There is a reason why I used this song as the introduction to my blog. It was from the 1993 debut album from Liz Phair called "Exile In Guyville" I was 17 at the time I first heard this song and at the time a lot of the music on the radio was misogynist. Good thing I didnt listen to much radio. I am sorry for the expletive in the song but if you go into it with an open mind you will hear what that teenage boy heard. Women are not vessels for sex, they want to be loved, they want to be treated human, and they want relationships. Liz Phair sings about the ongoing violation of her womanhood and how she longs to have an actual boyfriend that loves her and does little things for her. Many of you don't know how much I loved Rachel. How I text and called her everyday. How I sent her and Jonathan little gifts and I love yous. How I made a scrapbook, gave her a promise ring, and a coupon with a promise to God to always love her. I love Rachel Myatt I wanted to be with her and she was never some object, piece of meat, or less than a person to me. She was my best friend and that was the reason all of this is so painful because she took all that for granted. She played with the fact that I loved her, would have done anything for her, loved her and her son, and believed in her and her love of God. So before any of you continue to judge me for the acts that I may soon take you need to look at what I am presenting to you from my heart. I have shown you an insight to my soul through these blogs and at the root of it all it is that I love Rachel Myatt unconditionally.
Dear Readers,
Today I wanted to write a blog about how Rachel treated a man who actually loved her. I courted Rachel and told her that I believed in family, in love, and monogamy. I kept myself pure and had all sorts of women at my feet but I kept true to her because I loved the promise of the Lord and I wanted to be with Rachel. Needless to say she slept with me and then said all these bad things about me and put me down and abandoned me. It seems that she doesnt care who she hurts so the people in Dawson Creek are about to know just what kind of person she is. I don't really care about her feelings anymore because she never really cared about mine. She always complained about guys just wanting her for sex. I wanted her because I was in love with her, I was truly in love with her as a friend, as a boyfriend, and as someone who believed in courtship and marriage. She threw it all away. So when people start recieving the newsletter I am sending out I will discuss this and she had ever opportunity to stop this by talking to me. I also am not out to slander I only will tell the truth. So this was in your hand Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn. I am a real man I dont make idle threats I do what I say I am and back it up so if you think this is just some attempt to get Rachel to contact me or bluff I am far from kidding. Pastor Glenn you say that you dont want to go against your Church by getting involved well your name is already associated with it and for your unkindness and uncaring you will be put on display too. Rachel I loved you but this is for treating me like less than a person, abusing the true love I had for you, and being morally bankrupt in just sleeping with me and telling me you loved me and wanted to be with me and then abandoning me and cursing me. I cherished you as a girlfriend, as a best friend, and as a woman of God but you spit on that and disrespected my love totally. I dont care about your reputation or how you hurt anymore because I tried to and you blew me off.
You have just about killed my love for you Rachel
I have given you my thoughts, my feelings, and put my true love for you on display to see and you have ignored them. I give My Lord, My Father, My God in Heaven all of me and put this in His hands. How you choose to react is up to you but I want to leave you with these thoughts today. Pastor Coleman Glenn and Rachel Myatt think about your doctrine and how you are and have treated me. I asked for Rachel to make peace with me so that we could both turn evil away and that it would never get to a point where it is about to go. I am asking you one last time Rachel Myatt stand up and hear me. Hear that I have been praying to love you, Hear that I need you to be my friend, Hear that in one phone call we can end what could be damaging to both of us. Hear that I call on the Lord every night and tell Him how much I love you and Jonathan. Hear that I Love You Rachel Myatt. I forgive you for what you have done to me and all this time I sent you love and tried to make peace with you. Instead you ignore me and hold grudges against me. I need to hear it from you if you care, and if you truly want peace. If not then evil will win over both of us and actions that cannot be turned back will occur. I am asking you one last time Rachel make peace with me and forgive me as I have forgiven you. It means nothing till I hear it from you.
