Rachel and Jonathan

Rachel and Jonathan
I Love you and Always Will

Friday, November 4, 2011

For Love(How Much I Love Rachel)

Dear Rachel and Readers,
Anyone who knows me knows I have three favorite musical bands. Material Issue, Nine Inch Nails and Lush.  Lush is special to me because for all the pain I felt in my life Lush songs were there for me. I wanted to start this blog off and dedicate a song to Rachel called "For Love" off the album Spooky released in 1992 I was 17yrs old and they were the opening band on the 1992 version of the once touring Lollapalooza tour. That year in this order it was Lush, Pearl Jam, Jesus and Mary Chain, Soundgarden, Ice Cube, Ministry, and Red Hot Chili Peppers.  It was one of the greatest days of my life not only did I get to see a fledgling Pearl Jam at the peak of their greatness but I saw JAMC for who I love, Soundgarden but the biggest treat for me that day was Lush. When Lush did the song "For Love" I remember my friend Josh who was 15 at the time and is still my friend today turned to me and ask me why I was crying. "I said because this song is so beautiful. That song was the highlight of my day and I later wrote an English paper on how this song changed my life in my English I class in college I recieved an A on the paper.  I loved Rachel as much as the guy that loves the girl in the song. My love for her is so pure and so unconditional but she never saw that. She never looked into my eyes and saw that she was the only one that mattered that I loved her with all the love that God gave me.  I wanted nor desired no woman but her.  I wanted her son to be as my son. Her flesh to be as my flesh, her heart and mine to be as one. She never looked at my love for her that way and that is why she couldn't love me because she was too busy finding flaws and differences to see that yes I was different. I am the man that never gave up on her and hasnt to this day.  So without further adieu I wanted to share this  song with you here is a version of it as follows. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F4aHdMxM0k 

I love Rachel no matter how much she ignores me and puts me down. I have never loves someone so much and been treated so cold. I wanted to use Lush's other songs in this blog tonight because I feel that it may help people understand how much I truly love and respect women.  My favorite Lush song of all time is called "Untogether" it is about a failed relationship and the unloved person telling their feelings.  I am going to post the song but I am also going to post the words in case you cant understand them or so that Rachel will know how deeply she has impacted me and maybe the words will resonate with her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfqGqlxTd-M

Untogether by Lush


It's not easy
But try to picture this: do
You remember
That we were once together?
Isn't it strange
Isn't it?
I'm sorry it's come to this but
Why are we here,
Bothering?
What was it we talked about? so

Just remind me
Of why i'm wasting so much
Time pretending
That there is something more than
Only this
Only
This pointless accusation
Tell me again,
Why are we here?

I'm not offended by the
Things that you say
'cause it's such a predictable
Way to behave
Talk and insult me 'til you're
Blue in the face
You were right, i was wrong, now does
That make you happy?
I'm quite aware of all the
Bad things i did
You don't have to remind me of
Why you dislike me
There's no solution to the
Mess that we're in,
It's so sad and so boring
I wish you'd just leave me alone

But i understand the games you play
I'm ashamed of all the things i did to you


It is really sad that something so beautiful could have a direct message as plain and simple as you hurt me, you dislike me, now go away.  I could have just slagged Rachel. Cursed her to her face, and walked away but I didn't. I actually do care for her and Jonathan as much as I say I do.  I want to share two more Lush songs tonight as part of my love for Rachel.  The next song is called "Hypocrite"  the chorus of "You dish it out but you can't take it" fits the way Rachel treated me well.  She didnt mind flogging me putting me down, making fun of my sadness and grief but when the tables turned and I started a blog and a worldwide campaign to counteract her cruelty she had to hide and run because she can't deal with facing reality the way I can.  I am out in the open baring my soul and if she was a private person we could have settled this man to woman friend to friend but she didnt want to listen it was all Rachel the whole relationship and when I truly needed her she abandoned me after she said she would be there and love me for me. So I will share this song with you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ib__QLz45I 
Rachel if you are reading listen to the words to this song and maybe it will clarify why I am doing this blog and I am dilligent in spreading my story it is because you talked down to me, kicked me when I needed you, and tried to make me less and while you tried to make me less and betrayed me I became more and now you cant run and hide from the truth.

I am going to end this blog with one of the coolest break up songs ever it is Lush featuring Jarvis Cocker of Pulp.  The song is called "Ciao"Rachel there are so many wonderful women in this world and I had a pick of the lot and I loved you so much and you never appreciated it.  I gave you true friendship, I was faithful, I loved you for all you were and you took it for granted and spit on it so this song is for you and how you treat people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8z59DMRWh9s

I will be just fine. You messed up. I am smiling now. I am happy I am writing songs. My album about you has been a life opening experience.  My story has been welcomed around the world. I go on dates all the time. At first was going to be jaded and treat women like crap but I never want to be a bad man because you didnt appreciate me.  I am sorry you didnt realize true love when it came to you. All you do is hurt people and now you will hurt others because I am not backing down on anything I said I was going to do.  I am not sorry for telling my story or letting others know about you. I am not sorry to the New Church for telling the truth about how you acted and how it reflects on the congregation as a whole. Lastly I never needed you.  I truly loved you, cared about you, and wanted to be with you. I truly loved your son and wanted to raise him with you.  You  are the one who missed out on so much good. So hide all you want. Be afraid to live and be who you are because you are scared what info the ex will find on you. I am not gonna hide, be silenced, or even care anymore. I gave you more than a year to reply and you kept silence. I loved you but you screwed it all up and ill just end it with this Soul Asylum song you may have thought you broke me and that love was a game but now it is this for me. http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=9088499863940411825

One day you will be cold and alone and you will look back at all the men you hurt and all the lies and betrayal you left behind. Jonathan will watch how you treat men and how they act toward you because you are setting an example for him.  I am free from your hate, your insincerity, your insecurity.  I loved you and never doubted that I believed in you but you never deserved that one day you will look back at the man who truly did love you want you for all that you were and realize the mistake you made judging me, mocking my grief, and my dead mother.  One day your parents will die and you will understand the pain you put me through by not being there for me when you said you were instead of insulting me and calling me damaged, unhappy, and sick.  You may think you can coast through life and hurt people and do whatever you want to but not to me.   I am free and I no longer care about how this blog affects you or your family or anything else I put out or is in the works.  All I ever did was love you unconditionally Rachel Myatt but that was never enough!


 

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