Dear Rachel and New Church Members,
When a lot of you write me back you always say the same thing. You hope that I find peace. I will find peace but it will only come when Rachel realizes that she has to be part of that peace. See I believe in the true power of love and forgiveness and some of the Pastors that wrote me back dont share that view. I will only find peace when Rachel picks up the phone and calls me, writes a letter, or emails me and we truly forgive and make peace with each other. Otherwise I will just keep on going. It is up to her how far this goes and I have reached out the loving hand. She never cared about the consequences of doing what she did and just thought she could treat me like a light switch and go on with her life. So I ask all of you who read this blog and see anger in me for one moment to actually see that I am the one that is full of love. I didn't abandon her when she was constantly putting my faith down. I loved her. I never judged her for being a single mother out of wedlock and I was raised to sort of frown on that. I never did anything but love her unconditionally and give of my self unselfishly. I was willing to give up my single carefree life and just give it all to Rachel and Jonathan and love and be loved. So I want to share with you a couple of scriptures out of the Bible and then a quick story so that maybe some of you will finally understand where I am coming from and why that Rachel can either practice love and come to me to forgive and be forgiven or she can just ignore me and I go on with my worldwide campaign and stop caring about her feelings or how it will affect her much like she did when she abandoned and slandered me. So I will share with you these scriptures as a prelude to my story.
John 20:21-23
21 Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” 22 And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”
Dear Rachel and New Church members it couldnt be more clearer the kind of peace I am looking for. The true peace of our Lord Jesus Christ. The kind that doesn't fester animosity, the kind that doesn't linger in disclosure, the kind that two people who have a disagreement or have had words put away feelings hurt, anger, and fear and do the most beautiful thing. They lay it all in God's hands and they forgive and go on with their lives. If anyone doesn't see the love in my heart for Rachel Myatt especially Rachel Myatt then they have never looked at my blog in earnestness. I thought about posting up all the emails that we wrote back and forth and to put up my personal journal of love letters but out of respect for her I would not put up all those conversations. I want you all who are reading this to go back and look at some of my blogs both the ones that seem angry and the ones that are loving and through it all I call for the same thing, love, reconcilation, and my friend back. Rachel and I may never be in a romantic relationship again and that is her loss because I loved her dearly but my love for her was never rooted in that it was rooted in Christian friendship and because I thought I had a true sister in Christ I fell in love and I thought Rachel loved me enough to see that too. So I will end this blog with a story to explain how much I truly do love Rachel Myatt and why it is so important that we reconcile and talk again.
Strong Enough To Bend: A Story of True Love
When I was 12 years old I knew the only thing I wanted was to have my own family and it was in the year 1988 when I turned 13 I realized the kind of love I wanted to have. My home life was less than stellar especially at the time. I was being neglected alot and told how worthless and stupid I was everything I did was wrong even though I was in the Honors Program at school and I never got in trouble nothing I did seemed to be right. I got picked on a lot and spent a lot of days sitting in a corner by myself because no one wanted to be my friend. I had a little Walkman that I would sometimes carry with me and one of my favorite cassettes at the time was one by Tanya Tucker called Strong Enough to Bend. It was that song that truly made me believe in the beauty of having a family and a loving wife and partner. Ironically two years later Tanya Tucker would be my first concert going experience and to this day I still have my tshirt that still fits from the occassion. I want you to take a minute to listen to the lyrics of the song "Strong Enough To Bend" as I have left the link here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff6naK5t00k
I shared with Rachel my painful past and before we were ever boyfriend and girlfriend I was honest with her. If she couldn't handle who I was then she should have never played with my emotions or heart. The kind of love I have for her and Jonathan is the kind that is life changing. See not only was I turned away from being able to love her with a love that was pure and true but she turned me away from the Church. I wanted more than anything to have a family that was rooted in God and I often talked about how much I wanted to go to Church with Rachel and Jonathan and how much it would mean for us to be a family. My mother was the one who kept our little family together for better or for worst. My father didnt treat her very well for most of her life and he was my example for how to treat women so I never liked that example. I remember doing little things for my mom because he treated her so bad and it brought tears to my eyes so I vowed to never do anything but love the women who came into my life and treat them with respect and dignity. I did it so well that most of them ran scared and thought it was an act and many times would come back after they abandoned me to either try to get a second chance or apologize and tell me what a good man I was to them. I never wanted that with Rachel I wanted to grow with her, I wanted to love her and Jonathan in the Lord and for things to be based spiritually and of Heaven. I could have lived