No Closure, No Peace, No Forgiveness, No Love

All I Ever Wanted Was to Be Loved.

This was my favorite book since I was 19 and a very sad ending.
I am sorry Rachel didnt care about hurting me, about ruining my love, my life, and my dream for a family.  I tried to make peace with her make things right but she continued to ignore me. I am hollow and dead inside so I just wanted to say Goodbye. I always thought I was worth being loved but I realized not only was I not but even a Pastor of a Church looked down on me and was very  uncaring.  My heart is truly and deeply broke and I will never heal without any closure so I leave this place. I loved you Rachel Myatt but my heart cant take this anymore.  I did everything I could to make you see how much I loved you and maybe on Valentine's you'll remember the true friend I was and how loyal I was to you and how much I loved you and Jonathan. Losing you and My Mom at the same time Rachel was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. I thought I had a true friend and partner to get me through it but instead you cursed me, judged me, and put me down and that killed my soul. Now as I watch my father frail and weak from his chemo and the possibility of him dying too all I wanted was peace with you but I know you are too stubborn to come back to my heart so I might as well just let go and give up on everything.  This is not some dumb grab for attention, I am not sick or mentally ill. I am tired and ready to go. Ive been betrayed, lied to and ridiculed enough and all I did was fight it with people even judging my love for God. No one took the time to listen to what I was saying and Rachel or no one cares about taking responsibility for the things they do or say. I dont know how you feel and I cant feel how you feel but all I know is I loved you more than anyone I had every loved and I meant nothing to you. If I did you wouldnt have text me to get rid of me you would have at least talked to me and and treated me with some dignity. I traveled so far to fulfill my dream of being truly loved and I only wanted it with you Rachel Myatt. Now that dream is dead and all I was a joke to you. You were never a waste of my time and I am sorry if your family or society made you feel you couldn't be with me. I didnt let anyone tell me I couldnt love you for any reason I would have fought to the ends of the earth and never left you and Jonathan's side I know Rachel you thought you could abandon me and God would  some how make it alright but it doesn't work that way. People need love and they arent something to play with at your leisure. My dream was to love you and Jonathan , Rachel. I am and always will be in love with you. I chose you over all the others because I saw the good in your heart and the love we could share in the Lord but in the end I wasnt worth the same. You tried to throw me away and pretend I never existed. Truth is I do exist and everyday I hurt even more and I can no longer deal with the hurt of being invisible to you. I am sorry you thought so little of me after all the love I gave you and all we shared. So why should I go on. I have thought this through for a year now. Im ready to end it all. By that I mean end trying to reach out as a Christian and make things right with someone who didnt appreciate a true friend, who didnt want to be loved and cherished, and who doesnt care who she hurts. Rachel you always wanted other people to accept your faith and your love for God but you always made fun of people who were different and lived their life in a way not in accordance to you. It is a big world and there are people of all kinds. I accepted you for all that you were and you couldnt take the time to be patient with me and learn about me and love me even at the most troubled time in my life.  You deserve all that will come to you all I ever did was love you and believe in you but you have made it clear you would rather be enemies than make peace with someone who would do anything to show you and Jonathan that he loves you.  I am sorry you cant see the true love God gave me for you.


God Bless All
I loved you even if you made a mockery of me or put me down
B

What I Think of My Brothers and Sisters in The Church of the New Jerusalem

Dear Rachel and Readers,

Jesus said to love even those who persecute you.

Matthew 5:44
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

Matthew 5:11
“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

I will just say this.  I have no animosity or hate for my brothers or sisters in the New Church.  All I ever wanted to do was learn with Rachel and be one with her. She chose to constantly judge me and Pastor Glenn's attitude was what helped in both me writing this blog and continuing it.  It is a message to both of them about how kindness and understanding goes a long way. Compassion and caring always wins over selfishness, piousness, and self assuredness.  I would never talk to Rachel or Pastor Glenn the way they did to me when I was grieving and even though I dont know Pastor Glenn personally I have always told him that I have the utmost respect for him and his faith it is he and Rachel who turned me away when I needed love, compassion, and understanding.  So I want to share with you something very personal that I shared with the Church of the New Jerusalem Dawson Creek.  I prayed about it and I wanted to give Rachel a birthday present back in January without her sending it back so I did but it was so much more than that and hopefully Pastor Glenn didnt throw it away because it was donation in honor of Rachel and the Ladies of the New Church of Dawson Creek.  For all those who read this and think I hate Rachel and want to seek revenge on the New Church and be evil to them it is the exact opposite.  I love them.  If Rachel wants to keep ignoring me and the true love I have for her then it is on her.  I have a heart full of love and I realized that it is my free will to hate her and seek revenge but it is God's will for me to keep loving her and to press on with this blog and other things.  I dont want to ramble on but I will just leave you with the letter I sent along with the donation and maybe you can form your opinion of how much loving others means to me. The Letter is as follows

Dear Dawson Creek New Church Ladies Group,
c/o Jane Myatt, Rachel Myatt, Bev Bourbeau

I wanted to take the time to make a donation to the fundraising efforts of  your group.  It is a blessing to Rachel Myatt for her 26th birthday as for a time in my life she was one my best and closest friends.   I always believed that one of the best gifts we could give is to be charitable to a cause that someone we love believes in.  I always believed in Rachel and her love for God and I hope my humble and small contribution to your Ladies Group will do some good.  I wanted to tell you all that even though I do not know you all I was blessed with meeting three wonderful women named Rachel Myatt, Jane Myatt, and Amanda Myatt.  Rachel is a very special and beautiful person and I hope the Lord God Jesus Christ continues to use her as an instrument of His will.  May you all find many blessings in life and may God be with your families and loved ones this day. I wanted to give of my heart to one of the people who means the most to me in this world. Most of all I wanted to give of myself like God commands even to strangers.  Rachel was my true friend.  God Bless All.



