I wrote this in February of 2010 shortly after Rachel Myatt came into my life.
The Last Violins
Everyday I take the stage and perform the best show I can
The curtain calls the lights go on and here I stand a broken man
They don't seem to understand looking in from the crowd
I never wanted more than love and it seems so distant now
Finally the music plays the only friend I have
I hear the strings in the distance and the voices start to pass
Honesty the best policy but that will only bring you heartache
The best of friends is what I am but that is all I have to give
I thought I was put on earth to become so much more
A solemn shell of discontent because I'm standing with my foot in the door
She will never see me, Neither will she care
I'm just another collected prize to pass the time when he is not there
I listen to her stories, I listen to her pain, I listen to music dreaming of she and I dancing in the rain
I long ago gave up on such enchantments 5 years left till I am too damn old
To recognize those teenage dreams of being with someone to hold
The friend in need, the friend with deeds, second class human being for hire
I have a spark, I have a heart, but no one wants to ignite the fire
I want to live the good life, where I am wanted, loved, and adored
It seems I get the wrong attention I'm just a fairweather friends whore
An alternative for lonely nights when others have nothing to do
Here I sit with a flashing screen, a book, a pen, and solace in this lonely room
I used to know desolation, depression, and despair
Now I know what it feels like to be seen but not be there
She tried to apologize the other day 6 months after the fact
I loved you but I said I'm sorry and that I could never want that friendship back
When will they learn I am a simple man. I just wanted to be loved
I don't want to be your alternative, I don't want to be your quick fix or drug
For most of you I would do anything but you wouldn't move an inch for me
Women can't see the insides of me they make a spectacle of the outside first
If I were a gambling man I bet they will never take the time to see past
The fact that I am wonderful, incredible, and full of laughs
Always an excuse but its no use. I will keep walking this lonely road
Another show, Another song, Another broken heart alone
Someday I might be more to them than just a footnote or some to pass the time
At the end of the day I wanted a friend that I could truly call all mine
I won't ever be possessive, but I won't ever want for her time
She will be there when I need her, To me she will never lie
I will be a positive force in her life as she will be in mine
The clock stands still and we can talk for hours about the best reason or rhyme
I will never have to worry about another her or him
I could be supposed that our love would be self imposed and mutual at last
Never been a friend of convenience I have never been a friend to chance
What I have been is a star crossed dreamer who believes in the power of integrity, honesty, and romance
The crowd all starts to cheer as I bow and wave to them
The curtain closes I have nothing left to say
You just heard The Last Violins.................................
__________________________________________________________________________________
Coming to Terms with Someone Elses Selfishness : Part 2
I want all to know who have followed this blog and saga to know I love and loved Rachel Myatt very much.
First of all I want to say to anyone who thinks I would hurt kids or put up pictures to hurt Jonathan I put them up because I love her and Jonathan. It has nothing to do with disrespect for her. Also the picture I put up with Rachel with the sunglasses on if you look at her hand she is wearing my ring. My promise ring that I sent her to promise I would be with her, be faithful to her, and love her unconditionally. Rachel wont tell any of the people in the New Church this about how much I loved her and how faithful I was to her because she wants me to look like an enemy.
Rachel is a foster mother and she wont tell you that I didn't want to come at a time when she had some foster children to take care of because I didn't feel right about being around them. As a man we have to watch ourselves around kids especially ones that are not ours and Rachel didnt understand it was out of respect for the children that I did not want to put myself, the children, or her in that situation. We had also talked about how much I loved children and how I did want to be there for Jonathan and I wanted to have a child with her and to help her raise foster children. I love Children and one of the reasons I am so hurt is that Rachel played with my need and want to be a father. I didn't care if the children were biologically mine much as I love and would have continued to love Jonathan as my own flesh even though his father is around. So for anyone who has let Rachel mislead you that I don't like or care for children that is wrong. I was hurt and abused a lot as a child and it made me love children even more and if anyone ever hurt a child that I knew or I could stop it I would step in and I have before.
For the New Church person that keeps putting my emails in Emailtray. Be a man or woman and just email me. I can see you reading this. Yes I am about to start a campaign about what happened. Yes I have freedom of speech. Yes I am only going to tell the truth of what happened between Rachel and I and the New Church and it will involve both the New Church of Canada and the U.S. I can only say positive things about the U.S New Church because that is what I have encountered. I can say positive and good things about Pastor Coleman Glenn even though we dont see eye to eye I do have respect for him. The Lord has given me great love for Rachel Myatt and great guidance and I have time and again fought off the forces of evil to enact some kind of revenge on her. Anyone that has read my blog or looked at the youtube videos can see that I truly love her and I am deeply hurt. I am so hurt that it is in the deepest regions of my soul. What is the saddest thing of all is that anyone would even consider Rachel saying ill things of my deceased mother as being ok. Rachel should be ashamed of herself and since my mother blessed her before she died and only had love in her heart for Rachel it burns in my soul as even more painful. The person I loved the most put down the person who taught me to love her that much who on her deathbed blessed not only her but the whole Myatt family.
