Dear Readers,
If you read this blog today then please read it with your heart, mind, and open your soul to what I am telling you. I am telling you that deep in this black hole that has become my heart. Somewhere I do love and care for Rachel Myatt but that is waning. In the past couple of weeks I have written many things all that are true about how I feel. Today I could have sent out things that would have embarrassed and hurt Rachel when The Dawson Creek Church had their little meet and greet but I didnt. You know why? Because God says there is another way to get to her and in time He will reveal this to me. Notice I said to get to her and not get back at her. Rachel if you are reading or Pastor Glenn if you are reading this is about love so what I am about to explain in the rest of the blog is crucial that you read it.
The Hunger Games
At 12:01 Friday Morning in North America they will release the film adaptation of Suzanne Collins saga about a dystopian society in which children are sacrificed as punishment and entertainment to appease a totalitarian government. I will be among those watching because I have read The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay and to me I am about to tell you how they relate to me my love for people, for Rachel, and my life in general.
Before you read what I have to say take a look at an article by Julie Clawson : The Hunger Games : An Allegory of Christian Love http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-clawson/hunger-games-allegory-of-christian-love_b_1365594.html She is the author of the book "The Hunger Games and the Gospel : Bread, Circuses, and the Kingdom of God.
I now tell you how this book relates to my life and how it is part of my love for Rachel that neither Rachel, The Myatt Family, Pastor Glenn, nor most of the New Church people who have written me have truly seen.
(Spoiler Alert)
In the book "The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins a young girl of 16 named Katniss Everdeen comes from the poor coal mining District 12 in the nation of Panem(which is basically the aftermath of North America) There were 13 districts but the Capitol supposedly destroyed the 13th district when they attempted to undermine the Government. The Hunger Games became a punishment and a way to let the people know who was in charge so each year they chose 1 boy and 1 girl from each district to compete to the death. The ages of the children range from 12-18. Only 1 can be victor. Katniss lives with her mother and her sister Primrose who are healers. Katniss had to learn to keep the family alive because her mother went into a catatonic state when her father was killed in a coal mining accident so she had to keep food on the table and keep her family alive so that the government wouldnt slight her mother for not taking care of them and they be placed in a community home. She has to bargain, hustle, and barter things to make a living and keep fed. She met her best friend Gale while hunting oun the outskirts of the fence outside the districts which is forbidden.
Point one and this is for Rachel, her family and the New Church to really take a look at because this is my analogy to my life.
I was born to a hard working middle class family. Both my parents were degreed and came from nothing. They worked hard. I had to work hard too. I didn't have a lot of support from either parent because my mom was a religious zealot which I dont slight her on but her religion was everything to her and she didnt pay attention to me when I needed her. My father just didnt care so we have never been close and still arent to this day. I spent a lot of time alone as a child even though I have a little brother. I was always there to protect him and take care of him because my father wasnt kind to us. He would make bad decisions and be selfish and sometimes put us in hardship. My mother was sick most of her life so sometimes I had to stay home and take care of her. I managed to have 11 years of perfect attendence in School but there was one year my mother went downhill and I had to take care of her alot I was only 13. I had to learn compassion, humility, and kindness at an early age. There were times I wouldnt have enough to eat and I would go hungry at school and sometimes I would gamble to get money to eat. I never blamed my parents I just did what I had to as young person to just make it through the day. I got ridiculed, picked on, hatred for my skin color, I got put down alot, never had a lot of friends, but the ones I did make are still my friends to this day. I am loyal, honest, and I will die for those I love. Rachel was one of those people I loved that much and I never loved or wanted to love a child like I loved Jonathan so here is my analogy about the Christian love that can be shown in the Hunger Games.
Primrose was chosen as a tribute which is what the children selected are called for the 74th Hunger Games. Instead because she loved her sister so much Katniss volunteered instead. Loving our family before ourselves should be one of our first priorities
So let me ask you this question about Rachel in pertaining to this. When Rachel said the things about me and my mother how do you think it made me feel? I love what little family that I have and though I dont always agree or get along with theme to disrespect my dead mother was that a good thing for her to do? Also Rachel do you think you are loving your family by having them become a part of this between you and me. I love your family I didnt get to know them well but I have nothing but love for them. You hurt and put pressure and weight on them when you refuse to make peace with me. Think of Amanda or Jessica or anyone else you have hurt in treating me the way you did. Think of Pastor Glenn your Pastor you dragged him into this and he thinks I hate him but I hate no one I just hate the hypocrisy coming from a servant of the Lord. If you love your family wouldnt it benefit you to make peace with me and reconcile? The choice if yours. Katniss shows the greatest love that is talked of in the Bible by putting her sister before herself.
The other tribute from District 12 is Peeta Mellark. Peeta is a bakers son and he is very humble and unsure of himself. In the book he seems to always put others before himself. He has known Katniss since he was 5 years old. He has loved her that long. I knew I loved Rachel from the moment I laid eyes on her and that has never changed. I will go into the love part toward the end of this blog. There is a part in the book where Katniss and her family were truly hungry and she was having a hard time trading or finding food. It was raining and cold and she walks past the Mellark's bakery and Peeta is being scolded by his mother for burning some bread and like an angel instead of disgarding the bread in an act of kindness he tosses the bread toward Katniss and it sustains her family for the time being. She never forgot that act of kindness. In this book there are many examples of putting oneself before others and the bread can be an analogy of sorts of Jesus feeding 5000 from a couple of loaves of bread and a few fish, and not just bread for life but bread for the soul, body, and mind. Matthew 14:16-22
Peeta seemingly during the games betrays Katniss(much like Rachel thinks I must hate her sometimes through this blog) but instead because he loves her so much he is actually trying to protect her as at first taking up an alliance with the Districts stronger kids. He is actually diverting their focus away from eliminating Katniss. I want to make a quick point.