Arcana Coelestia 2488
Before I had been instructed by living experience, I had supposed, as do others, that no spirit could possibly know the things in my memory and in my thought; but that they were solely in my possession, and were hidden. But I can assert that the spirits with man know and take note of the smallest things of his memory and thoughts; and this much more clearly than the man himself; and that the angels know and take note of the ends themselves, how they bend themselves from good to evil, and from evil to good; and of many more things than the man knows; such as those which he has immersed in his delights, and thus as it were in his nature and disposition; for when this is done such things no longer appear, because he no longer reflects upon them. Let no man therefore any longer believe that his thoughts are hidden, and that he is not to render an account of his thoughts, and of his deeds according to the degree and the quality of the thoughts that have been in them; for the deeds have their quality from the thoughts, and the thoughts from the ends.
Arcana Coelestia 2535
He shall pray for thee. That this signifies that it will thus be revealed, is evident from the signification of "praying." Prayer, regarded in itself, is speech with God, and some internal view at the time of the matters of the prayer, to which there answers something like an influx into the perception or thought of the mind, so that there is a certain opening of the man's interiors toward God; but this with a difference according to the man's state, and according to the essence of the subject of the prayer. If the man prays from love and faith, and for only heavenly and spiritual things, there then comes forth in the prayer something like a revelation (which is manifested in the affection of him that prays) as to hope, consolation, or a certain inward joy. It is from this that to "pray" signifies in the internal sense to be revealed. Still more is this the case here, where praying is predicated of a prophet, by whom is meant the Lord, whose prayer was nothing else than internal speech with the Divine, and at the same time revelation. That there was revelation is evident in Luke: It came to pass when Jesus was baptized, and prayed, that the heaven was opened (Luke 3:21). In the same: It came to pass that He took Peter, James, and John, and went up into the mountain to pray; and as He prayed, the fashion of His countenance was altered, and His raiment became white and glistening (Luke 9:28-29). In John: When He prayed, saying, Father glorify Thy name, then came there a voice from heaven: I have both glorified, and will glorify again (John 12:27-28); where it is plain that the Lord's "praying" was speech with the Divine, and revelation at the same time.
Matthew 6:11-13
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
Divine Providence 324:6
[6]Everyone is created to live forever in a blessed state._ This naturally follows. He who wills that man shall live forever also wills that he shall live in a blessed state. What would eternal life be without this? All love desires the good of another. The love of parents desires the good of their children, the love of the bridegroom and the husband desires the good of the bride and the wife, and love in friendship desires the good of one's friends. What then must divine love desire! What is good but enjoyment, and divine good but eternal blessedness? All good is so named for its enjoyableness or blessedness. True, anything one is given or possesses is also called good, but again, unless it is enjoyable, it is a barren good, not in itself good. Clearly, then, eternal life is also eternal blessedness. This state of man is the aim of creation; that only those who come into heaven are in that state is not the Lord's fault but man's. That man is in fault will be seen in what follows.
Arcana Coelestia 1055
That I may remember the eternal covenant. That this signifies that the Lord can be present with him in charity, is evident from what has been said and shown about the signification of a "covenant" namely, that there is no other "eternal covenant" than love to the Lord and love toward the neighbor. This is eternal, because from eternity to eternity. The universal heaven is founded in love, and so is universal nature; for in nature nothing whatever is possible-in which there is any union and conjunction, whether it be animate or inanimate-that does not derive its origin from love. For every natural thing comes into existence from something spiritual, and the spiritual from the celestial, as said above. Hence love, or a semblance of love, has been implanted in all things in general and in particular; with man alone there is not love, but the contrary, because man has destroyed in himself the order of nature. When however he can be regenerated, or restored again to order, and can receive mutual love, then there is "the covenant" or conjunction by charity, that is here treated of.
Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn you have all but killed the good in my heart and you have damaged it because I have constantly come at you with love. No man that didnt truly love someone would go through the trouble that I have to let you know what I felt. I have shared my personal thoughts with people all over the world who I will never meet. I cared about Rachel enough to hold back the worst of evil that I could have done to seek revenge on her and tried to show love instead. It seems though you would rather the evil win. You say you care about me Pastor Glenn but you and Rachel have had the chance to make a difference in my life and love. All she has to do is talk to me but she knows what she did was so wrong she has to hide. I would let go of all this if she would just be woman enough to pick up the phone or even an email to start. Instead you would rather have me curse you, send out things against the Church, and be angry and seek revenge. It is a testament to your characters and the hypocrisy in your Doctrine. I am sorry that loving people enough to fight for them is such a bad thing. I am sorry that Rachel couldnt love a man who would go through so much to be with her and at one of the darkest times in my life still do everything I could to be with Jonathan. It is you who are showing the bad example not me. As many unkind things as I have said on this blog there are at least 3 times as much love and respect than you have showed me. What guy sends donations and well wishes to a congregation and Pastor and woman who have deeply hurt and transgressed him? The kind of person that loves God whole soul and whole hearted. I love God and that is all that matters and if you want to slight me for telling the truth in my campaign go ahead. So if any of the New Church Pastors, Bishops, or just any Church members read this today. Just know this. I had nothing but love for Rachel Myatt and nothing but respect for Pastor Glenn but they can't look deep enough into their own teachings to see how they are wronging me, hurting me, and destroying my love as a human being.
