Dear Rachel,
Happy 26th Birthday. I could never forget it and I never will. I want you to know that despite all that has happened I love you very much. I can never give up on you because it is not what God wants. For a time in my life it was what I wanted. If I had of followed the evil in my heart and let it get the best of me then I would have made some decisions that we would both regret. The beauty of this is you can choose to read it or you can choose not to. Other people read it and they understand. Some people don't understand why I would give you the time of day after all that happened but others understand the love in my heart and how I never give up on those I love.
I want you to know the reason why I have never walked away from you and that I keep pressing on. I see the beauty in all you are and all that you will become Rachel Myatt. I saw through the hurt and anger that you had because other people had treated you bad and I was willing and still am willing to love you no matter what. A true friend who loves you will not fall by the wayside just because the other person gives up. You gave up on me. You were the one who gave me ultimatiums after telling me how much you loved me and wanted to be with me. You were the one who ridiculed me and put me down. You are the one that hides. I cannot hide this love because it is of Christ. It is true. I love you with all my being and I pray that I never hate or seek to get revenge on you . I have already put in motion some things that will be brought to your attention in the next couple of weeks to show you how much you truly are loved by me. I do not just love you it will show you how much I love Jonathan too. Is it putting more pictures up online? No it is something much more beautiful than that and if you cant see how much I love you when the day comes then you truly never loved me at all.
I have held back my written campaign about the New Church till the end of January to give you enough time to react to the love and peace I have extended to you Rachel but as of February I will no longer hold that back. God has so much love for both of us and I think after you and your family see what I have done then you will begin to realize that I was always serious about you and that this love was never a joke.
I want you to think about this wonderful quote I heard and maybe you will see the kind of love I have for you. A true friend never stops believing in you so you need to know it is because of the true love I have for you that I have never stopped trying . The love I have for you can't be reduced to a romantic relationship, physical, or anything superficial or definable like that. It is one that spans the universe and seeing how you put your faith in Science like Swedenborg did you could understand the transcedental love I have for you. Anyways this is the quote I wanted you to reflect on today I hope it will give you insight into why I havent done something to hurt you only love you.
"When you believe in someone it's not for a minute, or just for now, it's forever."
Rachel Myatt I have never stopped believing in you. I have loved you from the first day I came across you it took me awhile to say it but you were my best friend. There was never going to be another person or persons I loved like you and Jonathan. I weighed all the options I had women who were single. Ones that liked to travel all the time and were into music. I had the one who was the exact type I was looking for but I turned it all down because I loved you and wanted the simple love of a good Christian woman and her son. I didnt care that you didn't have secondary education. I always bragged that you being a foster mother was awesome and how much I wanted to raise kids with you and maybe adopt them. I would have raised Jonathan like my own I love that guy and being around him for the short time I was I saw that I could give him the love that I had in my heart since I was a little boy. Any kids we had together I would have loved Jonathan just as much. Blood doesnt define family love does. You and Jonathan were my family and in my heart you still are. All my friends that wrote the Church they are my family the have seen the love I have over the years and how I always am willing to sacrifice of myself and put myself last and for one moment I thought I would finally find a little love for myself. If you didnt see the sacrifice in all I had to do to get to you Rachel Myatt then you never saw the love I truly had for you. With all the tears welled up in my face after my mother died I still was able to go to work two days after she died. I was still smiling. I was still loving people and I wanted nothing more than to keep my promise to you, to God, and to my mom to love you and Jonathan at all cost. I am sorry to you and your family if you think that I have set out to ruin your reputation or slander you. That has never been the case. What it is is that I love you so much and I care so much about you that I am willing to do anything and go anywhere for us to Reconcile. I love you Rachel Myatt and I just want you back in my life and in my heart.