Romans 13:8
[ Love Fulfills the Law ] Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.



With Love to My Sisters In Christ,
Byron

I have nothing but love in my heart for those who turned their back on me and hurt me.  Anyone can make fun of me on this blog, put me down, say I am obsessed, or its borderline crazy or whatever that is for someone who is not aware of the life I lead or how much I give of  myself to others around me.  I put faith in Rachel through Christ and I still do that.   So hopefully if I start giving people especially the Church of the New Jerusalem a deeper window into my heart maybe Rachel will understand how much she is loved and how everyday that passes we dont make peace and we arent friends and loving each other she is killing my heart and good will.

Rachel stop for a moment and think of all the cruel things I could have did. I could have photoshopped pictures of you and been cruel. I have your videos that you sent me yourself on my computer but not once did I use them against you.  I love you and Jonathan this has never been about making this a nightmare for you or hurting you. It is truly an act of love and if you cant see that for what it is then you truly are lost to me.


God Bless All

Nihilism/Blasphemous Rumours: Maybe Revenge On Rachel is Viable? Should I Go Ahead

                                         Blasphemous Rumors by Depeche Mode


Dear Rachel, Church of the New Jerusalem Readers, and Regular Readers,

I want you to really take the time to both read and analyze what I am saying in this blog. You must read the whole thing as it is very lengthy.   In the end if you are someone from the New Church I would like you to leave input on why I should not go forth on seeking some kind of Retribution on Rachel because it has come to my conclusion that I had nothing but love for her, her family, her Church and it seems to these people it was all a joke.  

I started this blog off with a song called "Blasphemous Rumors" believe it or not when it was released I was very young but I had already begin to understand the things this song talks about.   I was 9 years old.  I had endured much prejudice and racism at school on a daily basis.  I had been molested by a man by this time.   I was told by my father daily how worthless I was and he hadnt even been around for awhile.  All a little kid like me wanted was to be loved.  My mother worked herself to the bone to take care of me and my brother we lived in what is now public housing.  I remember her one night having to go to work and apologize for leaving me home with my younger brother.  I told her "Its ok Mommy I know you have to." I will never forget it.  Anyways  this song comes from the album "Some Great Reward" released in 1984 for anyone familiar with Depeche Mode it is also the album where their anthem about acceptance and tolerance of others "People Are People" also resides.  I have never fit in and this song stayed  with me for my whole life.  Being a Christian this song may at first sound offensive but if you listen closely you will hear what most of us have known  all along.  God permits evil to happen but He is not the one that makes it happen.   So many people have taken this song the wrong way, yet so many people have seen the good in this song and the sad part of it all is that was based on a true story both accounts that happened  in the song.  Pastor Glenn I was well aware of many things in the subconscious mind from an early age.  I remember things as far back as 1yrs old and my parents were always amazed at the things I remembered and could comprehend.  It was sort of offensive of both you and Rachel to ever think I couldn't comprehend things that Swedenborg was saying and it was arrogant, forthright, and judgmental. 

So here is my question with this song as part of the premise

Why should I not get Revenge or Retaliation on Rachel?
In the Old Testament doesn't it talk about Eye for An Eye and Tooth For a Tooth.  I do not live or subscribe to that school of thought.  Here is what boogles my mind the most especially about the mindset of the people from the Church of the New Jerusalem

In the New Testament it says
Matthew 5:38-39
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ ³⁹ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.  


I constatly put up with Rachel's religious bigotry, her attitude, and her piousness and still I loved her I got stabbed in the back, ridiculed, told I was ill, damaged, and sick and she was the one with all the issues and insecurities. I never thought twice about loving her and looking to her insides. Is that the kind of selfish charity the Church of The New Jerusalem teaches?I am here following what Jesus told us to do and that is just to love. Truly love our enemies.  I was never Rachel's enemy she made me into her enemy.  Who is the one being evil New Church?
Who lied to me and, talked ill of my mother and me, who did all these things and when I got upset because of them I became the bad guy because I had enough love to ask questions to the Church.  I had the nerve to tell the Church worldwide that I loved my sister and wanted to make peace with her. I have to nerve to put up a blog and write to her each day and let other people into my thoughts and tell them how much I love her and want peace with her.

I am going to say this as I have said it partly before. Some of you people in the New Church are nothing more but elitist douchebags who sit around thinking they are better than other Christians circle jerking your thoughts at each other trying to be brilliant like you know more than everyone else while its really the people who are humble and dont claim to no anything who know the most.  You dont like that statement well Im sorry that is how you come off.

___________________________________________________________________________

Part II Nihilism

At 17 years old I stopped going to any kind of Church I was fed up with the hypocrisy, the way certian people acted better than others, and the fact that in most Churches the Bible wasn't actually being opened it was a bunch of Pastors and  Reverends using their own words or supplementals and not the Word of God.  It seems like The New Church useds Swedenborg more than they do the Bible the actual TRUE DIVINE WORD OF GOD.   That is as far as I will go with that because I every religion has their books on the side. 

