Dear Rachel,
I hope you took the time to read the two blogs before this Being Thankful Part 1 & 2. I want you to know that I am truly a man of God and that all that is happening is by His hands and design. Maybe you never thought anyone could love you so much but I do. I could hate you, get revenge on you, say nasty things and put you down but that has never been my intention and I am sorry if at anytime I have done that. It was mainly to prove a point. I just want this to end. I want you to be able to talk to me and even if its slowly have you back in my life. I have never stopped loving you and what you and I had was so special how could I ever. My heart is in so much pain right now and its not unhappiness its sadness because my best friend in the world wont talk to me. Years ago Scott my other trusted friend and I had a fallout over a girl. We went our seperate ways and for 4 months we didnt talk or hang out. We had been inseperable. One day at a Nine Inch Nails concert in Dallas we walked by each other and a mutual friend Jonathan was with Scott and I was with my friend Allison. I talked to the other friend, introduced Allison to Scott and I gave Scott a hug. Our grievances were over and we never spoke of them again. Our friendship was that important and strong that a silly little thing like a woman who didnt appreciate either of us got in the way of it. I forgave he forgave and we are still the best of friends. Almost every other day he sends me pictures of his 1yr old daughter. I was so happy when he found someone and had a child. He was happy for you and me Rachel and when I sent him the pictures the day I returned from Canada he said we looked so good together. Little did I know the next day the person I loved and trusted would turn me away and scar my soul, my heart, and my being. Life is too short for what is happening between us Rachel and I wanted to share a couple points on why I am worth loving and why you shouldnt give up on me either.
1. I love you and Jonathan with all my heart and I don't just say that. It literally hurts my heart everyday that I am not in you twos life.
2. What guy who didnt truly love you would be so loyal to a girl in a small town in Northern Canada who lives in Texas where there are so many beautiful intelligent women. Why would I want to move to a place with all that I need in the form of entertainment, opportunity, and sustainability to a small town in another country?
Answer: I love Rachel and Jonathan Myatt so much that I wanted to be with them and live a life fulfilled in the Lord and give both of you all the love, kindness, and understanding that God has given me. I wanted to worship by your side Rachel. I wanted to do everything with you and Jonathan. I truly need and love you both
3. I had so much trouble getting there from my mother passing away, the state department having problems with my passport, the airplane and delays to get to you. Doesn't that let you know that I truly love you and that nothing would stand in my way to love and be with you Rachel. If I were a girl and some guy loved me that much I wouldn't hesitate to keep him. My friends and family can't even understand why you would treat me the way you did or are doing. I have family, friends, even customers at work praying for me because they want you to come back in my life because they saw how hurt and saddened I became after you abandoned me. You may go on living your life and think that things are ok but if I truly hurt someone I would make things right with them. Rachel I am sorry to tell you this but you are the kind of person that does what feels good at the time and not what is good. I truly love you and to me it was never a joke. It was always real. It was always God's love and will for me to be with you. I am a human being and even though you don't have to see me and deal with the hurt you inflicted on me you know it is there and you know what you are doing and how you are treating me is not of God. You know that the things you said to me and how you treated me was wrong. I know somewhere there is a strong willed, beautiful, intelligent woman the one I fell in love with that is willing to put aside her pride, her insecurity, and her distrust of men to talk to me again. You hide because you know the love I have for you is real and true and you fight that. I believe you love me and I never expected you to be in love with me from the beginning because that takes time but you werent willing to take the time with me. I was so patient and loving with you and I never gave up on you even when you put me down. Didn't that give you a window into what kind of man I was? One that would never give up or leave you and Jonathan. All I wanted was to be yours and his.
I am going to expouse this simple truth today Its not about songs, about scriptures, about quotes.
I Hope You Know Rachel Myatt. I love you and Jonathan from the innermost part of my heart. Each day I pray you will come back and that I will have my best friend and love of my life back.
