The Day My Father Died(February 2nd 2013)



Dear Readers and Rachel,
Last night I lost my father.  He had been battling a rare blood disease pretty much months after my mom died in 2010.  I had gotten off of work and it was about 11pm I went to check on him.  I entered the house and ask him how he was doing.  There was no response. I asked again. Still no response. I shook him and kept yelling and still no response.  No breathing, he was cold, and he was stiff.  The rigor mortis had settled in.  Tears streamed down my face and I called 911.  I called my brother. My father and I never were close but he was human and I loved him.  I thought about Rachel how much I love her and Jonathan and how life is so short and if she and her family had known how much her love meant to me.  Now its just me and my brother.  We don't have wives, or children, or many loving arms to run to.  We contact the little family we have and go on with life.  Everyday I think of Rachel and Jonathan and wish she had of known how much wanting a family with her meant to me.  The purpose of this blog was always meant for her to know that I would do anything even tell the world that I loved her and Jonathan because I didn't want to die in regret or regret that I never tried to let her know they were the loves of my life.  If there is ever a time to make peace with me Rachel it is now.  I am hurting so much and I dont want this war with you, I dont want to spend another day hating you,  I love you with all my heart.  I dont want to be mad at the Church of the New Jerusalem and blame them for things you said or did to me. I want to forgive you and for you to forgive me.  Though I will be busy because of what has happened last night I will leave a special present for you on Valentines Day on this blog.  Otherwise there will probably be silence.  If you want to contact me then please do so through this blog.  I would love to end this with you and for us to make peace.  I love you and Jonathan with all my heart.

I dedicate my two favorite songs by Lush "When I Die" and "Kiss Chase" to my father Henry today and to Rachel and Jonathan.  Life is too short to hold grudges, to hurt the people we love, and to run from our destiny.  Rachel and Myatt Family.  I love you even if you can't understand why I am still here.  Today realize this is part of it. You can make a difference or you can sit back and believe I am some kind of crazy person.  All I ever was, I was truly in love with Rachel Myatt.

God Bless ALL