So for all those people that would judge my love of God like Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn I want you to know that at 21yrs of age I had totally given up on God.  He came to me that year and healed me though because He knew I was in pain and it changed my life.  I want to share with you a song that was a direct challenge to Him and keep in mind this was 1996.  Here are the lyrics to one of the first songs I wrote called "Blind"


Blind

Ill never be a father,
Just someone's messed up son
I'll never be anyone's lover
Just second best to none

I'm always on the outside
Wanting to fit in
I've become my own and I'm taking my throne
and now the jokes on them

I will be justified,  I will be purified
I dont have time to die I 'm nothing in their eyes
One by one I will lead the swine down the line
Just a matter of time before they realized they have been Blind

I used to shut my eyes
Sometimes I'd walk away
I was scared to decide the actions of my fate
Now I've got control Yes  I've got the upper hand
My words mean nothing to the masses
And now they'll understand

I grew up sweet and kind
And now I'm full of rage
I used to believe in someone Divine
But now those thoughts have gone away
They sold me books of lies and I refused to pray
There is no Savior, you idiots are blind

Now the damage has been done
I believed in you for fun
Struck down all your convictions and I lost
But there was no one dying up on that Cross!!!!!!!

You think I'm blasphemous
The worms crawl from my mouth
You want to escape the truth
But for you there is no way out

Ive watched too many bleed
And now its time to kill
You're already dead
If you swallowed the bitter pill

I'll never be like them
I dont fit in with their kind
If they cant see me for me (Rachel and the Church of New Jerusalem this is for you)
Frack them cause they are Blind

(c)1996 Belligerent Hate Music

Now I ask you how could someone filled with such piss and vinegar who was so nihilistic and vitriolic become someone who loves God so much?  In this song I address someone of what was hurting me and one of them is me wanting to be a father and have a family in the first lines of the song.  Rachel has no idea how much she has hurt me playing with my dream.  It took a long time before I ever trusted a women to love and want a family with and when she took that for granted and said all the cruel things she did. It opened up a whole new light to things.

Shortly after I wrote this I met a Christian kid named Pat who listened to a whole lot of rock music both punk, metal, and other types that were faith based.  I blew it off and said the two shouldn't be mixed.  Then something happened I started hanging out with him an his friend Jaime and became interested.  I went to their Church which was and still is called God's Place. It was some bikers and a whole lot of kids who were praying,  playing music, and having good wholesome fun with other people who loved God like they did.  Slowly my heart was opening back up to the Lord and soon the darkness in my heart turned to love and now my dear friends of all Religions and especially of the Church of the New Jerusalem I refuse to stop believing, I learn on a daily basis,  I question beliefs and contradictions.  I love God and for those of you who cant see that the reason I haven't given up on Rachel is because this is His Love.  It is a gift He instilled in me to share with her so that she will learn a valuable lesson in her spiritual journey.


__________________________________________________________________________

Part III
Should I Seek Revenge or Retaliation on Rachel?

Sometimes I think the Church of New Jerusalem would like it if I sought revenge on Rachel with all the excuses they make with their doctrine.  The fact is I have thought about it many times. 
I thought about how she thinks she has escaped from what she has done and thinks her life might be alright but I know eventually when you hurt other people especially people who truly love you and didn't deserve the selfishness of your actions then it will come back to you.  Life has a way of getting back to you.  So that is why I try to never let my karma be evil toward others because it will be returned.   I could trash Rachel and the New Church instead I just love them and continue showing them that I care.  When Rachel gets her Valentine Present she will know what  I really think of her.  It is something big that will last a lifetime.  I know that this blog affects her because she doesn't like any pictures up or videos on the internet.  Why? Because this blog embarrased her? Much like she was embarrased of being with me and couldn't accept me, when I told the truth about how she acted she couldn't be woman enough that in telling my story I told the truth about me and her.  She knows I have all our correspondence and that I have everything that could discredit her.  She knows I could make her look bad to people who think she is so good.

I want to make a couple points about how much I love Rachel

1. I wanted to be with Rachel even though I had vowed to never be with another single mother again.  I love both her and Jonathan with all my heart.  End of Story.

2. I am a single eligible bachelor.  I have no kids.  No heavy commitments.  I had girls lining up to give me not only a relationship, but sex, and any other thing I wanted.  I thought Rachel loved God so much that is why I chose her and I prayed to God about it.  He led me to her and I still know it was and is the right thing to persue. 

3. Rachel constantly judged me for everything.   This is a lady who takes care of kids all day, never aspired to be anything more education wise.  Had a kid out of wedlock by a guy who knocked up two other girls around the same time? Did I judge? No I just loved her for who she was and accepted her but I couldn't recieve the same?

4. The New Church talks about acceptance, kindness to others, loving our neighbor and being charitiable but here I  am being treated like im Lucifer myself.  Unbeknownst to most I made a donation to Dawson Creek New Church and I made a donation to Dawson Creek Ladies Group. Not because I thought it would get Rachels attention but because I was trying to say I love you my fellow Christians and support your love of Christ even if you dont mine.



So I want to end this with a Question to the Church of the New Jerusalem readers.

Why shouldn't I seek revenge on Rachel Myatt?

I mean after all she has done to me and I have showed nothing but a willingness to forgive and be forgiven.

She almost killed me with her lies, her betrayal, Her words against me and my family, and her playing with my dream of having a family with her.  Key words being a family with her. I believed in her, wanted nobody but her and Jonathan. I didnt see her as an object for sex, I belived her to be a good Christian Woman, and I saw her strengths with her flaws as beautiful.  You talk about free will New Church.  Rachel always had a choice to do the right thing and she acted impulsively the whole way through.  I always asked her about things,  I never tried to rush her into anything, I listened to her, loved her, and was patient but I wasn't worth the same love, time, and compassion. 

So Church of the New Jerusalem Why should I keep being a kind Christian who loves Rachel? Why should I live being nice to someone who was evil and is now unresponsive to someone who truly is seeking peace with her? 

Maybe she deserves to be hated, screwed over, and put in her place.  From everything I am hearing I feel that is what people would rather have then the true love, reconciliation and peace I seek because of Christ love.