I think about you and Jonathan everyday and all I want is to be with you. I am sorry you couldnt see how much I loved you when I was there but I wasn't whole but I loved you so much I didn't want to break my promise to you and not come. I am sorry for being loyal to you, for loving you with all my heart, and for thinking you were the best friend I ever had because obviously you never appreciated all I had to offer and all I was willing to sacrifice. I know I love you and forgive you for everything I just wish you loved me enough to put it all aside like Scott and I did and come back to me. I love you
EPILOGUE
You never deserved a love like mine. My friends all say I am too nice and awesome to even have given you a chance. This I know is true. You dont define me and I am sorry that I let you get to me the way you did. Though I do not wish any revenge or retaliation on you, I am a soldier, I am a fighter, I am free. I will continue to write. I will put out this book worldwide. The videos I made in response to what you did and said will all be up soon. I also noticed that a lot of people are reading the New Church Vs Rachel and Dawson Creek New Church Blog. Rachel all I have to say is your unkindness and close minded attitude is really touching people and you are free to be mean and hateful and if that is all you have to say and think you can just run and lead your life and not think about me then fine. I am going to do what I am going to do. I gave you a chance I reached out to you. So when more pictures come up here, when more stories and people you didn't think I knew about hear about you it was because of your actions. You are the poster girl for the New Church theology right now as many people have seen what I have written especially in North America. I am not sorry for telling the truth. I am a wonderful guy who loved you and believed in you and now its time to just show you I dont care what you think of me and just put things out in the open so you can stare back at how cruel and heartless you were to me. I wanted peace with you, and love, and to be with you and Jonathan but you would rather have disquiet, have to look over your back and wonder what I am doing, and little to no internet prescence. I am not the first guy you screwed over but I am the one you will remember because you know what you did was so evil, uncaring, and heinous. So once again I forgive you, I show kindness, and mercy but since you continue to be cruel and not make amends with me then I am just going to start showing my love a larger more meaningful scale and maybe you will finally get the gest of all the things you did. All I wanted was peace with you but you are too stubborn and full of selfish and foolish pride to just talk to me so you now what suffer and come what may.
I had morals, I loved you in the Lord, I never set out to slander or hurt you like you did to me. I was willing to travel from another country put up with all sorts of tragedy and hurt and you still didnt realize how much you and Jonathan meant to me. I have had nothing but kind words in my heart when I talk about you to other people. It hurt me to even put some of the stuff on this blog but its true. Tonight I am just feeling like its time I just start doing stuff for you to see this was never a joke and that the world does not just revolve around you. I had feelings. I deserved the truth and you cant keep going around hurting people the way you do and think it is a God given right. It is not and you are mistaken but anyway here is a kind way of telling you to kiss off I didnt want to put this video up but I always remembered it from my early college days when I didn't sleep around and treat women like sex objects. Rachel I loved you and wanted only you spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. You were the one who was damaged and unhappy to not see how much love I had for you. So I am better than that and I will just put the truth out even more now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj3s9cHlcV8&feature=related
The next time you want to break someones heart and treat them like crap, put down their faith, kick them when they are down at least be a woman and have the courage and strength like this little song by the same band. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElTOWL3Swjo&NR=1 This is why women like Amelia Fletcher are heroines of mine cause they aren't cowards and run from the damage and lies they cause. They just tell the truth like it is so from now on Rachel Myatt. You get what you deserve. You said I deserved to be loved and you were glad I wanted it to be your love in that email and look how hateful and evil you ended up treating me Rachel. I don't care anymore I am done holding back on you. This probably the most uncaring song I will ever put up on here but this is for you Rachel. This is for being a bigot to me when I accepted your faith and religion. This is for making fun of me for being in mourning. This is for sleeping with me if you didn't really love me. This is for lying to the Church and trying to make me out to your family and the Church as crazy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcPACUqzh7w
This is what you would rather have than peace and a true friendship. Hate, Hurt, and Disrespect. I loved you so much Rachel more than anyone in my life. I am going to put this music out and let the world know how hateful you are just so you can see how strong I am and that I reached out to you for love and true friendship and you kicked me in the teeth.
Of all the scriptures in the world the following is the one Rachel that you need to remember because all you do is judge people. People that otherwise love you and accept you for all you are. Only you can change what is going to happen now. I know I am not backing down on anything I am doing. I am true to my word and not a liar but just remember because you were cruel and judgmental to someone who cared so much for you, You got yourself into this mess and no one can get you out but you be an adult and deal with it.
