A Dedication To My Friend and Sister in Christ I Love and Cherish.
"The Letters To Rachel Project"
This site is not meant to demean nor defame my friend in anyway it is a heartfelt attempt at peace and reconciliation
She - Zoegirl For all those who threw stones at me and ridiculed me when all I did was love you
Dear Readers,
I love Rachel and Jonthan Myatt with all my heart but some people will never see the good love will do till its too late. You hold a mirror up to people when they treat you bad and you give them a taste of their medicine and they get upset or make excuses. All I ever wanted in this life was to be loved. I never needed any money, material things, or much more than someone to love and cherish. Rachel Myatt and her son were those people. For whatever reason it happened she abandoned me when I needed a friend the most and my heart has been truly broken for a year and a half. It was bad enough losing my mom just a couple of weeks before but to believe in someone so much and have them treat you so cruely and then all you want is peace and reconcilation with them in the end and they are non responsive. It kills your soul. I was told I was mentally ill while I was grieving by Rachel and that I had all kinds of issues just so Rachel could justify her breaking my heart and it was mean, lies, and untrue. That killed my love and hurt more than anything. I tried to reach out to her with love and I reached out to the Church and though some of you were responsive it was a lot of people making up excuses for Rachel's behavior rather than seeing that my course of love was the one of Jesus and to forgive and move on. I have lived the past year and a half with a hole in my heart so big that I am barely alive and I am sorry that no one listened. Rachel I never regret loving you, meeting you, and being with you I thought you were the coolest, most beautiful person on the world, I dont know why I deserved to be lied to, ridiculed, and have stones thrown at me when all I did was love you and believe in you. I thought in you I had a true friend but the pain has exceeded the amount that I can take and my heart has finally expired. I am sorry for any inconvenience I have caused anyone by simply being alive and wanting to love and be human. All I ever wanted was a family of my own and when someone plays with you the way I was played with then you may never recover. I hope that you all find love and peace in your life and I wish I could have found it to. I loved Rachel and Jonathan more than you can ever know and I can no longer take these tears of being hated, ignored, and treated like I don't exist. Rachel you and Jonathan were truly loved by me and I hope when you get your Star gift you will know that you meant so much more to me than I could ever say. I wish God had of heard my prayers but He never did. I never wanted sympathy, I just wanted to be a person and not be judged all the time. I just wanted to be loved. Out of all the people I had ever loved Rachel you were my best friend..........
You will get your wish Rachel
You will get your wish Coleman Glenn
You will get your wish Church of The New Jerusalem
No one ever saw the love in my heart just their side of the story and how to make excuses so I will no longer be here to be ignored.
I came to you for love, for friendship, for family, and for worship and you turned me away when I needed you most and that will be how this story will end. I am sorry for wanting to live a life better than one full of despair, hatred, and hurt and trying to reach out and love and connect with other people.
Dear Rachel and Readers,
I wanted to take the time to wish Rachel, Jonathan, and her family a Happy Valentines Day and to just let her and them let her know I love them. I didn't try to send her flowers or do anything like that that she might ignore or send back. I did something special that will last a lifetime. Rachel you mean the world to me and I want you back in my life but only you can make that decision. I had a star registered in your name so that you will always know I love you. You will receive the information by March but please know I was serious about it and it is done. That is how much I love you and Jonathan and instead of write a long blog about how much I love you I will leave it at that. Rachel Myatt you and Jonathan are very important to me and I haven't stopped loving you just because we had a falling out. No matter what you think of me what God thinks of me matters more so I will keep on loving you, believing in you, and praying that you understand how true and real I am. I just wish you could see that there is a love on a higher and greater level that existed for you that went way beyond what you thought was all that I wanted , a love rooted in friendship, integrity, and honesty. Until then know when you look up on the sky there is a star named after you because someone loves you so much.
Dear Readers,
I had to look deep into my soul to write this one and I have to be fair to everyone who I am going to discuss. First if you have read this blog and never checked out the video messages I made to Rachel on Youtube then this was the first one. Please take a look at it. You see all I have ever wanted was peace with Rachel and for us to put all that happened behind us and talk. We may never be a couple again but she is and always will be my friend and what she did to me was almost unforgiveable but I forgave. I want to start this blog with cross reference to Pastor Glenn's recent blog called Waiting On The Lordhttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/goodandtruth/
I want you to keep in mind that I have the utmost respect for Pastor Glenn but I need him to understand a few things. In this blog he wrote about waiting for the Lord in this manner.