my life selfishly but if any of you actually came to see how modest and how little I have then you would realize that none of this I am saying is a joke. I give most of my money away helping others and as long as I have a car to drive, food to eat, a Bible and music I have enough. Most of all as long as I have God I am taken care of. God has been the reason I have been reaching out to Rachel. God is the reason I never let up on Pastor Glenn and though it may have seemed like I was personally attacking him it was never meant that way I apologized. I sent a donation to the Church because despite what he may think I support the greater good and that is everyone getting to share in the message of our Lord Jesus Christ. I sent a donation to Rachel for her Ladies Group because I believe in her and since she probably wouldn't accept a traditonal gift from me after sending my letters back even my Christmas card then I figured a donation to something she believed in would let her know that I love her and that even if she hates me my heart is with her. I have many problems going on in my life. My mother is dead and my father has been sick now for the past couple of months with heart problems and he has to undergo chemo. My health is going back to normal but I dont worry about myself. If I die tomorrow I would die helping others. I have given to others in the past couple of months when I could barely afford to take care of myself because I believe in a love higher than being selfish and of thinking of oneself. I believe in God's love. So for anyone that thinks I want to get revenge on Rachel or hate her I dont. In my heart since she wont be responsive I feel that taking out a campaign to let her know how bad she hurt me and to let other people in the New Church know how here worldview has affected someone who was willing to learn and wanted to share the experience with her and others may be the only way. The song "Strong Enough To Bend" stands for the love I had for Rachel and Jonathan. Rachel was the woman who I would have never left her side. I have never given up on her even through all these tough and troubled time. She always doubted me and my love for God and I never treated her that way. I accepted and loved her for all she was but she couldn't afford me the same. Here I stand with my hand and heart out to forgive her transgressions and for her to forgive mine. I love her with all my heart and to me the song represents Jesus love, a love true, pure and never swaying. He is always with us and never turns His back on us. That is how much I love Rachel Myatt and so to those in the Church of the New Jerusalem please take this in consideration before you judge me or not understand my calling to either find peace and forgiveness with Rachel or to launch this campaign. My heart is full of love and Rachel continues to kill that love. My life belongs to God and it belongs to others it is not one for me to be selfish with and I will continue to love Rachel Myatt even if she hates and shuns me.
Arcana Coelestia #345, 346v.3
That a "tiller of the ground" is one who is devoid of charity, however much he may be in faith separated from love, which is no faith, is evident from what follows: that Jehovah had no respect to his offering, and that he slew his brother, that is, destroyed charity, signified by "Abel." Those were said to "till the ground" who look to bodily and earthly things, as is evident from what is said in Gen. 3:19, 23, where we read that the man was "cast out of the garden of Eden to till the ground."
346.3 And at the end of days it came to pass that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering to Jehovah. By the "end of days" is meant in process of time; by the "fruit of the ground" the works of faith without charity; and by "an offering to Jehovah" worship thence derived.
I thought that people in the New Church would understand that Rachel is killing my love and some how she would understand it so I leave you with this from your own Writings so that you understand where I am in my life. I love her so much and she seems to be twisting everything good that is in the Writings. (Sometimes I feel like letting it all go and let the darkness overcome me and get back at her but you you know what stops me? My love for Jonathan and that is why I have never really tried to do anything but show Rachel I love her I loved them as a package deal but sometims I feel like this video we have a choice between good and evil this video was a a playful but truthful attempt on what happens when someone twist your good into evil and that is what Rachel does to me with each passing moment so please take me as being serious New Church http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFkAAvDkj9k&feature=related I wonder if Rachel even knows how deeply and how much she continues to hurt me but I press on because the deep love I have for her and Jonathan.
DLW 47 It is the essential of love not to love self, but to love others, and to be conjoined with others by love. It is the essential of love, moreover, to be loved by others, for thus conjunction is effected. The essence of all love consists in conjunction; this, in fact, is its life, which is called enjoyment, pleasantness, delight, sweetness, bliss, happiness and felicity. Love consists in this, that its own should be another's; to feel the joy of another as joy in oneself, that is loving. But to feel one's own joy in another and not the other's joy in oneself is not loving; for this is loving self, while the former is loving the neighbor. These two kinds of love are diametrically opposed to each other. Either, it is true, conjoins; and to love one's own, that is, oneself, in another does not seem to divide; but it does so effectually divide that so far as anyone has loved another in this manner, so far he afterwards hates him. For such conjunction is by its own action gradually loosened, and then, in like measure, love is turned to hate.
