I love Rachel Myatt from the deepest regions of my soul. It was very hard letting her know I loved her and I did everything in my power to let her know how much she meant to me. The one thing that made me the saddest when she abandoned me is that my Mother who passed away August 8th 2010 loved and cherished Rachel. She gave me her blessing to go see Rachel and told me to keep my promise to Rachel to be with her even if she died. My mother passed away before it was time for me to spend time with Rachel and sadly when I came back from Canada, Rachel broke things off with me exactly a month later on Sept 9th. 2 days after I came back from Canada. I was broken, suicidal, and I had never felt so abandoned. I didn't eat. I went to my mom's burial site and told her how Rachel had betrayed me and how I'm sorry that she would disrespect the blessings that she had given Rachel and her family just before she died. My mother was a smart woman and every time I showed her pictures of Rachel and Jonathan she smiled. She was supportive of me in every way and she wanted to meet Rachel and Jonathan. She said even though she didn't have any biological grandchildren she would love to have Jonathan as her step grandchild. Children always loved me and my mother. She would keep her friends children and grandchildren and I loved playing with kids. Rachel never knew how happy I was that Friday I was in Dawson Creek helping her take care of the children which is what she does for a living. I was so supportive of Rachel and I would have even taken care of Foster Children with her. It makes me sad that one day she would say she loves me and the next day she pushes me away, becomes, hostile, and treats me as an enemy when I did nothing but love her. It may have been her family, it may have not but in any case. I was disrespected, my mother, and my family was disrespected and my friends were so upset that she would do that. Rachel treated me like a Judas. I wanted us to always be friends regardless of what happened so before I left the airport that day in Grande Prarie, Alberta . Rachel and her nephew Riley who was so sweet sat with me till I left. Rachel and I cuddled and kissed and I asked her did she want to continue being my girlfriend. She kissed me three times and said yes each time. I never felt so loved and wanted in my life. All I wanted was to not go home or go home and be able to come back to her and Jonathan her son as soon as possible. Or have her come to the States. We shared a long embrace and kiss and I started to walk through the gate to the plane then I ran back held her and kissed her again and said "Don't Forget I love You". It was something right out of the Han Solo/Princess Leia Star Wars Romance spiel lol. I text her when I got back home and the next day we chatted and text and everything seemed alright. We had a fun chat on MSN messenger the night before and the last thing she told me was that she loved me. I sent her a very loving email the next morning about how much I wanted to be with her and grow with her and Jonathan and how much I loved her. 14 hours after our chat I text her asking her how her day was and how Jonathan's first day of school was. She said her day wasn't good then like that without picking up the phone or talking to me she texted me. "I don't think I can be your girlfriend". I was at work and I was around a bunch of people. Tears started coming down my eyes and I asked to go home I told my boss what had happened and he understood. Just that morning I had brought pictures and had bragged about how wonderful Rachel and her family was. How cool I thought her mother Jane was and about Amanda too. Then in a moment everything was torn apart. I started vomitting and cryed all the way home. I went home and left Rachel some messenger messages we went back and forth. I lie in the bed emotionless, no feeling, just numb. Rachel and I talked on the phone and I started telling her how I wanted to die and by the bed I had some of my supplement pills that I use for my workouts. If I took 3 I knew my heart would stop and so I began taunting her, I knew it was wrong but I was angry at her. Eventually I said I did it and I only took 2 but Rachel got scared and called the Arlington Fire Department and the Arlington Police Department. They never found me I drove right past the fire truck and the police cars numbered 5 not a one of them knew I was the guy I was looking for. It was just like always I was invisible and when I needed a friend, a person to be there after my mothers death I turned to Rachel because I thought she loved me. She was my dearest friend in Christ. I wanted to worship with her. I wanted to be her partner in live and I wanted to have a family with her and she didn't know how much that meant to me. I never gave up on her even when she said things to me and put down my faith. I never had anything but good things and supported her in her faith. I guess she didn't understand unconditional love. I will not give up on her and I want all of you to know how much I love her and pray and share this blog with your friends or anyone that believes in true love. I want this messages to spread loud and clear that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. My mother was a loving woman who was always there for her friends and family and even the ones who turned their back on her she still had a hand out to them. She loved God and knew the value of HIS promise. I will follow in her footsteps and more importantly. Christ footsteps. She can choose to not see this love and it will just grow bigger and bigger. I mean this is a bad example cause I don't listen to the kid but im going to take this Letters To Rachel thing to Justin Bieber proportions. He dreams big and makes his dreams come true. That is the kind of person I am too. Rachel always told me she would never be with me and there I was with her. I her arms, in her bed, and being loved by her. She was afraid of what others would think, she thought I was so different that others wouldn't accept me. She said I was damaged because I wasn't my normal self because of my mother passing but I loved her enough to put that all behind me just to be with her even if I was hurting. She was worth my time, she was worth my sacrifice. I love her with all my heart and I wont stop trying to make things right with her. I put my faith in God and I will continue to launch this worldwide love assault on her. I ask that you all pray for our reconciliation and I also ask that if your Mother is still alive tell her you love her and if you have anything you need to make peace with her about then make peace with her. I will always be in pain as long as Rachel doesn't make peace with me. My mothers last words to me were about Rachel and her blessing to Rachel. She never gained consciousness after me seeing her that morning. I never go to say goodbye to her where she could talk back. She believed in Rachel Myatt and so did I and I still do. So Myatt family I ask that you put your differences aside with me if you have any and that you encourage Rachel and I to make peace. I will never love another woman as much as I love Rachel and if I had hated her or wanted to do ill will it would have happened but I could never think of doing anything to be that way to Rachel because not only would it hurt her but Jonathan doesn't deserve it either. Howard and Jane I ask that if you didn't think I was right for your daughter that you think again. I would give up anything for Rachel. No amount of money or anything would keep me in the States away from Rachel and Jonathan. I truly do love her and I would devote my life to being a good Husband and stepfather to Jonathan. Rachel didn't communicate with me when I was there and I bet if she had of talked to me then we never would have got to this. I am not doing this Letters to Rachel thing because I want to hurt, embarrass , or get revenge on Rachel. I want her to see that a man loves her enough that he is crazy enough to spread his love around the world and he would be loyal, faithful, and stand by her through thick and thin. I just want you to think about that. Amanda I want to thank you for receiving my letters and hopefully passing them on to Rachel. I love you too and I hope that something good will come out of this and Rachel and you will be in my life again. I wanted to know you and your kids and I wanted nothing more than for all of us to be family. I am putting my trust and faith in God and this day I praise the Myatt family and ask for your acceptance and to let Rachel know I love her. You may not agree with all that I am but take the time to know me and you will love the person I am. Howard and Jane would you want a man for your daughter that doesn't believe in her? One that wouldn't fight all odds to be with her? One that gave up on her so easy? I never did even when Rachel was cruel or said things that hurt I still loved her and I still loved her. I will end this saying Happy Mothers Day to any and all who read this. I miss my mother so much and Rachel making peace with you will take alot of the pain away she loved you. I wish love and respect to all the mothers in the Myatt circle that I experienced. Jane, Rachel, Amanda, Rebecca, Jessica, Sarah. I hope that your Mother's Day is blessed. My one wish is that Rachel return into my life and know that my promise to love her was rooted in Christ love and not my own selfish endeavors. If it were just my love I would have given up but Christ has guided me to keep loving you Rachel Myatt no matter what obstacles stand in my way. God Bless everyone.
This song is dedicated to my mother and to Rachel Myatt. It is "You're Not Alone" by Amy Grant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djGKjNxbl0Q
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