"For example: imagine a person who loves the Lord’s promise of true marriage love – that a man can leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). He does what the Lord asks: prays for a true marriage, shuns lusts as sins against the Lord. But years of waiting turn into decades. And he feels lonely, and more and more hopeless. Things are getting worse, not better. The promise is not coming true. So he decides to settle – it doesn’t matter who it is, he just wants to be married. And so he marries a woman whom he does not love, who has completely different values from him, a completely different faith. And over time, the man finds that there is a deep seated coldness between him and his wife. He finds that in impatiently trying to get rid of his own loneliness, he’s become more lonely than he was before he was married – just as Saul lost the kingdom by desperately trying to hold onto it."
Now I wont say that this was about me but if it was because of me he used this example I want to let Coleman know a few things.
I love Rachel Myatt. My love for her is deep seated in a Christian love. I never lusted over her. I had women offering me sex, I have an ample supply of female friends, I am a great guy and I could have chose my dream girl who was everything I wanted and single and loved all the things I did except one. God. She didnt love God nor did she believe in Him. So through prayer I came to Rachel and our friendship developed into a relationship. I accepted Rachel's faith. I was willing to learn, I am not lonely, nor am I desperate. When Rachel abandoned me I had women calling me up everyday to sleep with me, comfort me, and console me. I grew up old fashioned and I wanted nothing more but a relationship with a woman. Not only did I court Rachel but I made a promise to God. I love not only Rachel but her son, and her family whether they know it or not. When my mother died that was the most important thing to her that I don't hold back my love for Rachel and it was because of that I kept going full speed. My love for Rachel is not a passing fad, it is not a joke, it was never a mistake, and I believe that God intended me to be here. Therefore I am being patient. Everytime I have wanted to give up this blog and just trash Rachel and lash out in the biggest way against the New Church, Christ has taken my hand and given me insight. I do not think you know the love that I have for Rachel and her family.
So Pastor Glenn I just want you to know that skirting around these truths has been a lot of the reason for the conflict between you and I.
1. Regardless of how Rachel feels or felt she owed it to me to tell me the truth out of basic human decency especially because of the situation I had just endured with my mother.
2. She kept saying she loved me even after she broke my heart and almost destoyed me but lying to someone who loves you and who was honest with you is not loving nor is it right.
Coleman you keep making excuses for Rachel's behavior and it is one of my fundamental problems with your New Church theology. Two wrongs dont make a right but thinking that you can do wrong and it will always be righted like Rachel does and there be no consequences is a straw man fallacy at the least in theory.
She felt she could lie to me, abandon me, and on top of that treat me like I didnt exist and God would make it right. It is also in conflict with the free will question you keep throwing at me. Rachel has free will but I do not. I have the free will to totally trash her everyday but because I do love her I try to show that side of me. I ask forgiveness and want to forgive her but you make excuses and shoot holes in my attempts at that constantly pulling up misguided verses from Swedenborg. I use the Bible and I am trying to seek God's counsel not Swedenborg's when I need Divine help I do not turn to man. I turn to the one in the Heavens and that is where you and I differ if you truly wanted to make a point to me you would use the Bible and you would point out to me where I am wrong in wanting and projecting the greatest love and forgiveness in following in Christ footsteps. If I hated Rachel I would have never wasted a couple hours of day writing and telling her my feelings. You need to stop and think about that.
3. Rachel needs to be responsible for her own actions. Look at all the harm and damage that has come because of what she has done. What if I really hated the New Church and I started an Anti New Church group of sympathizers. What if I tried to prove you wrong in every aspect and just reduce you to a cult and a bunch of new age fringe lunatics? I didn't did I Coleman. I actually wanted to learn and worship with you so that part about being married and having someone different in thought and beliefs than you it is irrelevent in my case because not only did Rachel turn me away you as a Pastor turned me away because I was actually seeking to worship with you and when God calls you somewhere you follow. I was looking for structure, for a relationship in God with Rachel and Jonathan and my love for both of them was true and pure of heart. It makes me sick to my stomach that you constantly try to make Rachel look like some saint that didn't know what she was getting into. I mean I loved her and I still love her even though she tainted that love with her selfishness, unkindness, and inconsideration for others feelings.
4. It doesnt matter what happened it was never right for Rachel to ever use my mother in the context or to bring up her name or speak ill of her. I never used my mothers death as crutch in what she did in fact all my mother did was pray and wish blessings on Rachel and the Myatts. The fact that you as a Pastor would even condone or defend that for a moment shows your character. You constantly put your theology over caring for another human being and if that is what you fundamentally hold dear then you have misconstrued Jesus message for Swedenborgs. If you had of died from cancer I would never let anyone speak ill of you or use your name in the context Rachel used my mother. It was blasphemous, UnChristian, and heinous and she better be glad I loved her enough to get the kind of revenge I could of at the time.
