Dear Readers,
I had to look deep into my soul to write this one and I have to be fair to everyone who I am going to discuss. First if you have read this blog and never checked out the video messages I made to Rachel on Youtube then this was the first one. Please take a look at it. You see all I have ever wanted was peace with Rachel and for us to put all that happened behind us and talk. We may never be a couple again but she is and always will be my friend and what she did to me was almost unforgiveable but I forgave. I want to start this blog with cross reference to Pastor Glenn's recent blog called Waiting On The Lord http://www.patheos.com/blogs/goodandtruth/
I want you to keep in mind that I have the utmost respect for Pastor Glenn but I need him to understand a few things. In this blog he wrote about waiting for the Lord in this manner.
"For example: imagine a person who loves the Lord’s promise of true marriage love – that a man can leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). He does what the Lord asks: prays for a true marriage, shuns lusts as sins against the Lord. But years of waiting turn into decades. And he feels lonely, and more and more hopeless. Things are getting worse, not better. The promise is not coming true. So he decides to settle – it doesn’t matter who it is, he just wants to be married. And so he marries a woman whom he does not love, who has completely different values from him, a completely different faith. And over time, the man finds that there is a deep seated coldness between him and his wife. He finds that in impatiently trying to get rid of his own loneliness, he’s become more lonely than he was before he was married – just as Saul lost the kingdom by desperately trying to hold onto it."
Now I wont say that this was about me but if it was because of me he used this example I want to let Coleman know a few things.
I love Rachel Myatt. My love for her is deep seated in a Christian love. I never lusted over her. I had women offering me sex, I have an ample supply of female friends, I am a great guy and I could have chose my dream girl who was everything I wanted and single and loved all the things I did except one. God. She didnt love God nor did she believe in Him. So through prayer I came to Rachel and our friendship developed into a relationship. I accepted Rachel's faith. I was willing to learn, I am not lonely, nor am I desperate. When Rachel abandoned me I had women calling me up everyday to sleep with me, comfort me, and console me. I grew up old fashioned and I wanted nothing more but a relationship with a woman. Not only did I court Rachel but I made a promise to God. I love not only Rachel but her son, and her family whether they know it or not. When my mother died that was the most important thing to her that I don't hold back my love for Rachel and it was because of that I kept going full speed. My love for Rachel is not a passing fad, it is not a joke, it was never a mistake, and I believe that God intended me to be here. Therefore I am being patient. Everytime I have wanted to give up this blog and just trash Rachel and lash out in the biggest way against the New Church, Christ has taken my hand and given me insight. I do not think you know the love that I have for Rachel and her family.
So Pastor Glenn I just want you to know that skirting around these truths has been a lot of the reason for the conflict between you and I.
1. Regardless of how Rachel feels or felt she owed it to me to tell me the truth out of basic human decency especially because of the situation I had just endured with my mother.
2. She kept saying she loved me even after she broke my heart and almost destoyed me but lying to someone who loves you and who was honest with you is not loving nor is it right.
Coleman you keep making excuses for Rachel's behavior and it is one of my fundamental problems with your New Church theology. Two wrongs dont make a right but thinking that you can do wrong and it will always be righted like Rachel does and there be no consequences is a straw man fallacy at the least in theory.
She felt she could lie to me, abandon me, and on top of that treat me like I didnt exist and God would make it right. It is also in conflict with the free will question you keep throwing at me. Rachel has free will but I do not. I have the free will to totally trash her everyday but because I do love her I try to show that side of me. I ask forgiveness and want to forgive her but you make excuses and shoot holes in my attempts at that constantly pulling up misguided verses from Swedenborg. I use the Bible and I am trying to seek God's counsel not Swedenborg's when I need Divine help I do not turn to man. I turn to the one in the Heavens and that is where you and I differ if you truly wanted to make a point to me you would use the Bible and you would point out to me where I am wrong in wanting and projecting the greatest love and forgiveness in following in Christ footsteps. If I hated Rachel I would have never wasted a couple hours of day writing and telling her my feelings. You need to stop and think about that.
3. Rachel needs to be responsible for her own actions. Look at all the harm and damage that has come because of what she has done. What if I really hated the New Church and I started an Anti New Church group of sympathizers. What if I tried to prove you wrong in every aspect and just reduce you to a cult and a bunch of new age fringe lunatics? I didn't did I Coleman. I actually wanted to learn and worship with you so that part about being married and having someone different in thought and beliefs than you it is irrelevent in my case because not only did Rachel turn me away you as a Pastor turned me away because I was actually seeking to worship with you and when God calls you somewhere you follow. I was looking for structure, for a relationship in God with Rachel and Jonathan and my love for both of them was true and pure of heart. It makes me sick to my stomach that you constantly try to make Rachel look like some saint that didn't know what she was getting into. I mean I loved her and I still love her even though she tainted that love with her selfishness, unkindness, and inconsideration for others feelings.
