Dear Readers,
This is a response to the blog I wrote the other day because some of you misread it. I said I was to the point of giving up and leaving and I meant the fight to be kind and carry on this Christian part of me that still loves Rachel without retalition, revenge, or vengance in my heart. I put up the video of "The Heart is A Lonely Hunter" because not only do I want to encourage people to read the book and be enlightend I want to make a statement simple and clear. Here it is. Life is too short to hold grudges, hurt the ones we love, not talk for long periods of time and to hold dark things on our heart. I am full of love for Rachel and I am truly trying to find a place of peace but there are dark forces also in my heart that might hinder that. I am reaching out to her before I get to the point where those take over. In the book Mr Singer is a deaf mute and he always helps and puts others before himself. He feels closed off and alienated from the world most of the time but he always steps in to help others. In the end he wants to be loved just like everyone else and he is reaching out for that love and no one hears his plea. They abandon him when he needed it the most and he commits suicide. I was 19 when I first read this book and I remember being in a basement library at my college and I started crying. I know how Mr. Singer felt and I wanted to people to know now that is how Rachel made me feel. When I needed her the most and she said she would be there she turned her back on me and so I felt like dying at the time. Not only did she abandon me she ridiculed me and mocked me. At the end of the movie you see Mick Kelly and the Doctor at Mr. Singers grave. If they had of only been there for him maybe he wouldnt have let go. Rachel I am calling out to you today and Pastor Coleman Glenn if you understand this then I urge you to reach out to her because as one of the Lord's Servants that is why I came to you. I need this peace and closure in my life because it is killing me within. I feel desolate, distraught, hated, and unwanted and I still dont know how Rachel could be so cruel and uncaring to me when I unconditionally loved her and believed in her. The choice is up to Rachel and how you respond Pastor Glenn is on you. If you are truly concerned you know there is only one way and that is Christ way of love, forgiveness, reconcilation and peace. It will take Rachel's words to bring me to a place where I find that others can only be a conduit through the Lord. I will never kill myself there are too many people to help and to love and even though I am lonely and have no one I always give of myself because I know its all I have. I would have liked to come home to Rachel and Jonathan everyday, hugged them, played with them and showed them how much I was in love with both of them but Rachel didnt have the patience. She didnt take the time to discern what was truly in my heart and she let others make her think that I wasnt right for her instead of truly seeing that I was and could be. If I let others make decisions for me and slant my decisions then I would be dead from being in a gang, in jail from doing something illegal, or maybe something else. I would not be the educated, caring, open minded person I was today if I had of given into family and peer pressure. I want you to take this blog at face value people. I am dying. I am dying with grief that my friend and the love of my life Rachel Myatt denies me peace and she denies herself a true love that knows no bounds. I would never turn my back on somebody who wanted peace with me and to Rachel and Pastor Glenn do you see why you might think I think you are hypocrites. You preach and convey a message of love but here I am reaching out in the truest sense of love willing to not only tell all my personal business and thoughts on the internet and risk jobs and people thinking im crazy just so Rachel Myatt can know I love her and that I want her back in my life. If she is so selfish and so self centered that she cant see the beauty in that and would allow others such as the Good Pastor to be in the line of a mess she created then I really don't know what kind of Christian love that you call that. I want to end this with a simple prayer today.
Our Father in The Heavens,
I ask that you show Rachel and I the way to Love. Show us peace and reconciliation and for all the hurt to come to an end. May You use whoever and whatever to help us find peace, forgiveness, and love. I love Rachel and Jonathan with all my heart and I only want to be able one day to see them again. I miss them so much Oh Lord. I put my faith in You to bring that love to fruition again. I ask that you let Rachel know that I truly love her and to let both the New Church and Pastor Glenn know that I do not have anything but love in my heart for them but that they need to understand that love and see how You have given it to me to share. I thank you for the day and all the blessings that You bring to us Oh Lord.
