Maybe You Didn't Think.....

Maybe you didn't think I would stick around and love you after the hurt Rachel.  Maybe you thought you could treat me like the other men and just use me and take what you want then curse me and push me aside.  I've dealt with women worst than you think you are.  You try to act all tough and be so independent and mean but you know what.  I have been there done that.  In the last couple of months I have befriended the worst of my exes.  The one I thought I would never talk to again. We made peace with each other. The man she left me for, the one who abused her, the one who she thought she couldn't live without well he continued doing more of the same and made it hard for her to progress and be the beautiful woman that she is. She also has a child with him now.  Rachel since I know you are reading this from time to time I want you to know this. The things I am about to do are to let the world know how much I love you. They are to let you know that you missed out on a true friend, a man who loves you and Jonathan like you were my flesh and blood.  It is also to tell about how you are so hung up on Jonathan's dad that you will never let anyone else in. So yes I have to expose your ejaculation story that you told me about him because for months I have tried to get you to make peace with me but it seems writing this book and passing it out to random people is the only thing that will get you or your family to know how much I love you.  I never gave up on you and you said you would stick up for me to your family but instead you acted like you were ashamed of me.  You were my sister, my best friend, and the woman that I loved more than anyone else besides my mother.  I believed in you and I thought you believed in me.  Now your lies will catch up with you. See the truth has winding its way back to you.  When you point the finger at someone 3 fingers will poke back at you.  I had the free will to let the Devil overtake my soul but I chose life and God so I was blessed with strength, friends, and family who believe in me and my love for you even after all that has happened.  I have nothing but support Rachel.  So if any of the Myatts or Friesens have anything to say to me about what I have been doing if you think you are being stalked, or unfairly treated, and you just want to be left alone.  I will just tell them it was Rachel's free will to treat me as such she did and her free will can either free her from it by making peace with me or it can continue to be an obstacle in your life.  You are the one who has no internet presence.  I don't have to hide my youtube videos or pictures  from anyone because I am at peace with others, you gave me all but the sledding and the family trip videos so they are all downloaded on my computer so if I wanted to be mean and use them against you I could.  I digress because I love you and Jonathan too much to use them in such away to bring you harm.  I do however have no problem passing out portions of my story with pictures of you and him on there.  Yes I will go there! You want to know why? Because an unselfish mother would do anything in her right mind to not involve there child in something like this.  You don't care what pictures or stuff I put out there. I am so sad Rachel because I thought I would have gotten to share Jonathan's birthday with you this year.  My birthday is on April 22nd and all I hoped for is that you and I would make peace.  That you would pick up the phone and talk to me we would make amends and regardless of whether we had a romantic relationship we were friends again and we had each others respect.  The great Rachel Myatt will never let that happen.  She is too full of pride, too wrapped up in her own self agenda.  So who cares if I will be in California passing out a story about what happened to me with pictures of her and others dear to her. Rachel sure doesn't.  One of the chapters of my book is called simply "The Church of Oneself" It is a contrast and comparison of Swedenborg's teachings and the New Church, the Bible and how you were so contradictory of all that Rachel Myatt.  You want to know why people cant accept your religion.  Because your religion is yourself. Yes I said it.  I have and will have nothing but respect and admiration for the New Church as a whole and even as the entity of The Dawson Creek New Church.  God wont let me hate others or put others down like you did me for my beliefs.  Even when you pissed me off I still loved you and gave you a chance and so truth be told Rachel all this that is about to transpire, the book, the blog, the CD is because of how you treated me.  I went through hell and high water to be with you.  I lost my mom, I had various other weights going down but I still loved you enough and Jonathan enough to come and give you all that I could. So this is for you for denying being my lover, this is for you for not loving me enough to at least talk to me on the phone but instead being a coward and breaking up with me by text.  This is for not letting me send Jonathan and Riley Christmas presents because they asked me for Legos and I wanted to give them that but I knew you would send them back.  This is for sending my flowers back, this is for all the lies and hurt you have brought to me.  I will never hate you,  I will always love you.  You have to look into the mirror now and face yourself.  You are 25 years old.  Are you ready to fight a war of words and proficiency with someone who had nothing but love and respect for you.  Are you ready to see me do "The Letters to Rachel Book Tour" are you ready for me to make your name a household name and other men know how you treat them.  Are you ready for the world to know the shame you felt when Jonathan's dad used you and left his seed all over you.  Are you willing to put all your pride aside and pick up the phone and just say I love you and I am sorry things happened they way they did.  I apologized to you and everyday I think of how I could have handled things better but I also know I had every right to feel the way I did because I had just lost my mother and God gave you a chance to be there for me like you said you would.  I still have your email where you said you wanted to be there for me.  You had your chance and you threw it away.  I have incorporated it and also the part of the email entitled "I love you" where you proclaimed you loved me because I accepted your Religion and Faith.  I did and I still do but you were so ashamed of me, you were so worried about what others think if you took the time to actually love me.  You were worried about me not liking Geocaching and doing other stuff with you. Rachel all I wanted to do was be with you and do anything and everything you wanted.  I was in mourning and why couldnt you just accept that.  So I am going to end this blog like this if you have read it. A week from now the first leg of the "Letters to Rachel Tour " it will be on the west coast of the United States.  I have friends who will help me in Winnipeg, Toronto, Nova Scotia, New York, North Carolina, Philadelphia.  Are you ready to see that someone loves you that much and because you hurt them so bad they are taking something negative that you made and making it a positive through music, spoken word, art, and love.  You wanted to know why Nine Inch Nails was my favorite band. It was this and this fact alone.  Trent Reznor wrote his first album "Pretty Hate Machine" about a girl that screwed him over.  You are going to get the same treatment.  I would put all this behind me, stop writing, stop giving you the time of day, and putting all of this attention on you if you would just pick up the phone and end this.  I hope you have read this and decided to take the first step in healing what was the best friendship of my life.  I love you Rachel Myatt and I will not give up ..............

 Matthew 27:37-39
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’