Because I Loved You : Nothing Can Stand Between Real Love

Dear Rachel and Readers,

Above is a cover of Texas band Sparta's song "San Cosm" the gentlemen did an excellent job turning this rock song into an acoustic song.  I want to explain why I used the song and what this blog is about this morning.

The song originates from an album called "Wiretap Scars"  Sparta was and is part of the band At The Drive In who after 11yrs finally renewed their friendship and buried the hatched to play shows again this year.  The other band that occured when the split happened was The Mars Volta.  

(The Wiretap Scars album cover is a phone being bugged or debugged, you decide but to me in this situation between Rachel it represents any attempt that has been made to tap into my email, govenment phone calls, or anyone trying to harrass or make me a criminal because Rachel and her family cant deal with the consequences of her actions and the result being my blog and peaceful campaign.  I have never been arrested for any crime, misdemeanor, I love my country of the U.S. I love and respect my friends in Canada.  I love serving my country through civil duty such as serving on a jury.  If my lungs would have allowed it I would have been in the military but I still my go join the Peace Corps or anything as such.  Truth is I love Rachel and her family with all my heart and the things that people in her family and church have said against me we very hurtful, grievous, and untrue and are the reason I retaliated because of the hurt Rachel brought my family.)

1. Friends let things get in the way of doing beautiful things together like making music and that is what happened in this case.  At the Drive In had sold 1 million units on Grand Royal Records which was the label run by the Beastie Boys.  They were on the brink of greatness then it all imploded.  Friend against friend, brother against brother life is too short for that.  I am reaching out to Rachel Myatt and her family to end this.  I have and always will love them and I would have never wanted to be with Rachel if I didnt want to love her family too.  Each day that goes by it makes me sad.  I struggle with what I should do next.  Should I release this story? Should I put this newsletter out there? I keep waiting for a sign.  A letter in the mail from Rachel, and email, a facebook request anything to be the white dove to end this.  Alas I think Rachel and her family knows the damage Rachel did and are reluctant to have me in their lives because it was so grievous.


2. Why I named this blog : Because I Loved You
a. Because I loved you I never gave up on you
b. Because I loved you I never put my story on the internet where it would just be everywhere people had to come find it and people from the New Church commented on it because they wanted to understand my pain. 
c. I have not put it up on Facebook or Myspace but I have left the picture of you and I Rachel up because it tramatized me so much that you would ask to take a couple picture then throw away me and my love a couple days later.  You were my best friend and to me it was an honor being with you.  l always saw you as a blessing.  I dont know what I deserved to be seen as anything but equal to that in your eyes.
d. Rachel you were the one woman I loved and trusted in beside my mother.  I waited a lifetime to love you and would wait a lifetime for you to come back.  I cant make you love me, you have to look into your heart and see if you ever did. All I know is I love you and Jonathan with all my heart.


I dont want to hurt you or your family but you hurt me everyday.  I wish we could talk, laugh, and that you knew that my arms, my heart, and my body belonged to you.  You were and always will be my sister in Christ,  Rachel Myatt.   Do not let another minute, day, or year go by that we dont reconcilate. 

I want to say this to you really quick, all the time that has gone by has taken a toll on me.  I have a beard,  grey hair, and even though I am in perfect health I have been so saddened by how you abandoned me sometimes I just want to let go.  My father will need a Bone Marrow Transplant maybe first of next year.  I will most likely be the one to give it.  Rachel if I can put my pride aside and feel pain and give of myself to someone who told me how worthless I was, did not support me as a child, and was rarely there for me, then cant you open your heart and return to the arms and heart of someone who believes in you and Jonathan and loves you dearly.

All the time we wasted hurting each other ,  I leave it in God's Hands and I leave you with this song called "Here's The Meantime" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals.  Maybe it will help you think about all the good things that we could be doing instead of one writing about the other and the other ignoring the other.


I love you Rachel and Jonathan Myatt that will never change