I am unapologetic about loving people and God's love. I do not care what any of you think of me because most of you doubt how much love I have.  I love Rachel I have tried to make peace with her and she has ignored and so I will do what I need to do so I can survive and be at peace and if it means it hurts her oh well. I came to her to through means of this website, other people, and The Church.  I have never done drugs, been diagnosed with any mental problems, and I loved her with all my heart and in her mind I was crazy, damaged, and sick all because I was never afraid to say what was on my mind and believe in other people. I am sorry that some people in the Church of The New Jerusalem are taught to be so inconsiderate, UnChristian, and Uncaring. I wish nothing but good for anyone in life but when you infringe on my happiness, my friendship, and my love and then try to make me look bad because of your insecurities I am sorry I will not forget that Rachel Myatt so you get what you deserve now.


I was never your experiment Rachel Myatt. I was not a doormat, a game, or a fling. I was a man who loved you for all that you were. I accepted your flaws and insecurities and you used mine against me.  Swedenborgians I am only beginning with this story so brace yourselves.

Rachel I will no longer hold back what needs to be said or done for the sake of you being comfortable. You didnt think twice about abandoning me, lying to me, or hurting me and when I tried to make you understand you shut me out and said you said all you had to say. Now I am going to say everything and show everything. I tried to make peace with you and reached out to you and so you had every chance to do things right.  I am not sorry for telling the truth from here on out.

God Bless All

The Greatest Acts of Forgiveness - Message To Rachel Myatt, Pastor Coleman Glenn, and The Church of the New Jerusalem Worldwide

Dear Rachel,  Pastor Coleman Glenn, The New Church of Canada,  The Church of the New Jerusalem,

If you have taken the time to watch the video above and it doesnt bring tears to your eyes then you do not know the kind of forgiveness and love that I have been speaking about in my blogs.  Rachel caused me the greatest hurt I have ever had in my life and for the better part of a year and a half I have tried to make peace with her.  I love her and her son more than anyone else I have ever loved and she will never know how much.  I spend countless nights praying that she will understand that and never have given up hope.  When other people say I should let it go and walk away then they don't understand that when Christ puts a love in your heart this deep and powerful and this life changing you cannot just walk away from it.  I read Pastor Glenn's essay the other day and in it he talks about people having revelations for their own selfish reasons.  I do not have this love in my heart for selfish reasons Pastor Glenn and that is what I have tried to let you know.  If I truly wanted revenge, retaliation, and to hurt Rachel I could have and could still do it quick and swiftly.  Look at all the hate and hurt in the world and here I present something so beautiful.  It is called Unconditional Love and True Forgiveness. That is the greatest gift we could have. Rachel and I spent all this time not talking to each other and because of her actions in one swift moment all the love, the friendship, and beauty of what we accomplished was lost. Why? Not because I was selfish I gave her my all.  She made assumptions, put me down, said hurtful things and all I ever did was love her and believe in her.  In man's worldview and thinking I should have done something to get revenge.  If you honestly look at "The Letters To Rachel Campaign" It was never about hurting Rachel, sending out letters to belittle her, or defame her or her family. It was meant to show her that I am a man that loves her and Jonathan with all my heart and I would never leave or give up on either one of them.  It was meant to show her what lengths I would go through to let her know that I love her.  She constantly doubted my love, my abilities given to me by the Lord, and my faith.   I have shown people that my faith is what defines me not what others say. The greatest example of my love is when two of my Atheist friends wrote Pastor Coleman Glenn.  I have no idea what the wrote him but I know this they probably wrote about how much I love people and even those who treat me cruel I always try to make peace with.  Growing up as a little boy in Texas was hard people here are very cruel I remember times when white people were cruel to me and called me Nigger for no reason at all because I was black.  Though it was very hurtful I just did the best I could to be a person.  I never define myself as black or any color I have always strived to be a person.  I don't believe in any race except the human race.  I just happened to be pigmentally blessed.   I showed in loving Rachel that there was no countries borders, no color of skin, and none of my preconcieved notions as I had vowed to never enter into a relationship with a woman with children again.   In the end I fell in love with both Rachel and Jonathan and she needs to know how much I love her.   I want to dedicate a quick video to Rachel by one of my favorite bands called "Here's To The Meantime" by Grace Potter & the Nocturnals.  I want you to listen to the words and it is about all the time you lose by not believing in yourself, holding grudges, and sitting around moping.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVd5Lwe5KPE  I want the Church of the New Jerusalem that I had nothing but intentions of worshipping and being in unison with Rachel.  I wanted her and Pastor Glenn to see at what a prime example of what love could of done when I needed them both to listen and be there.  I was someone who had lost a parent and instead of Rachel keeping her promises and being there for me she abandoned me, cursed me, and treated me awful.   They had a chance to witness their case for the Writings, Swedenborg, and the supposed love that espouses from the New Church teachings.  Instead I was constantly told how I was wrong or that Rachel was right and I was wrong  because of free will. What about my free will? What about choosing love over revenge, what about being kind instead of hateful, what about true forgiveness? These were all questions I tried to get the good Pastor Glenn to ponder.  So at first it was all one sided.  I wont go into all that because that is not the purpose of this blog.  My point being is that I love you Rachel Myatt and I want peace with you and your family.  I want to talk to you again.  I want to laugh with you again.  I want to have you in my life again.  You and Jonathan mean something to me..  I want all my readers and Rachel and her familly to check back here on Valentines Day on February 14 and I will leave a detailed blog about how I am writing Rachel's Name Across the Sky!  It will be that day when she truly knows how much she means to me.  She will know my love transcends space and time and that what I profess and hold true is real and timeless.  Rachel Myatt you are my best friend and I want you back in my life.  I want to say a little prayer and tell you how much I love you today.