For Rachel this message is for you,
I am sorry that I ever spent time loving such a selfish person. Anyone who prescribes to such bigotry as you expoused to me needs to be spoke on. If you learned that hate and intolerance in the New Church of Dawson Creek then they should be ashamed of teaching such. I have the right to speak about what happened to me. If Rachel wants to put up her own blog and tell her own story then that is fine. It wont bother me but she wont because she is ashamed of me and all the true love that I had for her. A guy finally loves you for all you were , went through hell to get to you, made you promises that I would rather die than to break and all you did was put me down and ridicule me.
Church of the New Jerusalem members I am sorry for having to tell a story that involves your church but I cant let Rachel keep treating people cruel and using her hatespeak and bigotry to hurt others. All she does is put others down when people try to love her. I accepted the New Church teachings. I wanted to learn with her and be there for her and this person couldn't even say a prayer with me when I was broken and had lost my mom and came to her for the love and support a girlfriend is supposed to give instead she abandoned me and cursed me. I know what Jesus would do and I know what my mom would want me to do and that is to keep on loving Rachel and anyone that persecutes and puts me down. I wont walk away and I will do all the things I said. So Rachel if you hear me in 2012 I am just going to keep going. You brought this on yourself with your evil and always hurting people. You can always change. I hit rock bottom when Rachel abandoned me and my mom died I could have laid down and died or fight and I fought and I am still fighting. Rachel Myatt why cant you see that I truly want peace with you.
Church of the New Jerusalem why would you turn your back on someone who is hurting. Why would you teach bigotry especially to someone who is black? Why would you teach people not to pray with their brothers and sisters of other faiths? Why is what I will ask other religions when I tell them about your faith? All you had to do is reach out a true hand. Reach out a hand to both Rachel and me to make peace. It is ultimately her decision but I have done my part and I can do no more. I have decided I have to tell my story and stand my ground because that is the only way both she and the Church will listen and take a look at what was done and how it can affect your ministry.
As kind hearted and loving as I am Rachel Myatt needs to know this no one steps on me like a doormat or disrespects my family especially when all I did was love and respect your family.
God Bless All
The Last Violins
Everyday I take the stage and perform the best show I can
The curtain calls the lights go on and here I stand a broken man
They don't seem to understand looking in from the crowd
I never wanted more than love and it seems so distant now
Finally the music plays the only friend I have
I hear the strings in the distance and the voices start to pass
Honesty the best policy but that will only bring you heartache
The best of friends is what I am but that is all I have to give
I thought I was put on earth to become so much more
A solemn shell of discontent because I'm standing with my foot in the door
She will never see me, Neither will she care
I'm just another collected prize to pass the time when he is not there
I listen to her stories, I listen to her pain, I listen to music dreaming of she and I dancing in the rain
I long ago gave up on such enchantments 5 years left till I am too damn old
To recognize those teenage dreams of being with someone to hold
The friend in need, the friend with deeds, second class human being for hire
I have a spark, I have a heart, but no one wants to ignite the fire
I want to live the good life, where I am wanted, loved, and adored
It seems I get the wrong attention I'm just a fairweather friends whore
An alternative for lonely nights when others have nothing to do
Here I sit with a flashing screen, a book, a pen, and solace in this lonely room
I used to know desolation, depression, and despair
Now I know what it feels like to be seen but not be there
She tried to apologize the other day 6 months after the fact
I loved you but I said I'm sorry and that I could never want that friendship back
When will they learn I am a simple man. I just wanted to be loved
I don't want to be your alternative, I don't want to be your quick fix or drug
For most of you I would do anything but you wouldn't move an inch for me
Women can't see the insides of me they make a spectacle of the outside first
If I were a gambling man I bet they will never take the time to see past
The fact that I am wonderful, incredible, and full of laughs
Always an excuse but its no use. I will keep walking this lonely road
Another show, Another song, Another broken heart alone
Someday I might be more to them than just a footnote or some to pass the time
At the end of the day I wanted a friend that I could truly call all mine
I won't ever be possessive, but I won't ever want for her time
She will be there when I need her, To me she will never lie
I will be a positive force in her life as she will be in mine
The clock stands still and we can talk for hours about the best reason or rhyme
I will never have to worry about another her or him
I could be supposed that our love would be self imposed and mutual at last
Never been a friend of convenience I have never been a friend to chance
What I have been is a star crossed dreamer who believes in the power of integrity, honesty, and romance
The crowd all starts to cheer as I bow and wave to them
The curtain closes I have nothing left to say
You just heard The Last Violins.................................
