Blasphemous Rumors by Depeche Mode
Dear Rachel, Church of the New Jerusalem Readers, and Regular Readers,
I want you to really take the time to both read and analyze what I am saying in this blog. You must read the whole thing as it is very lengthy. In the end if you are someone from the New Church I would like you to leave input on why I should not go forth on seeking some kind of Retribution on Rachel because it has come to my conclusion that I had nothing but love for her, her family, her Church and it seems to these people it was all a joke.
I started this blog off with a song called "Blasphemous Rumors" believe it or not when it was released I was very young but I had already begin to understand the things this song talks about. I was 9 years old. I had endured much prejudice and racism at school on a daily basis. I had been molested by a man by this time. I was told by my father daily how worthless I was and he hadnt even been around for awhile. All a little kid like me wanted was to be loved. My mother worked herself to the bone to take care of me and my brother we lived in what is now public housing. I remember her one night having to go to work and apologize for leaving me home with my younger brother. I told her "Its ok Mommy I know you have to." I will never forget it. Anyways this song comes from the album "Some Great Reward" released in 1984 for anyone familiar with Depeche Mode it is also the album where their anthem about acceptance and tolerance of others "People Are People" also resides. I have never fit in and this song stayed with me for my whole life. Being a Christian this song may at first sound offensive but if you listen closely you will hear what most of us have known all along. God permits evil to happen but He is not the one that makes it happen. So many people have taken this song the wrong way, yet so many people have seen the good in this song and the sad part of it all is that was based on a true story both accounts that happened in the song. Pastor Glenn I was well aware of many things in the subconscious mind from an early age. I remember things as far back as 1yrs old and my parents were always amazed at the things I remembered and could comprehend. It was sort of offensive of both you and Rachel to ever think I couldn't comprehend things that Swedenborg was saying and it was arrogant, forthright, and judgmental.
So here is my question with this song as part of the premise
Why should I not get Revenge or Retaliation on Rachel?
In the Old Testament doesn't it talk about Eye for An Eye and Tooth For a Tooth. I do not live or subscribe to that school of thought. Here is what boogles my mind the most especially about the mindset of the people from the Church of the New Jerusalem
In the New Testament it says
Matthew 5:38-39
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.
I constatly put up with Rachel's religious bigotry, her attitude, and her piousness and still I loved her I got stabbed in the back, ridiculed, told I was ill, damaged, and sick and she was the one with all the issues and insecurities. I never thought twice about loving her and looking to her insides. Is that the kind of selfish charity the Church of The New Jerusalem teaches?I am here following what Jesus told us to do and that is just to love. Truly love our enemies. I was never Rachel's enemy she made me into her enemy. Who is the one being evil New Church?
Who lied to me and, talked ill of my mother and me, who did all these things and when I got upset because of them I became the bad guy because I had enough love to ask questions to the Church. I had the nerve to tell the Church worldwide that I loved my sister and wanted to make peace with her. I have to nerve to put up a blog and write to her each day and let other people into my thoughts and tell them how much I love her and want peace with her.
I am going to say this as I have said it partly before. Some of you people in the New Church are nothing more but elitist douchebags who sit around thinking they are better than other Christians circle jerking your thoughts at each other trying to be brilliant like you know more than everyone else while its really the people who are humble and dont claim to no anything who know the most. You dont like that statement well Im sorry that is how you come off.
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Part II Nihilism
At 17 years old I stopped going to any kind of Church I was fed up with the hypocrisy, the way certian people acted better than others, and the fact that in most Churches the Bible wasn't actually being opened it was a bunch of Pastors and Reverends using their own words or supplementals and not the Word of God. It seems like The New Church useds Swedenborg more than they do the Bible the actual TRUE DIVINE WORD OF GOD. That is as far as I will go with that because I every religion has their books on the side.
So for all those people that would judge my love of God like Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn I want you to know that at 21yrs of age I had totally given up on God. He came to me that year and healed me though because He knew I was in pain and it changed my life. I want to share with you a song that was a direct challenge to Him and keep in mind this was 1996. Here are the lyrics to one of the first songs I wrote called "Blind"
Blind
Ill never be a father,
Just someone's messed up son
I'll never be anyone's lover
Just second best to none
I'm always on the outside
Wanting to fit in
I've become my own and I'm taking my throne
and now the jokes on them
I will be justified, I will be purified
I dont have time to die I 'm nothing in their eyes
One by one I will lead the swine down the line
Just a matter of time before they realized they have been Blind
I used to shut my eyes
Sometimes I'd walk away
I was scared to decide the actions of my fate
Now I've got control Yes I've got the upper hand
My words mean nothing to the masses
And now they'll understand
I grew up sweet and kind
And now I'm full of rage
I used to believe in someone Divine
But now those thoughts have gone away
They sold me books of lies and I refused to pray
There is no Savior, you idiots are blind
Now the damage has been done
I believed in you for fun
Struck down all your convictions and I lost
But there was no one dying up on that Cross!!!!!!!
You think I'm blasphemous
The worms crawl from my mouth
You want to escape the truth
But for you there is no way out
Ive watched too many bleed
And now its time to kill
You're already dead
If you swallowed the bitter pill
I'll never be like them
I dont fit in with their kind
If they cant see me for me (Rachel and the Church of New Jerusalem this is for you)
Frack them cause they are Blind
(c)1996 Belligerent Hate Music
Now I ask you how could someone filled with such piss and vinegar who was so nihilistic and vitriolic become someone who loves God so much? In this song I address someone of what was hurting me and one of them is me wanting to be a father and have a family in the first lines of the song. Rachel has no idea how much she has hurt me playing with my dream. It took a long time before I ever trusted a women to love and want a family with and when she took that for granted and said all the cruel things she did. It opened up a whole new light to things.