Our Father in The Heavens,
Father, Lord, God Jesus Christ  on this day please let Your love flow endlessly to Rachel Myatt and the Myatt and Friesen families.  Please let the Church of the New Jerusalem know that I love them all as my brothers and sisters in your name and that what I am doing is out of love, not out of hate, to hurt, but because You love me and You love Rachel and my promise was a covenant I made with You Oh Lord to never be broken to You or Rachel.  I ask that Rachel find it in her heart soon to forgive and be forgiven through Your Guidance, Counsel, and Mercy.  I ask that You help me to seek the way of good in letting Rachel know that I love her,  In interacting and voicing my opinion to the New Church,  and in loving my fellow brothers and sisters.  I ask that you take all the feelings of hurt, despair, and betrayal that I feel toward Rachel and turn them into more love.  I believe in Your Word Lord.  I believe that with Your Hand anything is possible.  I believe in the Love You gave me for Rachel, for her family, and all my brothers and sisters of the earth.  I ask you hear my humble prayer as Father I know we are so small but our lives are important to You who loves each and everyone of us.  I ask that You help anyone today that is hurting and needs your love, kindness, and mercy to recieve it. Blessed be You Word and all the good it brings.

Amen

Rachel I dont want to miss out on having you in my life. Think back to all the beauty of our friendship. Read your letters and emails that I sent you just think of all the wondeful things we gave to each other both spiritual, mental, and physical.  My I love you's were always for real and I would never leave you and Jonathan or betray your heart for anyone else.  Find it in your heart to know you deserve to be loved this much and that I do care for you. I will continue to go to the ends of the earth against any obstacle why? Because I believe in you Rachel Myatt.  I love you and it is a love that is a part of me that I will not forsake.  I miss you. You are my best friend.

In Response To Pastor Coleman Glenn/New Church Perspective Essay

Dear Rachel and Readers,

This is taken from an essay from the New Church Perspective and is actually written by Coleman Glenn the Pastor who is always in question on my blog.  I have nothing but respect for the man and this essay he has written seems to lean on the side that though he has a distinct theological and philosophical take on his religious world view, he is open minded. It never seemed that way with me.  He was always trying to prove the Writings right and me wrong and that what I was doing in regards to Rachel.  It seemed to me that no one ever took into consideration that Rachel could have lied, or said cruel things to me, or been a such horrible person because the Church looks on her with such favor there in Dawson  Creek.  I am sorry but she is not as good as everyone thinks and because they pull the wool over their eyes of how she acts they are blind to it. Why would anyone say things against the person they love the most in the world. I do them because it was the truth. I love Rachel with all my heart but I had to expose the truth about her cruel nature. I came to Pastor Glenn after she said I was stupid for going to the Church and once again she doubted my abilities and what I could do and now look how far things have went. It was an attempt for her to be humbled from being such an unkind person. I always felt that way when she and I talked she talked down about other adults but was always kind to children her being a foster mother and all.   It was his attitude and reaction that has also been part of keeping things alive on this blog.  I want to share with you a passage from the essay and I will also link to the full essay.  I am not here to bash the good Pastor only to be comparative and offer my point of view of things that happened with me because of Rachel and how his response had a hand in this blog. Please read and make your own perception of things as it has always been my place to let each decide what they take from things on their own without being biased. Two sides to every story(Circle and Sides my next blog )

here is the link to the full blog and below is my contrasting pointhttp://www.newchurchperspective.com/essays/2012/2/3/how-i-view-the-writings-part-i.html



This is an excerpt from the blog
"If I have an attitude of genuinely seeking for what the Lord says for the sake of life, even if I get things completely wrong, those falsities can be used for good. The problem only arises if a person confirms himself in the fallacies of the senses – and especially when a person not only confirms himself in his understanding, but also uses them to confirm lusts in his life. How do I avoid this? I try to always be open to the fact that my understanding could be off. And I try to avoid confirming truths for selfish reasons. In that case, even if something is true, it’s as if it were evil. To use an example from a recent discussion here: I believe Conjugial Love 175 when it says that women cannot enter into the offices proper to men and men cannot enter into the offices proper to women, and that women cannot raise their minds into the same rational light as men (nor can men raise their minds into the same warmth as women, per CL 188). I believe it because the Lord says it, and it doesn’t seem to me to contradict any other teachings in the Word. And I try to see the truth of it in the world. But – I am open to the fact that I could be understanding it wrong. And even if it is true, if I use that to love my own intelligence, or to feed a love of dominion in myself, then even though it’s true in itself, it’s false with me."

