Dear Rachel and New Church Readers,
I have decided that the only way to show Rachel how much damage she truly did to my soul is to tell my story online and through spoken word. I have a cd that I made of me recounting out time together but I am going to have a special Youtube video and another site transcribing the text messages and our emails. Maybe all those New Church members will then see that Rachel could have made this so easy by just picking up the phone and making peace with me. She doesn't care how it reflects on the New Church or others in her life as long as she doesn't have to face me and that is fine. I don't have to let her actions of hurt toward me win. I will just be truthful and tell of my story and my correspondence with the New Church both good and bad. I tried to be kind and seek peace with her and find peace but she wont see that so now I will do what will give me peace and spread this message in different places and media. I have also printed out my essay "Why The New Church Thinks You Are Wrong!" I was very hurt at all the excuses I got from a lot of the pastors and reverends and I think they need to know how there doctrine might sound to someone who was ready to learn but was told they were ignorant and that what they believed didnt matter. It seemed that many of them would flip flop and say one thing and it would be hypocritical to the Bible and the Writings and I also tried to incorporate both in my blog and my essay. I am a good Christian man and like everyone else I have flaws and insecurities. Rachel knew what she was getting into and I shared my secrets my pain and my happiness with her and she used that against me in the end and used religion to tear me down and almost destroy me. The reason all this is happening is not because of a failed relationship it is because of Rachel's disregard for the nature of the situation I was in, her poor judgement of character to a person who was grieving, and her religious bigotry toward someone who loved and looked up to her. Yes Church of the New Jerusalem I said Bigotry. Now maybe this is isolated to certain people in the Dawson Creek New Church but it was a form of bigotry. It was the my religion is better than yours and my faith matters so much I will put down others. It also was very harkening to me because you think a black man in Northern Canada would get some love and respect if I wanted racism I can just stay here in good ol Texas where it is ramapant but do you know the potential PR disaster taht it could be for the New Church if I tell other black people that I didn't feel welcome. Nobody in the New Church is even thinking about that and Rachel sure doesnt care as long as she can ignore me and wipe her hands clean of something she thinks she didn't have to face any consequences for. So I just wanted to be truthful in the direction I am going to anyone who reads this and wants to know where my heart is going. I do appreciate the people who reached out to me from the New Church Perspective but it was back when all this happened that I needed that kind of love and understanding instead I was met with people trying to make themselves seem theologically right and justify Rachels actions. Just remember for every action there is a reaction so if you do something expect something to happen back. So for Rachel she could have made peace with me but this is the reaction she gets and she will have to live with all the damage she caused when we could have been in each others graces and made true peace and conciliation. No one can blame me for how I feel because I reached out to both Rachel and the New Church now it is all in your hands. If anyone cares I am always here but Rachel is the only one who can change this in the end.
When I was a teenager this was one of my favorite songs about a Eulogy called "Lay Me Low" by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds seeing him do this song in 1994 two nights in a row made me understand the beauty of making peace with others in our lives. Maybe some of you will listen to this song and see my intentions with Rachel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhPU6jEwUl4 I have always been humble and put others before myself this altercation has always been about Rachel disrespecting my grief and my mother and she can end it all with a phone call and a sorry.
For those who are interested Nick Cave wrote an interesting book about mans "Inhumanity to man and their innate ability to fear what they don't understand" called "And The Ass Saw the Angel" The title of the book is taken from Numbers 22:23 My third favorite book next to the Bible and Carson McCullers "The Heart is A Lonely Hunter" In this book the main character Eucharid is a mute who endures hate, abuse from his parents, is shunned by the town and is an outcast eventually he enacts revenge upon those who put him down. I have never truly wanted to enact any kind of revenge on Rachel as it is not my nature but I have reached out to her and I loved her and so that is what it feels like. She was so scared of our differences and the society around her and her New Church Doctrine made her feel like loving me would make her seem awkward or different too. I am tired of people making excuses not to love me and eventually when you kill a persons love it turns to hate and in my case that is where it is going. I am being truthful about it and it has had all this time to be love but due to the way I was treated by your Canadian Pastors and Rachel the love is wearing thin.
This is for all you who put down people who are different than them especially the Dawson Creek New Church
Heart Spark Dollarsign By Everclear http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvn8xQIfzmU
Time stops when the whispers blare
The voices drop hard, but the eyes still stare
The world resolves into a death's head grin
Because I walk with pride with a black girlfriend
My mom said not to bring her around
Cause she's black
My family would put her down
I'll break the white-trash ties that bind
Trade a love so pure for a hate so blind
She said -- she said
Forget the fact that I don't look like you
She said -- she said
You're possessed with a power
Bigger than the pain
Time stops when we lie so close
In my room where we share
What no one knows
From the day that we start
Until the day that we end
I know I know I know now
We will never find a place where we can just fit in
Me and my black girlfriend
God Bless All.
