Taste You in French and English by Melissa Auf Der Mar
Dear Rachel and Readers,
Well today is the day I let go of all my kindness and just start setting all that is bottled up inside me free. I do not apologize for anything that goes out from this day on because I did reach out to Rachel, her family, Pastor Coleman Glenn and the Church of the New Jerusalem as a whole. They chose the doctrine of hurt and selfishness over free will. They chose being cruel to your fellow man and putting them down instead of one of love and of encouragement. They chose to make me an enemy instead of a friend even after all the love I put forth toward them and others showed them that I love them. So I am not sorry Rachel for what will be put out there but it is all the truth. I loved you with all my heart. Above I left the song I thought about most when I met Rachel. It is by Canadian Melissa Auf Der Maur who was in both Hole and the Smashing Pumpkins. She is a class act person I got the chance to meet her in 2004 when she was on tour with the Cure. She was so nice because she walked by and had just gotten her dinner I missed her at the autograph booth because the line was so long. I said hello and she took the time out of her busy day to stop and talk to me. She has and always will be one of my heroines. When she was in Hole I was never worried about Courtney Love so much as I was about seeing Melissa in the band. Meeting people you admire and having them disappoint you is the worst thing. I loved Rachel with all my heart and I wont apologize for grieving my mother and if it disappointed Rachel then that is life. I am sorry I never asked my mom to die it was Gods time to take her and for her to treat me with such cruelty and such disdain and disrespect was uncalled for. I was willing to do anything for Rachel and Jonathan Myatt and maybe no one ever loved her as much as I did and that is why she ran but I know one thing if you love people you dont abandon them. You communicate, you talk, you dont just bail on people with no explanation then expect them to just be all happy and act like no wrong was done. I am sorry for whatever Utopian belief of happiness and goodwill that the New Church projects but I wasnt shown any of that kindness. I was treated less than a person by Rachel and I came to Pastor Glenn out of the deepest love to find out why a person would be so selfish and use their faith to be evil toward another. So Rachel I gave you every chance in the book and spent all my kindness reaching out to you. It is your loss and I dont care how what I do affects you anymore. You had a best friend in me someone who believed in you with all his heart. You are Ignoring the Greater Good. Instead of end this between us and keep it private you have let it spill out into other avenues and arenas where they can hurt so many people. Since you are so ashamed of being with me and want our picture not to be seen together I am putting it on each newsletter I print so you cant hide. You would rather know that you hurt me so much that I went out telling people why they should not attend the New Church and tell our story over and over again. You would rather hurt your family, your Church, your friends and innocent bystanders instead of make peace with me. You see ladies and gentleman Rachel always had a choice and so did I. I truly loved her and my love wore thin and I have finally gotten over being kind and gotten to the point of being trampled and misused and retaliating. No one can slight or fault me for that because I loved with all my heart and this very selfish person played with that love so it is her own fault what happens now.