5. You constantly contradict yourself by saying one thing yet when you talk to people of other faiths or thought processes you twist those things to make yourself look good and your theology to be accomodated. My biggest example being of people having callings because you being called to God and being a Pastor is a total paradox of contradiction in itself. You inadvertantly try to say I am selfish for loving Rachel and that I am on this crusade by total means of my own. You have no idea Coleman how wrong you are. If it wasnt for God's hand right now Rachel would be looking at revenge and retalation city and this blog would have never been but other hurtful things would have existed. I think I am fair and balanced in actually telling my feelings. This is my journal and this is what is in my heart and what I am called to do is between myself and God and not Coleman Glenn prophecising what Byron can and cant know.
6. So its ok to use our free will to hurt, put down others, and do evil but its not ok to believe in love, put God first and follow His love and His calling to forgiveness, to make peace, and to right wrongs? Which is it Pastor Glenn. It seems very contradictory of what you are trying to say. You dont have to wait on the Lord to sin but you have to wait around for some Divine lightning to strike and God doesnt give us free will to love? You make no sense. Basically you have made the arguement that it is ok for Rachel to have lied to me, talk bad about my deceased mother, curse me, ridicule me, and do all those things and it is just and right according to free will and God will just forgive her and there will be no consequences and my pain is unwarranted. Meanwhile I am just supposed to lie around let hate feaster and believe God will make things right but only if it benefits Rachel according to what you believe in and I am supposed to suffer so that she can live a good life. Is that right Coleman? There is no reason that God has allowed me to keep this blog up and have the insight for doing the things I do and my free will doesnt matter as long as Rachel's will is done and is catered too?
I know one thing and I do love Rachel Myatt this has never been some infatuation, this has never been some passing thing, it has never been a game or something that will just go away. If you are unenlightened and want to look at me being extreme or a stalker or something like that then be a fool that way because it is exactly what I will call you. Rachel knew what she was getting into and she also has the ability to change what is happening now. Instead she chooses to hide, be unresponsive, and think that things will just go away. It is her life and her choice to be misguided that way because I am not out of sight or out of mind I am right here and I am a force to be reckoned with. I am not some armchair person sitting back spouting rhetoric about things I am going to do I am actually going out and printing and making flyers, putting out cds, posting up blogs , and being proactive in my campaign. Rachel Myatt, Pastor Coleman Glenn, Church of the New Jerusalem, Myatt Family. This is what happens when you abondon people, make up lies about them, persecute them, and ridicule them. They come out of it ten times stronger with more love and God on their side as never before. I am only beginning.
You know what Waiting On The Lord is for me? After all this hurt, ridicule, persecution, and despair being able to still love Rachel and believe in her and putting your faith in the Lord that she will come around. That is what putting my trust in God is. It is knowing that His promise that led me someone would not keep me in that place if it was not good for me or His will. God lets me love and believe in Rachel everyday so regardless of what Pastor Glenn or any other New Church Pastor or person thinks I know in my heart that what I wait for is a true peace and it is true love that God has instilled in me and you can't know it because it is something that has been given to me. I will always love you and think the world of you and why you cant see that I do not know I just know what God has put in front of me and thought it hasn't been easy I have never given up on you. If you dont know how much I love you Rachel just look at this blog I wrote for you weeks ago it is one of the most beautiful and short ones I have written for you but in a short moment the love for you and Jonathan shines through http://iloverachelmyatt.blogspot.com/2012/01/ordinary-day-why-i-think-rachel-is-most.html Stay Tuned for a Special Valentine blog to Rachel about 10pm CST February 14th
These are scenes from my favorite movie of all time
Me and You and Everyone We Know
They will give you a window into how much I love Rachel
It will also give you an insight on how much I love People
For you Church of New Jerusalem people
Who judge me for what most people want to be loved
Have a family and to live a normal life
This is for you. You dont understand the pain
Or the trauma Rachel's actions put me though
I deserve to be loved just like everyone else
And for some reason you think that its just magically supposed
To go away.
At 2:10 in this video is why I started this blog
I deserve to be loved and Rachel took advantage of that
My love never deserved to be played with
Prayers and caring for even the most simplest things are beautiful in God's Eyes
For anyone that mocked my prayers or didn't take the ones serious on this blog
They were real and they were meant to have a purpose
"I don't believe that people should take their own lives without deep and thoughtful reflection over a considerable period of time. I do believe strongly, however, that the right to do so is one of the most fundamental rights that anyone in a free society should have. For me, much of the world makes no sense, but my feelings about what I am doing ring loud and clear to an inner ear and a place where there is no self, only calm." The Suicide Note left by singer Wendy O. Williams in 1998
Dear Rachel and Readers,
Today I want to discuss being responsible for ones' own actions. I am going to use Rachel and I as an example as this blog has been a reaction to Rachel's actions toward me. In it I will touch on honesty, loyalty, truth, and common human decency. I will explain a couple of really personal things between Rachel and I so that you will understand where I am coming from.
