It has been almost a year since Rachel knocked me so far down the rungs on the ladder that I never thought I would get back up. What did I do? Well I stewed for a couple of months and was just in a catatonic state. Then I begin to think. I began to do what I always do. Get back up and fight. I fight my battles with a pen, my mind, intelligence, and love.
1. I loved someone who claimed to be open minded but was one of the worst kind of bigots of all.
A RELIGIOUS BIGOT. I was willing to accept her faith but all she ever did was put me down about mine. How is that religious tolerance from a Church that when you go to their website claims that there is salvation for all even non Christians too. The most hypocritical thing about it is that I am already a follower of Christ and I loved this person unconditionally. Point one taken.
2. I never backed down from loving her, I never gave up on her no matter how mean, cruel, or hateful she was. I saw the good in her but she choose to find flaws and just constantly nit pick at our differences instead of see how much we really had in common. One thing I will never do is put down others because of creed, belief system, gender, ethnicity or anything else superficial. I loved you through thick and thin. So yes I did have a reason to be pissed off.
3. I never should have forgiven you for the way you lied to me, you knew I was in mourning and grieving and I came to you as my dearest friend for love and comfort. I came to you because you were the person who said you loved me. I was always honest with you and if you truly cared then you would have been there for me and if you didn't think things were gonna work out you could have talked to me in person or on the phone. I would have been able to take it but no you had to break up with me over a text and then make up all these horrible things about me that you know weren't true. You know what Rachel I want to say this right now. The time I spent with you and Jonathan was one of the happiest times in my life. All I wanted was just to be with you two I was happy doing whatever. I was happy just being with you, loving you, I wanted to know about you. All that time you made up stuff about me being sad and actually my love for you was keeping all the pain and hurt inside from losing my mother and giving me hope for a better future but no you threw it all away because you were indecisive, impulsive, and selfish.
4. To the New Church of The Jerusalem worldwide especially the Canadian chapter. I had nothing but love for all of you. I do not go around putting down other followers of Christ or of other faiths for that matter. Rachel chose on many occasions to act arrogant, elitist, and like she knew everything. If we did we would all be gods. We are not we have only one and Lord Jesus Christ compels and ask of us to love and accept one another. We should not lie is one of the Ten Commandments but it seems that from my experience with Pastor Coleman Glenn from the Dawson Creek , British Columbia New Church it is ok to lie to justify our own selfish needs. I will post your emails to me if I need to to explain my point. I don't feel the need to be so petty just to prove a point I know to be true. Rachel had the chance to be an adult and talk to me as such. Instead knowing how much pain I was in and how much I was hurting she chose to do what she wanted for her own selfish needs. We were supposed to be together and if she didn't want to be together she had every chance to be honest to me. I asked her and she lied plain and simple. So my actions are justified.
5. On Sept 9th it will be a year since Rachel Myatt sent me that hurtful and painful text message "I Don't Think I Can Be Your Girlfriend" no real answers and when I asked her on the phone it was because I wasn't happy, I was damaged, and sad. No crap my mom had just died. Didn't mean I was damaged though. I came to see you because I thought you believed in me and the love I had for you. I believed in the love I thought you had for me. So I will no longer feel guilty about telling the truth. I am putting out this project Church of Oneself:Letters To Rachel in various form in the next year starting in September. If you are hurt and pissed off I am sorry. I am using all forms of correspondence you shared with me. If you want to sue me for slander or libel go ahead. I don't care. You already did the worst crime ever when you broke my heart, claimed I didn't love God, and called me damaged, unstable, and unhappy. Yes I am all that now because of someone playing with my dream of wanting a family. So I am showing my disdain and disgust with what you did worldwide since you did it to other guys. I can pull up in my messenger how you talked about the other guys who were with you and in the end it was about how weird they were. Then you did the same thing to me. Did you ever stop to think that you are the one that is messed up. I mean I was willing to come all the way to Canada. Give up anything I had here. Love you and your son as my own flesh. I was loyal to you though I had much temptation. My heart and love was rooted in Christ the whole time. All you did was ridicule and put me down and I still loved you and believe in you. So now you have had a year and I refuse to hold back anymore. I Love You Rachel Myatt. I love your son. Your family but I am also a human being with a heart, a soul, and a lot of love and you took advantage of that love. I am sorry for the things I did to hurt you but you were and never have been sorry or remorseful for the things you did to me for me to react that way. I have free will to do what I want and I don't care now if it hurts you. I ask for your forgiveness. I asked for peace and you ignored me. The ball was in your court. I had nothing but love for you. If I put it all out in the open now you will see how much I truly loved you and what you missed out on and how you truly wronged me. I am not the victim and that is a stupid role to play for anyone. I am a person who loved you and who you betrayed, lied to, and deeply wounded and you turned your back on me even when I asked for your forgiveness that I didn't have to ask. The cross is now yours to bear and I am not sorry for what I am doing now. All you ever had to do is pick up the phone and call me and if you wanted I would even go away forever. You know in your heart what you did was wrong so that is why you hide. I Forgive you Rachel Myatt. Stop hiding and make peace.
Psalm 39:8
Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools.