Luke 6:42How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
I hope you took the time to read the two blogs before this Being Thankful Part 1 & 2. I want you to know that I am truly a man of God and that all that is happening is by His hands and design. Maybe you never thought anyone could love you so much but I do. I could hate you, get revenge on you, say nasty things and put you down but that has never been my intention and I am sorry if at anytime I have done that. It was mainly to prove a point. I just want this to end. I want you to be able to talk to me and even if its slowly have you back in my life. I have never stopped loving you and what you and I had was so special how could I ever. My heart is in so much pain right now and its not unhappiness its sadness because my best friend in the world wont talk to me. Years ago Scott my other trusted friend and I had a fallout over a girl. We went our seperate ways and for 4 months we didnt talk or hang out. We had been inseperable. One day at a Nine Inch Nails concert in Dallas we walked by each other and a mutual friend Jonathan was with Scott and I was with my friend Allison. I talked to the other friend, introduced Allison to Scott and I gave Scott a hug. Our grievances were over and we never spoke of them again. Our friendship was that important and strong that a silly little thing like a woman who didnt appreciate either of us got in the way of it. I forgave he forgave and we are still the best of friends. Almost every other day he sends me pictures of his 1yr old daughter. I was so happy when he found someone and had a child. He was happy for you and me Rachel and when I sent him the pictures the day I returned from Canada he said we looked so good together. Little did I know the next day the person I loved and trusted would turn me away and scar my soul, my heart, and my being. Life is too short for what is happening between us Rachel and I wanted to share a couple points on why I am worth loving and why you shouldnt give up on me either.
1. I love you and Jonathan with all my heart and I don't just say that. It literally hurts my heart everyday that I am not in you twos life.
2. What guy who didnt truly love you would be so loyal to a girl in a small town in Northern Canada who lives in Texas where there are so many beautiful intelligent women. Why would I want to move to a place with all that I need in the form of entertainment, opportunity, and sustainability to a small town in another country?
Answer: I love Rachel and Jonathan Myatt so much that I wanted to be with them and live a life fulfilled in the Lord and give both of you all the love, kindness, and understanding that God has given me. I wanted to worship by your side Rachel. I wanted to do everything with you and Jonathan. I truly need and love you both
3. I had so much trouble getting there from my mother passing away, the state department having problems with my passport, the airplane and delays to get to you. Doesn't that let you know that I truly love you and that nothing would stand in my way to love and be with you Rachel. If I were a girl and some guy loved me that much I wouldn't hesitate to keep him. My friends and family can't even understand why you would treat me the way you did or are doing. I have family, friends, even customers at work praying for me because they want you to come back in my life because they saw how hurt and saddened I became after you abandoned me. You may go on living your life and think that things are ok but if I truly hurt someone I would make things right with them. Rachel I am sorry to tell you this but you are the kind of person that does what feels good at the time and not what is good. I truly love you and to me it was never a joke. It was always real. It was always God's love and will for me to be with you. I am a human being and even though you don't have to see me and deal with the hurt you inflicted on me you know it is there and you know what you are doing and how you are treating me is not of God. You know that the things you said to me and how you treated me was wrong. I know somewhere there is a strong willed, beautiful, intelligent woman the one I fell in love with that is willing to put aside her pride, her insecurity, and her distrust of men to talk to me again. You hide because you know the love I have for you is real and true and you fight that. I believe you love me and I never expected you to be in love with me from the beginning because that takes time but you werent willing to take the time with me. I was so patient and loving with you and I never gave up on you even when you put me down. Didn't that give you a window into what kind of man I was? One that would never give up or leave you and Jonathan. All I wanted was to be yours and his.
I am going to expouse this simple truth today Its not about songs, about scriptures, about quotes.
I Hope You Know Rachel Myatt. I love you and Jonathan from the innermost part of my heart. Each day I pray you will come back and that I will have my best friend and love of my life back.