When I read this I understood it to be a reaction to an earlier discussion about Women being ordained as Ministers in the New Church or even Churches in General.  It has always been my understanding that God wants to use all of us to spread his Word and I think right now we have a misogynist and patriarchal Church period and in that I mean Churches not just The Church of the New Jerusalem.  My World Religion Professor in College was a Baptist Minister he was a male.  My Speech Professor at the same institution was a Baptist Minister was a female.  It was interesting that the male Professor had such an open mind and was enthusiastic about Religion you could talk to him about anything.  My female Professor on the other hand was very narrow minded she told  us for our final speech we could not talk about Religion, Sex,  or Drugs.   She was also a big fan Disney at the time.  My final speech was about the freedom of speech in the first 3 minutes I had talked about all the things she told us not to but she knew I was right in doing so because my premise was correct and it was about being able to speak freely.  I opened the speech(which  I still have on a VHS tape) with the old adage about yelling fire in a crowded theater.  Then I brought a tshirt that may seem offensive to women and explained that it was from an all female rock band and that it showed that women have power and that they are able to show their strengths and gifts in society riddled by patriachy and corruption.  I also talked about drugs and though I have never taken the stuff in my life(I hardly ever take the prescription drugs I get for pain lol) I defended and made an arguement for certain things such as the mariuana plant and how it is used to cloth and help others such as cancer patients.  The part she didnt like is when I called out Disney and the Religious Fundamentalist for something that had happened that year. Disney owned record label Hollywood Records at the time and controversial rap group Insane Clown Posse had been dropped from the label six hours after the record came out because of lyrics that some held objectional but on the other hand they were able to release an album by former Misfit singer and Satanist Glenn Danzig.  The album BlackAcidDevil.   How did that go under the radar Christian Fundamentalist?  This was Danzig's 5th album and not one of them said a thing to Disney about it. It seems people who are so bent on having a slanted and narrow world view are quick to judge without researching things.  Should I judge every female minister from my experience and say that they shouldnt serve at that level. No I believe in the hiearchy in the Church there are duties that a man should attend to but women at some level should be able to spread the word of God because they do bring a different reasoning to it and it may even enlighten and enhance ones perceptions of the Word. God loves us all and wants us all to share with others. We can witness by being who we are and living by example.  That is one reason I came to the Church with my concerns about Rachel. She used her faith as a crutch to love others not just me.  I know there is so much love and good in her heart and that is why I never let her push me away she decided to do that herself with her attitude, misperceptions, and her inconsideration of my circumstances at the time. Like I have said before she knew about everything the whole time I was honest and I never lied to her.  If her family didnt like me she said she would still stand up for me and I feel that is what happened because I asked her that question and she couldnt answer it.  I liked them just fine I was just shy and heartbroken after losing my mom and I was probably about 70% of who I was but if Rachel had of stuck with me and given me time and patience like I had given her for so long then she would have found everything she wanted to see. Death is a traumatic experience and she said so many sweet things to me about how she would be there for me then abandoned all those promises and things quickly.  At the end of the day I just wanted respect and love and I did not recieve those from either Rachel Myatt or Pastor Glenn in most aspects and this is not to say that the Pastor doesnt respect me because he does.  He just didnt in the context of seeing my love and how deeply Rachel had actually lied and hurt me.


I want to let you know with that being said everyday I pick something to read from the Arcana Coelestia.  I read New Church articles.  I listen to sermons and to Pastor Glenn it seemed I was some idiot that was just angry that Rachel didnt want to be with me.  I was never that person. I was upset that she lied,  I was upset that she used her faith to constantly put me and others down, and I was upset that because of free will he thought that she could just do what she wants and there be no consequences because that is what she said to me.   While I do not consider anyone in the New Church my enemy as Rachel made me into.  I know this you need to go into every situation and arguement with an open mind, heart, and be able to discuss rationally the question at hand.  What am I gettting at in regards to Coleman Glenn's Blog?  It is in this passage of his that I have used that I feel he contradicts what he says because many times I told him that it was my calling to love Rachel and it was not something selfish I was doing for myself.  It was not about lust, because if you have read my earlier blogs I was put in a situation where I could have cheated on Rachel and not been pure for her and I resisted the temptation.  Rachel was the only one I wanted to give my body and all of me to.   I love her and her son with one of the purest loves ever and that is what I have been trying to show both himself, Rachel, and those in the New Church.  I was faced with so many women at the time when Rachel came into my life and I had prayed about it because I spent five years alone.  My previous girlfriend died of a brain tumor and I gave myself time to love me before I entered into another relationship.  In summer of 2009 I prayed about it and Rachel came into my life early 2010.  The love I had for Rachel was and is incredible I love her and her son even from this distance and all the pain that has come with all my heart.  My friends and family and all pray that she eventually realizes that I will not give up on her.  It is not what God wants me to do and Coleman whether you understand that revelation or not or disagree with it, it is my cross to bear and you were just one of God's conduits into the situation.  If Rachel wants to continue living her life hurting people and then pretending they dont exist then fine.  I wont live my life that way. It was because of my love for her I never gave up and God has lifted me to a spiritual plane and an understanding that was greater than before.  I am glad that you are passionate about your faith Pastor Glenn but there are time when you do come off as obnoxious and wanted to only prove yourself theologically right and for any Christian and situation that is not always the best thing to do.  I was never shown any compassion by you for the fact that Rachel not only caused pain to me at the time but that she disrespected my deceased mother.  That is what struck me the most.  I came to you for mostly that reason that Rachel was so hellbent on pushing me away and getting rid of me any love between us almost turned to hate and evil because she was so cruel.  If you want I can post up all of Rachel's emails for you Pastor Glenn and I can show everyone all the things she said to me and how she was contradictory to me and the love she said she had for me in this case.  I have said many times though that is petty and I love her too much to do it that way.  With that being said.   I have not revealed my essay "Why The New Church Thinks You Are Wrong?" to the New Church and it will not be revealed to the New Church until March.   February is about me loving Rachel and showing her that with God you can do anything even when things look rough.  I have spent in excess of a year trying to make peace with her and show her that my love is pure and true for her and Jonathan.  It is her loss if she denies it and she keeps hiding in the shadows trying to hide from what she did.  My name is Byron and I am proud to write this blog.  I am out in the open.  I have told of all my pain and what has gone on in my life proudly because of my love for Rachel.  I dont expect you to ever understand the love in my heart Pastor Glenn but if you were a true servant of God then you would respect it.  Respect the fact that I love someone instead of hate them for what they did to me.  Respect the fact that I am trying to show a love greater than human love but the Love of Christ which is forgiving and long suffering.  Respect the fact that I respect you as a Pastor and have shown you and your congregation love even if you have hurt me and disrespected me with your words.   Respect the fact that I am not some weak minded individual that throws around rhetoric and theology without first examining and reflecting on that. Yes Pastor Glennn I am someone who reads to be enlightened and here is one point I am getting at.  Is turning someone away from the Church what God wants us to do? It seems you and Rachel did that.  I needed that love in my life after I lost my mom but all I got was excuses and theological reasons why I was wrong.  What if God wanted to use me in the New Church Pastor Glenn? One of Rachel's complaints was that no one ever accepted her faith when dating her and I did!  So Rachel can never use that again from now on it will be her personally who turns people away from the Church because I was open minded and learning.  If you truly cared about Rachel and me you would discuss the past couple of blogs I have written with her and also about charity and kindness to others.  You see Pastor Glenn I am not here to put you down I am here because I love you.  You could be my enemy but since I never treat others like that and only as friends I will never know that evil. When I was a young boy I had a friend who turned his back on me because he was Catholic and he didnt like my mothers religion. We were little kids 10 or 11.  He told me he hated me and hated my mom and wouldnt play with me again.  I was sad I experienced so much hate for what my mom believed and for the color of my skin as a young child well on into my teens.  I used to just sit on the playground and look at him because I was sad I lost something special in my life because I was different and I couldnt change that.  A year later he told me he was sorry and we became the best of friends again and I even became good friends with his cousin.  I never tried to get revenge or hurt him because he caused me pain. Even at that young age I just prayed and was always kind to him.  I want you to understand that is what I am doing with Rachel. Rachel Myatt I love you with all my heart.  Myatt Family I love you with all my heart.  New Church of Dawson Creek I love you all and this is not an attack on you it is a revelation and it is my path I must continue on no matter how painful it looks now.   I love Rachel Myatt and I know God will make things right in time.  Rachel I miss you and Jonathan and I cant make you come back I just put my faith in God not blindly but surely that you will someday.  