I. Suicide
I have always been an active supporter and contributer to suicide prevention and last summer I had to call the Dallas Crisis Center to help talk my friend off the ledge. She much like I was, was distraught over a failed relationship. She had many things that I did not have that I used as leverage to talk her into not giving up. She had a 7yr old daughter who was at the house when she decided to do it. She text me all of the sudden and I was in the position to go see her and I asked could I come talk to her. She told me no but that she needed me to keep talking to her. She told me how she felt that no one cared. She felt she kept getting used by men for sex and that she only wanted a real relationship. I told her about how Rachel had abandoned me and how she had basically played games with my love. I told her that I didnt have as much as she had to live for. I told her she had to go on for her children. (Her older son eventually showed up and helped out) I told her one reason why I felt like I should just give up is that I had no children and really nobody would miss me. My mom was gone and I didnt really have anyone. Rachel was the one I wanted to have a family and it was having her and Jonathan in my life to love that kept me from falling apart when she passed away. Rachel didnt know how much that she meant to me. She stopped texting and we talked on the phone for a bit. I found the number for 1-800-Suicide through one of the Plea for Peace/Take Action cds I had lying around. http://www.hopeline.com/ andhttp://takeactiontour.com/ are both organazations I have learned from about suicide prevention and how to treat people who are suffering from depression and mental illnesses. One thing I do know from my experience is that we should never jugde but instead try to help and encourage those who are in this situation. Rachel ridiculed me, made fun of me, said I was damaged, unhappy, and needed help which futher helped me spiral into what could have been the end for me. I will discuss that in the next portion of this but for now I want to say that my friend lived and it was because I took the time to understand the nature of the dilemma instead of pass judgement, make fun of, and belittle her like Rachel Myatt did to me. Its not just the Christian thing to do to care for others it is the human thing to do. I was grieving my mother and I was treated disrespectfully and inhumanly by Rachel and members of her Church and that is one reason this blog and my campaign came to be.
1 Timothy 1:14-16 14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.
II. Being Judgmental
I went into a friendship and relationship with Rachel Myatt with skeptism and caution. At first because of previous experiences I would have not given her the time of day. She had a child, she lived in another country, she was part of a religion that I had to do some studying about even though I had knowledge of Swedenborg already. If I spent all that time making up reasons why I shouldnt love Rachel then I would have missed out on the beautiful person she was. In turn I only wanted the same. Many times when Rachel and I would talk she would belittle me and put down my love of God. It seemed that she always wanted to be right on everything instead of compromise or see middle ground. When we tried to agree to disagree I felt she still felt she had won whatever it is that we had an arguement about. I only wanted to love her and Jonathan and that was all that was in my heart. Being in a relationship is give and take and I don't think Rachel fully understands what it is to be with someone who actually loves her and wanted her. I wanted her for all that she is and I still care about her that much. I don't know if she understood after all I had been through that she was the one. She moved mountains for me and heaven and earth and I came to her for that reason. I want to share a few points about why Rachel hurt me in such away I felt like dying.
1. Morality. I was brought up in a Christian household where it was instilled in me the value of a mongamous relationship. I was taught about chastity, marriage, and unconditional love between two people. I will explain the reasons for me being heartbroken by Rachel's actions.
A. Rachel and I slept together and she tryed to deny it. I had asked her if she didnt think she wanted to be with me for us not to engage in any intimate activity. I spent the whole time I was there in her bed. I am sorry I have to disclose this on a blog but I think it is very important because if she truly is A good Christian woman she will realize how much this meant to me. I had practiced celibacy for almost 5 years before I met Rachel. My previous girlfriend had died from a brain tumor and I wanted to be in love and be with someone one who wanted me for me before I engaged in any activities. Furthermore I was placed in a situation when Rachel and I first became boyfriend and girlfriend where I could have cheated on her instead I told this person I was in love with Rachel and that I could not hurt her like that even though she might never know. God would know and I couldnt disappoint Him. I am still very much in love with Rachel so I want you all to know I did not disclose this information to hurt Rachel but because she hurt me and I want both her, the Church of the New Jerusalem and any Pastors or Family members to know the nature of the situation and why I would write about this.