I think about you and Jonathan everyday and all I want is to be with you. I am sorry you couldnt see how much I loved you when I was there but I wasn't whole but I loved you so much I didn't want to break my promise to you and not come. I am sorry for being loyal to you, for loving you with all my heart, and for thinking you were the best friend I ever had because obviously you never appreciated all I had to offer and all I was willing to sacrifice. I know I love you and forgive you for everything I just wish you loved me enough to put it all aside like Scott and I did and come back to me. I love you
EPILOGUE
You never deserved a love like mine. My friends all say I am too nice and awesome to even have given you a chance. This I know is true. You dont define me and I am sorry that I let you get to me the way you did. Though I do not wish any revenge or retaliation on you, I am a soldier, I am a fighter, I am free. I will continue to write. I will put out this book worldwide. The videos I made in response to what you did and said will all be up soon. I also noticed that a lot of people are reading the New Church Vs Rachel and Dawson Creek New Church Blog. Rachel all I have to say is your unkindness and close minded attitude is really touching people and you are free to be mean and hateful and if that is all you have to say and think you can just run and lead your life and not think about me then fine. I am going to do what I am going to do. I gave you a chance I reached out to you. So when more pictures come up here, when more stories and people you didn't think I knew about hear about you it was because of your actions. You are the poster girl for the New Church theology right now as many people have seen what I have written especially in North America. I am not sorry for telling the truth. I am a wonderful guy who loved you and believed in you and now its time to just show you I dont care what you think of me and just put things out in the open so you can stare back at how cruel and heartless you were to me. I wanted peace with you, and love, and to be with you and Jonathan but you would rather have disquiet, have to look over your back and wonder what I am doing, and little to no internet prescence. I am not the first guy you screwed over but I am the one you will remember because you know what you did was so evil, uncaring, and heinous. So once again I forgive you, I show kindness, and mercy but since you continue to be cruel and not make amends with me then I am just going to start showing my love a larger more meaningful scale and maybe you will finally get the gest of all the things you did. All I wanted was peace with you but you are too stubborn and full of selfish and foolish pride to just talk to me so you now what suffer and come what may.
I had morals, I loved you in the Lord, I never set out to slander or hurt you like you did to me. I was willing to travel from another country put up with all sorts of tragedy and hurt and you still didnt realize how much you and Jonathan meant to me. I have had nothing but kind words in my heart when I talk about you to other people. It hurt me to even put some of the stuff on this blog but its true. Tonight I am just feeling like its time I just start doing stuff for you to see this was never a joke and that the world does not just revolve around you. I had feelings. I deserved the truth and you cant keep going around hurting people the way you do and think it is a God given right. It is not and you are mistaken but anyway here is a kind way of telling you to kiss off I didnt want to put this video up but I always remembered it from my early college days when I didn't sleep around and treat women like sex objects. Rachel I loved you and wanted only you spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. You were the one who was damaged and unhappy to not see how much love I had for you. So I am better than that and I will just put the truth out even more now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj3s9cHlcV8&feature=related
The next time you want to break someones heart and treat them like crap, put down their faith, kick them when they are down at least be a woman and have the courage and strength like this little song by the same band. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElTOWL3Swjo&NR=1 This is why women like Amelia Fletcher are heroines of mine cause they aren't cowards and run from the damage and lies they cause. They just tell the truth like it is so from now on Rachel Myatt. You get what you deserve. You said I deserved to be loved and you were glad I wanted it to be your love in that email and look how hateful and evil you ended up treating me Rachel. I don't care anymore I am done holding back on you. This probably the most uncaring song I will ever put up on here but this is for you Rachel. This is for being a bigot to me when I accepted your faith and religion. This is for making fun of me for being in mourning. This is for sleeping with me if you didn't really love me. This is for lying to the Church and trying to make me out to your family and the Church as crazy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcPACUqzh7w
This is what you would rather have than peace and a true friendship. Hate, Hurt, and Disrespect. I loved you so much Rachel more than anyone in my life. I am going to put this music out and let the world know how hateful you are just so you can see how strong I am and that I reached out to you for love and true friendship and you kicked me in the teeth.
Of all the scriptures in the world the following is the one Rachel that you need to remember because all you do is judge people. People that otherwise love you and accept you for all you are. Only you can change what is going to happen now. I know I am not backing down on anything I am doing. I am true to my word and not a liar but just remember because you were cruel and judgmental to someone who cared so much for you, You got yourself into this mess and no one can get you out but you be an adult and deal with it.
Luke 6:42How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
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