All I Ever Wanted Was to Be Loved.
This was my favorite book since I was 19 and a very sad ending.
I am sorry Rachel didnt care about hurting me, about ruining my love, my life, and my dream for a family. I tried to make peace with her make things right but she continued to ignore me. I am hollow and dead inside so I just wanted to say Goodbye. I always thought I was worth being loved but I realized not only was I not but even a Pastor of a Church looked down on me and was very uncaring. My heart is truly and deeply broke and I will never heal without any closure so I leave this place. I loved you Rachel Myatt but my heart cant take this anymore. I did everything I could to make you see how much I loved you and maybe on Valentine's you'll remember the true friend I was and how loyal I was to you and how much I loved you and Jonathan. Losing you and My Mom at the same time Rachel was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. I thought I had a true friend and partner to get me through it but instead you cursed me, judged me, and put me down and that killed my soul. Now as I watch my father frail and weak from his chemo and the possibility of him dying too all I wanted was peace with you but I know you are too stubborn to come back to my heart so I might as well just let go and give up on everything. This is not some dumb grab for attention, I am not sick or mentally ill. I am tired and ready to go. Ive been betrayed, lied to and ridiculed enough and all I did was fight it with people even judging my love for God. No one took the time to listen to what I was saying and Rachel or no one cares about taking responsibility for the things they do or say. I dont know how you feel and I cant feel how you feel but all I know is I loved you more than anyone I had every loved and I meant nothing to you. If I did you wouldnt have text me to get rid of me you would have at least talked to me and and treated me with some dignity. I traveled so far to fulfill my dream of being truly loved and I only wanted it with you Rachel Myatt. Now that dream is dead and all I was a joke to you. You were never a waste of my time and I am sorry if your family or society made you feel you couldn't be with me. I didnt let anyone tell me I couldnt love you for any reason I would have fought to the ends of the earth and never left you and Jonathan's side I know Rachel you thought you could abandon me and God would some how make it alright but it doesn't work that way. People need love and they arent something to play with at your leisure. My dream was to love you and Jonathan , Rachel. I am and always will be in love with you. I chose you over all the others because I saw the good in your heart and the love we could share in the Lord but in the end I wasnt worth the same. You tried to throw me away and pretend I never existed. Truth is I do exist and everyday I hurt even more and I can no longer deal with the hurt of being invisible to you. I am sorry you thought so little of me after all the love I gave you and all we shared. So why should I go on. I have thought this through for a year now. Im ready to end it all. By that I mean end trying to reach out as a Christian and make things right with someone who didnt appreciate a true friend, who didnt want to be loved and cherished, and who doesnt care who she hurts. Rachel you always wanted other people to accept your faith and your love for God but you always made fun of people who were different and lived their life in a way not in accordance to you. It is a big world and there are people of all kinds. I accepted you for all that you were and you couldnt take the time to be patient with me and learn about me and love me even at the most troubled time in my life. You deserve all that will come to you all I ever did was love you and believe in you but you have made it clear you would rather be enemies than make peace with someone who would do anything to show you and Jonathan that he loves you. I am sorry you cant see the true love God gave me for you.
God Bless All
I loved you even if you made a mockery of me or put me down
B
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