God's Plan vs Free Will

Dear Readers, A couple of days ago on Facebook I had left a message for the only other girl besides Rachel who had broken my heart where it was catastrophic.  She was one of my best friends and we hadnt spoken for years but I took a chance and for 3 months her reply sat and I didnt know it was in my box.  I rarely ever go to Facebook because it pains me to see the pictures of Rachel, Jonathan, and I, and I refuse to take them down. Anyways the other day something special happened.  She and I made peace.  She told me what she was going through at the time and why things happened and there is peace between us.  This is someone who hurt me almost as much as Rachel except after the first time she walked away she came back.  So I knew she always loved me it just wasnt how I wanted or needed at the time and so she felt she had to walk away.  The good thing about that even though I was upset at her I never stopped loving her and us being so young at the time I was 22 and she was 19 when we met so much time has elapsed and we were able to grow spiritually and not a day has gone by when I haven't thought about her.  In the case with Rachel though it seems to be a destructive pattern of behavior because she did to other men what she did to me but not on the scale and with the smoke and mirrors as she did to me.  All I have to really say to Rachel Myatt and Pastor Glenn is this.  You say you live one way then you act another.  In  one of his first emails to me back in 2010 and if anyone wants to see it I can pull it up for you.  He says that he believes God has a plan for us , yet none of us know what it is but constantly eludes this by talking about free will and man's nature.  It is man's evil nature that has gotten religion to the place where it is. It is nothing more than a vehicle for man's selfish desire.  I don't know how members of the New Church view God because they say they love Him yet they seem to put their desires, selfish impulses, and wants before doing what is right.  I find it ironic how Pastor Glenn is engaged and put me down for wanting the same thing with Rachel and patting Rachel on the back basically for playing with something that God instills in us.  If I wanted to play games I would have been a bachelor and a secular worldly type. I could get sex and party anytime but not only did I enter into a relationship with Rachel but a long distance one, and I trusted her and gave her my trust.  I was willing to take on the responsibility and love her child Jonathan as my own.  Also I was willing to study and be Baptized in the Church of the New Jerusalem but not only was I abandoned by Rachel but by the Church so the Pastor really needs to think back to all the excuses and things he said to me because I am carefully devising what I say to point this out in my print newsletter.  I mean your relationship no harm Coleman but you have to be put out there like the public figure you are if you say you believe in one thing but you do another and that is your double standard and hypocrisy so if it brings you and Anne discomfort in my pointing that out I am sorry but I have the strength and will to do what is necessary to be done and said and I am without regards for your feelings at this time much to how you cared none about mine.  In the end it all boils down to this God's Will and his guidance is above what we selfishly want.  One could make the case for me being selfish for wanting a family but in the context that I wanted to acheive that by courting what I thought was a good Christian woman, accepting her flaws, insecurities, and perfections, accepting her child and willing to love her and her family unconditionally even coming when there was a crisis and death in my own family.  My unselfish mother wishing me to be with Rachel on her deathbed should tell you people something.  So Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn and Church of the New Jerusalem if you dont like what I have to say dont listen but I am spreading the word and I wont hold back or look back.  I reached my hand out to you to make peace and forgive and I got nothing but an empty hand full of air and insults.