Dear Rachel,
I bet you never thought there would be a man who truly loves you as much as I do. I don't know what you are thinking. I do think about you everyday and Jonathan. I think about how much I wanted to be there with you living life and loving you both. I do know this today. As you and I both sit in Church this morning will you look at your life and at Christ love and think about forgiveness. Everyday that I live now I forgive you and I ask for your forgiveness. I want you in my life. I can't make you love me or make you come back but I know that God loves me and that he doesn't want me to give up on you. I know that one thing I never wanted on you is revenge or for you to hurt. I just wanted you to think about what you said to me and how you did things and how you could have been supportive instead of cruel. I have a family and wonderful friends that support me in my love for you. They have and are still writing the Church. They pray for me or wish me well. Love is always going to conquer evil Rachel. Anything that happened before with us I don't care anymore. All I know is I love you with all my heart and I will keep reaching out to you because that is how deep my love for you is. My love is rooted in faith, patience, friendship, loyalty, and honesty. I never wanted you for your body, how you looked, or anything superficial. I think you are beautiful in those ways but I wanted to be with you because of your caring heart and the goodness in your soul. I wanted to be with you because of how much you love children and I wanted to share that with you. Fear is easier than understanding. That is why so many people miss out on opportunities in life to love and know great people. They are afraid of what society, family, or other people think if they just take that chance. I was never afraid to love you. I still love you. I am not afraid to keep trying and live out my dreams. Even children can overcome fear. Remember when I was there and little Malcolm was terrified of the little black rat. I wanted to show him that it would not hurt him and that he did not have to be afraid of it so I made a game of it. He knew through my playful actions as an adult that the rat would not hurt him and he even mimicked my hissing sounds and was at ease with the rat by the time he left. I learned through my life that confronting our fears and realizing them is the only way we overcome them even as children. I was fearless in loving you Rachel and I still am. I have done most of the things I said I would to tell you I love you. I have written a book using my diary of how much I loved you, our text, emails. and messenger conversations. Am I going to put it out? Maybe but to show you I love you not because I want to get revenge on you or make you ashamed or bring you public humiliation. Same thing with the videos. I have been conflicted on putting them up on Youtube because I love you. I want to tell you how much I love you but I also think about how much added attention it might bring to you by those who know you. I am doing these things because I love you as my friend, as my sister, and yes I am still in love with you. I wish you would pick up the phone, email me, or just write a letter and we can talk. If you want to email me you can leave a message for me here and I would love to talk. I want you to know I haven't curled up and stopped loving people. I had the choice of many beautiful women and people still ask me out and I go out with them because most of my friends are girls. You are the one who captivated me though. There will never be another Rachel Myatt in my life and I am trying to let her know how special she is. I want to leave you with this point on Walking in the Way of Christ today. If Jesus walked up to you today could you honestly say you are walking in his footsteps. We are all sinners and we all stumble but to me forgiveness is one of Christ greatest examples. He forgave so that we may live. We are all forgiven. So why not forgive others and love instead of live in the past and miss out on the great love and friendship we can have in life. My ex girlfriend the other one that lives in Canada is one of my best friends Rachel. When we dated she left me for some British guy. I was hurt. I was sad and angry for awhile. One day she contacted me and told me the young man had committed suicide. Did I laugh at her and say it serves you right for rejecting me? Did I wallow in the fact that she got what she deserved? No she didn't deserve that and knowing how bad that young man hurt after what you and I went through I felt some of his pain. She and I talked and we have been best friends every since and it has been since 2004 when we broke up. We may have dated again if she hadn't got so busy with school. I gave her a second chance because I believe in good not evil. I believe in love not holding grudges. What I am doing with you I am doing because I love you and Jonathan more than any people in the world but you choose not to see that. I lost my best friend of 22yrs since childhood in 2007 he was found with a self inflicted gun shot wound to his head. Dear Rachel, He had a beautiful wife and family that was very loving and I was so hurt because he had everything that I wanted. That was all I wanted with you but not knowing how beautiful that is and that is more than any money or material things in the world some people lose faith in that. I lost my girlfriend in 2005 to a brain tumor and I didn't date anyone else for 5 years until I met you Rachel. you were my true friend. The one that lifted my soul to love again. Most of all I believed in you. I believed in your love of God. I love you and your son more than you could ever know and all I wanted was to be a family with you. So if you read this think about Christ and how He wants us to love each other. Are you really living a fulfilled life holding grudges against people, making enemies, and being cruel to others who truly care about you. I know I am not. I have made peace and rekindled friendships with so many people over the years because I know Christ love and to not forgive and move on would not be walking in His Example. I will leave you with these scriptures and how we should walk the way of His love today.