I have decided that the only way to show Rachel how much damage she truly did to my soul is to tell my story online and through spoken word. I have a cd that I made of me recounting out time together but I am going to have a special Youtube video and another site transcribing the text messages and our emails. Maybe all those New Church members will then see that Rachel could have made this so easy by just picking up the phone and making peace with me. She doesn't care how it reflects on the New Church or others in her life as long as she doesn't have to face me and that is fine. I don't have to let her actions of hurt toward me win. I will just be truthful and tell of my story and my correspondence with the New Church both good and bad. I tried to be kind and seek peace with her and find peace but she wont see that so now I will do what will give me peace and spread this message in different places and media. I have also printed out my essay "Why The New Church Thinks You Are Wrong!" I was very hurt at all the excuses I got from a lot of the pastors and reverends and I think they need to know how there doctrine might sound to someone who was ready to learn but was told they were ignorant and that what they believed didnt matter. It seemed that many of them would flip flop and say one thing and it would be hypocritical to the Bible and the Writings and I also tried to incorporate both in my blog and my essay. I am a good Christian man and like everyone else I have flaws and insecurities. Rachel knew what she was getting into and I shared my secrets my pain and my happiness with her and she used that against me in the end and used religion to tear me down and almost destroy me. The reason all this is happening is not because of a failed relationship it is because of Rachel's disregard for the nature of the situation I was in, her poor judgement of character to a person who was grieving, and her religious bigotry toward someone who loved and looked up to her. Yes Church of the New Jerusalem I said Bigotry. Now maybe this is isolated to certain people in the Dawson Creek New Church but it was a form of bigotry. It was the my religion is better than yours and my faith matters so much I will put down others. It also was very harkening to me because you think a black man in Northern Canada would get some love and respect if I wanted racism I can just stay here in good ol Texas where it is ramapant but do you know the potential PR disaster taht it could be for the New Church if I tell other black people that I didn't feel welcome. Nobody in the New Church is even thinking about that and Rachel sure doesnt care as long as she can ignore me and wipe her hands clean of something she thinks she didn't have to face any consequences for. So I just wanted to be truthful in the direction I am going to anyone who reads this and wants to know where my heart is going. I do appreciate the people who reached out to me from the New Church Perspective but it was back when all this happened that I needed that kind of love and understanding instead I was met with people trying to make themselves seem theologically right and justify Rachels actions. Just remember for every action there is a reaction so if you do something expect something to happen back. So for Rachel she could have made peace with me but this is the reaction she gets and she will have to live with all the damage she caused when we could have been in each others graces and made true peace and conciliation. No one can blame me for how I feel because I reached out to both Rachel and the New Church now it is all in your hands. If anyone cares I am always here but Rachel is the only one who can change this in the end.
When I was a teenager this was one of my favorite songs about a Eulogy called "Lay Me Low" by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds seeing him do this song in 1994 two nights in a row made me understand the beauty of making peace with others in our lives. Maybe some of you will listen to this song and see my intentions with Rachel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhPU6jEwUl4 I have always been humble and put others before myself this altercation has always been about Rachel disrespecting my grief and my mother and she can end it all with a phone call and a sorry.
For those who are interested Nick Cave wrote an interesting book about mans "Inhumanity to man and their innate ability to fear what they don't understand" called "And The Ass Saw the Angel" The title of the book is taken from Numbers 22:23 My third favorite book next to the Bible and Carson McCullers "The Heart is A Lonely Hunter" In this book the main character Eucharid is a mute who endures hate, abuse from his parents, is shunned by the town and is an outcast eventually he enacts revenge upon those who put him down. I have never truly wanted to enact any kind of revenge on Rachel as it is not my nature but I have reached out to her and I loved her and so that is what it feels like. She was so scared of our differences and the society around her and her New Church Doctrine made her feel like loving me would make her seem awkward or different too. I am tired of people making excuses not to love me and eventually when you kill a persons love it turns to hate and in my case that is where it is going. I am being truthful about it and it has had all this time to be love but due to the way I was treated by your Canadian Pastors and Rachel the love is wearing thin.
This is for all you who put down people who are different than them especially the Dawson Creek New Church
Heart Spark Dollarsign By Everclear http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvn8xQIfzmU
Time stops when the whispers blare
The voices drop hard, but the eyes still stare
The world resolves into a death's head grin
Because I walk with pride with a black girlfriend
My mom said not to bring her around
Cause she's black
My family would put her down
I'll break the white-trash ties that bind
Trade a love so pure for a hate so blind
She said -- she said
Forget the fact that I don't look like you
She said -- she said
You're possessed with a power
Bigger than the pain
Time stops when we lie so close
In my room where we share
What no one knows
From the day that we start
Until the day that we end
I know I know I know now
We will never find a place where we can just fit in
Me and my black girlfriend
God Bless All.
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