Dear Rachel, Readers, and Concerned Parties,
This blog is going to be split into 2 parts. The first part is about being brave even when others put down or try to tell you what you are doing is wrong this blog has been a long time coming and I couldnt express the words or get the inspiration until I saw the movie Brave yesterday for the first time. Brave follows the adventures of Princess Merida who from an early age goes against the grain of what others think she should be. I am going to get off on a side note real quick because I have a love hate relationship with Disney movies.
This movie was so good and the message was so great for young women and little girls that it is now my 4th favorite Disney movie of all time.
I will tell you why. I believe in love. I believe in truth and I believe that through those and God we can achieve . I will tell you my favorite Disney movies and how they have applied to my life then I will go back to Brave and tell you why it won a place in my heart and how it applies to the love I still have for Rachel.
My Number One Disney Movie of all time is :
#1 The Fox and The Hound - This movie taught me at an early age about loving people who are different than we are and as we grow not to hold the differences against them but to learn why they are different instead of turn them away. In terms of Rachel and I it hurts so much that she said she loved me and I told her all the ways I was different and she threw them back in my face and used them to hurt me. This is an allegory of racism, bigotry, and elitism and will always be my favorite Disney movie
#2 Pinnochio
All I ever wanted was to be loved, have a family, and be a real boy. When Rachel came into my life and I thought I would have her and Jonathan as my family then I finally felt like I was going to get my chance to be a real person. All the stereotypes, hate, abuse, rape, cruel behavior, and abandonment went to the wayside because I was finally going to be a real human being. Finally someone loved me and meant it or so I thought. Now I dont feel that way and my heart has been broken and forever changed.
Ariel is and always will be my favorite of the Disney Princesses, with Merida from "Brave" being number 2 and Gisselle from "Enchanted" being #3 thus "Brave" knocking "Enchanted" to my number 5 Disney movie. Ariel was full of life, she loved to sing, and she believed in love and she was what I saw in Rachel when she came into my life. I wanted to love Rachel and Jonathan with all my heart, sit around with her family, play my acoustic guitars, sing folk songs and praise but they would never know that because they judged me so quickly. I only wanted to be part of Rachel's world and I believed in her so I dedicate "Part of Your World" from the Little Mermaid to her today.
Ok know that you know where my heart is and how much love I have here is why Brave touched my heart. Though God gives us free will He also can steer us on a path best suited for our lives. If I didnt think my love for Rachel matters and that fighting this fight meant anything I would have just given up, cursed her, and slandered and hated her for the rest of my life. The thing is I love her and her son more than anything in the world and I cannot and will not let hate, hurt, or sorrow drown out the good in my heart. In Brave, Merida didnt want to listen to her mother and she didnt want to be the princess like she was groomed to be. Her mother didnt listen to her about her not wanting to be like the other princesses and not wanting to be forced to marry but carry on a traditon of a suitor competing for her heart. Merida ended up going to a witch for help to change her mother and changed her into a bear and she had to deal with the consequences but in the end through experience of being mother and daughter as a bear and a human, having to communicate what the others felt. Merida's mother finally understood the need for her to fall in love freely or not if she chose too but Merida also understood how important it was that she respect the other parts of being a princess so that she could be a good queen when the time came. It was in going to the witch to try to change her mother that she found out that her mother was fine the way she was. She needed to take the time to learn about her mother and see where they could meet common ground. Rachel never truly gave me that time. She made assumptions, she was arrogant, self centered never seeing how I accepted her flaws, her insecurities, and believed in her even enough to give her all of me when my mother had just died. Rachel Myatt I love you with all my heart and if there is one thing that Merida did is never give up one what she believed in and fought to be heard. That is what I am doing. I want peace with Rachel, I want Rachel to know how deeply she is loved by me and how I have never meant to hurt her. I want to end this part of the blog with this.
Rachel Myatt I believe in you and I love you and my one wish for Christmas is that we put all this behind us and love each other at least as friends again. I love you more than you could ever know.
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A Letter to Howard Myatt(Rachel's Father)
Dear Mr Myatt,
I want you to know that I have never loved anyone else as much as I love your Rachel. I want you to know that I am deeply sorry if I have said anything to hurt you as a family and disrespect your little girl as I do love her. You on the other hand have to understand the level of disrespect that she showed to me and my family by ever speaking ill of my grieving condition and my deceased mother. When I met you I looked at you and you had kind and loving eyes and I knew I wanted to be with Rachel because I saw the goodness in your heart. Please know I am only speaking from truth and not out of disrespect for you because I do not know how you feel about me or what is going through you or your families mind. If Rachel had of been my daughter right or wrong I would have stood up for her and not let someone such as I talk about her in the manner as I did. I commend you for having such restraint and maybe you tried to see that your daughter did truly hurt someone. I want you to know Mr Myatt that your daughter destroyed me. I loved her and your grandson with all my being and heart and when I got to play with Jonathan and saw how he needed someone to be there for him, my heart grew even more fond. Rachel was my best friend and the reason why I still hurt is that it seems not only did my mother die but half of my own body and flesh died that day. You see I wanted to court and marry your daughter because I was truly in love with her. It was not about wanting her for her looks, for sex, for anything like that. My love transcends all those physical barriers and is spiritual. My love for her last the test of time. I wanted you to know today how deeply I still hurt because I love your daughter and grandson so much. Each day that goes by I think about you all as a family and how much love I have for you all. I want to leave you with this last bit Mr Myatt and Myatt family. My father has been sick with a rare blood disease for the better part of a year. In a couple of months he will have to have a Bone Marrow Transplant, I most likely will have to be the donor. My father and I never got along, he abused me, and was never there for me, and cursed me to my face constantly, still I work out everyday, keep my body clean, and ask God for strength so if that may keep him alive I would die so that he may live. Christ example of love is just that. I love Rachel enough that I would die for her because I love her and Jonathan that much. I hope this message find you well Mr. Myatt.
God Bless
Byron
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