Rachel Myatt I want you to know that I still believe in you. I hope soon we will talk and put this behind us. I know enough time has passed where you have had time to think about the events and transpired. I never came to Canada to be with you because I believed you were a selfish and self centered person. I came because I believe in God and the love that He gave to me. If I didn't believe in that I would have just let go and not even cared about you but I do care and I do love you very much. I stop back and think about it that when we in the car all day that one Saturday I said somethings your mother may not have agreed with maybe that was another reason you ran scared. I do believe in a judgement day I in which all of us will eventually be judged and when we were talking about people in the prison system I remember your mom saying God doesn't punish. Maybe not in the literal sense but we will all eventually have to answer for what we have done. I know God is a merciful God and a loving God and even during the Crucifixion He offered the kingdom of heaven to a sinner. I also remember your mother asking me if I believed in the Trinity. I don't think she understood how I meant I believed in it and what I was talking about. I meant that I didn't believe in it the way Catholics do because she was talking about how did I feel about Catholisism. I dated two Catholic women and the only other girl besides Rachel that I even considered marriage with was a girl named Christa. She was going to Theology school to get her Masters Degree. I am most saddened though at the fact that Rachel had to bring Religion into this and it will be the downfall of this whole fiasco. You said I had issues, I told you everything about me before I came and even asked you again before I left were you ok with those things if you weren't I tried to talk to you about that. When a person loses a parent they have all sorts of thoughts they have to deal with. In my case I lost the parent I was closest too and who was always there for me. I had to watch in sorrow and dismay that all the things I wanted my dad to say to my mom in life that she needed to hear consciously he told her unconsciously on her deathbed. You don't know what hell I been through so why would you judge me like that. I loved you no matter where you have been and what has gone on in your life. I wanted to be a father to your son full time and help him even though he has a dad I wanted to help you and love and grow with you too and you played with that dream and ambition I had of course I am hurt and reacted deeply because you didn't understand the implications of how much that meant to me especially because I only wanted it with you.. I told you and your mother things about how my dad mistreated me and you may have taken them as a symbol of weakness or low self esteem they are just the opposite. The more my father put me down the more I became who I was because of his putdowns and unsupportive attitude because if I had of let him get to me I would probably be in jail or dead. He used to make fun of me for loving people who weren't black and not let me play with my white friends from a early age, told me I was worthless, and didn't like that I was into books and music instead of sports. You know what I am better for that and I never gave up on what and who I love. I love you Rachel Myatt no color lines, religion, creed, or anything will stop that love it is true, pure, untainted unconditonal love from God I wish you believe in me like I believe in you still. I had proven to her time and time again all I wanted to do was worship with her and be a family with her and Jonathan. If she was my friend outside of being my girlfriend at the time she will remember an email she sent me entitled "I Love You" where she said one of the reasons she loved me is that I accepted her faith and who she was. That has never changed Rachel Myatt. I never wanted to change you, make you into someone your not, I am not a follower I am a leader but I can also be humble and lead by Christ example. Growing up in this part of the United States you do one of two things you make your own path and be your own person or you succumb to peer pressure and be one of the crowd. Especially for ethnic youths this leads to drugs, unwed mothers, gang affiliation, criminal activity, and lots of other obstacles. I was never cool and I never fit in but I became cool and people began to appreciate me because one I never gave up. I am not going to give up on you Rachel Myatt just because you were cruel to me, you basically cursed me, you tried to avoid me like I never existed and were unkind to me I will not spare you my merciful and loving attitude. I will forgive you 100 times in my heart because Jesus forgave us and died so that we may live this life. He is merciful and kind and He wants us to display the same exemplary attitude. I was looking back at the first text you sent me when you first hurt me and you kept saying "Don't do it Byron I love you" well if you really did love me and you were scared for my well being then when I was at the airport you should have talked to me or the morning before I left I would have understood but what you did was betray me as a friend, as your boyfriend, and as someone who loved you as a brother in Christ. I will always love you