When I didn't hear from you for Christmas it hurt my heart but it did not make me give up. When you believe in the impossible and you put your faith in God nothing is impossible. I have had people throw barbs at me, spit on me, molest me, hate me for my color, hate me because I am different and all of that has made me stronger. As the great Henry Rollins said "Everytime someone makes you less you become more" So if you didnt understand each time you put me down and I either had to give up or keep going I kept going and here I am. Don't you think after all this time, effort, love, and trying that I am worth a second look. What man that didn't truly love you would reach out to your Church worldwide and tell people of one of his worst hours but still say all he wanted was your love and to forgive and be forgiven. Not many. What man would have his email combed, and broken into, been hacked into, and spyed on because he wrote a blog about someone he loved. Not many. I still pressed on. What man loves you so much that he would question your beliefs to your Church, your pastor, and beyond. I did that because I love you. All that I have done I have done because I love you Rachel Myatt not to hurt you and you need to only look at some of the titles of my blogs. Look at how I have took so much time out of my life to write you not knowing if you read this or not. Others have though. You can choose to ignore this love, the true friendship I have for you, and my love of God that compels me to love you and not wish or seek evil upon you like you did me. Or you can lay down your arms take a second look at things and realize you have a true friend in me. I want to end this blog simply with this.
Rachel Myatt I love you with all my heart. Everyday that you and Jonathan are not in my life it hurts me. You are my best friend and I cant live the rest of my life with us not talking, laughing, loving, and caring about each other. I pray about you each night and I have never stopped believing in you. I hope that what I have done in the near future will touch your heart and let you realize I am worth believing in again to. I love you Rachel
Happy Birthday
I never doubted my love for you. I never doubted my belief in you. I never stopped caring about you. Desperate people give up or they let things hold them back. I have become so strong because of this whole things. I have been able to become so much more and my love for you is even stronger. God is watching over me Rachel and so I put this in His hands and that is why I am still here. I dedicate this song to you. One of my favorite songs. If you put others down, doubt them, and their love then you will only have a life of hurt and pain. I am not in pain I have plenty of love, lots of support, and I havent stopped loving you. I am not the damaged, hurt, crazy person you tried to make me out to people to be and people are seeing that now in how much I love you even though you tried to destroy me.
Desperation by The Action Design
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Tn6gNJZdIw&feature=related
Happy 26th Birthday. I could never forget it and I never will. I want you to know that despite all that has happened I love you very much. I can never give up on you because it is not what God wants. For a time in my life it was what I wanted. If I had of followed the evil in my heart and let it get the best of me then I would have made some decisions that we would both regret. The beauty of this is you can choose to read it or you can choose not to. Other people read it and they understand. Some people don't understand why I would give you the time of day after all that happened but others understand the love in my heart and how I never give up on those I love.
I want you to know the reason why I have never walked away from you and that I keep pressing on. I see the beauty in all you are and all that you will become Rachel Myatt. I saw through the hurt and anger that you had because other people had treated you bad and I was willing and still am willing to love you no matter what. A true friend who loves you will not fall by the wayside just because the other person gives up. You gave up on me. You were the one who gave me ultimatiums after telling me how much you loved me and wanted to be with me. You were the one who ridiculed me and put me down. You are the one that hides. I cannot hide this love because it is of Christ. It is true. I love you with all my being and I pray that I never hate or seek to get revenge on you . I have already put in motion some things that will be brought to your attention in the next couple of weeks to show you how much you truly are loved by me. I do not just love you it will show you how much I love Jonathan too. Is it putting more pictures up online? No it is something much more beautiful than that and if you cant see how much I love you when the day comes then you truly never loved me at all.
I have held back my written campaign about the New Church till the end of January to give you enough time to react to the love and peace I have extended to you Rachel but as of February I will no longer hold that back. God has so much love for both of us and I think after you and your family see what I have done then you will begin to realize that I was always serious about you and that this love was never a joke.
I want you to think about this wonderful quote I heard and maybe you will see the kind of love I have for you. A true friend never stops believing in you so you need to know it is because of the true love I have for you that I have never stopped trying . The love I have for you can't be reduced to a romantic relationship, physical, or anything superficial or definable like that. It is one that spans the universe and seeing how you put your faith in Science like Swedenborg did you could understand the transcedental love I have for you. Anyways this is the quote I wanted you to reflect on today I hope it will give you insight into why I havent done something to hurt you only love you.