__________________________________________________________________________________
Coming to Terms with Someone Elses Selfishness : Part 2
I want all to know who have followed this blog and saga to know I love and loved Rachel Myatt very much.
First of all I want to say to anyone who thinks I would hurt kids or put up pictures to hurt Jonathan I put them up because I love her and Jonathan. It has nothing to do with disrespect for her. Also the picture I put up with Rachel with the sunglasses on if you look at her hand she is wearing my ring. My promise ring that I sent her to promise I would be with her, be faithful to her, and love her unconditionally. Rachel wont tell any of the people in the New Church this about how much I loved her and how faithful I was to her because she wants me to look like an enemy.
Rachel is a foster mother and she wont tell you that I didn't want to come at a time when she had some foster children to take care of because I didn't feel right about being around them. As a man we have to watch ourselves around kids especially ones that are not ours and Rachel didnt understand it was out of respect for the children that I did not want to put myself, the children, or her in that situation. We had also talked about how much I loved children and how I did want to be there for Jonathan and I wanted to have a child with her and to help her raise foster children. I love Children and one of the reasons I am so hurt is that Rachel played with my need and want to be a father. I didn't care if the children were biologically mine much as I love and would have continued to love Jonathan as my own flesh even though his father is around. So for anyone who has let Rachel mislead you that I don't like or care for children that is wrong. I was hurt and abused a lot as a child and it made me love children even more and if anyone ever hurt a child that I knew or I could stop it I would step in and I have before.
For the New Church person that keeps putting my emails in Emailtray. Be a man or woman and just email me. I can see you reading this. Yes I am about to start a campaign about what happened. Yes I have freedom of speech. Yes I am only going to tell the truth of what happened between Rachel and I and the New Church and it will involve both the New Church of Canada and the U.S. I can only say positive things about the U.S New Church because that is what I have encountered. I can say positive and good things about Pastor Coleman Glenn even though we dont see eye to eye I do have respect for him. The Lord has given me great love for Rachel Myatt and great guidance and I have time and again fought off the forces of evil to enact some kind of revenge on her. Anyone that has read my blog or looked at the youtube videos can see that I truly love her and I am deeply hurt. I am so hurt that it is in the deepest regions of my soul. What is the saddest thing of all is that anyone would even consider Rachel saying ill things of my deceased mother as being ok. Rachel should be ashamed of herself and since my mother blessed her before she died and only had love in her heart for Rachel it burns in my soul as even more painful. The person I loved the most put down the person who taught me to love her that much who on her deathbed blessed not only her but the whole Myatt family.
For Rachel this message is for you,
I am sorry that I ever spent time loving such a selfish person. Anyone who prescribes to such bigotry as you expoused to me needs to be spoke on. If you learned that hate and intolerance in the New Church of Dawson Creek then they should be ashamed of teaching such. I have the right to speak about what happened to me. If Rachel wants to put up her own blog and tell her own story then that is fine. It wont bother me but she wont because she is ashamed of me and all the true love that I had for her. A guy finally loves you for all you were , went through hell to get to you, made you promises that I would rather die than to break and all you did was put me down and ridicule me.
Church of the New Jerusalem members I am sorry for having to tell a story that involves your church but I cant let Rachel keep treating people cruel and using her hatespeak and bigotry to hurt others. All she does is put others down when people try to love her. I accepted the New Church teachings. I wanted to learn with her and be there for her and this person couldn't even say a prayer with me when I was broken and had lost my mom and came to her for the love and support a girlfriend is supposed to give instead she abandoned me and cursed me. I know what Jesus would do and I know what my mom would want me to do and that is to keep on loving Rachel and anyone that persecutes and puts me down. I wont walk away and I will do all the things I said. So Rachel if you hear me in 2012 I am just going to keep going. You brought this on yourself with your evil and always hurting people. You can always change. I hit rock bottom when Rachel abandoned me and my mom died I could have laid down and died or fight and I fought and I am still fighting. Rachel Myatt why cant you see that I truly want peace with you.
Church of the New Jerusalem why would you turn your back on someone who is hurting. Why would you teach bigotry especially to someone who is black? Why would you teach people not to pray with their brothers and sisters of other faiths? Why is what I will ask other religions when I tell them about your faith? All you had to do is reach out a true hand. Reach out a hand to both Rachel and me to make peace. It is ultimately her decision but I have done my part and I can do no more. I have decided I have to tell my story and stand my ground because that is the only way both she and the Church will listen and take a look at what was done and how it can affect your ministry.
As kind hearted and loving as I am Rachel Myatt needs to know this no one steps on me like a doormat or disrespects my family especially when all I did was love and respect your family.
God Bless All
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