maybe this clip from the movie adaptation of Carson McCullers(my favorite author of all time and this is my favorite book) "The Heart is A Lonely Hunter" will make you think about how you are treating me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pF-r1aOD6Vc I loved you so much and still do and right now I am hurting so bad that I just want to give up. This is not about being mentally ill, its not about being sick, its about being hurt so deeply by someone you love, being betrayed, ignored, and abandoned and just wanting to give up. If the people in this story had of acted in time and told the gentleman what they told him when he was there, he may not have gone away. Rachel I am asking you to be brave and talk to me. I hope you understand how much you are hurting me and how you have a chance to turn this around for both of us. You claim to live a life of being charitable and to others Rachel but I came to you and gave you my all. My friendship, my love, my support, and honesty and you treated it like a joke. You acted like I was nothing and you could just walk all over my heart and dispose of me like a old toy. I am actually hurting so bad that I rarely eat, I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row in a year, and I think about you and Jonathan everyday. There are always tears welled up in my eyes. It is a pain that someone who is just chemically imbalanced would never feel. Its not even depression. Its sadness because you betrayed all that was good in our friendship. All we talked about. All the love and caring we did for each other you negated and abandoned it. I would never have been that selfish to you. You and Jonathan mean the world to me. You would rather I just give up though than see what God has placed in front of you. I will never try and end my life or speak of that again. I am physically dying of a broken heart because Rachel Myatt the one who said she loved me and believed in me can't make peace with me. She can laugh and so can anyone reading this but my health has deterioted to the point where I probably dont have much longer. I am not making this up to get her sympathy its a fact. All I want you to know Rachel is I love you. If you want to know that someone reached out to you and all they wanted was your love and good graces after you hurt them and you had a chance to make a difference in life now is your opportunity.
As you saw from the blog before this Rachel was the one who said she would be there for me. She wasn't very kind to me after I came back here after seeing her 3 weeks later. I only became hostile because she became mean and hostile first. She added to the pain in my life. I had nothing but love for her and still I have nothing but love for her. I am not doing this to put her on display but for her to reflect on the things she said to me and how it was contradictory and unkind to the way she said she would act towards me. I wanted to point out a couple of things so that Rachel, her family, Pastor Glenn and anyone who reads this realizes why things are about to happen the way they are.
Think about all the love, time, and friendship we spent Rachel was it worth throwing away for this animosity, hurt, and pain. Do you want to keep hurting people your whole life. I am not out to hurt you. I truly love you and I will keep believing in the Lord and that you are better than the person you are being to me. I just wanted you to know Rachel if one of your parents died right now and we were together I would move heaven and earth to be with you. I would quit my job and be there from you. I would have accepted you as you were and not mistaken sadness for being a miserable damaged unhappy person like you said about me. All I wanted was half as much of that kind of love from you and to understand how much I was hurting but instead of be Christian, kind, and considerate you threw stones and added to my pain and abandoned me. I would never leave you and I have done nothing but love you and Jonathan all these months if even from a far. I love you both with all my heart.
1. Does anybody look at my profile and see the sketch picture of Rachel and I? That was Rachel's idea. It is very painful because that meant so much to me that she wanted to take that with me. That is a picture you would do with someone you are going to continue seeing. We did that my last night with her so if Rachel felt in her heart she didn't want to be with me she should have thought about that. It is also proof she was with me. I havent posted up any other pictures of of she and I or her family. I love her and respect her enough to relegate and keep this blog about her. I just love her and Jonathan so this current picture has stayed up the duration.
2. If you are in a relationship with someone and you are intimate with that person doesn't that mean you want to be with them. I told Rachel I didn't want to sleep with her unless she really wanted to be with me. I told her if I came and she felt that she didn't want to share that part of me with herself then to let me sleep on the couch. I also told her that if she decided that she didn't want me as her boyfriend to send me home. She did neither. She led me on the whole time. I was in her bed, we were intimate, and I had saved myself for her admist all the other women that were offering themselves to me here in Texas I believed in Rachel Myatt and the love she supposedly had for me. I just want everybody to know the truth about how much I cared for her and that I was adult and responsible about being with her.
3. When she abandoned me we were talking on the phone and I asked her if the reason she was breaking up with me was because her family didn't like me or somebody said something to make her feel she didn't want to be with me. She always hesitated and never gave me a straight answer. I felt a little tension from her mother about a religious question she had asked me and also about when we were talking about prisoners and I said something to the effect about them being punished. I had always told Rachel I was open to her faith but I am also entitled to my views on society and God. I believe even the kindest person will have to face God in the end and He alone will judge all of us. That was the punishment that I was trying to expouse. So Mrs. Jane Myatt if that was a deterent to me and Rachel being together I am sorry but you never sat down and talked to me about what I truly believed.
4. I went to the Church with Rachel's actions a year ago. I was amazed at how close minded and hateful she was toward other peoples religious views. The New Church claims to believe in all being accepted into heaven. You wouldn't have thought I would get in the way Rachel treated me and in the end she doubted my love even more. All of you know the difference between me and her now. I have a true faith, unwaivering and non doubtful. Though there have been days where I question my love of God and the love I have for Rachel I have never given up loving her or letting God love me.