God Bless Rachel Myatt and the Myatt Family
God Bless Pastor Coleman Glenn
God Bless my readers for their continued support and love

God Bless All

Goodnight Rachel, I want you to know I Still Love You

                                           Cup Of Coffee by Garbage

                                                      Cry by The Sundays



Dearest Rachel and Readers,

I wanted to say goodnight to Rachel tonight and tell her that I love her.  I want her to know I am doing what I am doing because she doubted me and the abilities that I posses especially the love the Lord gave me.  I love you Rachel Myatt more than I have loved any other woman besides my mother so that makes you the most important woman I have ever loved because you are the one who didnt have to love me uncondtionally like moms are supposed too. I had many people come and go in my life but you were my keeper, the one I couldnt live without..  I wish you knew how special you and Jonathan are to me and how much I pray about you and try to keep from doing and saying things to hurt you.  It does not make me happy that I have this pain in my heart but I know I must keep enduring the pain if you are ever going to realize what God has put in my heart. He never has let me carry a burden I couldnt handle so He has carried, loved, and guided me through this whole ordeal.  I wanted to dedicate two songs to you tonight the first is  "Cup of Coffee"  by Garbage because I think of Tim Hortons and how much I loved watching you have your coffee every morning.   This song got me through a lot of tears and its special to me.  The second song is "Cry" by the Sundays it is a beautiful song and I dedicate it to you Rachel and Jonathan because I miss you two so much.  I want to say this before I end tonight.


My Father in  Heaven,
Please watch over Rachel and Jonathan, the Myatt, Friesen, and Baker Families.  Though Rachel and I are miles apart she is right here in my heart and I love her and have love for all of her family.  I want them all to know that I would do anything for Rachel and Jonathan and even though I fall short of showing that I would give my life for both of them.  Please watch over them all, show them Your mercy, love, kindness, and wisdom and bless them all.  All this be in Your Name Oh Lord

Amen

The Importance of Being Kind and Truthful to Others

The Suburbs by Arcade Fire



Dear Rachel and Readers,
Months ago I used this song in one of my blogs.  I want to use this song again to make a point about why it is always important to be truthful to people we love and care about.  If Rachel loved me as her friend at all regardless of our relationship then she would have been truthful with me instead of be afraid to convey her feelings to me. I am a very understanding and caring person.  The fact that other people would write Pastor Glenn about me and my love for Rachel is a testament to that love.  People don't know just how much I been through and how I could have been in jail, I could have been dead, or something to that effect.  I want to use the song "The Suburbs" by Arcade Fire the Canadian/American band(Texas claims the lead singer Win and his brother William) Anyways the beauty of this song is there is a sense of family.  The wanting of people to grow up and to bear offspring and to move into that house and find love and some kind of normalcy.  I loved Rachel Myatt enough to want that with her.  For the Past 5 years all I had done was travel around.  Catch my favorite bands and be selfish. I mean I was charitable and always helped my fellow man but you could have never told me I would fall in love with someone who had a child and who lived in Canada.  Not to slight the other Canadian girls I dated but with Rachel it was different.  My love for her was the strongest and most beautiful thing ever and many nights I prayed about it.  God is she the one?  I had temptations around me and I was lonely and hurting but through it all I kept myself pure for Rachel she was the apple of my eye and in the end she never appreciated how much I loved her and all the sacrifice I was willing to make for her. She couldn't let go of all the other pain in her life and the other men who hurt her and for some strange reason she thought I  was going to  try to push her into marriage and I would never do that I would have waited as long as it took she was worth that to me.  She constantly made assumptions about me and downplayed the beautiful person I know that I am. All I did was truly love her and I still truly love her.  I am going to make a point though of why I am using the song. Rachel is the woman I wanted to have children with and I loved her and her little boy to no end.  I wanted Jonathan to be my stepson eventually and I would have loved him as my own and never thought twice.   I wanted a spiritual relationship with Rachel through God and not once did I ever do anything but say that I would accept her religion and study to become in unison with her and I did read the Writings not questioning but examing that to which I could hold true.  So Rachel and Readers I leave you with one of the most beautiful lines ever written in the song and a moment that will stay inside me forever because of the person I loved and still love.  These lyrics made me cry and when Rachel abandoned me I would listen to this song and think about how much I truly loved her and wanted a family with her.  I no longer desire to have that because all people do is lie to me and play games and what Rachel did was cruel and painful. My whole life all I ever wanted was a family of my own but in the end I only wanted it with her so without further adieu here are the lyrics from "The Suburbs" that mean so much to me