Arcana Coelestia 4776:1
An evil wild beast hath devoured him. That this signifies that the cupidities of evil had extinguished it, is evident from the signification of an "evil wild beast," as being a lie from a life of cupidities (n. 4729), consequently cupidities; and from the signification of "devouring," as being to extinguish, because predicated of the truth of the church. The veriest truth of the church is that love to the Lord and love toward the neighbor are the primary things (Mark 12:29-31). Cupidities extinguish this truth; for those who are in a life of cupidities cannot be in a life of love and charity, for the two are exact opposites. A life of cupidities consists in loving self only, and not the neighbor except from self, or for the sake of self. Hence those who are in this life extinguish charity in themselves; and those who extinguish charity, extinguish also love to the Lord; for there is no other means of loving the Lord than charity, because the Lord is in charity. The affection of charity is heavenly affection itself, which is from the Lord alone. From this it may be seen that the cupdities of evil extinguish the veriest truth of the church, on the extinction of which a means is devised which is called saving, namely, faith; and when this is separated from charity, truths themselves are defiled, for then it is no longer known what charity is, nor even what the neighbor is, and consequently neither what the internal of man is, nor even what heaven is. For the internal of man, and heaven in man, is charity-that is, willing well to another, to society, to one's country, to the church, to the Lord's kingdom, and thus to the Lord Himself. From this we may conclude what is the quality of the truths of the church when those things which are essential are not known, and when the things contrary to them, or cupdities, reign. When a life of cupidities speaks concerning these truths, are not they defiled to such a degree that they can no longer be recognized?
Arcana Coelestia 4776:2
That no one can be saved unless he has lived in the good of charity, and so has become imbued with its affections, which are to will well to others, and from willing well to do well to them; and that no one can receive the truths of faith - that is, become imbued with them and appropriate them to himself - but he who is in a life of charity has been made manifest to me from those who are in heaven, with whom I have been permitted to converse. There all are forms of charity, with beauty and goodness according to the quality of their charity; their delight, satisfaction, and happiness are from their being able to do good to others from good will. The man who has not lived in charity cannot possibly know that heaven and its joy consist in willing well and in doing well from willing well, because his heaven is willing well to himself, and from this willing well doing well to others, when yet this is hell. For heaven is distinguished from hell in this, that heaven, as above said, is doing good from good will, and hell is doing evil from ill will. They who are in love toward the neighbor do good from good will; but they who are in the love of self do evil from ill will. The reason of this is that they love no one but themselves, and others only so far as they see themselves in them, and them in themselves; they also regard these with hatred, which manifests itself as soon as they recede and are no longer theirs. This is like robbers, who so long as they are banded together love one another, but still at heart desire to kill one another, if plunder may thus be obtained.
