Original version of Poe's Control is here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oqgTlLU6qQ it is a much better version than the one in the video but the other one would not upload to this site.
Dear Rachel and Readers,
When I wrote my blog The Scope of Doubting Other Pt 2 I used Poe's song "Haunted" from the album of the same name. I was so inspired that day I pulled out the album which sends chills down my spine everytime I have listened to it. The track right after "Haunted" is "Control" I want you to know Rachel and Reader the reason that Rachel is in the situation she is is because she doesnt respect other peoples feelings especially someone that loved her as much as I did and was always honest with her. She is a very judgmental person and instead of work on her own flaws and insecurities she has to find those in others to make herself feel adequate. I noticed this from the start but I tried to be a good Christian and love her for her heart and not based on that flaw. The words in this song are powerful the first two lines
"Dont You Mess With A Little Girl's Dream,
Because She Liable To Grow Up Mean"
I dont think Rachel even understands the dimensions and the depths of that line and how it applies to what happened between us. I was that little boy like Poe was the little girl who dreamed of something and someone Rachel messed with that dream and she wonders why all this is happening to her. It is because she lied, she betrayed me, and she was cruel and all I did was love her. I confided in her and I trusted her, I even told her to not play games with me because I really did want to be with her and Jonathan. She basically pissed on all the good, the love, and the beauty of our friendship and relationship. So the only way I know to let her know how catastrophic and toxic she is to people is to let the whole world know. I want not only my blog but my writings and videos to show that not only did she use The NEW CHURCH teachings to put me down but she has treated other men like she treats me. The saddest thing about it is Rachel doesnt understand that they way she treats men will shape the way her young son Jonathan sees relationships with women. I am a good man. I wanted to be his stepfather. I wanted to show him that I loved both him and his mother and for her to know that no matter who hurt her in the past I was willing to love her unconditionally and give her my all. I pray that it could still happen but I dont live my life letting what Rachel Myatt could and could not do define me. I write this everyday as a love letter to her and for her to know if she reads this that I still love her and I have never given up on her. I dont know why she gave up on me and after all the love, letters, correspondence with people of her Church, friends, family, and others she doesn't realize my love is true and real and she doesn't at least make peace with me. She proves me right though about her attitude so in a couple of days I will start sending out my essays and my story to lots of people and she will get a surprize this Valentines Day that she wont be expecting. It is something so special and so full of love it will be remembered for eternity. I love you Rachel Myatt I dont understand what I ever did to deserve the way you treated me. I believed in you, I was willing to travel back and forth and do anything for you and Jonathan, you squandered that for selfish pride, fear of what others would think, and inconsideration for my feelings. It will be your spiritual lesson for a long time I am not hiding and I refuse to I am full of love for you and I will keep spreading my story. I have already pitched it to some forms of media which I will not speak on at this moment. Instead of make peace with me personally Rachel would rather throw herself, her Church, and her family and loved ones out under the bus then just make peace with me. That is fine it is your life to live and you keep hurting people and not believing in the ones who believe in you it will ultimately lead to more problems. I am free as my story is about how much I love you not about how much I hate you. I leave you with the words to Poe's Control and highlighted in red the ones that are most meaningful so that Rachel and you kind readers might understand the nature of this blog today. God Bless All
Control by Poe
Don't you mess with a little girl's dream
'Cause she's liable to grow up mean
Surprised you to find that I'm laughing?
You thought that you'd find me in tears
You thought I'd be crawling the walls
Like a tiny mosquito and trembling in fear
Well you may be king for the moment
But I am a queen understand
And I've got your pawns and your bishops
And castles
All inside the palm of my hand
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in meI was taking control
Now I have taken control
Now I have taken control...
This is beginning to feel good
Watching you squirm in your shoes
A small bead of sweat on your brow
And a growl in your belly your scared to let through
You thought you could keep me from loving
You thought you could feed on my soul
But while you were busy destroying my life (These are the defining lyrics Rachel)
What was half in me has become whole
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control
Now I have taken control...
So this is how it feels
To breath in the summer air
The feel the sand between my toes
And love inside my ear
All those things that you taught me to fear
I've got them in my garden now
And your not welcome here
Come a little bit closer
Let me look at you
I gave you the benefit
Of the doubt it's true
But keep in mind my darling
Not every saint is a fool
While you had your eyes closed
While you were looking the other way
While you were looking the licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control
Now I have taken control..
.Don't you mess with me
I will not back down in my attempts at loving you and being a Christian who made another Christian a promise to love her unconditionally but I also was never your doormat and I deserved respect, decency, and love and your use of the NEW CHURCH DOCTRINE to put me down opened my eyes so just remember how I tried to make things right and make peace with you when all this is out in the open.
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