So can you understand
Why I want a daughter while I'm still young?
I wanna hold her hand
And show her some beauty
Before this damage is done

But if it's too much to ask, it's too much to ask
Then send me a son


All I ever wanted was to be loved and have my own family. I never had a happy family life growing up and when I lost my mother I was devastated.  My father was cruel to me most of my life and to my mother and when I saw that I devoted my life to being kind to women and not treating them with disrespect. My father is sick and he is on chemo they gave him a 60/40 chance of living. He has acknowledged the wrong he did to me and apologized which is something I never expected and it gave me some relief but I never thought less of my dad for the hurt. I just never knew why I deserved it when I never did anything to get into trouble and have been a good man. I gave Rachel more love than you could ever imagine. I actually courted her. I never saw her as an object. I accepted her and her son and wanted them both.  In return all I got were lies, deception, ridicule, and told how I didnt love God.   To me having a family and love would have saved my heart but I have realized now that maybe I dont deserve that because all I ever do is get lied to and played with.  I came from abuse, neglect, and lots of hurt so for any of you reading this in the Church of the New Jerusalem that have families that understand what its like to wake up to your spouse or children and find love and happiness how could any of you ever judge me. I wake up to loneliness and the hurt that Rachel left me with.  I wake up to the picture of her and Jonathan next to my bed wishing I was with them and that she had never betrayed me.  I think of how I could have turned to drugs, became a womaninzer, drinking and all this stuff after all this happened but I didn't I turned to God.  I pray all the time and I write this blog and I love Rachel. So for you Pastors out there who have a family and love in your life how could you slight me for wanting that love and having someone so cruely play with my good heart and true love and to use your doctrine.  How could you want to deny me something so pure and know that one of your flock killed that love I had for that by being cruel and using your doctrine to do  so.   You wonder why I write the things I do and have taken out a campaign against not only the New Church but Rachel Myatt it is for that reason.  She played with the love I had for her as a person and destroyed it and in turn it has hurt my love as a person and in the Bible and in the Writings that is a sin.  So I want you all to think about that today Swedenborgians, New Church Members, Christians, or whoever reads that.  Love can save but evil can kill and what Rachel did to me killed my spirit.  I could have given up on everything even my life but even when I wanted to do that I loved Rachel enough to stay alive because I never wanted to hurt her like she hurt me.   I wish both the New Church and Rachel would think about the beauty of that and also the beauty of Forgiveness, Friendship, Family, and Kindness.   I have never been a hypocrite when it comes to my love of God and I have a very open mind so I listened to a bunch of New Church Sermons and the one that struck me the most was one by Rev Grant Odhner http://www.newchurch.org/about/news/grant-odhner-something-to-eat-sermon.html  Rachel always complained about a man not loving her because of her faith and unbeknownst to her everyday I would read from the Writings and listen to many sermons.  Pastor Glenn wrote a blog about how other people weren't listening but I was the whole time and I got pushed away.  It seems there are two schools of thought in the New Church those who are willing to accept others and embrace them and those who are in some elitest mentality of being on some higher spiritual plane than others. They say they are enlightened but dont want to see others love for God or that others might have a calling that they cant understand or comprehend.  Also to anyone who thinks I am bluffing about sending out the essay "Why The Church of the New Jerusalem Thinks You Are Wrong?" I am off work today printing hundreds of copies this is real and Rachel truly hurt me to where I feel like this.  I made an analogy to Pastor Glenn about callings which he had written a blog about people having callings.  God called me to love Rachel and I will not forsake that I said much like he called Pastor Glenn to be a Pastor and to serve the New Church I was called to love Rachel and while he may not see that or anyone else it is my revelation from God and not for anyone else to see.  Rachel may not even see it at this time but I think she does I think she is reluctant to answer on it because she doesn't truly know how much I love her and why all this is happening.  My dear Rachel and Readers this is God's calling to me.  I am not obsessed with Rachel Myatt, I can stop this blog, I can forget about her, I can even wish evil upon her and do some pretty nasty things but it is not in my nature and it is the good in my heart and God's love that gives me the inspiration to write her everyday almost and to continue loving her.   Rachel I pray today that soon we will be in each others lives again.


Our Heavenly Father,

Please give me the strength to always love Rachel and to keep evil out of my heart.  Let Rachel know that she and Jonathan still mean the world to me and to let her family know that the love I have for her is real and that I would always love her and Jonathan and cherish them.   I ask for Your Guidance, Your Love, and Your Wisdom in showing Rachel that I love her and that You Oh Lord,  show me the way to continuing to love her with kindness, with mercy, and long suffering. Thank you for bringing Rachel into my life and letting me see her smile, her love, and the beautiful person she is.  Please let Rachel and I bury all transgressions and make us new again in each others eyes.  Thank you Father for all Your Love

Amen


I love you Rachel Myatt and that will never change!!!!!
God Bless All