I leave you with this point dear Rachel, Pastor Glenn, and Readers. When Rachel abandoned me she admitted she was being selfish. That in itself was admitted that she was being evil. She didnt care about how it affected me only that she was doing what she wanted. She didnt see how it would affect her family, her Church, and others around her. I could say I was being selfish in wanting to have a family and to be with her and Jonathan but that was never the case. In my situation I had just lost my mother. I had so much trial and tribulation just to get to Rachel and I actually had to sacrifice and give of myself to be with Rachel. I tried to mend the bridges that I could have broken with the other girls who wanted to date me and remain friends. I came to Rachel because I believed in the love of God and Rachel is showing the worst love of self right now. She has dragged her Pastor and the New Church as a whole in this ordeal and she has hurt me so bad that it will scar me for a lifetime because I love her so much that she is killing my trust and my love for other human beings. I ask anyone who reads this today especially New Church members to reach out to Rachel and or Pastor Glenn. They belong to the Dawson Creek New Church. http://newchurch.ca/content/?page=DawsonCreek There is the contact information. If you see the love in my heart and where I am coming form then please pray for me and either contact them or pray for them also. I have nothing but love for them.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I ask that you strip from both Rachel and I the barrer that keeps us from making peace and show us the way to love and guide us back into each others lives. I ask that you forgive me for my transgresses against Rachel, Her Family, and The Church but also give me the strength to love Rachel and not give into evil. I ask that you give Rachel the strength to look into her heart and see that I love her and that she not forget nor I but forgive and be forgiven and see that she has a true friend that loves her through You Oh Lord. I know that if I put my faith in You that all these things will come to pass. Thank you Lord for hearing all my prayers.
Amen
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12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
Divine Providence 324:6
[6]Everyone is created to live forever in a blessed state._ This naturally follows. He who wills that man shall live forever also wills that he shall live in a blessed state. What would eternal life be without this? All love desires the good of another. The love of parents desires the good of their children, the love of the bridegroom and the husband desires the good of the bride and the wife, and love in friendship desires the good of one's friends. What then must divine love desire! What is good but enjoyment, and divine good but eternal blessedness? All good is so named for its enjoyableness or blessedness. True, anything one is given or possesses is also called good, but again, unless it is enjoyable, it is a barren good, not in itself good. Clearly, then, eternal life is also eternal blessedness. This state of man is the aim of creation; that only those who come into heaven are in that state is not the Lord's fault but man's. That man is in fault will be seen in what follows.
Arcana Coelestia 1055
That I may remember the eternal covenant. That this signifies that the Lord can be present with him in charity, is evident from what has been said and shown about the signification of a "covenant" namely, that there is no other "eternal covenant" than love to the Lord and love toward the neighbor. This is eternal, because from eternity to eternity. The universal heaven is founded in love, and so is universal nature; for in nature nothing whatever is possible-in which there is any union and conjunction, whether it be animate or inanimate-that does not derive its origin from love. For every natural thing comes into existence from something spiritual, and the spiritual from the celestial, as said above. Hence love, or a semblance of love, has been implanted in all things in general and in particular; with man alone there is not love, but the contrary, because man has destroyed in himself the order of nature. When however he can be regenerated, or restored again to order, and can receive mutual love, then there is "the covenant" or conjunction by charity, that is here treated of.
Rachel Myatt and Pastor Coleman Glenn you have all but killed the good in my heart and you have damaged it because I have constantly come at you with love. No man that didnt truly love someone would go through the trouble that I have to let you know what I felt. I have shared my personal thoughts with people all over the world who I will never meet. I cared about Rachel enough to hold back the worst of evil that I could have done to seek revenge on her and tried to show love instead. It seems though you would rather the evil win. You say you care about me Pastor Glenn but you and Rachel have had the chance to make a difference in my life and love. All she has to do is talk to me but she knows what she did was so wrong she has to hide. I would let go of all this if she would just be woman enough to pick up the phone or even an email to start. Instead you would rather have me curse you, send out things against the Church, and be angry and seek revenge. It is a testament to your characters and the hypocrisy in your Doctrine. I am sorry that loving people enough to fight for them is such a bad thing. I am sorry that Rachel couldnt love a man who would go through so much to be with her and at one of the darkest times in my life still do everything I could to be with Jonathan. It is you who are showing the bad example not me. As many unkind things as I have said on this blog there are at least 3 times as much love and respect than you have showed me. What guy sends donations and well wishes to a congregation and Pastor and woman who have deeply hurt and transgressed him? The kind of person that loves God whole soul and whole hearted. I love God and that is all that matters and if you want to slight me for telling the truth in my campaign go ahead. So if any of the New Church Pastors, Bishops, or just any Church members read this today. Just know this. I had nothing but love for Rachel Myatt and nothing but respect for Pastor Glenn but they can't look deep enough into their own teachings to see how they are wronging me, hurting me, and destroying my love as a human being.