B. Human Decency.
I had lost my mom 3 weeks prior to going to see Rachel. I was supposed to go see her the week my mom fell ill but it had to be pushed back. Still I wanted to keep my promise. Rachel and Jonathan meant everything to me and they still do. I can't make Rachel see the love I have for her, I cant make her or her family understand that she is loved beyond compare. I was made out to be crazy and damaged and mentally ill by Rachel and that was very wrong. It was hurtful to my character and to my heart. My heart was already broken from losing my mother then to have the person who says they love you and want to be with you belittle and degrade you like that was disheartening and it lead to me thinking of my demise. I remember spending the day with Rachel, Jonathan, and her mother Jane and just talking about my life where I live. I was honest and truthful and maybe Rachel and Jane took that for me being unhappy but it was not it was just the reality of my surroundings. I grew up around a lot of drugs, gangs, racism, and abuse. I was merely telling them what my life had been comprised of. Did they think that would affect my relationship with Rachel? Maybe , Maybe not I do know that if I had of let all those things define me then I would have not been alive or able to have had Rachel in my life. I probably would have given into peer pressure, have been in a gang, done drugs, and been a troubled youth. I didn't I have never done drugs, I have never been arrested, never been diagnosed as mentally ill, I have maybe one or two alcholic beverages a year, I am kind to others and if Rachel had of taken the time to come here and see how much I am loved and respected then she would have never said the things she said. Instead of being a loving friend, a girlfriend who actually wanted to be loved, and a good Christian woman she became slanderous, hurtful, and hateful to deal with her own selfish insecurities. So not only did I want to die but I wanted to get some kind of revenge on her for putting me down, for speaking ill of my dead mother, and for her just being such a rude mean spirited person.
2. Speaking Negatively to Those Who are Hurting
The last thing we should do is be hurtful to those who are in pain. I was grieving at the time and loving Rachel and Jonathan was one of the ways I got through the pain of losing my mother. My mother had been sick since I was a little child and I even had to stay home and take care of her for a week in my teens. It was very humbling and I realized just how much love I had and how much love she had for people. The week before she died she called up every person she had a problem with or had a problem with her and told her that she loved them and she wanted to make peace with them. It brings me to tears remembering that because I was always my mothers son. Rachel and Pastor Glenn dont understand that my mothers love lives on through me and she loved Rachel she told me how happy she was that I met her and that she wanted to meet Jonathan and have both of them in her life but she never made it. She blessed Rachel and her family as I talked to her in the hospital and it was the last talk I ever had with her. So for the rest of my life the person who I talked with my mom about last, the person I loved enough to give up everything I had here for ignores me and hates me. Yes I said it Rachel and Pastor Glenn hate me. Everyday that Rachel ignores this call to peace it is an offense against someone who truly loves her. See when my mom made those phone calls every last one of those people accepted and some even came to see her in the hospital. I am trying to show you Rachel Myatt that I love you enough to do anything to make peace with you. It is not that I am in love with you. It is that I love you. I love you with a love that transcends any physical relationship or romantic one. I love you with God's love and there is no love that will ever surpass the love He grants us to give to others. It is pure and true and that has always been what this blog is about and not trying to get revenge on you or show you how I hate you but how much you and Jonathan still mean to me. You could have taken the time to understand what I was going though and one day when you lose one of your parents you will understand how mean, cruel, and inconsiderate you were to me and maybe then you will think about why I reacted the way I did.
3. Honesty
I just want my readers to know this. Rachel did lead me on because I was honest with her and I gave her the opportunity to let me go. If you have read my blog before and know the backstory. I asked her at the airport on my way home if she wanted to be my girlfriend. She said yes. So I was ready for the disappointment if she said no but instead she gave me false hope, she lied to me, and while I was sitting at home beaming about how I thought I was truly loved and had a real relationship she waited till two days later to abandon me by text instead of being a real woman and looking me in the eye and saying no Byron I don't want to be with you. I deserved to be loved, treated with decency, and after all I went though to get to her she slapped me in the face and disrespected me like that. Enough said I cant really go on about that anymore because it is so disheartening and disrespectful that you should understand without having to dissect it how wrong it was on so many levels.
Message to Pastor Coleman Glenn
This is directed to the Pastor of Rachel's Church the Dawson Creek New Church in British Columbia, Canada. I wanted to tell you that as a Pastor the way you reacted as a Pastor hurt me as did Pastor Cooper's I did and still do heartfeltly and honestly love Rachel. I considered and still consider her one of my best friends and only time and my continuingly putting my faith in God will let her know I am worth coming back too. I came to you as a servant of God because of what was said to me and because I was concerned of the selfishness in the doctrine. I was concerned that such a beautiful message could be clouded with such hedonism, self serving, and selfishness. The one thing you failed to recognize the whole time is I came to you as one Christian to another. I didn't set out to hurt Rachel I set out to let her know that she hurt me and that I wanted to resolve why being taught a certian way would make her prescribe to such a hateful and hurtful attitude. I will not apologize for anything I have put in my blog comparing what you said or contrasting your blogs or what you have said to me as I find it necessary in pointing out certain truths. I will as your brother and fellow Christian apologize if at anytime my blog has been seen as a personal attack on you as it has not meant to be. I have the utmost respect for you and all the Pastors in the New Church especially the one in the U.S. who contacted me in the intial "Letters to Rachel" campaign.
