Dear Rachel,
All I ever wanted in life was to love a good Christian woman, have children, and grow old and happy. You were the one I wanted to do that with. You were the song in my heart, the woman I wanted to write songs with. I loved you and your son with everything I have. I keep a picture of you and Jonathan by my bed and every night I pray a prayer that God let you know that I still love you and that love is unconditional. I will never break my promise to you and I will continue to seek you back into my life. If you haven't seen by now how much I love you then when you finally look back and do one day it will be too late. Next Monday when I go to my Mom's burial place it will have been a year since she died. I will sit and tell her about how you treated me, how I couldn't be more than I was at the time but that I still loved you Rachel Myatt enough to go all the way to Canada and be there with the woman I loved more than myself and her son and how you treated me. I will cry tears. I will be sad. I have been sad. The two people I loved the most are gone. One is literally gone and the other was dead to me the day she abandoned me. Rachel I love you with all my heart but what you did affected me greatly and though I am strong you hurt me because I truly believed in you. I didn't deserve your cruelty, the lies, the harshness, or anything that you said or did to me. I reacted the way I did because you killed me inside. You wont understand until your mother dies and I know how much you love her and how close you are to her but to fault me for anything I did or didn't do was just wrong. To say I wasn't happy, or messed up, or damaged, or sick was hateful, hurtful, and wrong. One day you will grieve and you will feel the pain I did. One day you will look back and see how mean and how selfish you were to me and then it will hit you how you hurt someone you loved. I am messed up now. Messed up from loving anyone ever again, you have had the opportunity to set me free by at least making peace with me and you deny me that. I will never trust another woman again. As for your religion. While I will never disrespect another religion what I have to say is this. Your perception of free will and how to use it for charity and good will is different from the works that I read in the Bible and the New Church and Swedenborg's writings. You use your free will only if it is good for you not to help others or be there for others. I was willing to give up everything I had and all I had worked for just to be with you and Jonathan. My love for you is and was that strong. You didn't deserve my friendship, my promise, my love, or my time. All I have to say in the end is Best Wishes. I hope one day you realize how much you truly hurt people with your selfishness, pride, and not being able to keep your word.
Ecclesiastes 7:8
The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.
Who Trusted God was Love indeed, and love Creation's final law tho' Nature, red in tooth and claw with ravine, shriek'd against his creed - Alfred, Lord Tennyson
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