Arcana Coelestia 4776:1
An evil wild beast hath devoured him. That this signifies that the cupidities of evil had extinguished it, is evident from the signification of an "evil wild beast," as being a lie from a life of cupidities (n. 4729), consequently cupidities; and from the signification of "devouring," as being to extinguish, because predicated of the truth of the church. The veriest truth of the church is that love to the Lord and love toward the neighbor are the primary things (Mark 12:29-31). Cupidities extinguish this truth; for those who are in a life of cupidities cannot be in a life of love and charity, for the two are exact opposites. A life of cupidities consists in loving self only, and not the neighbor except from self, or for the sake of self. Hence those who are in this life extinguish charity in themselves; and those who extinguish charity, extinguish also love to the Lord; for there is no other means of loving the Lord than charity, because the Lord is in charity. The affection of charity is heavenly affection itself, which is from the Lord alone. From this it may be seen that the cupdities of evil extinguish the veriest truth of the church, on the extinction of which a means is devised which is called saving, namely, faith; and when this is separated from charity, truths themselves are defiled, for then it is no longer known what charity is, nor even what the neighbor is, and consequently neither what the internal of man is, nor even what heaven is. For the internal of man, and heaven in man, is charity-that is, willing well to another, to society, to one's country, to the church, to the Lord's kingdom, and thus to the Lord Himself. From this we may conclude what is the quality of the truths of the church when those things which are essential are not known, and when the things contrary to them, or cupdities, reign. When a life of cupidities speaks concerning these truths, are not they defiled to such a degree that they can no longer be recognized?
Arcana Coelestia 4776:2
That no one can be saved unless he has lived in the good of charity, and so has become imbued with its affections, which are to will well to others, and from willing well to do well to them; and that no one can receive the truths of faith - that is, become imbued with them and appropriate them to himself - but he who is in a life of charity has been made manifest to me from those who are in heaven, with whom I have been permitted to converse. There all are forms of charity, with beauty and goodness according to the quality of their charity; their delight, satisfaction, and happiness are from their being able to do good to others from good will. The man who has not lived in charity cannot possibly know that heaven and its joy consist in willing well and in doing well from willing well, because his heaven is willing well to himself, and from this willing well doing well to others, when yet this is hell. For heaven is distinguished from hell in this, that heaven, as above said, is doing good from good will, and hell is doing evil from ill will. They who are in love toward the neighbor do good from good will; but they who are in the love of self do evil from ill will. The reason of this is that they love no one but themselves, and others only so far as they see themselves in them, and them in themselves; they also regard these with hatred, which manifests itself as soon as they recede and are no longer theirs. This is like robbers, who so long as they are banded together love one another, but still at heart desire to kill one another, if plunder may thus be obtained.
I leave you with this point dear Rachel, Pastor Glenn, and Readers. When Rachel abandoned me she admitted she was being selfish. That in itself was admitted that she was being evil. She didnt care about how it affected me only that she was doing what she wanted. She didnt see how it would affect her family, her Church, and others around her. I could say I was being selfish in wanting to have a family and to be with her and Jonathan but that was never the case. In my situation I had just lost my mother. I had so much trial and tribulation just to get to Rachel and I actually had to sacrifice and give of myself to be with Rachel. I tried to mend the bridges that I could have broken with the other girls who wanted to date me and remain friends. I came to Rachel because I believed in the love of God and Rachel is showing the worst love of self right now. She has dragged her Pastor and the New Church as a whole in this ordeal and she has hurt me so bad that it will scar me for a lifetime because I love her so much that she is killing my trust and my love for other human beings. I ask anyone who reads this today especially New Church members to reach out to Rachel and or Pastor Glenn. They belong to the Dawson Creek New Church. http://newchurch.ca/content/?page=DawsonCreek There is the contact information. If you see the love in my heart and where I am coming form then please pray for me and either contact them or pray for them also. I have nothing but love for them.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I ask that you strip from both Rachel and I the barrer that keeps us from making peace and show us the way to love and guide us back into each others lives. I ask that you forgive me for my transgresses against Rachel, Her Family, and The Church but also give me the strength to love Rachel and not give into evil. I ask that you give Rachel the strength to look into her heart and see that I love her and that she not forget nor I but forgive and be forgiven and see that she has a true friend that loves her through You Oh Lord. I know that if I put my faith in You that all these things will come to pass. Thank you Lord for hearing all my prayers.
Amen
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