"When you believe in someone it's not for a minute, or just for now, it's forever."
Rachel Myatt I have never stopped believing in you. I have loved you from the first day I came across you it took me awhile to say it but you were my best friend. There was never going to be another person or persons I loved like you and Jonathan. I weighed all the options I had women who were single. Ones that liked to travel all the time and were into music. I had the one who was the exact type I was looking for but I turned it all down because I loved you and wanted the simple love of a good Christian woman and her son. I didnt care that you didn't have secondary education. I always bragged that you being a foster mother was awesome and how much I wanted to raise kids with you and maybe adopt them. I would have raised Jonathan like my own I love that guy and being around him for the short time I was I saw that I could give him the love that I had in my heart since I was a little boy. Any kids we had together I would have loved Jonathan just as much. Blood doesnt define family love does. You and Jonathan were my family and in my heart you still are. All my friends that wrote the Church they are my family the have seen the love I have over the years and how I always am willing to sacrifice of myself and put myself last and for one moment I thought I would finally find a little love for myself. If you didnt see the sacrifice in all I had to do to get to you Rachel Myatt then you never saw the love I truly had for you. With all the tears welled up in my face after my mother died I still was able to go to work two days after she died. I was still smiling. I was still loving people and I wanted nothing more than to keep my promise to you, to God, and to my mom to love you and Jonathan at all cost. I am sorry to you and your family if you think that I have set out to ruin your reputation or slander you. That has never been the case. What it is is that I love you so much and I care so much about you that I am willing to do anything and go anywhere for us to Reconcile. I love you Rachel Myatt and I just want you back in my life and in my heart.
When I didn't hear from you for Christmas it hurt my heart but it did not make me give up. When you believe in the impossible and you put your faith in God nothing is impossible. I have had people throw barbs at me, spit on me, molest me, hate me for my color, hate me because I am different and all of that has made me stronger. As the great Henry Rollins said "Everytime someone makes you less you become more" So if you didnt understand each time you put me down and I either had to give up or keep going I kept going and here I am. Don't you think after all this time, effort, love, and trying that I am worth a second look. What man that didn't truly love you would reach out to your Church worldwide and tell people of one of his worst hours but still say all he wanted was your love and to forgive and be forgiven. Not many. What man would have his email combed, and broken into, been hacked into, and spyed on because he wrote a blog about someone he loved. Not many. I still pressed on. What man loves you so much that he would question your beliefs to your Church, your pastor, and beyond. I did that because I love you. All that I have done I have done because I love you Rachel Myatt not to hurt you and you need to only look at some of the titles of my blogs. Look at how I have took so much time out of my life to write you not knowing if you read this or not. Others have though. You can choose to ignore this love, the true friendship I have for you, and my love of God that compels me to love you and not wish or seek evil upon you like you did me. Or you can lay down your arms take a second look at things and realize you have a true friend in me. I want to end this blog simply with this.
Rachel Myatt I love you with all my heart. Everyday that you and Jonathan are not in my life it hurts me. You are my best friend and I cant live the rest of my life with us not talking, laughing, loving, and caring about each other. I pray about you each night and I have never stopped believing in you. I hope that what I have done in the near future will touch your heart and let you realize I am worth believing in again to. I love you Rachel
Happy Birthday
I never doubted my love for you. I never doubted my belief in you. I never stopped caring about you. Desperate people give up or they let things hold them back. I have become so strong because of this whole things. I have been able to become so much more and my love for you is even stronger. God is watching over me Rachel and so I put this in His hands and that is why I am still here. I dedicate this song to you. One of my favorite songs. If you put others down, doubt them, and their love then you will only have a life of hurt and pain. I am not in pain I have plenty of love, lots of support, and I havent stopped loving you. I am not the damaged, hurt, crazy person you tried to make me out to people to be and people are seeing that now in how much I love you even though you tried to destroy me.
Desperation by The Action Design
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Tn6gNJZdIw&feature=related
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