4. Responsibilty and Involving Others In Our Business
Everyday that Rachel is silent and ignores me is another day I keep up the fight. The sad thing about this is that instead of make peace with me she would rather this get bigger and bigger. I made messages to her on youtube, I have been in correspondence with her Church. The Church of the New Jerusalem worldwide gets pegged in your personal mess. Pastor Glenn got called out. You apparently dont like the fact that I use pictures of you some of which are mine like the one on this page. I mean Rachel where does it end. How many people will you let be part of what you caused before you just admit to what you did was wrong or you pick up the phone and make peace with me. The most courageous thing I do each day is write this blog and love you and forgive you everyday. The other most courageous thing I do is pray and let God know I still love you and Jonathan and just to bless you and your family Rachel. I do not harbor this ill will and want to get some sick self centered quick revenge on you. The fact is I don't want retalation at all I want my best friend back and for her to realize that this has been done because I truly love you. I am sorry if at times it has felt that I am just on here to bash and destroy you or your reputation but it is not. That is why I put the disclaimer up saying this is an attempt at peace and reconcilation and it is. I want God to win. I want love to win. I never will give up on God's love and I wont give up on your Rachel Myatt. Though all I have been though I still believe in you. I love you and believe in you Rachel Myatt and I will never stop that. If you want to sue me for being man enough to not give up on you, for loving you everyday that I could hate you, for having the foresight and being a subscriber to Christ vision of peace, love, and oneness for all then go ahead. I have been kicked, punched, and beat down so much in this last year and a half it would just be another notch on my belt or mark on the wall. Fact is Rachel Myatt it seems you cant accept that someone might actually truly love you and is actually your true friend. I always thought the world of you and you thought so little of me.
In the coming days Rachel will find out just how much I love her. Her name will have a place in history as I will reveal that on Valentine's Day and I will release a spoken word to youtube in the next week or two about forgiveness and true love. I have had other people in my life that I fought to love but only because they were worth it. You know what they came around and they are still my friend one of them is even my other Canadian ex who is now one of my best friends. I love you Rachel Myatt so if you are reading this please lay down what ever insecurities and walls that bind you from loving me and making peace with me and come back to my heart. I will never love anyone as much as I love you and if I have to write this blog everyday for the rest of my life I will. You mean that much to me.
Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn what you said to me in belittling my love for both of you and my calling in Christ was hurtful but it only showed me how beautiful and strong I am because I never backed down. There is a beautiful saying going around in Christian Community that defines the love that I have and why I haven't backed down. It says "Conform To Christ, Not Other Christians" It is not so much what you believe but how you follow Christ example and treat others to walk in His footsteps and image. To all my readers, Rachel Myatt, Jonathan Myatt, The Myatt, Friesen, and Baker Families, Pastor Coleman Glenn, The Dawson Creek New Church, and The Church of The New Jerusalem Worldwide and you dear Reader! This is Byron signing off this Sunday Morning with a trust and a faith in God that will not falter. I love you all.
P.S. For anyone that wants to judge me for what I have written, done, and said if you have children, a family, and love then it is all I wanted in this life and I was in pursuit of that. Rachel severely played with that and traumatized me at a time when I needed that more than anything. So before you look at me in a harrassing or light of someone that is obsessed with someone then turn and look at your spouse, your children, and the love you have and then imagine me only wanting that. I wanted to be loved and to love and having someone say they want that with you then abandon you when you did nothing but love them and believe in them. Being judged by people in the New Chuch because I was man enough to love Rachel and want to love her and her son. Love woman with a child who didnt belong to me but I would have loved him like my own flesh and blood. Just think about that for a second people!!! Rachel Myatt thought that I would just be out of sight out of mind and she could treat me anyway she wanted to once I left Canada and came back to the States and there would be no consequences. Just remember that people are real and people have feelings and do get hurt so no matter how much she wants to pretend that I dont exist I do and the hurt and the pain is real. I want the members of the Dawson Creek Church of the New Jerusalem and The New Church Worldwide to think about what I just said. This was always about love, family, and honesty to another. Rachel chose her actions and selfishly handled things it was her free will to do so. I reacted with this blog to show her how deeply she hurt me and how her lies and actions continually hurt people. I dont care how it affects her because she is unresponsive, she hides, she lets her church, her family, and others take the wrap for things instead of be a woman and take things into her own hands. I truly love Rachel and I in the next couple of days dear readers you will see the honesty, sincerity, and complacency that is in my heart. Thank you for your time.