All I ever wanted was peace with you Rachel. If you feel harrassed by this blog I am sorry but these are my thoughts. Its my blog to let you know how deeply I hurt. If you feel disrespected by the fact that I put this in Gods hands and went to your Church then it is only because you doubted me and said I wouldnt. I always was sure of my love for you and I will always love you and Jonathan but it seems only bigger and better things will come if I use the printed word because you dont respond to my blog. You try to hold it back and not let others see. So I will end this today with the promise that I will continue to care but it will be on a level different than this blog. You will have to wait and see. I dont care what you and Pastor Coleman do you can sue me for being a person who believed in you and had the guts to say what is on his mind. You wont get much and you have already hurt me deeply both of you. I come from the mindset that if you work hard enough at something then you will get good results. Rachel you kicked me when I was at my lowest and all I did was believe in you. We all have problems and issues in life but for you to use mine as a reason to abandon me and say the things you say. I just want you to know that all along that has been why I never stopped writing this blog. I loved you and Jonathan with all I had and not only did you put me down you negated all the love and time we put into things. The friendship, the romance, the love we shared as fellow human beings and that will forever hurt my soul. I wish you and I could make peace but I know you wont. If I withered away and died you wouldnt care and the sad fact is that you think if you wait long enough you will be free of this. You are the one hiding not me. So tell me "Who is Truly Free" I am happy that we in the free countries of the United States and Canada have freedom of expression but I know Rachel you have fought to have my site and pictures down. You dont want anyone to know that someone loved you so much and you want to pretend like I never existed. You dont get to do that. You could have this site shut down but I will always have the pictures and the proof we were together and just remember that can never go away especially in the modern age. I hope you never treat another human being as cruelly and disrespectful as you did me. I know my mother forgives you because she loved you Rachel. To Pastor Coleman and the Church of the New Jerusalem Dawson Creek and Worldwide I am sorry that you instill such selfishness in people in your doctrine. I am sorry that you would teach people to put down others who are grieving instead of loving them and encouraging them. You see I never would have started this blog if Rachel hadn't of used Religion to put me down and then tried to make others think I was mentally unstable. We all are a little bit crazy sometimes but I was not sick the only thing I could be accused of having was post traumatic stress and that was brought on by Rachel's deciet and actions and not by my mother passing. Whether you believe it or not I love Rachel and her whole family and it saddens me that they never got to experience fully a man that just wanted a family with a special person. Rachel was that person and that time has passed. I will never open myself up again like that to be lied to or played with especially with children involved. I loved Jonathan and when I met him I fell deeper in love with being there for him. I wanted Rachel and Jonathan as a package and I loved both of them unconditionally. With all the men in the world and children who dont have people there for them that was all I ever wanted was to be a good husband and partner to Rachel and to be there for Jonathan even though he had a father I wanted to be that person that wanted to be there for him all the time. I am sorry that New Church people or anyone would read this and not know how deeply having someone play with your desire just to love and be human would crush someone especially someone who was mourning a loved one. So Rachel and Pastor Glenn and who ever else you can do what you want. You can sue me. Take legal action against me, and you can hurt me more, my soul has been broken enough and I have nothing left to give. I am nihilistic at best. I never have given up on God people just give up on me and use and abuse me and when I try to show them that I dont put up with it they make excuses and then try to do stuff to hurt me even more. I never meant to hurt anyone with my blog just to tell Rachel that she was the love of my life, my best friend, and I wanted peace with her. Now I will die without knowing peace or forgiveness.
I do want to take the time to apologize to all the other Rachel Myatts in the world. If this blog has caused you any discomfort or confusion I am truly sorry. I truly loved this Rachel Myatt and thought the world of her. I thought she was special. I hope you all have beautiful men in your life that love you and cherish you like I did this certain Rachel Myatt. Please know I never meant you any harm it was just a name coincidence.
Rachel I asked God to forgive me for whatever trespasses I made against you and your family and Church. I asked God to give me what little strength I had left to keep loving you . It is never worth all the good God has given me to put you down and I have nothing but love for you. I thought you were the most beautiful person in the world and I tried to show you that and in me you saw someone ugly, messed up, and different. You didnt have to say it your eyes told me. All I ever wanted was to love you and Jonathan and now I no longer desire to live because I refuse to let what you did and said to me make me a bitter and hateful person. I always saw you as a blessing Rachel but you let others guide you to think I was a curse and a burden you were ashamed of me. Love is the only way and I will continue loving you till my last breath. I am sorry for whatever reason you cant see that. You were my best friend in the Lord and I miss you and wish that peace could have been the answer. This is how much I will always love you and Jonathan Rachel. I wish you a blessed life sorry you didnt want that for me or forgiveness or peace. People never realize what they had until its too late.
http://iloverachelmyatt.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-last-will-and-testament-for-rachel.htm
When people dont understand things or dont take the time to learn about them they make fun and belittle them. We have bullys, bigots, and prejudice all over the world because of people like this. Religious and Racial Bigotry is simply based on fear that we might learn something from someone who is different in thought or color from us. In the end we are all Gods Children and if we took the time to truly know each other instead of throw barbs and insults we would as a people truly know love.
To All Who Read this blog without judgement and were hoping peace and love won this is for you.