God Bless All
When a lot of you write me back you always say the same thing. You hope that I find peace. I will find peace but it will only come when Rachel realizes that she has to be part of that peace. See I believe in the true power of love and forgiveness and some of the Pastors that wrote me back dont share that view. I will only find peace when Rachel picks up the phone and calls me, writes a letter, or emails me and we truly forgive and make peace with each other. Otherwise I will just keep on going. It is up to her how far this goes and I have reached out the loving hand. She never cared about the consequences of doing what she did and just thought she could treat me like a light switch and go on with her life. So I ask all of you who read this blog and see anger in me for one moment to actually see that I am the one that is full of love. I didn't abandon her when she was constantly putting my faith down. I loved her. I never judged her for being a single mother out of wedlock and I was raised to sort of frown on that. I never did anything but love her unconditionally and give of my self unselfishly. I was willing to give up my single carefree life and just give it all to Rachel and Jonathan and love and be loved. So I want to share with you a couple of scriptures out of the Bible and then a quick story so that maybe some of you will finally understand where I am coming from and why that Rachel can either practice love and come to me to forgive and be forgiven or she can just ignore me and I go on with my worldwide campaign and stop caring about her feelings or how it will affect her much like she did when she abandoned and slandered me. So I will share with you these scriptures as a prelude to my story.
John 20:21-23
21 Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” 22 And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”
Dear Rachel and New Church members it couldnt be more clearer the kind of peace I am looking for. The true peace of our Lord Jesus Christ. The kind that doesn't fester animosity, the kind that doesn't linger in disclosure, the kind that two people who have a disagreement or have had words put away feelings hurt, anger, and fear and do the most beautiful thing. They lay it all in God's hands and they forgive and go on with their lives. If anyone doesn't see the love in my heart for Rachel Myatt especially Rachel Myatt then they have never looked at my blog in earnestness. I thought about posting up all the emails that we wrote back and forth and to put up my personal journal of love letters but out of respect for her I would not put up all those conversations. I want you all who are reading this to go back and look at some of my blogs both the ones that seem angry and the ones that are loving and through it all I call for the same thing, love, reconcilation, and my friend back. Rachel and I may never be in a romantic relationship again and that is her loss because I loved her dearly but my love for her was never rooted in that it was rooted in Christian friendship and because I thought I had a true sister in Christ I fell in love and I thought Rachel loved me enough to see that too. So I will end this blog with a story to explain how much I truly do love Rachel Myatt and why it is so important that we reconcile and talk again.
Strong Enough To Bend: A Story of True Love
When I was 12 years old I knew the only thing I wanted was to have my own family and it was in the year 1988 when I turned 13 I realized the kind of love I wanted to have. My home life was less than stellar especially at the time. I was being neglected alot and told how worthless and stupid I was everything I did was wrong even though I was in the Honors Program at school and I never got in trouble nothing I did seemed to be right. I got picked on a lot and spent a lot of days sitting in a corner by myself because no one wanted to be my friend. I had a little Walkman that I would sometimes carry with me and one of my favorite cassettes at the time was one by Tanya Tucker called Strong Enough to Bend. It was that song that truly made me believe in the beauty of having a family and a loving wife and partner. Ironically two years later Tanya Tucker would be my first concert going experience and to this day I still have my tshirt that still fits from the occassion. I want you to take a minute to listen to the lyrics of the song "Strong Enough To Bend" as I have left the link here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff6naK5t00k
I shared with Rachel my painful past and before we were ever boyfriend and girlfriend I was honest with her. If she couldn't handle who I was then she should have never played with my emotions or heart. The kind of love I have for her and Jonathan is the kind that is life changing. See not only was I turned away from being able to love her with a love that was pure and true but she turned me away from the Church. I wanted more than anything to have a family that was rooted in God and I often talked about how much I wanted to go to Church with Rachel and Jonathan and how much it would mean for us to be a family. My mother was the one who kept our little family together for better or for worst. My father didnt treat her very well for most of her life and he was my example for how to treat women so I never liked that example. I remember doing little things for my mom because he treated her so bad and it brought tears to my eyes so I vowed to never do anything but love the women who came into my life and treat them with respect and dignity. I did it so well that most of them ran scared and thought it was an act and many times would come back after they abandoned me to either try to get a second chance or apologize and tell me what a good man I was to them. I never wanted that with Rachel I wanted to grow with her, I wanted to love her and Jonathan in the Lord and for things to be based spiritually and of Heaven. I could have lived my life selfishly but if any of you actually