Suicide Note by Johnette Napolitano(singer of Concrete Blonde)
Dear Readers(This is addressed to Pastor Glenn and Rachel Myatt)
What if I had of given up on life in September of 2010 or anytime after that? What if I had of left this earth because of what Rachel had done. What if I had of been selfish and left her with that for the rest of her life. You know why even though as betrayed and hurt as I was I will tell you all this. I am still alive because I loved Rachel enough not to want to have her feel pain like she inflicted on me. I also told Rachel that if I lived through it she would endure a fight and a love like she has never encountered before. Pastor Glenn if you truly did care about what I feel or felt like then listen to the words of this song. For months this was all I had. At about 1:46 the lyrics about Winning a War Inside one's head that another person might not understand. In all our conversations this is what I am geting at. Rachel had no idea what I was going through and instead of being the loving kind girlfriend and friend she said she was going to be and betrayed, lied, and ridiculed me. She could have chosen to be compassionate and understanding but she didnt. She jumped to conclusions about me. The whole time I was in Dawson Creek I was so happy. I was shy and reserved and just trying to get a feel for Rachel and her family but I was so happy. Rachel made all these assumptions that I didnt like what we were doing or that I was sad and damaged and it just wasnt true. She never asked me how I felt she just made up stuff when I got back and that is one reason my heart broke so deeply and I felt like dying. The person who said they would love and accept me for me wasn't very accepting. What was more disheartening is not even praying with me when I needed that little bit of bonding and encouragement. How can you claim to be a Christian and not even offer your close friend and boyfriend a prayer? What kind of messed up theology is that Coleman Glenn? Rachel Myatt? I really want you to think of how losing a love one affects you. Truth is Rachel and Coleman I was very happy being away from all the death and sorrow I had to deal with when my mother passed. I had never really had a chance to talk to anyone as my father, my brother, and myself all dealt with it in different ways. My way was loving Rachel and Jonathan and just remembering to live life and love like my mother said on her deathbed in blessing Rachel and the Myatts. Each day Rachel ignores me Coleman is another day that she hurts what love my mother had in her heart for Rachel and Jonathan and for me. I mean it is sad to say that but its true. When we lose a loved one they live on in our hearts through love. Loving Rachel and Jonathan was one of the most passionate and rewarding things in my life and instead of realize that she was needed and truly loved. Rachel came to conclusions about me and was just cruel, hateful, and inconsiderate. Pastor Glenn you acted in much the same matter being uncaring and only worried about defending your theology over your fellow man. I will always chose helping my brother or sister or choosing peace with them over my selfish personal beliefs because that is the beauty of what Christ dying for us is about. He died so all may live and when we don't reach out to those in need then we are dishonoring His sacrifice. I am sorry that Rachel didnt know how much I truly love her and Jonathan. They still mean the world to me and I will continue trying to reach out to her. Pastor Glenn if you took the time to read my reply to you the other day you will see that I have nothing but love in my heart. If you got the package I sent and saw how much I love Rachel and the Myatts and the donation to your church then you know my heart is not full of hate, angst, or animosity toward Rachel, the Myatts, or the New Church it is full of love. You deny yourselves the chance at knowing me and you judged me so quickly both of you Rachel and Coleman. I waited a lifetime to fall in love with someone like Rachel and she had someone that loved her and would do anything for her and Jonathan and she totally messed it up. She can never say that no one accepted her because I have spent over a year forgiving her, accepting her, and trying to have peace and reconcile with her. I am going to finish this blog on this note and get right to the point . I was grieving and I loved Rachel and Jonathan enough to let go of that grief enough to keep my promise to be with her. Rachel could have been understanding, more perceptive, and communicative with me. Instead she made a mockery of our friendship and all the love we shared between each other. She slept with me when I told her I did not want that unless she wanted to be in a committed relationship. When things got bad at first and I told her I would go to the Church about her attitude she scoffed and told me how stupid I was. I have proved her wrong and I will continue to do so. Rachel if I have to put up every text, email, and conversation in the next couple days to prove my point then I will and dont care how it affects you. Truth is my dear all I want is peace and reconcilation with you.
Pastor Coleman Glenn if you want a glimpse of how your reaction as a pastor affected me then I urge you to listen to the above song. I felt that way at one time and it was because of Rachel's action. She could have been patient and long suffering with me like I was with her and watched our friendship and relationship blossom but instead she was hasty, quick to judge, and very rude and inconsiderate. I take responsibility for anything I have said and done but I am willing to forgive and forget with Rachel. I want her to know that I still think the world of her even after all the tears and the pain I endured I am still here .