Numbers 6:24-25
Goodbye All
God Bless All
Dear Rachel and Readers,
Well today is the day I let go of all my kindness and just start setting all that is bottled up inside me free. I do not apologize for anything that goes out from this day on because I did reach out to Rachel, her family, Pastor Coleman Glenn and the Church of the New Jerusalem as a whole. They chose the doctrine of hurt and selfishness over free will. They chose being cruel to your fellow man and putting them down instead of one of love and of encouragement. They chose to make me an enemy instead of a friend even after all the love I put forth toward them and others showed them that I love them. So I am not sorry Rachel for what will be put out there but it is all the truth. I loved you with all my heart. Above I left the song I thought about most when I met Rachel. It is by Canadian Melissa Auf Der Maur who was in both Hole and the Smashing Pumpkins. She is a class act person I got the chance to meet her in 2004 when she was on tour with the Cure. She was so nice because she walked by and had just gotten her dinner I missed her at the autograph booth because the line was so long. I said hello and she took the time out of her busy day to stop and talk to me. She has and always will be one of my heroines. When she was in Hole I was never worried about Courtney Love so much as I was about seeing Melissa in the band. Meeting people you admire and having them disappoint you is the worst thing. I loved Rachel with all my heart and I wont apologize for grieving my mother and if it disappointed Rachel then that is life. I am sorry I never asked my mom to die it was Gods time to take her and for her to treat me with such cruelty and such disdain and disrespect was uncalled for. I was willing to do anything for Rachel and Jonathan Myatt and maybe no one ever loved her as much as I did and that is why she ran but I know one thing if you love people you dont abandon them. You communicate, you talk, you dont just bail on people with no explanation then expect them to just be all happy and act like no wrong was done. I am sorry for whatever Utopian belief of happiness and goodwill that the New Church projects but I wasnt shown any of that kindness. I was treated less than a person by Rachel and I came to Pastor Glenn out of the deepest love to find out why a person would be so selfish and use their faith to be evil toward another. So Rachel I gave you every chance in the book and spent all my kindness reaching out to you. It is your loss and I dont care how what I do affects you anymore. You had a best friend in me someone who believed in you with all his heart. You are Ignoring the Greater Good. Instead of end this between us and keep it private you have let it spill out into other avenues and arenas where they can hurt so many people. Since you are so ashamed of being with me and want our picture not to be seen together I am putting it on each newsletter I print so you cant hide. You would rather know that you hurt me so much that I went out telling people why they should not attend the New Church and tell our story over and over again. You would rather hurt your family, your Church, your friends and innocent bystanders instead of make peace with me. You see ladies and gentleman Rachel always had a choice and so did I. I truly loved her and my love wore thin and I have finally gotten over being kind and gotten to the point of being trampled and misused and retaliating. No one can slight or fault me for that because I loved with all my heart and this very selfish person played with that love so it is her own fault what happens now.
All I ever wanted was peace with you Rachel. If you feel harrassed by this blog I am sorry but these are my thoughts. Its my blog to let you know how deeply I hurt. If you feel disrespected by the fact that I put this in Gods hands and went to your Church then it is only because you doubted me and said I wouldnt. I always was sure of my love for you and I will always love you and Jonathan but it seems only bigger and better things will come if I use the printed word because you dont respond to my blog. You try to hold it back and not let others see. So I will end this today with the promise that I will continue to care but it will be on a level different than this blog. You will have to wait and see. I dont care what you and Pastor Coleman do you can sue me for being a person who believed in you and had the guts to say what is on his mind. You wont get much and you have already hurt me deeply both of you. I come from the mindset that if you work hard enough at something then you will get good results. Rachel you kicked me when I was at my lowest and all I did was believe in you. We all have problems and issues in life but for you to use mine as a reason to abandon me and say the things you say. I just want you to know that all along that has been why I never stopped writing this blog. I loved you and Jonathan with all I had and not only did you put me down you negated all the love and time we put into things. The friendship, the romance, the love we shared as fellow human beings and that will forever hurt my soul. I wish you and I could make peace but I know you wont. If I withered away and died you wouldnt care and the sad fact is that you think if you wait long enough you will be free of this. You are the one hiding not me. So tell me "Who