There is A Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths
Dear Rachel and Readers,
I wanted you to know why my blog has consisted of music the past couple of days. Finally after a year and a half I can enjoy music and not hear a song and start crying thinking of Rachel. There are two bands Rise Against and Against Me I can still not listen to without it really hurting but I am starting to enjoy music again for the first time in a long time. I wanted to take a brief moment to let Rachel, her family, and her Church know just how much I do love her. When I said she was the woman I would die for and give up everything I meant it. No other woman ever made me feel that way. I was willing to risk it all for her so her words, actions, and the way she treated me as an enemy in the end is what has lead to what has transpired. I want to do two things. When I asked Rachel to be my girlfriend. This was the last song on the cd I made her. I gave her a promise ring, a coupon I made with my promise to God and also promise to love her unconditionally and unwavering always and a scrapbook of how much I loved her and Jonathan. I have never loved any two people so much but this song was the one that summed up my true feelings for her. People say that I should just let it go and get over things. When God is ready for me too and His purpose is revealed I will but I know that I am supposed to be here and do exactly what I am doing otherwise it would be a waste of time. I do not just blindly follow my heart. This song entitled
"There is A Light That Will Never Go Out" symbolizes my love for Rachel. This song has meant so much to me in my life much like the person the song is narrated by I was willing to leave all the pain and hurt that was in my life for something else, To be loved by Rachel and Jonathan and God led me there and I prayed many times about it as I do about letting this go and it is not His will yet. The New Church talks about love and marriage lasting after death. That is how deep and powerful my love was and is for Rachel. She always complained about men not loving her or being able to accept her faith and I was right there, I accepted, wanted to learn, and loved her and her son with no complaints and no obstacles but I was only a game to her. On Wed it will be February 1st and I will begin my month long tribute to show Rachel I love her and distribute my essay "Why The Church of the New Jerusalem Thinks You Are Wrong" to as many people as I can. I just want to show Rachel, The Dawson Creek New Church, and The New Church of Canada that when people reach out to you, you dont scoff at them and turn them away you embrace them and show them love and kindness. All I was shown was how could they selfishly prove themselves theologically right and justify Rachel's actions. I will not regret anything I do and I deserve closure and to get this out of my heart. I am not out to hurt Rachel, her family, or the New Church but this must be done. I am not some feeble weak person with no self esteem, courage, or will power as Rachel tried to make me out to be, she tried to make people think I was mentally ill because I was grieving and that I will never forget a it is hard to forgive someone for saying or even trying to get others to think something so hurtful and evil. I am going to leave the blog at that tonight. I love Rachel Myatt very much and in February I will write her name in the sky if you havent figured it out yet it is a very simple thing I am doing. It will be revealed to Rachel and those close to her in the next two weeks.
Proverbs 19:11
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
My Heavenly Father,
Please let Rachel know that I love her through your accordance and that even if she continues to be silent my love for her and Jonathan is your love and I will never turn my back on you dear Lord. Rachel means the world to me and I put my trust in you Lord and God to show her that I am worth loving and making peace with. I thank you for your guidance , mercy, and strength and for the blessings we recieve each day. To you all glory goes. Thank you for your Love most of all Most High
Amen
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