I was your true friend Rachel. Everything I did I did because I truly love you and Jonathan. You were the only girl I would have carried on a relationship with 2000 miles away with. Your son was the only one I had ever wanted to have in my life like my own and I have dated many women with kids. I accepted you for all you were and were going to be. I loved you with my heart, soul, mind, and body and for you that was just a game.
Here is a little song I wrote this morning for Rachel it is just demo and very rough but I will clean it up mix it and maybe make it longer later but just so she knows I love her. Here it is Faithful by A Chapter of Fault https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91j0iDFNGtU
Reasons Why You Don't Deserve My Kindness or Mercy,
1. You should have never said anything ill toward my mother or say that I used her as a crutch to use that to make you to stay it was not true and it was not right. I would never say anything ill against your family as I have had nothing but love for them and I have told them so. I adored your mother and sister and I loved your son so that is first and foremost Rachel.
2. You should have never doubted my love or my abilities in the Lord, Rachel. I never put down your love of God and all I ever did was listen to you. You were so selfish and so hurtful and the fact that you wouldn't even pray with me and make up an excuse like I didn't know the Lord's Prayer was just sad and disrespectful.
3. If you didn't love me you should have let me go. Do you realize you didn't even love me as friend because you sat there at the airport knowing you were the love of my life. You saw the tears in my eyes. You held my hand on the way to the airport and knew that I loved you more than anyone in this world. If you didnt love me you should have set me free because after all the pain and suffering I had been through in my life I believe in you. I believed that I was finally going to be loved but you took that for granted and to you it was just a game.
4. For calling me a liar about wanting to give up on life and saying that I was playing games and trying to trick you. Rachel none of that was a game it was true and I would never deceive you. I am very close to my friends and I trust my heart to them like I did you. If you love someone enough you will leave letter around and that night when I truly wanted to give up on life and on you my friend was there for me. He text you out of fear but I entrusted him with my phone and my message to you and you thought it was joke and it was not.
5. For saying the evil and hurtful things about me. I was damaged, sick, mentally ill, and unhappy. I was grieving and God forbid one of your parents die and is close as you are to your mother you wouldn't be half as strong as I was if Jane died today. I know one thing I would have been there for you and not judged you. I would have been kind, long suffering, and loved you and never thought twice about it. You are very cruel and inconsiderate of others feelings.
6. I have never done anything I am doing to hurt you. I put this blog up to show you and others in your life that I love you. I didn't put up the picture of you and Jonathan to disrespect you I put it up because it is all I have left of the dream you shattered for me. I loved you and Jonathan to no end and that was my dream, to have a family and love you forever Rachel Myatt. I do believe in Swedenborg's concept of loving and staying with someone forever even after death that is how much I love you and I would have never left you and Jonathan's side. I loved you then and I love you now unconditionally but you are too blind to see that. In two weeks this blog will be a year old. I have never given up on you. In a couple of weeks our friendship would have been 2yrs old and I have never thought of you as anything but a friend and the woman I love with all my heart.
Rachel Myatt you don't deserve My Mercy or Kindness but you know why I give it to you? God loves us both so much that He had the foresight, love, mercy, and kindness to give of His life so that we may lead the miniscule lifes that we lead. You want to spend time hurting people and then abandoning them that is fine you go ahead. I cannot live my life that way. I will continue to love people, believe in them, and see the good in their heart. I dont abandon the people I love and I stand up for what I believe in. So I am sorry that you cant find it in your heart to talk to me, reconcile and see that there is a man who loves you more than life itself. I am sorry if anyone in your family or anyone made you feel that I was wrong for you because they never got the chance to know me. I was always proud to be with you. I am sorry for whatever reason you were made to feel ashamed of being with me and think I was so different. I didnt want to fall in love with a clone of me I wanted to learn and love with you and Jonathan. You know why I say that because each time I asked if someone made you feel like that over the phone you were hesitant. I am a beautiful man and I love life. I love myself, and I am strong, and I will stand up for the ones I love. Rachel Myatt it is your turn to stand up. Stand up and love me back I can give into evil and trash you and just be done with this or I can keep putting my faith in the Lord and hope you will come back. I choose to put my faith in HIM the one who gave us all the hope of eternal life, true love, and happiness. I love you Rachel Myatt the choice is yours.
Romans 5:17
For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!
God Bless All
Here is a little song I wrote this morning for Rachel it is just demo and very rough but I will clean it up mix it and maybe make it longer later but just so she knows I love her. Here it is Faithful by A Chapter of Fault https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91j0iDFNGtU
Reasons Why You Don't Deserve My Kindness or Mercy,
1. You should have never said anything ill toward my mother or say that I used her as a crutch to use that to make you to stay it was not true and it was not right. I would never say anything ill against your family as I have had nothing but love for them and I have told them so. I adored your mother and sister and I loved your son so that is first and foremost Rachel.