1 Timothy 1:16
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.
Ephesians 5:2
and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
"Forgiving, and allowing others to forgive us when we have done harm, opens to us the experience of heaven. When we forgive or allow ourselves to be forgiven, Divinity moves in and softens the hard places in our hearts that would rather ignore or deny the problem, blame the other person and build resentments, or undercut the importance of what happened. I believe that when we practice forgiveness, the Lord is given a special key to our hearts so that He can move in and work with us on our deepest levels, levels that touch directly and efficiently on streams of providence that deal with our ruling love and ultimate salvation." Rev. Renee Billings, Swedenborgian Church of Royal Oak. MI.
I love you Rachel Myatt. I pray for you and Jonathan. I love you and Jonathan and I hope that you read these blogs sometimes and take them into heart. I have nothing but pure love for you in my heart and once again have done all that I have done because I truly care for you not to hurt you. Today is 9/11 in the U.S. think of all the families that were touched by that evil and how life is short and we never know when we could lose our loved ones. People will never overcome that evil but we were willing to transcend love each other and not blame but reach out to people of all races, creeds, and religions because we were Americans. I am reaching out to you as my sister in Christ, my best friend, the woman I continually love, and a fellow human being. Are you truly living a life of charity when you know that someone has asked you for forgiveness and loves you whole soul and whole heart and only wants peace with you? I will continue to love you and reach out to you and love others and not give up on them because I don't understand what they are going through or that they are a little different than me. I wanted to be with you because of your differences. We could learn so much from each other and I saw that as fun, as a challenge, and that I truly cared for you and Jonathan. I wanted a family with you because I saw all the good you have in you. I ask you today once again dear Rachel for your forgiveness, you to accept me in your life again, and for you to know that I love you. God Bless.
I bet you never thought there would be a man who truly loves you as much as I do. I don't know what you are thinking. I do think about you everyday and Jonathan. I think about how much I wanted to be there with you living life and loving you both. I do know this today. As you and I both sit in Church this morning will you look at your life and at Christ love and think about forgiveness. Everyday that I live now I forgive you and I ask for your forgiveness. I want you in my life. I can't make you love me or make you come back but I know that God loves me and that he doesn't want me to give up on you. I know that one thing I never wanted on you is revenge or for you to hurt. I just wanted you to think about what you said to me and how you did things and how you could have been supportive instead of cruel. I have a family and wonderful friends that support me in my love for you. They have and are still writing the Church. They pray for me or wish me well. Love is always going to conquer evil Rachel. Anything that happened before with us I don't care anymore. All I know is I love you with all my heart and I will keep reaching out to you because that is how deep my love for you is. My love is rooted in faith, patience, friendship, loyalty, and honesty. I never wanted you for your body, how you looked, or anything superficial. I think you are beautiful in those ways but I wanted to be with you because of your caring heart and the goodness in your soul. I wanted to be with you because of how much you love children and I wanted to share that with you. Fear is easier than understanding. That is why so many people miss out on opportunities in life to love and know great people. They are afraid of what society, family, or other people think if they just take that chance. I was never afraid to love you. I still love you. I am not afraid to keep trying and live out my dreams. Even children can overcome fear. Remember when I was there and little Malcolm was terrified of the little black rat. I wanted to show him that it would not hurt him and that he did not have to be afraid of it so I made a game of it. He knew through my playful actions as an adult that the rat would not hurt him and he even mimicked my hissing sounds and was at ease with the rat by the time he left. I learned through my life that confronting our fears and realizing them is the only way we overcome them even as children. I was fearless in loving you Rachel and I still am. I have done most of the things I said I would to tell you I love you. I have written a book using my diary of how much I loved you, our text, emails. and messenger conversations. Am I going to put it out? Maybe but to show you I love you not because I want to get revenge on you or make you ashamed or bring you public humiliation. Same thing with the videos. I have been conflicted on putting them up on Youtube because I love you. I want to tell you how much I love you but I also think about how much added attention it might bring to you by those who know you. I am doing these things because I love you as my friend, as my sister, and yes I am still in love with you. I wish you