I was never afraid to love and dream with you Rachel Myatt. You were the one who was afraid to keep loving and dreaming. I never stopped loving you and I never stopped caring. You have a chance to make things right. You have a chance to show love and that it will always win over evil. A chance to triumph over all the bad that has gone on between us and conquer it with Christ love. Forgiveness, Reconcilation, and A true friend is what lies at the end of that tunnel and it is up to you to make your choice. I choose to keep loving you. Keep campaigning and keep letting others know I love you. I will do that until I hear from you. The ball is in your court and the decision is in your hands I am open armend and open hearted and I am waiting for you to come back.
Dear Rachel and Readers,
I wanted to take a quick minute out of my day to let Rachel and all know how much love I still have in my heart for her. I love her and Jonathan with all my heart so I dedicate this song to them today. My love is strong, beautiful, unwavering, and unconditional. God loves me so much and He gave me so much love for Rachel. I wont turn my back on her.
This is a response to the blog I wrote the other day because some of you misread it. I said I was to the point of giving up and leaving and I meant the fight to be kind and carry on this Christian part of me that still loves Rachel without retalition, revenge, or vengance in my heart. I put up the video of "The Heart is A Lonely Hunter" because not only do I want to encourage people to read the book and be enlightend I want to make a statement simple and clear. Here it is. Life is too short to hold grudges, hurt the ones we love, not talk for long periods of time and to hold dark things on our heart. I am full of love for Rachel and I am truly trying to find a place of peace but there are dark forces also in my heart that might hinder that. I am reaching out to her before I get to the point where those take over. In the book Mr Singer is a deaf mute and he always helps and puts others before himself. He feels closed off and alienated from the world most of the time but he always steps in to help others. In the end he wants to be loved just like everyone else and he is reaching out for that love and no one hears his plea. They abandon him when he needed it the most and he commits suicide. I was 19 when I first read this book and I remember being in a basement library at my college and I started crying. I know how Mr. Singer felt and I wanted to people to know now that is how Rachel made me feel. When I needed her the most and she said she would be there she turned her back on me and so I felt like dying at the time. Not only did she abandon me she ridiculed me and mocked me. At the end of the movie you see Mick Kelly and the Doctor at Mr. Singers grave. If they had of only been there for him maybe he wouldnt have let go. Rachel I am calling out to you today and Pastor Coleman Glenn if you understand this then I urge you to reach out to her because as one of the Lord's Servants that is why I came to you. I need this peace and closure in my life because it is killing me within. I feel desolate, distraught, hated, and unwanted and I still dont know how Rachel could be so cruel and uncaring to me when I unconditionally loved her and believed in her. The choice is up to Rachel and how you respond Pastor Glenn is on you. If you are truly concerned you know there is only one way and that is Christ way of love, forgiveness, reconcilation and peace. It will take Rachel's words to bring me to a place where I find that others can only be a conduit through the Lord. I will never kill myself there are too many people to help and to love and even though I am lonely and have no one I always give of myself because I know its all I have. I would have liked to come home to Rachel and Jonathan everyday, hugged them, played with them and showed them how much I was in love with both of them but Rachel didnt have the patience. She didnt take the time to discern what was truly in my heart and she let others make her think that I wasnt right for her instead of truly seeing that I was and could be. If I let others make decisions for me and slant my decisions then I would be dead from being in a gang, in jail from doing something illegal, or maybe something else. I would not be the educated, caring, open minded person I was today if I had of given into family and peer pressure. I want you to take this blog at face value people. I am dying. I am dying with grief that my friend and the love of my life Rachel Myatt denies me peace and she denies herself a true love that knows no bounds. I would never turn my back on somebody who wanted peace with me and to Rachel and Pastor Glenn do you see why you might think I think you are hypocrites. You preach and convey a message of love but here I am reaching out in the truest sense of love willing to not only tell all my personal business and thoughts on the internet and risk jobs and people thinking im crazy just so Rachel Myatt can know I love her and that I want her back in my life. If she is so selfish and so self centered that she cant see the beauty in that and would allow others such as the Good Pastor to be in the line of a mess she created then I really don't know what kind of Christian love that you call that. I want to end this with a simple prayer today.
Our Father in The Heavens,
I ask that you show Rachel and I the way to Love. Show us peace and reconciliation and for all the hurt to come to an end. May You use whoever and whatever to help us find peace, forgiveness, and love. I love Rachel and Jonathan with all my heart and I only want to be able one day to see them again. I miss them so much Oh Lord. I put my faith in You to bring that love to fruition again. I ask that you let Rachel know that I truly love her and to let both the New Church and Pastor Glenn know that I do not have anything but love in my heart for them but that they need to understand that love and see how You have given it to me to share. I thank you for the day and all the blessings that You bring to us Oh Lord.