Amen
God Bless All
This is a response to the blog I wrote the other day because some of you misread it. I said I was to the point of giving up and leaving and I meant the fight to be kind and carry on this Christian part of me that still loves Rachel without retalition, revenge, or vengance in my heart. I put up the video of "The Heart is A Lonely Hunter" because not only do I want to encourage people to read the book and be enlightend I want to make a statement simple and clear. Here it is. Life is too short to hold grudges, hurt the ones we love, not talk for long periods of time and to hold dark things on our heart. I am full of love for Rachel and I am truly trying to find a place of peace but there are dark forces also in my heart that might hinder that. I am reaching out to her before I get to the point where those take over. In the book Mr Singer is a deaf mute and he always helps and puts others before himself. He feels closed off and alienated from the world most of the time but he always steps in to help others. In the end he wants to be loved just like everyone else and he is reaching out for that love and no one hears his plea. They abandon him when he needed it the most and he commits suicide. I was 19 when I first read this book and I remember being in a basement library at my college and I started crying. I know how Mr. Singer felt and I wanted to people to know now that is how Rachel made me feel. When I needed her the most and she said she would be there she turned her back on me and so I felt like dying at the time. Not only did she abandon me she ridiculed me and mocked me. At the end of the movie you see Mick Kelly and the Doctor at Mr. Singers grave. If they had of only been there for him maybe he wouldnt have let go. Rachel I am calling out to you today and Pastor Coleman Glenn if you understand this then I urge you to reach out to her because as one of the Lord's Servants that is why I came to you. I need this peace and closure in my life because it is killing me within. I feel desolate, distraught, hated, and unwanted and I still dont know how Rachel could be so cruel and uncaring to me when I unconditionally loved her and believed in her. The choice is up to Rachel and how you respond Pastor Glenn is on you. If you are truly concerned you know there is only one way and that is Christ way of love, forgiveness, reconcilation and peace. It will take Rachel's words to bring me to a place where I find that others can only be a conduit through the Lord. I will never kill myself there are too many people to help and to love and even though I am lonely and have no one I always give of myself because I know its all I have. I would have liked to come home to Rachel and Jonathan everyday, hugged them, played with them and showed them how much I was in love with both of them but Rachel didnt have the patience. She didnt take the time to discern what was truly in my heart and she let others make her think that I wasnt right for her instead of truly seeing that I was and could be. If I let others make decisions for me and slant my decisions then I would be dead from being in a gang, in jail from doing something illegal, or maybe something else. I would not be the educated, caring, open minded person I was today if I had of given into family and peer pressure. I want you to take this blog at face value people. I am dying. I am dying with grief that my friend and the love of my life Rachel Myatt denies me peace and she denies herself a true love that knows no bounds. I would never turn my back on somebody who wanted peace with me and to Rachel and Pastor Glenn do you see why you might think I think you are hypocrites. You preach and convey a message of love but here I am reaching out in the truest sense of love willing to not only tell all my personal business and thoughts on the internet and risk jobs and people thinking im crazy just so Rachel Myatt can know I love her and that I want her back in my life. If she is so selfish and so self centered that she cant see the beauty in that and would allow others such as the Good Pastor to be in the line of a mess she created then I really don't know what kind of Christian love that you call that. I want to end this with a simple prayer today.
Our Father in The Heavens,
I ask that you show Rachel and I the way to Love. Show us peace and reconciliation and for all the hurt to come to an end. May You use whoever and whatever to help us find peace, forgiveness, and love. I love Rachel and Jonathan with all my heart and I only want to be able one day to see them again. I miss them so much Oh Lord. I put my faith in You to bring that love to fruition again. I ask that you let Rachel know that I truly love her and to let both the New Church and Pastor Glenn know that I do not have anything but love in my heart for them but that they need to understand that love and see how You have given it to me to share. I thank you for the day and all the blessings that You bring to us Oh Lord.
Amen
God Bless All
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