I am not here to cause Rachel pain, discomfort, or make her life miserable I am here because I truly love her. If she cant see after all this time that there is a man that loves her with all his heart and made so much fuss about her then she truly does not want to be loved. I came so far, did so much, and went through so many obstacles even my mothers death for what? To be with her and Jonathan. That is how much I love both of them.
Later on Katniss becomes allies with Rue who is about 12 years old the youngest of the tributes. Rue saves Katniss from being attacked by a nest of hybrid wasp or bees called Tracker Jackers whose sting can be fatal. They form their alliance through this act of kindness. Rue reminds Katniss of the innocence of her sister Primrose and so she does all that she can to help. They feed and look after each other for awhile. Eventually Rue is killed and Katniss cant save her but is there when she dies and shows her mercy, kindness, and respect during her death. She is later afforded the same kindness by one of the other tributes Thresh. He spares her life because of her acts of kindness towards Rue because they were both from District 11. So in another Christlike analogy the acts of kindness eventually return to you and in Katniss case it saved her life.
Peeta professed his love for Katniss during the pre game interviews and much like him I am true in my love for Rachel. If she only knew that I am not trying to wage a war against her and the New Church what I am trying to do is go worldwide and do as much possible to let her know she is the one I would do anything for and that despite all this mess and bad feelings she is my best friend and I love her with all my heart. Peeta was severely wounded in battle with one of the strongest tributes Cato. The Gamemakers announce that two people from the same District can win the Games together. So Katniss searches for Peeta. She finds him barely able to walk and she does all she can to nurse him back to health. The Hunger Games are broadcast live to everybody and people can sponsor and help out the tributes. In watching it seems that Peeta and Katniss are falling in love and it works to their advantage because in the final days they are rewarded with gifts and lots of help. While Peeta is truly in love with Katniss it is reveal that while she does have feelings for Peeta she is doing a lot of things just to play the audience and survive so at the end of "The Hunger Games" They try to revert back to the rules of one winner so both Katniss and Peeta show the crowd poison berries and start to put them in their mouth effectively saying they would rather die together than have to kill one another. Peeta is seemingly heartbroken because he feels that it has been all a show and that Katniss only did what she did to survive and not to get close to him or love him.
Rachel that is how you made me feel. You made me feel like I was just a show to you. You acted like you wanted to be love. You thought it was a good idea but when presented with the fact that there was a man who was willing to do so much and come so far for you, it was just a game to you. I love you with all my heart Rachel Myatt and one thing about the the Hunger Games is that eventually in time Katniss has to choose between Gale her best friend and Peeta. In the end she ends up having children with Peeta. Effectively shadowing what Julie Clawson wrote in her "The Hunger Games and the Gospel" book chosing Team Peeta or Team Gale becomes like choosing good over evil , kindness over anger, light or dark. Gale ends up betraying her in the other books and while she doubted Peeta alot his love was true, loyal, honest and steadfast.
Rachel that is what my love for you is. You may think I a jerk for all the things I said and done, you may think I want revenge on you and to ruin your life. You may think I hate your religion and hate you but it is far from that. I love you with all my heart and I would give my life for you and Jonathan. I have to fight Good and Evil everyday and today the good won. I am sending you a clear message about how much I love you and so I want to say I havent given up on you because God wont let me. Rachel I love you and God is my guide. He has prevented me from doing so many evil things toward you but instead show incredible love so today Rachel I ask that you make peace with me again. I love you with all my heart and so I want to leave you with the message I left you last year for Easter on Craigslist to let everyone know how much you mean to me. I am putting my faith in God still after all this time.
I love and miss you Rachel Myatt of Dawson Creek - m4w - 36 (United States)
Date: 2011-04-23, 12:04PM MDT
If anyone knows Rachel Myatt of Dawson Creek then tell her someone in the United States loves her and misses her. We had a falling out. Things went bad but I have never stopped loving her. I have so much love for her and her family and I have never stopped thinking about her and her son. I put my faith in God that someone will see this that knows her. I hope someone will let her know. She means the world to me and I am going to let the world know how much I love her. Dear Rachel I ask on this Holy Weekend of Christ Sacrifice and in the weeks and months beyond that we find our way back to each other. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you and Jonathan and though we both hurt each other I want to put that all behind us and find away to make peace with each other. I am strong, I am confident, and I do love you. My love was never a mistake, I chose you because you are everything I always wanted and needed and God gave me this love and I will not forsake it. If you read this and you believe in true love and you live in the Peace River Country and know Rachel or go or know of The Dawson Creek New Church pass this on. I love her with all my heart and will go to the ends of the earth to let her know.
God Bless All
I Love You Rachel and I Bless All Who Read My Blog
God Bless All
I Love You Rachel and I Bless All Who Read My Blog
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