2. You should have never doubted my love or my abilities in the Lord, Rachel. I never put down your love of God and all I ever did was listen to you. You were so selfish and so hurtful and the fact that you wouldn't even pray with me and make up an excuse like I didn't know the Lord's Prayer was just sad and disrespectful.
3. If you didn't love me you should have let me go. Do you realize you didn't even love me as friend because you sat there at the airport knowing you were the love of my life. You saw the tears in my eyes. You held my hand on the way to the airport and knew that I loved you more than anyone in this world. If you didnt love me you should have set me free because after all the pain and suffering I had been through in my life I believe in you. I believed that I was finally going to be loved but you took that for granted and to you it was just a game.
4. For calling me a liar about wanting to give up on life and saying that I was playing games and trying to trick you. Rachel none of that was a game it was true and I would never deceive you. I am very close to my friends and I trust my heart to them like I did you. If you love someone enough you will leave letter around and that night when I truly wanted to give up on life and on you my friend was there for me. He text you out of fear but I entrusted him with my phone and my message to you and you thought it was joke and it was not.
5. For saying the evil and hurtful things about me. I was damaged, sick, mentally ill, and unhappy. I was grieving and God forbid one of your parents die and is close as you are to your mother you wouldn't be half as strong as I was if Jane died today. I know one thing I would have been there for you and not judged you. I would have been kind, long suffering, and loved you and never thought twice about it. You are very cruel and inconsiderate of others feelings.
6. I have never done anything I am doing to hurt you. I put this blog up to show you and others in your life that I love you. I didn't put up the picture of you and Jonathan to disrespect you I put it up because it is all I have left of the dream you shattered for me. I loved you and Jonathan to no end and that was my dream, to have a family and love you forever Rachel Myatt. I do believe in Swedenborg's concept of loving and staying with someone forever even after death that is how much I love you and I would have never left you and Jonathan's side. I loved you then and I love you now unconditionally but you are too blind to see that. In two weeks this blog will be a year old. I have never given up on you. In a couple of weeks our friendship would have been 2yrs old and I have never thought of you as anything but a friend and the woman I love with all my heart.
Rachel Myatt you don't deserve My Mercy or Kindness but you know why I give it to you? God loves us both so much that He had the foresight, love, mercy, and kindness to give of His life so that we may lead the miniscule lifes that we lead. You want to spend time hurting people and then abandoning them that is fine you go ahead. I cannot live my life that way. I will continue to love people, believe in them, and see the good in their heart. I dont abandon the people I love and I stand up for what I believe in. So I am sorry that you cant find it in your heart to talk to me, reconcile and see that there is a man who loves you more than life itself. I am sorry if anyone in your family or anyone made you feel that I was wrong for you because they never got the chance to know me. I was always proud to be with you. I am sorry for whatever reason you were made to feel ashamed of being with me and think I was so different. I didnt want to fall in love with a clone of me I wanted to learn and love with you and Jonathan. You know why I say that because each time I asked if someone made you feel like that over the phone you were hesitant. I am a beautiful man and I love life. I love myself, and I am strong, and I will stand up for the ones I love. Rachel Myatt it is your turn to stand up. Stand up and love me back I can give into evil and trash you and just be done with this or I can keep putting my faith in the Lord and hope you will come back. I choose to put my faith in HIM the one who gave us all the hope of eternal life, true love, and happiness. I love you Rachel Myatt the choice is yours.
Romans 5:17
For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!
God Bless All
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGene,
ReplyDeleteI know things are difficult for you now. I'm not a mind reader, just can tell from what you say. Here's something else I know, from my own experience. If you hang tough, you'll be stronger as a man inside. There's an old saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be." I found myself in a situation once where this applied. It was a long time ago, but I do remember it having scared the heck out of me, as the outcome wasn't guaranted. Still, there was a certain logic to it that made sense, even though I couldn't really explain it. I didn't want to hurt anyone, including myself, so I thought it best to put my trust in God and run with it. The way it worked out is that she didn't come back. I don't know if it happened like this because it wasn't meant to be, I only know she didn't come back. It was a definite and major, major disappointment. But that's the thing with really trusting, you agree to accept what happens even if it turns out to be something other than what you were hoping for. But as much as it hurt for a while (about two years), I came to realize, to actually feel I was a better and stronger man inside because I had done the right thing and hung tough with God's help. Someone who hasn't been through this likely won't understand. But someone who goes through it without going to pieces will come out of it and see and feel just how true it is.
