Dear Rachel and Readers,
This blog is not about me actually enacting revenge it is what people feel when they are forced into feelings of hurt, betrayal, despair, and heartache. I wanted to use these songs because they are both dear to me. Both are bands and women that I admire very much and have shaped my love of music. It was 1993 I waited outside a club in Dallas to hand a then 23yr old Dolores O' Riordan the lead singer for the Cranberries a song I had written for her called "Pristene Tears" at the time I was amazed by Dolores voice and she moved me their album "Everybody Else is Doing It, Why Can't We" was starting to take off because of "Dreams" and "Linger" the Cranberries were the middle act on a bill that was headlined by "Suede" in America "The London Suede" due to another band claiming the name here. Another fledgling band was the opening band called Counting Crows was weeks away from releasing their song "Mr Jones" and I was blown away by their performance. Dolores and Noel finally walked out the back door of the club as I had set there for hours wanting to meet her. The whole band signed my cd which I still have to this day. I gave Dolores my song on a hand written peace of paper with a note to her saying how her voice had inspired me and changed my life. She was very modest gave me hug and walked off down the street to go get dinner before the show. I will never forget that one because they would never be that small again they became legends and two because of the song "Loud and Clear" she wrote about someone she loved that didn't see how much she loved them and how she gave them their all and they were cruel and unresponsive. So Rachel pretended to want to be with me and want to have a relationship with me and it was the meanest most evil thing anyone has ever done to me. Nothing else that anyone has done to me not even being molested or abused is as hurtful as what she has done and that should let her know the scope and measure of her actions. I hope you will take the song not as me wishing evil or hurt upon Rachel but as that she was the one I would have done anything for and she abused that and mistreated me so it has been hard to love her through this. The second song is one of my favorite songs ever by one of my favorite artist ever Polly Jean Harvey better known as P.J. Harvey. It is the title track to her second and one of her most acclaimed albums "Rid of Me" I just wanted to put it on here to let Rachel know that I love her and sometimes I wish I never met her but I do love her very much and she cant make me stop loving her. God has had a hand in this the whole way and I want everyone to know that in my heart there is nothing but love for her. In February I am going to write Rachel's name across the sky so even if she doesn't talk to me ever again she will always be someone special and dear to me. She and her family will know what I mean when the time is right. It is something loving and special I have done for her to let her know she and Jonathan were the light in my life. My dream Rachel Myatt was to be your husband someday and to be Jonathan's stepfather and love him as my own. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved you two and for the rest of your life know that you giving up on me hurt me enough to where I could never love anyone again. I no longer desire to have a family because you played with that and I will never open my heart again to anyone to be betrayed that way. I believed in you, why was it so hard to believe in me?
This blog is not about me actually enacting revenge it is what people feel when they are forced into feelings of hurt, betrayal, despair, and heartache. I wanted to use these songs because they are both dear to me. Both are bands and women that I admire very much and have shaped my love of music. It was 1993 I waited outside a club in Dallas to hand a then 23yr old Dolores O' Riordan the lead singer for the Cranberries a song I had written for her called "Pristene Tears" at the time I was amazed by Dolores voice and she moved me their album "Everybody Else is Doing It, Why Can't We" was starting to take off because of "Dreams" and "Linger" the Cranberries were the middle act on a bill that was headlined by "Suede" in America "The London Suede" due to another band claiming the name here. Another fledgling band was the opening band called Counting Crows was weeks away from releasing their song "Mr Jones" and I was blown away by their performance. Dolores and Noel finally walked out the back door of the club as I had set there for hours wanting to meet her. The whole band signed my cd which I still have to this day. I gave Dolores my song on a hand written peace of paper with a note to her saying how her voice had inspired me and changed my life. She was very modest gave me hug and walked off down the street to go get dinner before the show. I will never forget that one because they would never be that small again they became legends and two because of the song "Loud and Clear" she wrote about someone she loved that didn't see how much she loved them and how she gave them their all and they were cruel and unresponsive. So Rachel pretended to want to be with me and want to have a relationship with me and it was the meanest most evil thing anyone has ever done to me. Nothing else that anyone has done to me not even being molested or abused is as hurtful as what she has done and that should let her know the scope and measure of her actions. I hope you will take the song not as me wishing evil or hurt upon Rachel but as that she was the one I would have done anything for and she abused that and mistreated me so it has been hard to love her through this. The second song is one of my favorite songs ever by one of my favorite artist ever Polly Jean Harvey better known as P.J. Harvey. It is the title track to her second and one of her most acclaimed albums "Rid of Me" I just wanted to put it on here to let Rachel know that I love her and sometimes I wish I never met her but I do love her very much and she cant make me stop loving her. God has had a hand in this the whole way and I want everyone to know that in my heart there is nothing but love for her. In February I am going to write Rachel's name across the sky so even if she doesn't talk to me ever again she will always be someone special and dear to me. She and her family will know what I mean when the time is right. It is something loving and special I have done for her to let her know she and Jonathan were the light in my life. My dream Rachel Myatt was to be your husband someday and to be Jonathan's stepfather and love him as my own. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved you two and for the rest of your life know that you giving up on me hurt me enough to where I could never love anyone again. I no longer desire to have a family because you played with that and I will never open my heart again to anyone to be betrayed that way. I believed in you, why was it so hard to believe in me?
Interesting. Dolores O'Riordan's "Loud and Clear" seems as if it may have been an omen for a future sculpture finely molded--a 20th-century song guiding a destiny that became a 21st-century reality. Interesting, too, that her voice--which I like--sounds somewhat like Annie Halsam's. Her physical voice mainly--the 'lyrical' voices of the two are more noticeably different. Annie was before Delores, however, so she (Annie) and her message clearly are outdated. But why her message should be outdated is one of many Things I Don't Understand.
ReplyDeleteAlso, in an odd form of pattern matching (with Annie being before Dolores, and Dolores being after Annie), Annie sings about things which precipitate thoughts in her I Think Of You, while Dolores in her "Loud and Clear" sings about things precipitated by her thoughts of another. Annie and Dolores must each have had different experiences.
AC 1937 Ironically on her first solo album "Are You Listening" she wrote a song called "Loser" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmK9uV9ApW0 which is more of how I feel about the situation between Rachel and I. "Loud and Clear" was even more ironic as it was from their 4th album aptly entitled "Bury The Hatchet" I would like to do just that with Rachel but it seems that since she is non responsive that I will end up just having those feelings like in the "Loser" song. "Loud and Clear" had a happy ending as she married a man who appreciated her and the other person knew the song was directed at them. I do not know where "Loser" sprung from but I made Rachel a cd when we first started dating with a song on it by Dolores the first one on the album "Are You Listening" called "Ordinary Day" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m_CSxL-9E8 I sent this song because I saw through Rachel's insecurities, flaws, and imperfections and I wanted her to know that I loved her this much. Maybe that is why it is hard for people to understand just how much I love Rachel. Thank you for inspiring me to remember this song I am going to blog about it right now..
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