I just want Rachel to be a woman and face me. Pick up the phone and if you are truly sorry tell me yourself. I had even promised to go away forever if she was just woman enough to do that. I promised to take down the blog, stop the campaign, stop writing the Church and making music toward her all that. Rachel knows I am a man of my word. Truth is Rachel can't face the facts or be woman enough to justify any of the cruel and hurtful things she has done. She sits up in the Church every Sunday and whenever she is there and pretends to be a kind, loving, Christian woman but here someone is trying to make peace with her. Someone she lied to, she played games with, she wronged and here I am showing so much love for her and care for her and her son so much. She thinks that she will be safe in Dawson Creek, British Columbia and that no one will care about my letters or blogs. Lots of people read this. For some reason people in Russia and the former Soviet Union loving it. It is read all over the world. You can't hide from the evil you have done Rachel. I am trying to love you, be kind, and find peace with you. If you don't want that then you have given me free range to just put out the book and tell the story. I don't want to but if you would rather not talk to me and have me tell all our personal things just to show you that I love you and have people all over the world really reading about you then so be it. You know that I am confident, that I dont back down on things, and as the email I put in the blog yesterday shows you I kept all our emails and I even have a file of all our conversations and messengers so everything you said even the cruel stuff is ready to be on display. All I ask is you pick up the phone and talk to me Rachel I truly love you. If you dont want to talk to me after that I will go away but I do want to hear your voice and I do want to talk to you about somethings. If you would rather this continue to go on in this manner and you just read this blog and not know what I am doing fine. You can have that. Just dont be surprized when things start happening that you dont like because I told you I am serious about all that I said I would do and what I am doing is spreading my love for you worldwide. I dont think I am being unfair, I dont think I am harrassing you. I am expressing my thoughts and feelings about how you treat me and others and I am putting the truth out in the open for others to see.
I am going to include in this blog today my personal prayer. I am not afraid to show my thoughts to God to anyone. Prayer is something that is personal between our Lord and King but God also wants us to be able to express our Love for Him with others so I have no shame in sharing this prayer with my readers and with Rachel and her family.
Lord Jesus Christ, My Father in Heaven
Please forgive me for any transgressions I have unknowlingy caused to Rachel and the Myatt Family. Please let them know that I love them all and that I want them to know that Rachel is precious to me. You gave me a love for her so deep and strong that I will not give up on her. You have carried me through trouble times and disappointment and it is your love I ask that You instill in Rachel to be able to find peace and to love and accept me again. Father I thank You for the insight and guidance You have given Pastor Glenn in this matter. Please watch over him and let him know that I can call him friend and brother in Your name and that I do not hate or harbor ill will toward him because that is not what You want. Let him be able to share with Rachel the love I have for her without compromising his role as Your servant. Let the love You have given me for Rachel and Jonathan be so strong and pure that she understands Your purpose for it and Your design. Your Love has given me the strength to love Rachel unconditionally even if things have seemed hopeless. I will continue to love Rachel even if she chooses not to see I know You love me so much that her eyes will be opened because I have faith in You and through that faith I believe in her. Lord please let Rachel see the love that is really in my heart for her. May through my prayer and constant actions may she know that everything happens for a reason and the reason is that You love us both so much and that will bring Rachel back into my heart. I only seek forgiveness and reconciliation with her and I know You see what is truly in my heart and that is why you have continued to be here for me when I haven't had a friend in the world Father you have been here for me and never went away. Rachel Myatt is my dearest friend and I know that in her heart she knows that and please take any pain, hurt, or doubt away from her that is stopping her from loving and caring for me. Only You can do that Lord and She has to truly want to let go of it all and forgive me as I have forgiven and love her still. I ask of this as you Lord with a humble heart and the truest intentions. I ask that if anyone in the Myatt family harbors any resentment or had problems with me loving Rachel that they let it go and realize that she is my true friend and I came to her through all the pain and suffering because I truly love her. Thank you Father for listening to my prayer, my thoughts, and for always showing me kindness, mercy, and long suffering. Through You all good things do come.
Amen
My heart is broken on a level that you cannot even understand and its because of how you treated me. I dont expect you to because you dont care. I told Pastor Coleman that you didn't care if I died. You kept telling me that on the phone. You told me to go ahead and end my life it wouldnt matter to you. All I ever needed was for you to love me and if I gave up right now and you had a chance to make peace with me and been there for me instead of ignore me and treat me like you are doing what would you do. Maybe this clip from the movie adaptation of Carson McCullers(my favorite author of all time and this is my favorite book) "The Heart is A Lonely Hunter" will make you think about how you are treating me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pF-r1aOD6Vc I loved you so much and still do and right now I am hurting so bad that I just want to give up. This is not about being mentally ill, its not about being sick, its about being hurt so deeply by someone you love, being betrayed, ignored, and abandoned and just wanting to give up. If the people in this story had of acted in time and told the gentleman what they told him when he was there, he may not have gone away. Rachel I am asking you to be brave and talk to me. I hope you understand how much you are hurting me and how you have a chance to turn this around for both of us. You claim to live a life of being charitable and to others Rachel but I came to you and gave you my all. My friendship, my love, my support, and honesty and you treated it like a joke. You acted like I was nothing and you could just walk all over my heart and dispose of me like a old toy. I am actually hurting so bad that I rarely eat, I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row in a year, and I think about you and Jonathan everyday. There are always tears welled up in my eyes. It is a pain that someone who is just chemically imbalanced would never feel. Its not even depression. Its sadness because you betrayed all that was good in our friendship. All we talked about. All the love and caring we did for each other you negated and abandoned it. I would never have been that selfish to you. You and Jonathan mean the world to me. You would rather I just give up though than see what God has placed in front of you. I will never try and end my life or speak of that again. I am physically dying of a broken heart because Rachel Myatt the one who said she loved me and believed in me can't make peace with me. She can laugh and so can anyone reading this but my health has deterioted to the point where I probably dont have much longer. I am not making this up to get her sympathy its a fact. All I want you to know Rachel is I love you. If you want to know that someone reached out to you and all they wanted was your love and good graces after you hurt them and you had a chance to make a difference in life now is your opportunity.
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