Shortly after I wrote this I met a Christian kid named Pat who listened to a whole lot of rock music both punk, metal, and other types that were faith based. I blew it off and said the two shouldn't be mixed. Then something happened I started hanging out with him an his friend Jaime and became interested. I went to their Church which was and still is called God's Place. It was some bikers and a whole lot of kids who were praying, playing music, and having good wholesome fun with other people who loved God like they did. Slowly my heart was opening back up to the Lord and soon the darkness in my heart turned to love and now my dear friends of all Religions and especially of the Church of the New Jerusalem I refuse to stop believing, I learn on a daily basis, I question beliefs and contradictions. I love God and for those of you who cant see that the reason I haven't given up on Rachel is because this is His Love. It is a gift He instilled in me to share with her so that she will learn a valuable lesson in her spiritual journey.
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Part III
Should I Seek Revenge or Retaliation on Rachel?
Sometimes I think the Church of New Jerusalem would like it if I sought revenge on Rachel with all the excuses they make with their doctrine. The fact is I have thought about it many times.
I thought about how she thinks she has escaped from what she has done and thinks her life might be alright but I know eventually when you hurt other people especially people who truly love you and didn't deserve the selfishness of your actions then it will come back to you. Life has a way of getting back to you. So that is why I try to never let my karma be evil toward others because it will be returned. I could trash Rachel and the New Church instead I just love them and continue showing them that I care. When Rachel gets her Valentine Present she will know what I really think of her. It is something big that will last a lifetime. I know that this blog affects her because she doesn't like any pictures up or videos on the internet. Why? Because this blog embarrased her? Much like she was embarrased of being with me and couldn't accept me, when I told the truth about how she acted she couldn't be woman enough that in telling my story I told the truth about me and her. She knows I have all our correspondence and that I have everything that could discredit her. She knows I could make her look bad to people who think she is so good.
I want to make a couple points about how much I love Rachel
1. I wanted to be with Rachel even though I had vowed to never be with another single mother again. I love both her and Jonathan with all my heart. End of Story.
2. I am a single eligible bachelor. I have no kids. No heavy commitments. I had girls lining up to give me not only a relationship, but sex, and any other thing I wanted. I thought Rachel loved God so much that is why I chose her and I prayed to God about it. He led me to her and I still know it was and is the right thing to persue.
3. Rachel constantly judged me for everything. This is a lady who takes care of kids all day, never aspired to be anything more education wise. Had a kid out of wedlock by a guy who knocked up two other girls around the same time? Did I judge? No I just loved her for who she was and accepted her but I couldn't recieve the same?
4. The New Church talks about acceptance, kindness to others, loving our neighbor and being charitiable but here I am being treated like im Lucifer myself. Unbeknownst to most I made a donation to Dawson Creek New Church and I made a donation to Dawson Creek Ladies Group. Not because I thought it would get Rachels attention but because I was trying to say I love you my fellow Christians and support your love of Christ even if you dont mine.
So I want to end this with a Question to the Church of the New Jerusalem readers.
Why shouldn't I seek revenge on Rachel Myatt?
I mean after all she has done to me and I have showed nothing but a willingness to forgive and be forgiven.
She almost killed me with her lies, her betrayal, Her words against me and my family, and her playing with my dream of having a family with her. Key words being a family with her. I believed in her, wanted nobody but her and Jonathan. I didnt see her as an object for sex, I belived her to be a good Christian Woman, and I saw her strengths with her flaws as beautiful. You talk about free will New Church. Rachel always had a choice to do the right thing and she acted impulsively the whole way through. I always asked her about things, I never tried to rush her into anything, I listened to her, loved her, and was patient but I wasn't worth the same love, time, and compassion.
So Church of the New Jerusalem Why should I keep being a kind Christian who loves Rachel? Why should I live being nice to someone who was evil and is now unresponsive to someone who truly is seeking peace with her?
Maybe she deserves to be hated, screwed over, and put in her place. From everything I am hearing I feel that is what people would rather have then the true love, reconciliation and peace I seek because of Christ love.
I am unapologetic about loving people and God's love. I do not care what any of you think of me because most of you doubt how much love I have. I love Rachel I have tried to make peace with her and she has ignored and so I will do what I need to do so I can survive and be at peace and if it means it hurts her oh well. I came to her to through means of this website, other people, and The Church. I have never done drugs, been diagnosed with any mental problems, and I loved her with all my heart and in her mind I was crazy, damaged, and sick all because I was never afraid to say what was on my mind and believe in other people. I am sorry that some people in the Church of The New Jerusalem are taught to be so inconsiderate, UnChristian, and Uncaring. I wish nothing but good for anyone in life but when you infringe on my happiness, my friendship, and my love and then try to make me look bad because of your insecurities I am sorry I will not forget that Rachel Myatt so you get what you deserve now.
I was never your experiment Rachel Myatt. I was not a doormat, a game, or a fling. I was a man who loved you for all that you were. I accepted your flaws and insecurities and you used mine against me. Swedenborgians I am only beginning with this story so brace yourselves.
Rachel I will no longer hold back what needs to be said or done for the sake of you being comfortable. You didnt think twice about abandoning me, lying to me, or hurting me and when I tried to make you understand you shut me out and said you said all you had to say. Now I am going to say everything and show everything. I tried to make peace with you and reached out to you and so you had every chance to do things right. I am not sorry for telling the truth from here on out.
God Bless All
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