but being a man or woman means talking to the people we care about. You knew the state I was in and how much I cared for you. There never will be another woman I will love as much as I love you Rachel Myatt and I will let the whole world know via internet, letters, books, and music until the day you decide to just pick up the phone and talk to me. Look at the picture on my blog. It hurts me very much that all I want to do is hold you and Jonathan. I really wanted to be his stepfather and I really wanted to be your husband someday. I loved you like my dearest of friends and all you could do was find fault with me. There were many things I didn't like about you but the many things I did like about you outweighed all of those and in time they would have seemed minuscule. If you had of given your time to actually know me then you would have felt the same about me. A lot of people don't like me at first or don't get me but when they find out how loyal, loving, and patient I am then they know they have someone special in life. I also want you to know I am sorry for the way you felt about the Geocaching and the Movie that we went to see. First of all , all I ever wanted was to be with you and Jonathan and it didnt matter what we did I just wanted you to take me places and not ask me.The movie we watched was Canadian and I thought you might enjoy the musical quality of it but I guess not I would have been happy if we had of taken Jonathan along to see Toy Story 3. All I ever wanted was to love you and him. I tried to tell you that. I am hurt that I met your family now because you didn't even love me. I felt when you introduced me to your family you really wanted to be with me it was a long time since I wanted to meet or be around anyone's family and I was happy to know and start loving yours. That is what I needed in my life since my mom had passed away. She died and gave you her blessing Rachel Myatt and your hurt both me and her. I want you to know that. She was always so happy when I talked and showed her the pictures of you and Jonathan and you totally disrespected my mom when you said and did some of the things you did. Here I am 8 months later though I still love you. You may think you are being harassed or that I am doing this to spite you. It is just the opposite. I am doing what the Lord wants me to do. You are not the first person to turn your back on me. Even my best friend Scott will tell you of a time when we stopped talking it lasted 3 months and one day we saw each other on the same path we smiled at each other and we hugged and the problem between us was over. I am asking you Rachel to take that same approach I want peace with you. I love you more than words can say. Maybe you cant be in love with me like you thought you could but you do love me and I know that. I love you and Jonathan, Amanda and the rest of your family because that was there in my heart the day I told you I loved you. I will never forget the kindness and every time I think of my mom passing away I think of the text I got from you and Amanda and the one from Amanda hurt the worst because she said things will be because I would have a good Christian woman to love me. Rachel I though I did have a good Christian woman to love me and you went from being my closest confidant to acting like my enemy. I never wanted anything from you but to be close to you, I had every opportunity in the book the time we were together to cheat and lie to you but I was always honest and I desired and still desire and love only you. I wish your father knew how much I loved you and that I could tell him that you being manipulative and playing with my need to be a father and husband was what really hurt. I waited all my life to find someone like you and I loved you, I thought about being with you and Jonathan all the time. I wanted to hold your hands and watch him grow and be there for you and him every second of the way. Even if your parents didn't like me they should know that I loved you and I wanted to give up all that I had to be with you and love you forever. So with this I will try to come to an end of this blog. It is Easter Sunday and we celebrate that Christ died and rose again so that we may be free of sin. So that we could love our neighbor as ourselves and give of ourselves freely and altruistically. I know that you love me because I know you think about me still. You want to hide but you also wonder how I am doing and you think about what transpired between us. If I could take the things back I did to hurt you I would but I was grieving and you were supposed to be the true friend who was there for me and you ridiculed me, left me behind, and turned your back on me. I refuse to be the same way to you and give up on you. I ask the Lord today that Rachel you will have the courage and strength to talk to me soon. You will pick up the phone and you and I will make peace. I want to hear from you again. I want to learn about you again. I love you things may never be the same but with a love from Christ anything is possible. I ask for your forgiveness and love once again in Lord Christ Jesus name. Please grant me that and your friendship again. I love you Rachel Myatt. Unconditionally, Completely, and till the end of time.
Love Always
Happy Easter
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