came to see how modest and how little I have then you would realize that none of this I am saying is a joke. I give most of my money away helping others and as long as I have a car to drive, food to eat, a Bible and music I have enough. Most of all as long as I have God I am taken care of. God has been the reason I have been reaching out to Rachel. God is the reason I never let up on Pastor Glenn and though it may have seemed like I was personally attacking him it was never meant that way I apologized. I sent a donation to the Church because despite what he may think I support the greater good and that is everyone getting to share in the message of our Lord Jesus Christ. I sent a donation to Rachel for her Ladies Group because I believe in her and since she probably wouldn't accept a traditonal gift from me after sending my letters back even my Christmas card then I figured a donation to something she believed in would let her know that I love her and that even if she hates me my heart is with her. I have many problems going on in my life. My mother is dead and my father has been sick now for the past couple of months with heart problems and he has to undergo chemo. My health is going back to normal but I dont worry about myself. If I die tomorrow I would die helping others. I have given to others in the past couple of months when I could barely afford to take care of myself because I believe in a love higher than being selfish and of thinking of oneself. I believe in God's love. So for anyone that thinks I want to get revenge on Rachel or hate her I dont. In my heart since she wont be responsive I feel that taking out a campaign to let her know how bad she hurt me and to let other people in the New Church know how here worldview has affected someone who was willing to learn and wanted to share the experience with her and others may be the only way. The song "Strong Enough To Bend" stands for the love I had for Rachel and Jonathan. Rachel was the woman who I would have never left her side. I have never given up on her even through all these tough and troubled time. She always doubted me and my love for God and I never treated her that way. I accepted and loved her for all she was but she couldn't afford me the same. Here I stand with my hand and heart out to forgive her transgressions and for her to forgive mine. I love her with all my heart and to me the song represents Jesus love, a love true, pure and never swaying. He is always with us and never turns His back on us. That is how much I love Rachel Myatt and so to those in the Church of the New Jerusalem please take this in consideration before you judge me or not understand my calling to either find peace and forgiveness with Rachel or to launch this campaign. My heart is full of love and Rachel continues to kill that love. My life belongs to God and it belongs to others it is not one for me to be selfish with and I will continue to love Rachel Myatt even if she hates and shuns me.
Arcana Coelestia #345, 346v.3
That a "tiller of the ground" is one who is devoid of charity, however much he may be in faith separated from love, which is no faith, is evident from what follows: that Jehovah had no respect to his offering, and that he slew his brother, that is, destroyed charity, signified by "Abel." Those were said to "till the ground" who look to bodily and earthly things, as is evident from what is said in Gen. 3:19, 23, where we read that the man was "cast out of the garden of Eden to till the ground."
346.3 And at the end of days it came to pass that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering to Jehovah. By the "end of days" is meant in process of time; by the "fruit of the ground" the works of faith without charity; and by "an offering to Jehovah" worship thence derived.
I thought that people in the New Church would understand that Rachel is killing my love and some how she would understand it so I leave you with this from your own Writings so that you understand where I am in my life. I love her so much and she seems to be twisting everything good that is in the Writings. (Sometimes I feel like letting it all go and let the darkness overcome me and get back at her but you you know what stops me? My love for Jonathan and that is why I have never really tried to do anything but show Rachel I love her I loved them as a package deal but sometims I feel like this video we have a choice between good and evil this video was a a playful but truthful attempt on what happens when someone twist your good into evil and that is what Rachel does to me with each passing moment so please take me as being serious New Church http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFkAAvDkj9k&feature=related I wonder if Rachel even knows how deeply and how much she continues to hurt me but I press on because the deep love I have for her and Jonathan.
DLW 47 It is the essential of love not to love self, but to love others, and to be conjoined with others by love. It is the essential of love, moreover, to be loved by others, for thus conjunction is effected. The essence of all love consists in conjunction; this, in fact, is its life, which is called enjoyment, pleasantness, delight, sweetness, bliss, happiness and felicity. Love consists in this, that its own should be another's; to feel the joy of another as joy in oneself, that is loving. But to feel one's own joy in another and not the other's joy in oneself is not loving; for this is loving self, while the former is loving the neighbor. These two kinds of love are diametrically opposed to each other. Either, it is true, conjoins; and to love one's own, that is, oneself, in another does not seem to divide; but it does so effectually divide that so far as anyone has loved another in this manner, so far he afterwards hates him. For such conjunction is by its own action gradually loosened, and then, in like measure, love is turned to hate.
God Bless All
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