would pick up the phone, email me, or just write a letter and we can talk. If you want to email me you can leave a message for me here and I would love to talk. I want you to know I haven't curled up and stopped loving people. I had the choice of many beautiful women and people still ask me out and I go out with them because most of my friends are girls. You are the one who captivated me though. There will never be another Rachel Myatt in my life and I am trying to let her know how special she is. I want to leave you with this point on Walking in the Way of Christ today. If Jesus walked up to you today could you honestly say you are walking in his footsteps. We are all sinners and we all stumble but to me forgiveness is one of Christ greatest examples. He forgave so that we may live. We are all forgiven. So why not forgive others and love instead of live in the past and miss out on the great love and friendship we can have in life. My ex girlfriend the other one that lives in Canada is one of my best friends Rachel. When we dated she left me for some British guy. I was hurt. I was sad and angry for awhile. One day she contacted me and told me the young man had committed suicide. Did I laugh at her and say it serves you right for rejecting me? Did I wallow in the fact that she got what she deserved? No she didn't deserve that and knowing how bad that young man hurt after what you and I went through I felt some of his pain. She and I talked and we have been best friends every since and it has been since 2004 when we broke up. We may have dated again if she hadn't got so busy with school. I gave her a second chance because I believe in good not evil. I believe in love not holding grudges. What I am doing with you I am doing because I love you and Jonathan more than any people in the world but you choose not to see that. I lost my best friend of 22yrs since childhood in 2007 he was found with a self inflicted gun shot wound to his head. Dear Rachel, He had a beautiful wife and family that was very loving and I was so hurt because he had everything that I wanted. That was all I wanted with you but not knowing how beautiful that is and that is more than any money or material things in the world some people lose faith in that. I lost my girlfriend in 2005 to a brain tumor and I didn't date anyone else for 5 years until I met you Rachel. you were my true friend. The one that lifted my soul to love again. Most of all I believed in you. I believed in your love of God. I love you and your son more than you could ever know and all I wanted was to be a family with you. So if you read this think about Christ and how He wants us to love each other. Are you really living a fulfilled life holding grudges against people, making enemies, and being cruel to others who truly care about you. I know I am not. I have made peace and rekindled friendships with so many people over the years because I know Christ love and to not forgive and move on would not be walking in His Example. I will leave you with these scriptures and how we should walk the way of His love today.
1 Timothy 1:16
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.
Ephesians 5:2
and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
"Forgiving, and allowing others to forgive us when we have done harm, opens to us the experience of heaven. When we forgive or allow ourselves to be forgiven, Divinity moves in and softens the hard places in our hearts that would rather ignore or deny the problem, blame the other person and build resentments, or undercut the importance of what happened. I believe that when we practice forgiveness, the Lord is given a special key to our hearts so that He can move in and work with us on our deepest levels, levels that touch directly and efficiently on streams of providence that deal with our ruling love and ultimate salvation." Rev. Renee Billings, Swedenborgian Church of Royal Oak. MI.
I love you Rachel Myatt. I pray for you and Jonathan. I love you and Jonathan and I hope that you read these blogs sometimes and take them into heart. I have nothing but pure love for you in my heart and once again have done all that I have done because I truly care for you not to hurt you. Today is 9/11 in the U.S. think of all the families that were touched by that evil and how life is short and we never know when we could lose our loved ones. People will never overcome that evil but we were willing to transcend love each other and not blame but reach out to people of all races, creeds, and religions because we were Americans. I am reaching out to you as my sister in Christ, my best friend, the woman I continually love, and a fellow human being. Are you truly living a life of charity when you know that someone has asked you for forgiveness and loves you whole soul and whole heart and only wants peace with you? I will continue to love you and reach out to you and love others and not give up on them because I don't understand what they are going through or that they are a little different than me. I wanted to be with you because of your differences. We could learn so much from each other and I saw that as fun, as a challenge, and that I truly cared for you and Jonathan. I wanted a family with you because I saw all the good you have in you. I ask you today once again dear Rachel for your forgiveness, you to accept me in your life again, and for you to know that I love you. God Bless.
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