Show this to all your friends, and I'd be very much suprised if there isn't at least one who won't say, "You know what? What the guy says is true."
Good luck and best to you, my friend
AC 1937
My friend already know how tough I am AC137 I have been though the ringer. I believe in Rachel and in the end whatever happens will be. I know right now I put my faith in God and only He has been able to guide me in the right direction. I listen to New Church naysayers and people who have no idea what I have been though and if someone had of been cruel to them and used God the way Rachel did with me then they would think different. God let me know not to give up on Rachel and even if she never comes back it will be on her for all the things she did. I have done nothing but love her and believe in her and she will have to face the reality of what has happened in the end.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless
I've read some of your blog going back, so I know something about the background you came from. Honestly, I don't know if it were me if I would have been able to survive it. But you did. If you can survive that, you can survive anything, and it would be mighty strange if God helped you survive that only to let something like this put you under. I'm not minimizing what you're going through, only saying you already have the experience in life which shows that you're resilient, have strong internal resources, and are capable of surviving intact. Whether now or later, we all come face to face with everything we've done, good or bad. Sometimes it's mighty tempting to take things into our own hands, but it is usually best to let God sort things out. When God is handling it, nothing can back-fire in unexpected ways. He knows what is best, and when and how to take of what needs to be taken cared of. I admire your continuous courage to stand strong in the face of temptation.
ReplyDeleteAll the best,
AC 1937
AC 1937 thank you for the kind words. What I need you to understand and the New Church especially the Dawson Creek New Church to understand is that what Rachel did was pattern. I was trying to be a Christian and love her for her flaws and her imperfections and all she did was point out mine and put me down. I am sorry but you may not know how it feels to lose your mom then have your girlfriend abandon you a couple weeks later not only that but call you sick, damaged, messed up and basically laugh at you. I was out on a ledge ready to die I remember being in a park ready to give it all up in Sept of 2010. I text Rachel to tell her I loved her and I was going to give up. She didnt care. The whole time I wanted to let go with all my pain I didn't because I didnt want her have that burden of knowing she hurt someone so bad that they gave up. It would have affected her. I told her if I lived I would fight and it would be like no fight she had ever seen and was she ready for that. AC 1937 this is that fight. God lifted me up so Rachel could learn the error of her ways. She used your beautiful teachings to put me down, betray me, say I wanted her to be my savior, and ridicule me. She doubted I would do anything I said I would and yet her I am doing it. She told me I was stupid to go to the Church and if I didnt love her I would have not. If you take a close look this is all about God. Had this been the me of 10yrs Rachel and I would be regretting this but I put on a coat of spiritual armor and I am fighting this the best way God allows me to without trying to truly hurt anybody. I have said things about Rachel that will make a Christian blush and though I am not proud they needed to be said. My heart has always lied with Christ and I love Rachel more than anyone in the world. This is not about regaining a relationship, this is about religious bigotry, this is about a lesson in honesty and humility, and most of all it is about being long suffering, patient and understanding. Rachel is willing to hurt her Church, me, her family, and others and continue to be cruel to people. All it would take would be a phone call and I told her I would go away forever if that is what she wanted but she has been non responsive so that is why I don't give up hope because I know God's truth shines on my cause. LOL
ReplyDeleteSincerely
Gene
Yes, God's truth does shine on your cause.
ReplyDeleteBut it may not be for the reason you think.
Good-bye for now, my friend,
AC 1937
Why are you so concerned all of the sudden AC 1937? There is not much more that can be said as there is little time before I launch my campaign. When people use religion as a means to belittle and put others down then it needs to be addressed and at this point I have grown weary of talking and it is time to take action. God has a plan. Have you ever watched Battlestar Galactica the recent version. Remember how the Cyclons never gave up on God's love and plan even if the selfish humans doubted them? Well that is the situation I am in and unlike how Rachel treated me I don't put ultimatums on people. I dont wish to hurt anyone but I do deserve respect, love, and human decency and those were infringed upon in the name of religion and selfishness. If I truly wanted to I could have leveled the ground with Rachel Myatt but instead I have chosen love. If you or others cant see that or if the Church of the New Jerusalem is so blind that they simply pass me off as a joke then it is there loss, this is about bigotry, racism, evil, and uncaring on a level I have never experienced and I wont be silent. So it is up to both Rachel and the Church to examine this how they please. It would take so little to end this but I know my path is not the one of least resistance and I will continue in Christ footsteps and take whatever may come.
ReplyDelete