6 Months Today Rachel!!!!!

Rachel,
It was 6 months today that you left me that text and you abandoned me. You told me you loved me but yet you made excuses why you couldn't be with me. You took a broken man who came to you for true friendship and love and you dealt the hardest blow that could happen to someone in my condition at the time. Then you got mad because I reacted the way I did. You didn't know what it was like to be in my shoes and you judged me and became cruel and inconsiderate. I really loved and still do love you. I told you I wouldn't stop. I hope that someday soon when you are reading this or when your family or others read this you will understand the nature of why things happened they did.  I mean I was a guy that was willing to leave everything behind for you. I was a free spirit who had nothing to be held down too and I wanted to be with you and your son and live a life simple and full of love. I wanted to one day be your husband and I wanted to help raise Jonathan with you and if you truly didn't want a man in your life who loved you that much then you should have said so ahead of time. You were my dearest friend. I would have done anything for you and if you truly loved me you would have understood the magnitude of a person grieving for their dead parent.  I guess it will take your mom or dad to die for you to understand how I feel. You hang out with your mom all the time so imagine when she is gone and how much you will miss her.  Then you turn to others for love and comfort and the one person who is supposed to love you and be there for you abandons you too and throws stones at you. I will never forget how cruel you were to me.  I truly wanted to die and I had every right too. You didn't love me enough to talk to me in person about your feelings.  You waited till I flew all the way back to the United States from Canada to text me goodbye and that was just too much for me. It was disrespectful, unloving, and unkind.  I forgive you for what you did so why can't you forgive me for reacting the way I did.  Things happen for a reason Rachel Myatt and what is about to happen is that I am taking the disrespect, mean spirit, and inconsideration you had for me and turning it into love. I will not give up on you and until the day you call me and we talk I will go strong.  6 months from now I will still be loving you even though you don't deserve my love, my friendship, and my caring.  Christ wants us to love and if He gives us a calling and a love so great then we as Christians cant turn our backs on it.  I am not sitting back spending my days crying over you either. I truly love you.  I do go on dates and have lots of new female friends right now I have 3 one of them is 23 one 25, and one 26 if I was such a miserable person than how did I get you to date me and how do I always have a bunch of women who flock to me? Its simple your logic was flawed and you were not being sensitive to the fact that when I came to see you I was wounded and God sent me to you because of the love you were able to give to me as a friend, a girlfriend, and a Christian.  You choose to be selfish and follow the Devil's route though.  You only thought of yourself in the end. It didn't matter how much of a sacrifice I made to get to you in the end it was all about how you felt.  There was never any us it was all about Rachel. You loved me being your boyfriend of conveinence but when faced with actually having to love me and take the time to know me in person you bailed.  That is what a relationship is Rachel taking the time to truly know someone and if you loved me you would have taken an little more time to see deep inside me.  To see my soul. My passion, My love of Christ.  My love for you and Jonathan that will not waiver.  I don't know what to tell you but soon you will get a rude awakening about how real and how serious I truly am.  I make things happen and I don't sit back and wait because God will help us and carry us but He also gives us free will to be proactive and to make our own moves.  So my book will start circulating, My music, and my story and all are about you.  You thinking hiding the Mr.Scrawny Bear Videos from me was smart but in reality you gave them to me months ago so they are downloaded on my computer.  You are the one who has to hide Rachel because you know what you did was wrong, cruel, and unkind.  The fact that I haven't let up makes you think about it and instead of forgive me, make peace, and be able to not have to look over your back and wonder what I'm going to do next you have to have little to no internet presence and sneak around.  So soon the world will know of the story I have to tell.  I loved you and 6 months from now I hope you have come back to me and our friendship is as strong as ever.  I love you Rachel Myatt I kept my promise for 6 months and I will continue to keep my promise for life and won't stop because I made my promise not only to you but first and foremost to God and if you think someone crazy and put them down for keeping their promise to God then you need to look in the mirror and see who is really living a life unfulfilled because God will always be first in my life.  Hope you change soon and we can work this out.