is Truly Free" I am happy that we in the free countries of the United States and Canada have freedom of expression but I know Rachel you have fought to have my site and pictures down. You dont want anyone to know that someone loved you so much and you want to pretend like I never existed. You dont get to do that. You could have this site shut down but I will always have the pictures and the proof we were together and just remember that can never go away especially in the modern age. I hope you never treat another human being as cruelly and disrespectful as you did me. I know my mother forgives you because she loved you Rachel. To Pastor Coleman and the Church of the New Jerusalem Dawson Creek and Worldwide I am sorry that you instill such selfishness in people in your doctrine. I am sorry that you would teach people to put down others who are grieving instead of loving them and encouraging them. You see I never would have started this blog if Rachel hadn't of used Religion to put me down and then tried to make others think I was mentally unstable. We all are a little bit crazy sometimes but I was not sick the only thing I could be accused of having was post traumatic stress and that was brought on by Rachel's deciet and actions and not by my mother passing. Whether you believe it or not I love Rachel and her whole family and it saddens me that they never got to experience fully a man that just wanted a family with a special person. Rachel was that person and that time has passed. I will never open myself up again like that to be lied to or played with especially with children involved. I loved Jonathan and when I met him I fell deeper in love with being there for him. I wanted Rachel and Jonathan as a package and I loved both of them unconditionally. With all the men in the world and children who dont have people there for them that was all I ever wanted was to be a good husband and partner to Rachel and to be there for Jonathan even though he had a father I wanted to be that person that wanted to be there for him all the time. I am sorry that New Church people or anyone would read this and not know how deeply having someone play with your desire just to love and be human would crush someone especially someone who was mourning a loved one. So Rachel and Pastor Glenn and who ever else you can do what you want. You can sue me. Take legal action against me, and you can hurt me more, my soul has been broken enough and I have nothing left to give. I am nihilistic at best. I never have given up on God people just give up on me and use and abuse me and when I try to show them that I dont put up with it they make excuses and then try to do stuff to hurt me even more. I never meant to hurt anyone with my blog just to tell Rachel that she was the love of my life, my best friend, and I wanted peace with her. Now I will die without knowing peace or forgiveness.
I do want to take the time to apologize to all the other Rachel Myatts in the world. If this blog has caused you any discomfort or confusion I am truly sorry. I truly loved this Rachel Myatt and thought the world of her. I thought she was special. I hope you all have beautiful men in your life that love you and cherish you like I did this certain Rachel Myatt. Please know I never meant you any harm it was just a name coincidence.
Rachel I asked God to forgive me for whatever trespasses I made against you and your family and Church. I asked God to give me what little strength I had left to keep loving you . It is never worth all the good God has given me to put you down and I have nothing but love for you. I thought you were the most beautiful person in the world and I tried to show you that and in me you saw someone ugly, messed up, and different. You didnt have to say it your eyes told me. All I ever wanted was to love you and Jonathan and now I no longer desire to live because I refuse to let what you did and said to me make me a bitter and hateful person. I always saw you as a blessing Rachel but you let others guide you to think I was a curse and a burden you were ashamed of me. Love is the only way and I will continue loving you till my last breath. I am sorry for whatever reason you cant see that. You were my best friend in the Lord and I miss you and wish that peace could have been the answer. This is how much I will always love you and Jonathan Rachel. I wish you a blessed life sorry you didnt want that for me or forgiveness or peace. People never realize what they had until its too late.
http://iloverachelmyatt.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-last-will-and-testament-for-rachel.htm
When people dont understand things or dont take the time to learn about them they make fun and belittle them. We have bullys, bigots, and prejudice all over the world because of people like this. Religious and Racial Bigotry is simply based on fear that we might learn something from someone who is different in thought or color from us. In the end we are all Gods Children and if we took the time to truly know each other instead of throw barbs and insults we would as a people truly know love.
To All Who Read this blog without judgement and were hoping peace and love won this is for you.
Numbers 6:24-25
24 “The LORD bless you
and keep you;
25 the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
Goodbye All
God Bless All
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