I never judged you for being a single mother out of wedlock even though I was taught to look down on that I loved you as you were. I wanted to be a family with you and still you judged me and put me down. Here is a song for you today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d-kwuFJCPQ
1. I loved someone who claimed to be open minded but was one of the worst kind of bigots of all.
A RELIGIOUS BIGOT. I was willing to accept her faith but all she ever did was put me down about mine. How is that religious tolerance from a Church that when you go to their website claims that there is salvation for all even non Christians too. The most hypocritical thing about it is that I am already a follower of Christ and I loved this person unconditionally. Point one taken.
2. I never backed down from loving her, I never gave up on her no matter how mean, cruel, or hateful she was. I saw the good in her but she choose to find flaws and just constantly nit pick at our differences instead of see how much we really had in common. One thing I will never do is put down others because of creed, belief system, gender, ethnicity or anything else superficial. I loved you through thick and thin. So yes I did have a reason to be pissed off.
3. I never should have forgiven you for the way you lied to me, you knew I was in mourning and grieving and I came to you as my dearest friend for love and comfort. I came to you because you were the person who said you loved me. I was always honest with you and if you truly cared then you would have been there for me and if you didn't think things were gonna work out you could have talked to me in person or on the phone. I would have been able to take it but no you had to break up with me over a text and then make up all these horrible things about me that you know weren't true. You know what Rachel I want to say this right now. The time I spent with you and Jonathan was one of the happiest times in my life. All I wanted was just to be with you two I was happy doing whatever. I was happy just being with you, loving you, I wanted to know about you. All that time you made up stuff about me being sad and actually my love for you was keeping all the pain and hurt inside from losing my mother and giving me hope for a better future but no you threw it all away because you were indecisive, impulsive, and selfish.
4. To the New Church of The Jerusalem worldwide especially the Canadian chapter. I had nothing but love for all of you. I do not go around putting down other followers of Christ or of other faiths for that matter. Rachel chose on many occasions to act arrogant, elitist, and like she knew everything. If we did we would all be gods. We are not we have only one and Lord Jesus Christ compels and ask of us to love and accept one another. We should not lie is one of the Ten Commandments but it seems that from my experience with Pastor Coleman Glenn from the Dawson Creek , British Columbia New Church it is ok to lie to justify our own selfish needs. I will post your emails to me if I need to to explain my point. I don't feel the need to be so petty just to prove a point I know to be true. Rachel had the chance to be an adult and talk to me as such. Instead knowing how much pain I was in and how much I was hurting she chose to do what she wanted for her own selfish needs. We were supposed to be together and if she didn't want to be together she had every chance to be honest to me. I asked her and she lied plain and simple. So my actions are justified.
5. On Sept 9th it will be a year since Rachel Myatt sent me that hurtful and painful text message "I Don't Think I Can Be Your Girlfriend" no real answers and when I asked her on the phone it was because I wasn't happy, I was damaged, and sad. No crap my mom had just died. Didn't mean I was damaged though. I came to see you because I thought you believed in me and the love I had for you. I believed in the love I thought you had for me. So I will no longer feel guilty about telling the truth. I am putting out this project Church of Oneself:Letters To Rachel in various form in the next year starting in September. If you are hurt and pissed off I am sorry. I am using all forms of correspondence you shared with me. If you want to sue me for slander or libel go ahead. I don't care. You already did the worst crime ever when you broke my heart, claimed I didn't love God, and called me damaged, unstable, and unhappy. Yes I am all that now because of someone playing with my dream of wanting a family. So I am showing my disdain and disgust with what you did worldwide since you did it to other guys. I can pull up in my messenger how you talked about the other guys who were with you and in the end it was about how weird they were. Then you did the same thing to me. Did you ever stop to think that you are the one that is messed up. I mean I was willing to come all the way to Canada. Give up anything I had here. Love you and your son as my own flesh. I was loyal to you though I had much temptation. My heart and love was rooted in Christ the whole time. All you did was ridicule and put me down and I still loved you and believe in you. So now you have had a year and I refuse to hold back anymore. I Love You Rachel Myatt. I love your son. Your family but I am also a human being with a heart, a soul, and a lot of love and you took advantage of that love. I am sorry for the things I did to hurt you but you were and never have been sorry or remorseful for the things you did to me for me to react that way. I have free will to do what I want and I don't care now if it hurts you. I ask for your forgiveness. I asked for peace and you ignored me. The ball was in your court. I had nothing but love for you. If I put it all out in the open now you will see how much I truly loved you and what you missed out on and how you truly wronged me. I am not the victim and that is a stupid role to play for anyone. I am a person who loved you and who you betrayed, lied to, and deeply wounded and you turned your back on me even when I asked for your forgiveness that I didn't have to ask. The cross is now yours to bear and I am not sorry for what I am doing now. All you ever had to do is pick up the phone and call me and if you wanted I would even go away forever. You know in your heart what you did was wrong so that is why you hide. I Forgive you Rachel Myatt. Stop hiding and make peace.
Psalm 39:8
Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools.
I never judged you for being a single mother out of wedlock even though I was taught to look down on that I loved you as you were. I wanted to be a family with you and still you judged me and put me down. Here is a song for you today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d-kwuFJCPQ
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