4. It doesnt matter what happened it was never right for Rachel to ever use my mother in the context or to bring up her name or speak ill of her. I never used my mothers death as crutch in what she did in fact all my mother did was pray and wish blessings on Rachel and the Myatts. The fact that you as a Pastor would even condone or defend that for a moment shows your character. You constantly put your theology over caring for another human being and if that is what you fundamentally hold dear then you have misconstrued Jesus message for Swedenborgs. If you had of died from cancer I would never let anyone speak ill of you or use your name in the context Rachel used my mother. It was blasphemous, UnChristian, and heinous and she better be glad I loved her enough to get the kind of revenge I could of at the time.
5. You constantly contradict yourself by saying one thing yet when you talk to people of other faiths or thought processes you twist those things to make yourself look good and your theology to be accomodated. My biggest example being of people having callings because you being called to God and being a Pastor is a total paradox of contradiction in itself. You inadvertantly try to say I am selfish for loving Rachel and that I am on this crusade by total means of my own. You have no idea Coleman how wrong you are. If it wasnt for God's hand right now Rachel would be looking at revenge and retalation city and this blog would have never been but other hurtful things would have existed. I think I am fair and balanced in actually telling my feelings. This is my journal and this is what is in my heart and what I am called to do is between myself and God and not Coleman Glenn prophecising what Byron can and cant know.
6. So its ok to use our free will to hurt, put down others, and do evil but its not ok to believe in love, put God first and follow His love and His calling to forgiveness, to make peace, and to right wrongs? Which is it Pastor Glenn. It seems very contradictory of what you are trying to say. You dont have to wait on the Lord to sin but you have to wait around for some Divine lightning to strike and God doesnt give us free will to love? You make no sense. Basically you have made the arguement that it is ok for Rachel to have lied to me, talk bad about my deceased mother, curse me, ridicule me, and do all those things and it is just and right according to free will and God will just forgive her and there will be no consequences and my pain is unwarranted. Meanwhile I am just supposed to lie around let hate feaster and believe God will make things right but only if it benefits Rachel according to what you believe in and I am supposed to suffer so that she can live a good life. Is that right Coleman? There is no reason that God has allowed me to keep this blog up and have the insight for doing the things I do and my free will doesnt matter as long as Rachel's will is done and is catered too?
I know one thing and I do love Rachel Myatt this has never been some infatuation, this has never been some passing thing, it has never been a game or something that will just go away. If you are unenlightened and want to look at me being extreme or a stalker or something like that then be a fool that way because it is exactly what I will call you. Rachel knew what she was getting into and she also has the ability to change what is happening now. Instead she chooses to hide, be unresponsive, and think that things will just go away. It is her life and her choice to be misguided that way because I am not out of sight or out of mind I am right here and I am a force to be reckoned with. I am not some armchair person sitting back spouting rhetoric about things I am going to do I am actually going out and printing and making flyers, putting out cds, posting up blogs , and being proactive in my campaign. Rachel Myatt, Pastor Coleman Glenn, Church of the New Jerusalem, Myatt Family. This is what happens when you abondon people, make up lies about them, persecute them, and ridicule them. They come out of it ten times stronger with more love and God on their side as never before. I am only beginning.
You know what Waiting On The Lord is for me? After all this hurt, ridicule, persecution, and despair being able to still love Rachel and believe in her and putting your faith in the Lord that she will come around. That is what putting my trust in God is. It is knowing that His promise that led me someone would not keep me in that place if it was not good for me or His will. God lets me love and believe in Rachel everyday so regardless of what Pastor Glenn or any other New Church Pastor or person thinks I know in my heart that what I wait for is a true peace and it is true love that God has instilled in me and you can't know it because it is something that has been given to me. I will always love you and think the world of you and why you cant see that I do not know I just know what God has put in front of me and thought it hasn't been easy I have never given up on you. If you dont know how much I love you Rachel just look at this blog I wrote for you weeks ago it is one of the most beautiful and short ones I have written for you but in a short moment the love for you and Jonathan shines through
http://iloverachelmyatt.blogspot.com/2012/01/ordinary-day-why-i-think-rachel-is-most.html
Stay Tuned for a Special Valentine blog to Rachel about 10pm CST February 14th
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